by Virlyce
“Actually, yes…,” the disciple said, his voice faltering. “They’re waving a white flag.”
“Oh?” Lucia nodded. “That’s great! It means I can keep eating.”
A white flag? I don’t think the army will have any face if they surrender like this. But Lucia’s practically as strong as a sky-realm expert albeit a low-ranked one. All the earth-realm experts that have tried to intercept us so far were beaten and stripped of everything before being tossed aside. Ilya even shaved them to take their hair as an alchemical ingredient. I really wish to see Lucia and Ilya’s home plane. How dreadful are the conditions in there that they learn to not waste a single bit of anything?
It didn’t take long for the squad to reach the boat because the boat was heading straight for them without pause. Lucia did finish her lunch though. When she was done, she sauntered over to the side of the boat and rested her arms against the railing while leaning over. “Is that them?”
“Greetings, Shadow Devil Sect.” The leader of the group cupped his hands towards us. He was wearing a grey robe with a crest that looked like a shield on his chest. The group exchanged glances, and then they ran after us because the boat wasn’t stopping. “W-wait! I wish to speak with you!”
The disciple at the steering wheel looked at Lucia. “Chosen Lucia. What do I do?”
“Just keep going,” Lucia said. “If they really wanted to talk, they’d get on the boat somehow.” She yawned and smacked her lips a few times. Then she took a mattress out of her interspacial ring and placed it in a patch of sunlight on the deck. Like a log, she flopped onto the plush surface and was snoring within seconds. Lucia is … a terrible, terrible cultivator. But she’s a genius with talent that maybe one person per generation will ever have. Despite the impurities she’s built up and the constant breaks she takes to eat and sleep, her cultivation is progressing at lightning speeds. I wouldn’t be surprised if she reached the sky realm in a decade. Will I still be traveling with her at that time…?
If I want to stay by her side, I have to become stronger. Even Ilya is catching up to me in strength! But I’m not able to plant heart devils as easily as Lucia. And my talent is only so-so. If it weren’t for all the immortal pills that my grandfather fed me while I was growing up, I wouldn’t even be where I am today. …Maybe I don’t deserve to be by Lucia’s side. E-even if Lucia grows apart from me, I’ll be fine. I was always alone anyway. I, I can go back to living how I was…. No! I have to try harder! Staying by Lucia’s side has caused my cultivation to stagnate. I have to stop sleeping and eating and taking breaks to accompany her and her games. If only I could have a miraculous encounter that lets me grow by leaps and bounds…. There are many stories like that. An untalented individual discovers the legacy of a supreme being and suddenly becomes a peerless genius. But wishful thinking won’t get me anywhere. At the end of the day, it’s hard work that counts.
Well, isn’t that also why my grandfather wanted me to join the army? Danger and battle is the best opportunity for growth. Sparring in the sect and meditating inside of a cave can only do so much. I’m nervous and scared though, but I feel a little reassured since Lucia’s here. Will I be able to kill someone…? I…, to follow Lucia, I’ll do whatever it takes.
“Sister Moonlight, are you alright?” Water Lily, a core disciple, walked next to me. “You’re trembling. It must be tiring taking care of Chosen Lucia every day. At least she sleeps a lot.”
I shook my head. “It’s not tiring at all.” I’ve had the most fun in a long while because of her. “It’s quite exciting, really.”
Water Lily laughed. “I suppose this is why Sister Moonlight is a chosen and I’m merely a core disciple. Our attitudes are much too different. Thinking of the bounty placed on our heads, I’m more afraid than excited.” She smiled at me before gesturing towards the soldiers, who were still running alongside the boat. “Are we really not going to stop? Chosen Lucia rushes as if she’s in a hurry, but she acts as if she has all the time in the world. Geniuses sure are different.”
“Lu—Chosen Lucia isn’t that odd….”
Water Lily raised an eyebrow. “I was referring to Sister Moonlight as well. It’s normal for a genius to think of another as an equal.”
“You think I’m a genius? I don’t think I am….”
Water Lily furrowed her brow. “Sister Moonlight certainly knows how to joke around—I wasn’t aware. If Sister Moonlight isn’t a genius, then what am I? Trash?”
“N-no. I didn’t mean it like that.” Before I could explain any further, the group of running soldiers let out a unified shout and leapt into the air, landing directly onto the deck! They really jumped on! Do I wake Lucia? N-no. I can handle something like this. I’m a chosen of the Shadow Devil Sect as well! I cupped my hands towards the soldiers, but I didn’t lower my head. “Greetings.”
The leader of the group panted twice before lowering the white flag in his hand. “Greetings, Shadow Devil Sect. I’ll get straight to the point. Our group was sent by the guard captain to escort you to the imperial barracks.”
“Escort us?” The army would never send people out to escort a squad that hasn’t even been officially sworn in.
