by Virlyce
“Why did the topic suddenly change like that…?” Softie asked before sighing. “Yes. The Nine-tailed Fox Sect has multiple manuals on dealing with illusions. Why? Are you interested? Our sect’s Heart Devil Apparition is actually an illusionary technique as well.”
“Huh? Really?” I thought it just summoned heart devil wormies in a solid shape to beat things up for you.
“That’s right. It traps its target in an illusion with all of its heart devils. If someone was scared of spiders, then they’d be confronted with thousands of spiders inside of the apparition’s attack.” Softie pursed her lips. “But it doesn’t seem like you’re looking for something like that. You want to break free from others’ illusions, right?”
“Mhm.”
“The Clear Heart Mantra is the…, actually, no, that wouldn’t suit you at all.” Softie’s forehead wrinkled. “Then the Mind at Peace…, no. Um, there’s the Unfettered Thoughts that … also won’t work.”
“What’s wrong with those three?” Wasn’t she going to say the Clear Heart Mantra was the best one out there?
“Many illusion-countering techniques require, um…, yeah. They’re just not suitable for you.”
Require what!? “Say it! What do they require!?”
“L-Lucia! S-some people are blessed with great strength! That’s you!”
Mm. She’s not wrong. I’m extremely strong; I’ve noticed I haven’t met anyone who can lift as much as I can. The closest was that bull person whose hammer I stole.
“And some people are blessed with great intelligence and wisdom, like Ilya.”
That’s true too. Ilya’s really smart, and she’s younger than me. It’s not fair.
“And people with an emphasis on strength usually don’t have great times with illusions.” Softie nodded repeatedly like a frightened rabbit.
“So … I can’t learn those illusion-countering techniques because I’m too strong?” That’s weird. It doesn’t seem to make very much sense…, but Softie’s the encyclopedia. If she says that’s true, then I guess it must be true. “You’re not lying, right?”
“Eep! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Softie shrank back and shivered. “Please, put your apparition away. I’m sorry I lied! You’re just not smart and virtuous enough to learn illusion-countering techniques!”
…One day, people will recognize me for my intelligence. Mm. That’s a fine goal. I’m going to accomplish something so ingenious that everyone will be in awe of my brain’s thinking power. Let’s see who’ll try to call me an idiot then! I’m sincerely smart! It’s just hard to prove sometimes. Hmph.
***
How much longer will it be before I can return home? I’ve already been stuck in the Immortal Continent with Lucia for over a year now. Sure, she became an earth-realm expert in a year when it takes the average person over a hundred, but there’s no telling how long it’ll take her to reach the sky realm. I wonder how my father is doing; I hope he’s not worried. He may be one of the stronger people back at home, but there was that issue with the plants possessing people from the other plane. Ah, worrying about it now won’t do anything. I have to focus on the tasks at hand.
“Ilya!”
…So much for focusing on tasks at hand. “Yes, Lucia? Haven’t I told you repeatedly not to teleport into my room like that?”
“I vaguely remember you saying something like that,” Lucia said, her head bobbing up and down once. “Anyways. I have a very, very important task for you.”
Another task…? The first time she said she had a very, very, super-duper important task for me, she forced me to increase the production of her acorn stew and hot chocolate factory through magic. “What is it this time?”
Lucia clapped her hands onto my shoulders and stared me in the eyes, unblinking. “I want you to help me become smarter.” A wrinkle appeared on her forehead. “Wait, no. I want you to help me express my already high intelligence in a manner that lets more people think I’m smart.” Her head tilted to the side. “Can you do that?”
“Did someone call you stupid again?”
“Softie said I’m not smart enough to learn illusion-countering techniques!”
Well…, if she’s saying that, then there must be a reason behind it: like it’s true. “Alright. I can help you.”
“Eh? Really!? You can!?” Lucia’s eyes lit up and she lifted me into the air. It was uncomfortable because she was lifting me by my shoulders in an overhand grip. “Why haven’t you helped me earlier!?”
