The Immortal Continent

by Virlyce

  “Ooh, whatcha doing, Ilya?” Lucia ears perked up as she turned her head towards me. I had taken out the cauldron that my master had given me.

  “Crafting immortal pills that taste like chocolate.” That’s right! I know all of Lucia’s vices! There’s no way Softie can ever hope to compete with me.

  “Make me a batch! No! Make me two batches!”

  “Of course.”

  “You can’t eat those, Lucia!” Softie tugged on Lucia’s sleeve. “The impurities inside of them are too high!”

  Lucia snorted. “Impurities this, impurities that. You always say the things I do build up impurities, but nothing ever happens to me!” In a flash, Lucia appeared by my side and stared into the cauldron, drool leaking from her mouth as I added the component that made it taste like chocolate, which was, well, chocolate. A cold gaze caused a shiver to run down my spine, and I raised my head to take a look at Softie, who was glaring at me like a snake. I gave her a smug smirk in return. Don’t dish out what you can’t receive! Wait. I’m supposed to be mature. Mm. Oh wells, I just turned sixteen. Cut me some slack.

  ***

  Ilya’s a genius! Through some sorcery and black magic, she created chocolate that can recover my qi! Anyways, right now, I’m following this princess who’s supposed to be leading us to the exchange. It was delayed by a couple of hours because the wall went missing because of a certain someone, but those hours passed really quickly for some reason. I was trying so hard to open that stupid ring that I lost track of time. This giant bone of focus is amazing!

  “Oh? If it isn’t the Sniveling Devil Sect. Here to embarrass yourselves again?”

  Hmm? From a different passageway, a group of people dressed in golden robes were following behind a prince. I learned to recognize princes and princesses by their crests! It’s a useful skill to learn, you know, just in case an emperor feels like masquerading as a sixteen-year-old again. Thank the Godking that the crests are pictures of bows and arrows instead of writing. The Immortal Continent apparently uses a different written language than back at home. I had enough trouble trying to learn one! I’ve accepted my fate as an illiterate. It’s a good thing my encyclopedias can read. Ah? If I focused really hard on trying to learn the language, then I’d learn it in no time? Of course! I could definitely do it if I tried, but I’m a very busy person with too little time. Mhm. I’m not making excuses!

  “That’s the Righteous Buddha Sect,” Softie whispered to me and grabbed my hand. Why did she have to grab my hand? Did she think I was going to hurt them? I don’t need my hands to do that. Well, Softie’s hand is soft and warm, so I’ll let her do what she wants. I haven’t held anyone’s hand in a while since Durandal unbirthed himself…. “They don’t like us, and we don’t like them. We get stronger by planting heart devils in people, but they get stronger by cleansing people’s hearts.”

  The sect leader snorted and glared at the bald and fat golden-robed person. “This year, we will grind you beneath our feet and pay you back for the last exchange.”

  “Oh? I will look forward to it. I can’t wait to see the look on your face when your sect is ranked last again.” The bald and fat man gave the sect leader a gentle smile before he turned his head towards me. His eyes were narrowed and arched into tiny crescents. He also didn’t have any eyebrows. I wonder if the friction between the Shadow Devil Sect and their sect was caused by this man being jealous of the sect leader’s caterpillar-like eyebrows. Nah. It can’t be. “Is this Heart Devil Lucia?”

  Ah? “You know me?”

  “Yes. Your exploits have become quite widespread.” The bald and fat man nudged the other bald and fat man behind him. They look exactly the same! “This is my grandson. He’s a mid-low-ranked earth-realm expert participating in the disciple portion of the exchange. He’s only ninety-eight years old.” The fat grandson smiled at me.

  “Holy crap!” Ninety-eight! How large is that? Hmm. That’s nine tens and an eight. So…, two less than ten tens…. That’s two less than a hundred! The fat grandson’s smile was even wider than before. “You’re ancient!”

  The grandson’s smile stiffened.

  “Don’t smile at me like that! I know I’m beautiful and infatuating, but I’m young enough to be your great-great-granddaughter!” His smile suddenly turned a lot creepier once I figured out how old he was. Ugh. Even my tail has goosebumps. Seriously, everyone needs to stop with their age-disguising trickery. Hmm. Now that I think about it. “Hey, Softie. How old are you?”

