The Immortal Continent

by Virlyce

  The minty person’s eyes shone. “Y-yes! With my own two eyes, I saw a Great Poison Sect disciple contaminate the impurity-cleansing pool!”

  “There you have it! That’s my proof.” See? I knew it couldn’t be me. Now I can plunder everything from those people in purple, right?

  “That’s preposterous!” the purple-robed people’s leader shouted. “Why would my Great Poison Sect wish to kill your chosen?”

  “It doesn’t matter why! It only matters that you did!” Hasn’t he ever heard the phrase actions speak louder than words? “Eat my sword! Unrelenting Path of Slaughter: Breaking Blade!”

  Softie sucked in a deep breath and a whip appeared in her hand. I knew she was a sadist! “Support Chosen Lucia!” Her whip cracked like lightning, and a black snake made of the heart devil worms appeared from the whip’s tip. It chased my Breaking Blade and opened its jaws wide to swallow the purple-robed people. I thought Softie was supposed to be weak!

  “Support Chosen Lucia!” Every Shadow Devil Sect member rose to their feet, and many, many colorful techniques flashed through the air! Just kidding. All the techniques were composed of the black heart devil worms. There was no color at all. And just like that, the group of purple-robed people were forced into dire straits, but all of them were still alive somehow. Ah, there were tons of broken defensive-looking equipment on the ground; that must’ve been how they survived. Well, it’s not like I wanted to kill them in the first place! Everyone just jumped in after I attacked. I should’ve expected it since all the Shadow Devil Sect members are sadists who wouldn’t give up a chance to see someone else suffer. But they supported me right away—even if it was for their own perverted nature. This must be what it means to have the backing of a sect!

  ***

  I’m not sure why I attacked the Great Poison Sect members right after Lucia. Is this what people call a woman’s intuition? I felt like if I didn’t support Lucia, my future would be very grim. For feeling like this, I’d like to apologize to the elders of the Great Poison Sect. At least the grudges won’t be very strong; the attacks of Shadow Devil Sect disciples aren’t tailored to kill. They’re designed to plant heart devils. That’s why there’s only three dead disciples amongst the Great Poison Sect … members…. Why are there three dead disciples!? Their bodies were completely cut in twain at the waist!

  “Hmm. Since they all lived, should I attack again?” Lucia tilted her head to the side while her tail relaxed completely and swished along the ground. What do you mean they all lived!?

  “Um, Lucia. You see those three with their bodies cut into two parts?”

  “Yeah. What about it?” Lucia blinked at me.

  Okay. I’ve confirmed the fact that between me and Lucia, I’m not the stupid one. I was seriously worried that I might be an idiot that no one had the heart to break the news to. “They’re dead, aren’t they?”

  “From that? That’s just a flesh wound.” Lucia nodded twice and propped her sword up with her shoulder. …There was blood dripping down the edge of the blade. Why was there blood? Her sword didn’t even connect with them. “They’ll be perfectly fine in a few hours if someone holds their two halves together.”

  That’s not how people work…. “I, I don’t think you should attack them anymore.”

  “Hmm? Ah! You’re right!” Lucia sheathed her sword and patted my shoulder. It felt like a boulder landed on my back, and I was nearly forced into the ground. “If I break their defensive items, that’ll be like breaking my own defensive items! I almost broke my own possessions, phew. I knew you were a smart encyclopedia.”

  An encyclopedia? Is that what Lucia sees me as? Qi rose up from behind us, and I swallowed the words I was going to say. “G-Grandfather?”

  “Chosen Lucia!” My grandfather glared at Lucia. Was he going to punish her? I think she deserves punishment. The cultural exchange is a peaceful tradition that’s been carried out for millennium. The last time someone died at a cultural exchange was over a thousand years ago. But punishing the new chosen on the day she joins the sect…, isn’t that ruining her face? “Good job! You uncovered a plot that seriously endangered the foundation of our Shadow Devil Sect. It seems like my Shadow Devil Sect is no longer feared? Is that it?” My grandfather’s qi billowed towards the sky, separating the clouds. His voice boomed through the crowd, and tingles ran down my spine. “Because the tiger doesn’t roar, you think it’s a kitten? You think you can trample on the dignity of my Shadow Devil Sect!? You slimy frogs from the Great Poison Sect, cripple your own cultivations or die by my hands!”