“I have. Put me down, please.” I really have. It’s just that Lucia always got distracted. “Have a seat.”
Lucia sat down on the floor, her tail twitching back and forth as she beamed at me. I retrieved some things from my interspacial ring and placed them onto the floorboards in front of her. “Ilya…,” Lucia said as her face crumpled. “Is this what I think it is…?”
I don’t know what you think it is, Lucia, because I can never know what you’re thinking. “If you want to express your intelligence, then you should learn how to read and write. Writing will allow you to immortalize your words. Even after you die, people will remember what you’ve said if it’s written down.”
Lucia deflated. Her tail slumped, followed by her shoulders, and then finally her head. The rest of her body slid down like a wet noodle while she let out a drawn-out sigh. When her chin touched the floorboards and her body was flattened like a pancake, she made a strange whining noise. “Isn’t there an easier way? Not all smart people are literate!”
“But the ones that everyone knows about are.”
“But, but … what about people like Durandal? Yeah! Durandal’s super smart and well-known, but he’s illiterate!”
“Durandal can read….”
Lucia froze. “…He can?”
“Did you not know…?”
Lucia scratched her head. “I must’ve forgot.”
I stared at Lucia and she stared back at me. This continued for a while. What was she waiting for? “If you’re looking for easier ways to become smarter, then I don’t have any. Learning to read is the simplest way I know. Not only does writing allow you to share your ideas with others, you can even digest the ideas of other people, including dead people’s.”
Lucia wrinkled her forehead. “That sounds like magic. And I can’t do magic.”
It’s not magic! It’s reading! “Lucia. You can do it. With that giant bone of focus, there’s absolutely no reason for you not to be able to.”
“But it’s hard,” Lucia whined. “And it makes my head hurt.”
“Wasn’t it hard when you first started training your Madness Strikes? Didn’t your body hurt? You carried on despite that, didn’t you? Your brain is like a muscle. The more you use it, the easier it becomes to use it more.”
“When you put it that way…,” Lucia muttered to herself while stroking her tail which had curled around towards her chest. She sat up and straightened her back. “But is it true? Brains are squishy compared to muscles! They definitely don’t work the same way.”
“You’ll just have to take my word for it.” Lucia came to me begging for help, but somehow, I’m the one begging her to take my advice. This is usually how interactions with Lucia end up. “Are you going to learn or not?”
“Not!” Lucia shook her head back and forth. “I can’t do it. It’s simply impossible. Give me another way.”
I sighed. “You just want to counter illusionary techniques, right?” Was this because of that one time I trapped her inside of an illusion? I was testing out a defensive formation I picked up from the Nine-tailed Fox Sect and Lucia walked into it because she entered my room without knocking. She thought I was pranking her…. My butt still hurts just thinking about it.
“I mean, that’d be nice, but I want to be smart too!”
“I have a way for you to counter illusionary techniques.” As for making her smarter, I don’t think that’s possible. There’s the saying you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Well, there’s the second p
art of that saying which is you can’t teach Lucia. Anything. Unless you’re Durandal, but even he’s failed at teaching her how to read and write.
“Really? But what about making me smarter?”
“Right. See, people are innovative creatures. If we’re lacking in scales for defense, we make armor. If we don’t have claws, we create swords. If you’re susceptible to illusionary techniques, then you just need an item that prevents them. Here you go.” I took out an item that I had retrieved from the Nine-tailed Fox Sect and passed it over to Lucia. I was studying it, but I don’t need it anymore, and I forgot about it until now. “You just wear it and it’ll prevent illusionary attacks below the earth realm. It’ll stop an earth-realm expert’s illusion too, but it’ll break.”
“Ilya. How do I wear this?”
“It’s a veil. You wear it like a hat and it covers your face.”
“…But then how will people recognize my beauty?”
When did Lucia become so vain…? Or was she always like that? “Do you want it or not?”
