The Immortal Continent

by Virlyce

  Kaboom!

  Ah. Half the stage disappeared. I know I haven’t practiced since reaching the earth-realm, and I have no idea what my new capabilities are, but isn’t this too exaggerated? The stage is huge! But one strike disintegrated it. Hmm. That nagging sect leader woman didn’t even have time to scream when she was sent flying with her chosen. I wonder if she’s dead. Nah. There’s no way! I didn’t even make direct contact with her. But wow! That really was a lot stronger than I expected it to be. No wonder why earth-realm experts were so annoying to beat up when I was a saint-realm expert. Their qi is much more condensed! My Madness Strike is at least a hundred times stronger than before. Breaking Blade too. If I knew I’d automatically get this strong just by reaching the earth realm, I wouldn’t have practiced so hard! Well, it’s not like Durandal would let me not practice. Hah. Durandal needs to learn how to relax and appreciate the little things in life. Like food and sex and sleep. Speaking of Durandal…. “Who’s next!? I don’t have all day!”

  ***

  Lucia thoroughly crushed every single chosen competing against her … and their respective sect leaders and elders. The way she hit them with her hammer made me think she was venting her grievances—whatever grievances someone as carefree as her could have. The elders of the sects were involved after Lucia repeatedly poked fun at the sect names and insulted their disciples in the way that only she can manage to do. I’m a refined individual, so I won’t repeat the things she had said. And Emperor Yi didn’t step in because he thought Lucia’s antics were amusing.

  There’s just one thing I was wondering about…. “Hey, Ilya?”

  “Whoa. You’re taking the initiative to talk to me? What happened?” Ilya raised an eyebrow at me.

  …Is that odd? I suppose I don’t really like her, but I thought I was hiding it pretty well! Besides, aren’t we supposed to display a harmonious façade in public lest other sects think there’s discord within our Shadow Devil Sect? Arguments are meant to be held in private. There’s no need for her to be so snarky! “You seemed to recognize Lucia’s sin. What did you call it? The arm of a predator?”

  “Yup.” Ilya nodded then looked away.

  Hey. “Elaborate, please.”

  “Oh? There’s something the mighty Softie doesn’t know? I bet if Lucia asked, you’d suddenly figure out what it was.” Ilya rolled her eyes and stood up.

  …I don’t like her very much. “Where are you going?”

  “To Lucia. That was her forty-eighth victory.”

  My legs straightened and I stood up before I even thought about it. “I’m coming with you.” I can’t let Ilya be the only one at Lucia’s side! Lucia needs a loving wife to greet her when she comes back from a long day at work, not someone mean and rude like Ilya! Wait. There’s something wrong with that thought. Ah! But I don’t have time to revise it! “Lucia! Good job!” I took a handkerchief out of my interspacial ring to wipe away Lucia’s sweat…, but she didn’t have any. So I wiped away the grease stains on her lips that were left behind by the cooked aurochs that she was eating during one of her duels.

  “I trust no one has any complaints if I declare the Shadow Devil Sect as the winners of the King Province Exchange?” Emperor Yi asked, his voice echoing through the stage. No one responded. I would be more surprised if there actually was a response, seeing as Lucia’s beating disfigured everyone’s faces and chests. It must be hard for them to speak when they can barely breathe. “Since that’s the case”—Emperor Yi teleported next to Lucia—“I present to you the proof of victory.”

  Lucia blinked and looked around. “Where is it?”

  “You stole it from me.”

  Lucia stiffened. “…Did I?”

  “Right. It was the ring I was wearing.” Emperor Yi smiled at Lucia. Hmm. Maybe that royal crest wasn’t actually a sealed interspacial ring? Then it turns out Ilya was right. But Lucia probably forgot the conversation already, so it won’t reflect poorly on me.

  “Oh….” Lucia scratched her head. “Then where’s your actual interspacial ring? Just wondering, you know, out of curiosity. Mhm.”

  “I’d be a fool to tell you that,” Emperor Yi said with a snort. “Regardless, all you have to do is present it to the guard captain at Kang Country’s imperial barracks and you’ll be able to join the army.” Emperor Yi hesitated. “You still have it, right?”

  “Of course!” Lucia reached into her pants from the front and took the ring out from somewhere…. “It’s right here.”