  “Dark Devil Moonlight! Don’t you think you’re being too overbearing? This is the cultural exchange!” An elderly man dressed in white rose to his feet. Only White Crane Sect members are allowed to wear white robes. And judging by the three blue stripes on his sash, he must have an important position as an elder. The qi coming off of him is nothing to scoff at either. If I wasn’t a chosen, I’d have already hidden behind my grandfather like Lucia. …One day, Lucia will understand the responsibilities that come with being a chosen. I hope.

  “As the host of the cultural exchange, I freely allowed your sects inside of mine! And the Great Poison Sect repays my hospitality by poisoning my impurity-cleansing pool? I have every right to be overbearing!”

  The elder from the White Crane Sect scoffed. “Trillions of years of peace shouldn’t be ruined by one disciple’s accusations!”

  “Trillion years…, how many thousands is that? That’s a lot of thousands, right, Durandal? At least a thousand-thousand thousands.”

  I couldn’t help but look at the foxkin hiding behind my grandfather who was counting on her fingers. “Err, Lucia, it’s just hyperbole.” There haven’t been trillions of years of peace. There was a war between two sects just last week.

  “Hyperbole?” Lucia tilted her head. “Is that a final attack?”

  Durandal hit her forehead. He actually hit her! “It’s an exaggeration to make people feel more outraged than if he just spoke the truth.”

  “Oh! So he’s a liar.” Lucia nodded and rubbed her forehead. “I understand now!”

  “I’d rather trust my disciple than an elder of another sect!” My grandfather puffed his chest out, and heart devil worms rose out of his back, creating a giant hand above his head. “Is the White Crane Sect going to stand in my way today? Shall the five fingers of Kong County become the four fingers?”

  A crane’s clear cry rang through the air as white qi rose out of the White Crane Sect elder. “You’re crazy! The other fingers of Kong County won’t allow you to do this!”

  “Don’t drag the Green Lotus Sect into your problems,” a woman wearing green said. Her voice wasn’t very loud, but I could hear her as if she were standing right next to me. She snorted as a green barrier rose up around her sect’s section.

  A woman wearing red shot to her feet and yelled, “The Star Phoenix Sect stands by the White Crane Sect!” Flames burst into the air, and a few sects near her scrambled away.

  Boom! A beefy man wearing only a blue loincloth slapped his thigh, causing lightning to strike the gourd in his hand. “Ha-ha! If the Star Phoenix Sect is joining in, then you can’t leave our Azure Dragon Sect out of this. Whoever the Star Phoenix Sect stands by, we’ll help the other side!” He raised the buzzing gourd to his lips and drank a deep gulp before spitting out a mist filled with electricity. He wiggled his eyebrows at my grandfather. “It looks like we’re allies for today, Sect Leader Moonlight.”

  Something nudged my side. What was this? A disc with brown spots on it?

  “It’s a cookie.” Lucia nudged me again with the disc. “You eat it.”

  “I, I thought I told you I don’t eat—!” She shoved it into my mouth! Again! Why is she always forcing impurities into me!? Oh? This tastes … amazing. Unbelievable!

  Lucia pulled a couch out of her interspacial ring and plopped down, leaning back into it while sipping on a mug. “There’s a good show to enjoy!” She patted the space beside her. �
��Sit.”

  …Am I a dog? Wait, no. How can Lucia be so relaxed after causing tensions to rise between four of the five fingers of Kong County? A great war can break out in the next moment because of her!

  ***

  I love drama. It’s great. Life’s boring if there’s no drama to be had! As long as the drama doesn’t involve me, of course. That’d be bad. I can’t enjoy a good meal if I’m in the middle of a drama, but I can enjoy one if I’m just a spectator.

  “Lucia? What are you doing?” Softie was sitting on my couch, munching on the cookie I gave her. It seems like she’s fallen victim to the charm of pastries. As for what I’m doing….