“That’s correct. We’ve received a message that your squad has been causing trouble along the road, and we’re here to keep you in check. You can refer to me as Captain Rock. Once you join the army, I will be your superior. Are you the leader of this squad?”
“No.” I shook my head and pointed at Lucia. “She is.”
“…Her?” The soldiers all stared at Lucia, who was still snoring away in her patch of sunlight. “She won a province exchange and terrorized our patrols?”
“Correct. I wouldn’t wake her up,” I said as Captain Rock stepped towards Lucia’s mattress. “She gets grumpy when she wakes up unnaturally. And horrible, horrible things happen when she’s grumpy.”
Captain Rock snorted. “Nonsense. Our Kang Country’s army has superior discipline. How can I allow my future subordinate to sleep during the day while the sun is overhead?” He took another step towards the mattress, and all the Shadow Devil Sect disciples above deck ran away towards the cabin below. Of course, I followed them. I might not have witnessed what happened, but I could easily tell from the shouts and screams and the familiar wails that accompany men and women as their pants are torn away unwillingly.
***
“Y-you can’t do this to me! I’m your captain!”
“Yeah, yeah. Sure. Captain. Okay.” Maybe if it was before I had my necklace of intelligence, I would’ve fallen for his tricks, but too bad for him! There’s no way I’ll be fooled by some faulty logic. What kind of captain wakes his subordinate while she’s taking a nap in the middle of the day while the sun is overhead? That’s the perfect time to sleep! “Over you go.”
The so-called captain screamed as I tossed him overboard. He was an earth-realm expert, so he’ll be fine. I think these saint-realm people will be fine as well. Even if they’re naked, bound, and falling down a three-story boat, I’m sure their bodies are tough enough to handle it. “Are the rest of you going to jump down by yourselves, or do I have to toss you over too?”
It might be a waste of rope, but I have a literal interspacial ring full of rope. Rope’s such a useful thing—every sect that I robbed had some. The so-called imperial soldiers weren’t responding or moving, so I picked them up and tossed them over since they weren’t going to do it themselves. Back to sleep? I think it’s a good time to go back to sleep. Ah, but first, I should check on Mr. Feathers. Last time, he meowed. Is he fixed now?
“Mr. Feathers?”
Hmm. He was still limp. But he’s warm, so he’s not dead. It’s very hard to kill a phoenix, but apparently, a tribulation can do that. Mr. Feathers is pretty lucky to survive unlike his companion. Ah! I could’ve just let Ilya cut Mr. Feathers open to retrieve her blood jelly. It’s not like he would’ve died. Darn. Well, this is why Ilya should’ve given me this necklace of intelligence earlier.
<
br /> Mr. Feathers opened his eyes and stared at me with a dull expression. His beak creaked open and…. “Woof, woof.”
“…Puppers. Did you—”
“I don’t speak dog.”
What? But you’re part dog! “Really?”
“Do you speak squirrel?”
“Well, no.” Huh. Puppers has a point. Alright, well, it seems like Mr. Feathers is still broken., so I’ll stuff him back into the interspacial pouch. I wonder how that phoenix egg is doing. Should I eat it? I bet it’d taste delicious. Wait…. What if it’s uncookable like the phoenix? Yeah, that’s definitely the case. Then I guess I’ll just have to settle for an aurochs. Mm, but I’m getting tired of aurochs. We should be pretty close to the capital now, right? I want to visit a restaurant! And with my Immortal Poison Body, I have absolutely no need to fear food cooked by others. Life is great. Well, it would be great if Durandal wasn’t tiny!
“Stupid Durandal. Give me a sky-realm-ranked sword or I’ll rob you of your happiness. Jeez.” This is abuse! Right? It totally constitutes as abuse. I’m going to give him a stern talking-to once he wakes up. Hah…, but where am I supposed to find a smith that can make sky-realm-ranked swords? Wait a minute…. I’ve been going about this all wrong! This is why Ilya should’ve made me this necklace of intelligence earlier! Instead of finding a smith and kidnapping his child, I can just beat someone up and take their sword! I can cut out the middleman completely! But how will I find an expert with a sword…. I know! I’ll just go over to the steering wheel and … there. All done.
“Lucia?” Softie popped her head out of the cabin that led downstairs. “The boat’s flying up?”
Yup. Seems like it. “So it is.”
“What happened to the captain of the imperial army?”
“Oh. He was a fake so I threw him overboard.” Higher, boat, go higher!
“Why are we flying…? I thought we were riding a carriage.” Softie frowned as she walked over to my side.
“Well, see, people don’t like it when we fly, right?”
Softie nodded. “Yes. It’s against the law.”
“And the people who enforce the laws came after us, yes?”
“Okay….”
“Then when I beat them up, stronger people came later, yeah?”
“Right….”
“So if I keep breaking the law and keep beating the people who come after us, eventually, someone with a sky-realm-ranked sword is bound to come out to stop us! Then all I have to do is beat him up and take his sword!”