  “Mn? I’m nineteen.”

  Phew. She’s normal.

  “Too bad you act like you’re twelve,” Ilya muttered.

  Hmm? Did something happen between the two of them?

  “Ahem! I’ll crush you during the exchange, Heart Devil Lucia.” The fat grandson glared at me before turning away. Then their group left first. It seemed like the princess that we were following knew not to walk alongside them.

  “You have to watch out for him,” the sect leader said to me and patted my shoulder. Why? I subdued Quick Shot! A measly earth-realm expert is nothing in my eyes! “The Righteous Buddha Sect’s techniques are direct counters to ours. They’ll destroy the heart devil worms that you’ve cultivated, causing you to directly drop in strength.”

  Eh…. Heart devil worms are a supplement for me. My real strength comes from my Breaking Blades mixed with Madness Strikes! It’s a super-duper strong ultimate technique that I’ve named Breaking Madness Blade Strikes! Oh, I’ve also learned the Heart Devil Apparition which was supposed to be the strongest attacking skill of the Heart Devil Cultivation Technique, but I don’t use it much since it summons something to beat up my enemies for me. There’s just something satisfying about cracking open someone’s skull with your own sword, you know? It’s like opening an acorn! It tastes better when you break the shell yourself. Mn. Of course, I don’t eat the contents inside the skull. It was just an analogy! Ah. That reminds me. I still don’t have another sword that can manipulate its weight like mini-DalDal could. Well, I still have my fists.

  “Anyways. What exactly is the exchange?” Crushing people and grinding them beneath our feet. It sounds like we’re making blood wine. It can’t be a wine-making competition, right? “Like, what do I need to do?”

  “You didn’t tell her?” the sect leader asked Softie.

  “I did, but she wasn’t listening or she forgot,” Softie said.

  Hey. Well, that’s probably true, but there’s no need to place the blame on me! If you know I’m not going to listen or forget, then you just have to make sure I’m listening and not forgetful at the time. Jeez, it’s not that hard. “Right. So what do I do?”

  “You just have to beat people up,” Ilya said. “It’s an exchange, but it’s really just a show of strength. The overall winner of the exchange receives a token that lets them form a squad with a hundred people of their choice for the Kang Country Army.”

  What? How come Ilya knows this?

  “Yes,” Softie said. “Not only that, but if our sect wins, a hundred disciples will have a chance to move up in the world, further establishing our sect’s foundation. You have to do your best, Lucia!”

  Ilya gave Softie a dirty look before snorting. Mm. There’s definitely something going on between these two…. But no one’s said anything to me, so it’s not my problem! “Got it. Beat people up. I can do that. It’s actually what I do best.”

  ***

  This is my first time attending the King Province Exchange! There’s less than a thousand people gathered, about ten for each sect attending. The King Province Exchange isn’t a public event. Some techniques should be kept a secret from the populace. Lucia, Ilya, and I were following behind the elders of our sect, entering the competition grounds which looked like a giant circular arena. Though I said it was my first time attending, it seems like everyone knows me already….

  “Miss Moonlight, won’t you sit by me?”

  “So that’s Chosen Moonlight of the Shadow Devil Sect. She’s even more
beautiful than the rumors say.”

  “A woman of Miss Moonlight’s caliber can only be matched by me!”

  “Miss Moonlight met my eyes! Did you see that brothers? This is fate!”

  “Idiot! She was looking at me!”

  “Whoa.” Lucia wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “You’re so popular, Softie! Which one do you like the best?” Her eyes narrowed as she pointed with her free hand. “It’s definitely that man, right? He’s totally frail-looking and as soft as you! Hmm. Maybe that’s actually a woman. Never mind.”

  The disciple she singled out from the White Tiger Sect coughed out a mouthful of blood. Condensed qi that could only belong to an earth-realm expert rose out of his body. “Who’s frail and looks like a woman!?”