“Can you turn it into something else? Oh! What if I tear it a bit and make it into a ribbon?” Before I could stop her, Lucia tore the veil. It exploded. Qi rushed through the room, ruining my furniture. It’s a good thing all my important research materials were kept safely in my interspacial rings. I have to keep every valuable item hidden away from Lucia or she’ll break it without intending to. Like that veil. “Ilya! Why didn’t you warn me!?” Lucia’s hair was frayed and messy from the explosion, but other than that, she was unhurt.
And this is why I feel like there’s no hope for Lucia’s intelligence. “I’ll make you a necklace that counters illusionary attacks.”
“Will it make me smarter too?”
I’ll redirect her attention instead of answering. “It’ll be ready in a week.”
“But will it make me smarter!?” Lucia disappeared and lifted me up from behind.
That stupid bone of focus makes her fixate on the stupidest things! “Yes! It will! Please, let me down! Believe in me!” Alright, it won’t, but maybe the placebo effect will work. As long as she sincerely believes it’ll make her smarter, then maybe, just maybe, she’ll become a little more intelligent.
***
Ilya made me a necklace of intelligence! It also counters illusions, but that’s whatever. This necklace makes me smarter! It’s only now that I can appreciate how smart Ilya is. She’s so smart, she can make other people smart too! I can feel my thoughts moving faster already. “Thanks, Ilya!”
“You’re welcome,” Ilya said and sighed as I hugged her. “You’re squishing me. And don’t tell anyone about its effects, or I’ll be swarmed with requests to make these.”
“Got it!” If everyone had a necklace of intelligence, then I’d only be at an average intelligence. There’s no way I can let anyone else know; that way, I’ll be smarter than everyone else. Wow! This necklace is working already!
Before I could go off to find Softie to bug her, the boat tremored and thudded. The table in Ilya’s room shook, but I didn’t move because I was rooted in place by my Footsteps of the Giant. What was that? Were we under attack again? I focused my thoughts onto the deck of the ship, and poof! I reappeared next to a startled disciple. How come I always appear next to startled people? Hmm. Even with this necklace of intelligence, it’s still a mystery. Oh wells. “What’s going on?” Why did we land?
“Chosen Lucia!” the startled disciple said and bowed at me while cupping her hands. “We’ve reached the border of Kang County. This is a no-fly zone.”
“Kang County? Not country? Weren’t we going to Kang Country’s imperial city?” I’m pretty sure that’s where we were going. No, I’m definitely sure!
The disciple kept her head lowered. I could feel the heart devil inside of her wiggling. When did I traumatize her? Don’t tell me she was one of Softie’s suitors. “Kang Country’s imperial city is located in Kang County which is located in Kang Country. Our Kong County is also a part of Kang Country.”
…Whoever made this confusing naming system deserves to be taken behind a shed and put down. “And no one’s allowed to fly here? Then how the heck are we supposed to travel around?” I’ve gotten too used to this boat! It’s a moving mansion! I can go anywhere in the world without leaving my house! Taking away my boat might as well be taking away my life!
“There’s a city ahead that we can rent carriages to travel in.” The disciple raised her head and pointed over the edge of the boat. I squinted because the sun was too bright. Ah, there really is a city. It doesn’t really look too impressive. There’s no giant wall. There’s no phoenixes or giant clams. There’s no raging bulls or disciples flying in the air. How boring. I guess sects really were richer than cities, huh?
“Fellow brothers and sisters. We’ve arrived at the border of Kang County. Get ready to dismount.”
That was Softie! The boat has this formation that you can speak into and everyone on board will hear it. It’s fun to whisper into it at night pretending to be a ghost. I planted two heart devils that way! Ah. Maybe one belonged to this disciple. Ahem. It wasn’t me! It was a ghost. Anyways, I really don’t want to walk. I like this boat. A lot. “I have an idea!” I teleported to the talking formation and appeared next to Softie, who was startled. “Don’t get ready to dismount! We’re riding this boat all the way to the capital!”