  “I’m setting up the grill.” Naturally, barbequed meat and acorn ale are necessary to watch a war break out in comfort! What’s acorn ale? It’s exactly what it sounds like. And it tastes like acorn stew but bitterer but better too. On my way back to the cultural exchange from the impurity-cleansing pool, I passed by those fields of animals again. And once I passed by the field, there were no more animals left. I wonder why. Hmm. Maybe if the sect offered more than one grain of rice per month to their chosens, the animals wouldn’t have disappeared. That’s just my hunch. Anyways, what was I grilling? These unique beasts that I picked up from somewhere! A single one of these aurochsen, as Softie called them, seems like it can fully fill me up for a whole meal. They look like skinny cows, which is why I’m going to barbeque them.

  “Do you really intend on killing these Great Poison Sect members today if they don’t cripple their cultivation?” That person wearing white reminded me of that selfless senior who exploded for my tribulation. I wonder why. Mm, must be my imagination. Anyway, a quick cut to this aurochs’ belly and a few tugs to its organs and … it’s ready! Onto the grill it goes.

  “My words have more weight than gold! I mean everything I say!” The sect leader’s really overbearing. But he’s a really good guy. He supported me right away! I just don’t understand why he abuses Softie so much if he’s so partial to chosen. After all, Softie lives in a hole in the ground and is fed rice and water without any condiments. Maybe there’s a reason he’s willing to cripple a bunch of people for the chosens but not feed the chosens properly. Is food that expensive here? I wouldn’t know since Grandpa Bear paid for my restaurant bill. But there were so many aurochsen around; that can’t be it. Not to mention that wouldn’t explain the horrible living conditions. “The question is, do you dare declare war for the sake of a single sect!?”

  Whew, I love this grill. Ilya made it for me. It has a seventh-circle heating spell that cooks meat evenly even if only a single part of the meat is touching the top. Ilya tried to explain how it worked to me, but it was too complicated and unimportant. After all, the most important thing was that it did its job. And if it breaks, Ilya can fix it for me, so it’s not like I need to know. Mm, let’s add some salt and pepper. One can never go wrong with salt and pepper when cooking cow-like creatures. I bet acorn paste with garlic would be great on it too.

  “Before I answer that question, may I ask what your chosen is doing?”

  Hmm? What the chosen was doing? Softie was eating a cookie while sitting down, nothing special about that. Anyways, let’s add the stuffing to the aurochs. A benefit of reaching the legendary realm is that all my wounds recover really fast, so I can touch this really hot piece of meat directly and not care about getting burned since it’ll heal in a few seconds. Is the drama about to start? The food’s about ready.

  “Chosen Lucia. What are you doing?”

  I looked around the grill. The sect leader was staring at me. Couldn’t he tell? “Making a light snack.”

  The sect leader stared even harder. “Is that one of the sect’s battle mounts…?”

  “…No.” There’s no way cows are battle mounts, right? They were only a little bit stronger than Mrs. Wuffletush, which meant they still died in one hit. And their beast cores didn’t even improve anything of mine, which means they’re weaker than dragons. Right. Even Snow had a dragon as a battle mount and the plant possessing him was from a pocket realm like mine. There’s no way my snack is combat worthy in any way, shape, or form.

  “S-Sister Lucia killed all the aurochsen.” Softie swallowed the last bits of her cookie and nodded at her grandfather. “She, um, said they’d sate her hunger for at least a year.”

  “She killed all hundred thousand aurochsen?” The sect leader was looking a bit scary…. And my tail was getting uncomfortably fluffier. Is it going to stiffen? I’ll grab onto Softie to make sure I have a hostage. Just in case. “What do you mean sate your hunger for a year?”

  I didn’t say they’d sate my hunger for a year. “At least a year.” I’m sure it was more, but the math to figure out how much more was too annoying to figure out, so I didn’t bother. Who has time to sit down and crunch numbers during casual conversations? Besides, I was too busy killing the aurochsen to think. Sheesh.

  “Didn’t Little Moon offer you immortal rice?”