  “L-Lucia! Please don’t do this. I, I don’t like him.” This is so embarrassing. Lucia knew I had a lot of suitors from the start, but this may be the first time she’s seen them act so brazen! Back in the Shadow Devil Sect, no one would approach me when Lucia was around, but now these people are openly gossiping about me. What would Lucia think about me? I, I don’t want her to see how many people like me. What if she grows discouraged and chooses not to pursue me…?

  “Eh? I was wrong? So it’s not the girly catlike man.” Lucia nodded at me. She, she didn’t look displeased at all. In fact, she looked happier that I rejected her choice! “Then it must be that one! The translucent fellow with the sharp fangs and narrowed eyes.”

  The disciple from the Vampire Bat Sect’s eyes lit up as he smiled at me. A shiver ran down my spine. “Lucia! Please! Stop. Why are you always choosing the ones I’m least likely to be attracted to?”

  “Eh…. I thought I knew your taste.” Lucia furrowed her brow as she squinted at the crowd. “Then that man over there? The fat one with the wrinkles and grey skin. If skinny and pale is the opposite of your taste, then clearly fat and not-pale people are your type!”

  The Vampire Bat Sect disciple glared at the Rampaging Elephant Sect disciple before issuing him a duel by throwing down a glove. Did Lucia just start a battle between two sects with me as the prize!? “None of these people here are my type!”

  “…Then what is your type?” Lucia tilted her head to the side. “You’re so stupidly beautiful, but you don’t have a man! Not that I’m jealous of your looks or anything.”

  “I, I like people with, um, big bushy tails and furry round ears.” My face was burning! I can’t look Lucia in the eyes! I, I can’t believe I’m confessing to her like this!

  “Oi! Puppers! What the hell have you been doing to Softie!? Why’s she in love with you!?”

  “T-that’s not it! Puppers isn’t my type! I swear!” I’ve caused a huge misunderstanding. If Lucia thinks I like Puppers, then she’ll definitely be dissuaded from pursuing me! “The person I like has a brown tail and brown ears!”

  “Ah.” Lucia stopped strangling Puppers and shoved him back into her socks. “Then it’s him?” She pointed across the stage that was built for the exchange. I followed her finger, and my gaze landed on a blushing foxkin. He had a big bushy brown tail, and his ears were brown as well. They weren’t as rounded as Lucia’s, and his tail wasn’t as luxurious as Lucia’s either. He was flatter than Lucia too…. Wait. No. That’s normal.

  Wait! No! “It, it’s not him! I swear!”

  “Mm. Yeah. Okay.” Lucia nodded and wrapped her arm over my shoulder again. “Your face is bright red, and you’re speaking in a really high voice right now. But if you say you don’t like him, then that’s that, right?” She winked at me before chuckling. N-no! There’s a serious misunderstanding! The foxkin across the stage turned an even brighter shade of red as he shot furtive glances at me. I…, what have I done?

  “People with a bushy brown tail and brown furry ears are your type, huh?” Ilya said, suddenly appearing by Lucia’s side. She coughed. “There’s another person with a bushy brown tail and brown furry ears, you know?”

  “Eh?” Lucia asked. “Who?”

  “You.”

  Lucia burst out into laughter. “Ilya, you’re normally so smart! There’s no way Softie likes me. I’m a woman!”

  Ilya smiled at me. Underneath that angelic face, there was a devil! A seriously sadistic devil! “Yeah, what was I thinking?” Ilya asked. “There’s no way Softie likes you, Lucia. Isn’t that right?”

  Why did Grandmother accept this villain as her disciple!? There’s no reason for this third wheel to be hanging around me and Lucia! “T-that’s not true. I like Lucia a lot.”

  “Did you hear that, Lucia?” Ilya asked before Lucia could say anything. “Softie likes you a lot as a man.”

  “I didn’t say as a man!” Is she really younger than me!? How is she so adept at twisting my words!? The traps she laid out for me…, these aren’t things a normal teenager should be able to prepare! Just what kind of upbringing did she have…?

  “Oh. My mistake. Softie likes you a lot as a friend, Lucia.”

  I’ve never really understood why people killed each other out of anger. But I’m starting to understand now—just by a little.