  Emperor Yi’s face turned red. “You damned foxkin. Stop trying to seduce me.” He sighed and shook his head before clearing his dirty thoughts, his face reverting back to normal. “Why’s the tip of the arrow broken?”

  Lucia beamed before wetting her lips with her tongue—did I miss a spot of grease? “I bit it off.”

  Emperor Yi shuddered and retreated back by a step, lowering his hands towards his groin in a protective manner. “A-anyways! This concludes the King Province Exchange! I ask all of you to leave as soon as possible. Since an unknown expert took away the great wall, some final defensive touches have to be implemented.”

  “Wait!” Lucia grabbed Emperor Yi’s arm before he could teleport away. “I was promised an earth-realm-ranked sword for winning this. Could you make it a sky-realm-ranked sword?”

  Emperor Yi coughed and glared at Lucia. “Do you know how valuable a sky-realm-ranked sword is? Even I don’t have one! And you’ll receive the earth-realm-ranked sword when you speak to the guard captain at Kang Country’s imperial capital.”

  Lucia tilted her head, her tail twitching. I wanted to grab it and play with it, but I restrained myself. “You don’t have a sky-realm-ranked sword? I thought you were an emperor. How are you so poor?”

  Emperor Yi winced. “You know I have thousands of wives and thousands of children, correct?”

  Lucia’s hair fluttered as she nodded. “Right.”

  “Women and children cost money to maintain.”

  “So you’re poor because you couldn’t keep it in your pants.”

  Emperor Yi coughed again; this time, blood leaked out of the corners of his lips. “I’m not poor! I’m just not as rich as I would be if circumstances were different! Now if there’s nothing else of importance, I hope to never see you again.” A sword made of qi materialized in Emperor Yi’s free hand. Was he going to attack Lucia!? With a swishing sound, Emperor Yi’s sword descended and cut off his own arm, the one that Lucia was holding onto. Then he teleported away before anyone could say anything. H-he actually cut off his own limb to escape from Lucia….

  Lucia stared dumbly at the arm she was holding onto. Then she looked at me and blinked. She folded four of the arm’s fingers and poked me with it. Gross! “Do you want this?”

  “N-no!” Even if it’s a gift from Lucia, I have no need for a severed arm!

  “I’ll take it,” Ilya said and snatched the arm away. “It’s the arm of a sky-realm expert. I’m sure the blood and bones will make decent alchemy materials. Besides, it’s not like it was forcibly taken away—there’s no guilt or immorality involved at all.”

  …I still think it’s gross.

  Chapter 15

  I’ve spent more time on a flying boat than I have on land in the Immortal Continent. It’s not too bad of a feeling, honestly. The scenery’s nice. The rocking of the boat can be soothing at times. And there’s no chance of being attacked. What would threaten us this high up in the sky? Birds? I suppose there are some earth-realm avian beasts, but why would they expend any effort to hunt down something mostly made of wood? It doesn’t make any sense.

  “Stop your ship! This is a raid! Behave yourselves, and no one has to get hurt!”

  Okay. I spoke too soon. Well, Lucia or Softie will take care of it. I’ll just continue refining this sky-realm expert’s blood. Refining blood is an interesting process. If you heat it to the right temperature, it congeals instead of evaporating. After adding some bone powder, I’m able to create a gelatin-like substance. A
nd then I … have no clue what to do with this. Maybe I should eat it…? No. That’s cannibalism.

  “Oh! What’s that?” Lucia appeared out of nowhere and snatched the final product out of my hands!

  “Stop teleporting around like that! And give that back!”

  Lucia brought the gelatin up to her face and sniffed it before wrinkling her nose. “What’s this? Blood? Human blood? I didn’t know you were a cannibal, Ilya.”

  “I wasn’t going to eat it!”

  “I said everybody up on deck!”

  Lucia and I both stopped and stared up at the ceiling. Lucia was still holding the gelatin over her head, keeping it just out of my reach. How come she’s taller than me? This isn’t fair. “Shouldn’t you go do something about those bandits?”

  “A hero always arrives at the last moment! That’s how they sway people’s hearts! Imagine the emotional moment when you’re about to die, but out of nowhere, a handsome prince swoops in and saves you. Mhm. That’s what I’m going to do,” Lucia said. She lowered her arm and held the jelly towards me. “Anyways, here you go.”