“L-Lucia?” Softie asked. “We’re not allowed to fly in Kang County.”
“Yeah, I know. But I have a plan because I’m smart!” I pictured the tree that I saw off the side of the boat and teleported there. Whew, it was bigger than I thought, but that’s okay. With a good thwack of my hammer, it fell over. Then I knocked over the other tree next to it. I dropped them into the interspacial ring and made my way back to the boat. I didn’t teleport because it’d be faster to get where I wanted by jumping once. I landed on the ground next to the boat’s bow and pulled the tree out of my interspacial ring. Now how do I do this…? Hmm. Rope! I tied the tree to the boat before teleporting to the boat’s stern and attached the other tree.
“Lucia? What are you doing?” Softie asked from up above. She was leaning over the side of the boat.
“I attached wheels to the boat to make it into a carriage!” Aren’t I a genius? The boat’s as big as a three-story building, so it might be a little conspicuous, but I’m sure I can convince people into believing it’s a carriage with a little persuasion.
“But the way you tied the trees to the boat make it so that they can’t function as wheels…. They can’t spin.”
“They don’t have to spin, silly! We just have to pretend they do! Just fly the boat along the ground and no one will know.” This necklace of intelligence is the greatest thing Ilya has ever created. I can’t believe I didn’t get her to make me one earlier. Do you know how much easier my life would’ve been if I could’ve come up with these brilliant ideas all the time? I teleported back onto the boat and sent some qi into its steering wheel. “Full speed ahead!”
“W-wait!” Softie shouted as she ran up to me. “We can’t do this!”
Hmm? “Why not?” My plan’s perfect.
“No one will ever believe this is a carriage. I-it’s clearly still a flying boat.”
Pshaw. “And who’s going to stop us?”
“Halt!” A group of people appeared out of nowhere! Don’t instantly answer my question, world! “Flying is prohibited beyond this point!”
Softie lowered her head. “S-sor—”
“We’re not flying!” I spent so much effort attaching those wheels to the boat! I’m not going to let that effort go to waste. “This is a carriage. You can see the wheels in the front and back.”
“…Those are trees.”
“And what are wheels made out of? Dead trees!”
“…Please stow your boat.”
“This is a carriage.” I accidentally retrieved my ten-ton hammer from my interspacial ring and accidentally waved it at the group of people in a threatening
manner.
“Are you threatening us?”
“…No.” Hey. It’s embarrassing if you call me out like that. I thought Immortal Continent natives were all about subtlety and face. Jeez. “Anyways, this is a normal-sized carriage shaped like a normal-looking carriage being driven on the road like a normal carriage with normal wheels. There’s nothing out of the ordinary here, right?”
The person at the head of the group looked at the people behind him. They all nodded. “Start the sealing formation.”
Did my persuasion fail? But I’m so charismatic! Alright, let’s give them a few whacks since they can’t recognize greatness when they see it. “Unrelenting Path of Slaughter: Breaking Madness Hammer Strike!” And … they’re gone. Perfect! I smiled at Softie and stowed my hammer. “You see that? With a little bit of persuasion, you can convince anyone that you’re right. Now, full speed ahead!”
Softie stepped towards the edge of the speeding boat and looked in the direction those people flew. “Those were imperial soldiers….”
***
I, Soft Moonlight, have been a law-abiding citizen all my life. I’ve never committed any crimes. I’ve never broken any rules of etiquette. I’m the model of a goody-two-shoes. Yet, here I am, a wanted criminal. Lucia’s smacked everyone who tried to stop our boat: imperial soldiers, mercenaries, robbers, citizens. When I told her she’d spread a bad name for our Shadow Devil Sect if she did that, she promptly switched out the crests, sails, and flags with the bandits’ that had tried to rob us earlier.
“Chosen Lucia!” the disciple on the boat’s crow’s nest shouted. “There’s a fully armed squad of soldiers heading our way!”
Lucia paused from her feast of aurochsen and looked up. “Does it look like they want to talk?”