  “Well, that’s a given. Everyone likes me,” Lucia said and puffed her chest out.

  “We greet Emperor Yi!”

  Before I could respond, everyone—except Lucia, Ilya, and I—chanted at once. Did they rehearse that? Why didn’t Grandfather warn me? Anyways, after the greeting, Emperor Yi took his seat which was near the front of the stage prepared for the exchange. He folded his hands in his lap and leaned back. “It seems like we’re missing one of the fifty sects this year.” Right. The Star Phoenix Sect that Lucia completely exterminated. “No matter. The exchange will proceed as planned. Compete fairly. Don’t kill each other. Remember what you’re fighting for. With that being said, let the exchange begin.”

  ***

  This exchange is … boring. Well, at least Ilya seems excited. Right now, we’re watching alchemists performing alchemy. There’s fire and cauldrons and ingredients…. This is exactly like watching someone cook without the good smells that accompany roasted meat! At least I won’t get hungry. Well, I will, but not from this. Ilya’s master is up on the stage competing against all the other sects’ alchemists. I’ve decided to forgive her for temporarily taking Ilya away from me because she taught Ilya how to make qi-regenerating chocolate orbs. Aren’t I magnanimous? I forgive people very easily! But I’m bored! This focus bone requires me to focus on something! I’ll finally finish organizing everything I’ve gathered over that year of terrifying sects. Hmm? I didn’t do it earlier? Of course not! Each sect I robbed gave me close to a thousand thousand interspacial rings! Where was I supposed to find the time to go through all my loot? I barely managed to find time to eat during that hellish year of training! But Durandal had skimmed through the stuff and picked out appropriate things for me while taking all the swords for himself.

  “T-this again?” Softie asked when a pile of stuff appeared by my feet. “Are you looking to learn new techniques?”

  “Nah, I just want to organize this.” I’ve hidden an uncomfortable number of interspacial rings on my body! If it weren’t for the fact that these rings have a massive amount of space inside of them, I wouldn’t be able to carry around all my spoils. Some rings have more space than others—Ilya says it’s because the people who created the bigger rings were better at it, but Softie said the rings were made out of a higher-quality space ore. Why do they always give me conflicting information? Sheesh. “Ilya, want to help?”

  “No, this is a pretty useful learning experience for me,” Ilya said without taking her eyes off the stage. Maybe she’ll be able to make acorn stew that recovers qi later. I look forward to it!

  “Alright, Softie, what’s this?” I picked up the thing on top of the pile. It was round and kind of looked like an oddly shaped ball.

  “That’s a clam shell.”

  “Oh. That testicle-looking thing.” I remember clams! I know not to eat them because they taste horrible. “Why was this in an interspacial
ring?”

  “It’s an ingredient commonly used in alchemy,” Softie said. “You grind it up into powder and add it to things. I’m not sure on the specifics.”

  “Okay, so this goes in the useless pile.” I shoved it away into the designated useless-stuff ring and grabbed the next thing. It would be annoying to have to ask Softie what everything was every time, so I’ll just stare at her with expectation until she identifies what I’m holding.

  “That’s a bundle of talisman paper. If you inscribe formations on it, you’ll be able to use techniques at no cost to yourself, but the talisman will burst into flames. They’re commonly used by mortal-realm experts. A saint-realm expert doesn’t need a talisman to set up a formation.”

  So these are the things that those invaders liked throwing back in the territory when I first met them. Into the useless pile it goes since I have no idea what a formation is. I picked up the next item.

  “Those are undergarments.”

  Well, yeah, I can see that. “But what does it do?”

  Softie’s face turned bright red. “Um. Hide the important bits in case your clothes are destroyed? I don’t know what you want me to say, Lucia.”

  “I know what underwear is! I was just asking if these were special or not.”

  “T-they’re not.”

  Softie becomes weird at the strangest times. It’s odd. Whatever. Time to put these into the useless-stuff—

  “Hey.”

  Hmm? I turned my head, and this man was standing right next to me! When did he get here!? He was wearing pink robes and had long, flowing hair. Maybe he was a she? What’s with people and their ambiguous genders!? “What?”