  I reached out to grab it, but a red blur blew past and snatched it away! Lucia’s hand extended as fast as lightning, and she caught the offending phoenix by its neck. The gelatin was already halfway down its throat. Lucia squeezed, and the jelly slipped inside instead of out! That phoenix ate my final product! “Lucia. Let’s cut it open.”

  “What!?” Lucia’s eyes widened. “You can’t kill Mrs. Feathers!”

  “It’s a male. But that’s beside the point!” That was jelly made out of a sky-realm expert! I could’ve sold it for a fortune! How many sky-realm experts are there to make jelly out of anyway? The answer is not a lot!

  “Then you can’t kill Mr. Feathers. He helped me during my tribulation!” Lucia nodded and patted the phoenix’s head, causing it to wince. “Isn’t that right? But hurry up and barf out Ilya’s thingy.”

  “You tried to eat Mr. Feathers….” Ah. I did it again. I called Lucia’s random wild beast by the name she gave it. “Alright…. There’s a spell that I can use to force my gelatin out of him.” I’ll just grab this stick and jam it down this stupid bird’s throat. If it would stop struggling! “Lucia! Hold it still!”

  “Lucia! Help!” That was Softie’s voice. And Lucia disappeared along with my final product…. Alright. I’m upset now. I spent two whole days creating that without sleep! Which idiot bandits came to rob our ship!? I’ll teach them a lesson they won’t forget.

  After stomping up to the deck of the boat, I saw limbs and blood and gore coating the wooden floorboards. It seems like they already learned a lesson they wouldn’t forget…. And what was Lucia doing!? “Don’t cut them off!”

  “Eh?” Lucia stopped taking off a person’s pants. “I was just taking their underwear. It’s worth ten spirit stones! I don’t cut off people’s penises. They don’t sell for anything, silly.”

  …Don’t call me silly when I was just trying to predict your nature. Hah. Staying with Lucia is so stress-inducing unless one stops caring. Right. I should stop caring too much. Lucia’s pretty much guaranteed to stay alive; there’s absolutely no reason for me to care about her. But her stupid bird stole my jelly! Softie was trembling in a corner of the boat’s deck. Were the bandits that strong? “I thought no one was stupid enough to rob a ship with the Shadow Devil Sect’s sign.”

  Softie stopped trembling and raised her head. Wasn’t she used to Lucia’s butchery? And these disciples were all chosen to be part of the army. How come they lost to some bandits? “There are some people brazen enough.” Softie stood up and clutched her robe. Part of it was torn. “Their leader was an earth-realm expert.”

  “This one?” Lucia asked, raising a limp person with one arm. He wasn’t wearing any pants.

  Softie’s eyes narrowed as she drew a dagger out of her interspacial ring. “Yes. That’s the one.” She stepped towards him and swung her arm down. An ear-piercing shriek escaped from the bandit leader’s mouth as blood spurted everywhere, shooting out of his groin like a fountain. Softie swallowed and gripped her hand tighter on her dagger. She was trembling. “What did you s-say you were going to do to me? Can you still do it now?”

  Lucia blinked and looked at me with wide eyes. She dropped the crying bandit chief and appeared by my side. “Hey, uh, Softie’s not as soft as I thought she was….”

  “I was clearing a heart devil, Lucia,” Softie said with a shaky breath as she exhaled. She looked at the dagger in her hand and paled before dropping it. There were tears in her eyes. “You don’t have to be afraid of me.”

  Hmm. I think Lucia’s wrong. Softie’s just as soft as she thought she was. Anyone would be unsettled after, err, doing something like that. I’m used to witnessing torture because of my father and his dungeons, but I’ve never done any torture myself. I haven’t killed anyone either. For some reason, I think it’s better to keep it that way or I’ll end up like Lucia, delusional and living in a fantasy land where I’m a saint who can do no wrong.

  “So, who were these people?” Lucia asked. “There weren’t any crests or things that usually mark a faction.”

  “These are rogue cultivators, sectless people,” Softie said in a soft voice. She bit her lower lip and walked over to Lucia. “C-can you hold me? J-just for a moment.”

  “Hmm?” Lucia tilted her head but hugged Softie anyway.

  “You came at the perfect time. You were like a hero from the stories,” Softie said, burying her face into Lucia’s chest.

  …Well, Lucia did say this was what she wanted. But I think she forgot who her audience would be if she saved them like that. It’s not like Durandal was up there calling for help.