  “Ah, I’m a foxkin, yeah? Yup. Totally a foxkin. Foxes don’t eat rice, sorry.” Since I’m pretending to be a foxkin, I have to fully commit to that role. Mhm. And this sect leader’s already let me get away with touching his granddaughter in front of him, so I didn’t think he’d be so mad about a few cows. I knew Softie was being abused. How can this man care more about cows than his granddaughter? I’m not a hero, but seeing Softie being so blatantly bullied leaves a foul taste in my mouth. At the very least, I have to show her the good parts of the world like food and slaughter and sex. …Maybe not sex. I’m not sharing Durandal. But food and slaughter are necessities in life! Without food, people die. Without slaughter…, where else are you supposed to get penises to sell for money?

  “Is now really the time to eat…? There’s going to be a battle unless the Great Poison Sect members choose to cripple themselves.”

  No, it’s not the time to eat right now. I have to wait for the fighting to start so I can watch! Then it’ll be the right time to eat.

  “Psst. Lucia.”

  “Hmm? Durandal? What’s up?”

  Durandal cleared his throat and leaned closer. His breath tickled my ears. “Since there’s bound to be a fight breaking out, can you drag those people wearing the silver robes into it? It seems like they’re cultivators who live and die by the sword.”

  What!? What kind of person does Durandal think I am? I can’t just implicate people for no reason! Those people in silver robes look so righteous and dependable. But one of them’s looking at me funny. Right. That’s a good enough reason to implicate someone.

  Chapter 9

  Those people in silver robes are definitely sword cultivators. There’s something about them that resonates with my blood. There’s no doubt in my mind that I’ll gain good fortune by robbing them of their things, whether it’s by a new qi-circulation technique or exquisite swords to consume. I just hope Lucia’s able to fulfill my request; there’s no doubt in my mind she’s thinking of a way to help me. Except for when it comes to nighttime activities, Lucia always listens to me.

  “Chosen Lucia?” The sect leader waved his hand in front of Lucia’s face. “Are you feeling unwell? Your face looks pale.”

  “Hmm? No! I’m just thinking! Don’t bother me.”

  When Lucia concentrates on something, her expression seems like she’s being mortally wounded. It’s cute, really. It’s a shame she has no sense of timing for when she should think or not. Everyone’s waiting on her to decide the fate of the county. It’s not really appropriate for anyone else to speak right now. As for what I’m hoping for…, I wish a war would break out. A weapon spirit lives for battle after all. I’m not a nanny spirit.

  Should I amp up the tension and accelerate the outbreak of war? First, I’d have to evaluate the danger that Lucia would be in. Since this is the Shadow Devil Sect’s home ground, our side will definitely have the advantage if a battle starts. There may be a lot of sects, maybe a thousand, but they only brought a small group of maybe a hu
ndred each. And I assume each finger of Kong County has the same number of lesser sects underneath them, so not every sect will be fighting against us—some will help us. As long as we can cleanly wipe out all our enemies, no one will bring back news to the main sects. From there, we could sweep everyone up with surprise attacks if the whole sect mobilizes. But that’s for the future. I’m only interested in the moment, and I see absolutely no disadvantage to Lucia if my arm suddenly slips and happens to perform a Breaking Blade. Or if my mouth opens and words uncontrollably spill out of my mouth like, “I am Chosen Lucia’s weapon spirit! My will is her will! My actions are her actions! Support Chosen Lucia with your strongest attacks! Breaking Blade!”

  Oops. My arm slipped. A Breaking Blade is accidentally flying towards that elder from the White Crane Sect. But where’s my support, hmm? Let’s glare at Softie. …Lucia’s naming sense is rubbing off on me.

  “S-Support Sister Lucia!” Softie’s whip cracked like thunder and a black snake roared out of thin air. I really like her choice of weapon. It’s odd that her personality doesn’t match it though. As far as I can tell, Softie’s a masochist. Why else would she willingly let herself be bullied by Lucia?

  “Support Chosen Lucia!”

  The scene from before repeated itself. Thousands upon thousands of attacks rained down on the White Crane Sect members. During this, Lucia was still lost in thought. I rubbed her ears to distract her. “Mm? Ah? Durandal?” Her eyes widened as she looked around. “What’s going on!?”

  “It seems like the Shadow Devil Sect could no longer tolerate the White Crane Sect’s actions.” I leaned closer. “Quickly, take this chance to rob those people dressed in silver with me.”

  “Mm? Right! Let’s do it.”