  Lucia patted Softie’s back and glanced at me. Then she gave me a thumbs-up and a smile. She moved her lips, but nothing came out. I could still make out what she was saying though: It worked!

  Maybe she did intend to steal Softie’s heart. As if she hadn’t done that already.

  ***

  Softie totally fell for my charm. I’m not sure how that worked since I’m a woman, but I’m a hundred percent certain that Softie’s totally smitten with me. With this, I’ve thoroughly solidified the heart devils inside of Softie’s suitors! I’m sure Softie will get over me and find an appropriate person in time. She’s a jealousy-inducing beautiful person. It’s impossible for her to not find someone.

  As for the bandits that tried to rob us, we stole their clothes, their spoils, their pride and dignity, and their boat! They’ve been stripped completely naked, and Softie took out these ropes that could bind an earth-realm expert. I tried pulling one to test my strength, and it broke apart pretty easily. But the bandit chief was already basically dead, so there’s no chance of him escaping. Softie said we could drop them off at Kang Country’s capital and receive a reward; though, Ilya thought it’d be easier to just kill them. But murder’s the one thing I won’t do!

  We’re traveling to the imperial capital to join the army. Or at least report to the guard captain for my fancy sword. Then I’ll find a smith who can forge sky-realm-ranked swords and make this phoenix abduct his child. If he doesn’t have a child, then I’ll find a different smith. Mm. There’s absolutely nothing that could go wrong with this plan. I’ve been wondering though, just what’s so special about the army? “Hey, Softie.” Right now, we’re cuddling! It’s been too long since I’ve cuddled someone cause Durandal had to turn into a tiny ball.

  “Yes, Lucia?”

  “What’s the point of the army again?” I’m pretty sure someone said some time ago that there were no wars going on…. I might just be imagining things though. Hmm. “Are there wars?”

  “Well, yes. There’s always wars, but not civil wars. Kong County belongs to Kang Country. There’s no reason for a war to exist in one of a country’s counties. But there are other countries that are at war with Kang Country. The army exists to patrol borders; there hasn’t been any serious fighting in a while—only a few skirmishes here and ther
e.” Softie paused and snuggled closer. “Actually, there’s one section between Kang Country and Fang Country that has a perpetual battlefield. I’ve only heard about it. I think you should go there if you’re looking for as many merits as possible. …Unless you’re really planning on following through with your kidnapping plan.”

  “Of course I am! Isn’t that right, Mr. Feathers?” I reached towards the pouch by my waist and grabbed onto … Mr. Feathers? He’s limp…? Ah! He ate Ilya’s weird thing and I forgot to get it out of him! “Mr. Feathers!”

  Mr. Feathers twitched. His eyes fluttered open weakly. His beak widened as if he were a turtle slowly chomping away at food. His feathers rustled as his wings barely rose off the blanket. A faint cry came out of his mouth. “Meow….”

  …What? Did I hear that correctly?

  “Did a phoenix just meow like a cat?” Softie asked, her eyes wide as she stared at Mr. Feathers. Mr. Feathers stared back and hissed at her before his head collapsed onto the soft silk. …Maybe I shouldn’t eat Ilya’s alchemy products without testing them first.

  “Hmm. I’ll shove him back into the bag, and maybe he’ll get better.” If he doesn’t, I can always make someone else kidnap the child. Like Puppers…? Right! Puppers can definitely do it. He just has to never show his face again. Mm. I’m not sure he’d like that, so I’ll be sure to dye his fur to disguise him before the deed is done. I think Puppers would look great with pink fur. Everything looks great in pink. “Ahem. Anyways. After I pick up that sword from the guard captain, I’ll go straight to finding a smith! Do you know where one lives?”

  “No. If people knew where they lived, then there’d be an endless stream of people hoping to meet them.” Softie sighed and lowered her head back onto the pillow. “If you choose not to join the army, then … I’m going to follow you.”

  Yup. I definitely captured Softie’s heart. Even though I’m not a prince, I am extremely charming. “Great! I was planning on kidnapping you anyways.” But to make sure Softie’s safe while traveling with me, I have to overcome some of my weaknesses! “Do you know any techniques that can stop illusions?” Yup. Illusions are the bane of my existence. Ilya trapped me in one as a prank once. Once. Then she learned her lesson.