Softie bit her lower lip. “I think there’s something wrong with your plan.”
Hmm? “That’s impossible. All my plans are foolproof.” This was designed after I received a boost to my intelligence. My plans have never failed before, but now they’ll definitely not fail! “And once I have a sky-realm-ranked sword, Durandal will come back!”
“Are you sure you can defeat someone who has a sky-realm-ranked sword? And what happens after Durandal comes back? You’ll be a wanted criminal for resisting the law so many times, not to mention thievery and aggression.”
“Aren’t we already criminals?”
“…You’re right. But this plan completely hinges on you being strong enough to attract an expert that you can defeat.” Softie’s forehead wrinkled. “Can’t you take it slow? There’s no reason not to join the army and slowly build up merits for a reward that you can exchange for what you want.”
“No reason? Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had sex? I’ll tell you how long. Too long! There’s no time to slowly build up merits. Before you know it, I’ll be well past my prime and my chance at having kids will plummet! No reason not to slowly build up merits? I don’t have all the time in the world!” That’s right. Before I’m too old, I have to have kids! How else will I accomplish my dreams of making a family with Durandal if Durandal’s stuck as an orb?
“Wait.” Softie held her hand up and used her other hand to massage her forehead. “You partake in, um, activities with Durandal because you want children? Disregarding the fact that cultivators stay fertile for longer, your reason makes no sense because weapon spirits are sterile.”
…Say what? “Ste…rile?”
“It means they can’t have children.”
“I know what it means!” I’m not an idiot! What do you mean Durandal’s sterile!? That’s impossible! …It makes a lot of sense, actually, since I’m not pregnant despite how frequently we do it. “Is this true, Puppers?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you say anything…?”
“Ah. Uh…, I’m pretty sure he already told you...? Actually, ahem. Durandal told me not to. You’ll have to ask him.”
“Durandal!!! I’m going to stick you into my panties, goddammit! How dare you lie to me!?”
Chapter 16
Lucia’s stripping in front of me! Why!? We’re out in public on top of a deck; anyone can see if they come upstairs! “W-what are you doing, Lucia?”
“Sticking Durandal into my panties, that’s what!” Lucia was practically growling as she retrieved the bright-red orb that held Durandal and kicked aside the pair of pants that was spread out around her feet on the floorboards. She pressed the spirit seed against her pink cotton panties and there was a brilliant flash of red light. When I could see again, Lucia was still holding the spirit seed, and it didn’t seem like anything happened. “It didn’t work? Then I’ll try again!”
The light flashed again with no results. “Um, Lucia. The grade of your spirit seed is too high for the item you’re trying to plant it in.” Spirit seeds have grades just like items do. Most of the spirit seeds that I’ve seen are in the mortal realm, but Durandal absorbed a phoenix egg which should’ve promoted him to the earth realm, or at the very least, the peak of saint realm. I’ve never seen anyone try to make a spirit out of undergarments, but unless Lucia’s underwear is an earth-realm-ranked object, it won’t work.
Lucia stopped trying to press Durandal’s spirit seed into her underwear. She put the red orb away and slipped into her pants, reaching behind and tying a knot above her tail. Oh, that’s how she did it. I always wondered how she managed to fit into pants with a giant tail like hers. Lucia dusted off her hands and nodded at me. “Then what you’re saying is I have to upgrade my panties?”
“If that’s the conclusion you want to draw….” I’m not sure how Lucia’s mind works. Every time I think I figure out how she works, she always does something inexplicable that throws me off. Like her plan to escalate her crimes so she’ll have progressively stronger people to rob? That’s pure insanity. Should I land the boat? But I don’t want to go against Lucia’s wishes…. My grandfather did tell me to listen to whatever Lucia told me. Then it can’t be helped—I’m following the sect leader’s wishes.
Lucia’s eyes narrowed as she crossed her arms over her chest. She sat down on her mattress that she hadn’t stowed away and harrumphed. “Fine, Durandal. I know you can hear me! You better hope I find a sky-realm-ranked sword before I find a pair of panties that can house you. But I won’t forget that you didn’t tell me you were sterile!” Lucia sighed and grumbled as she flopped onto her side. “Now I have to find a way to make Durandal virile. I’ll ask Ilya!” She sat up and disappeared, presumably into Ilya’s room.
Seriously, I’m jealous of Lucia’s personality. It must be nice to be as carefree as her. Despite all the trouble she’s provoked, she doesn’t seem to suffer from any stress or burdens. Breaking the law and assaulting imperial soldiers…, robbing and offending everyone who gets in her way…, completely destroying the Star Phoenix Sect which has a huge backer…, there are just too many crimes to list. I’m surprised the Rainbow Phoenix Sect hasn’t sent someone after her yet. But the Rainbow Phoenix Sect isn’t the only one she has to worry about. A lot of those sects in Kong County were branch sects—even if they were outcasts or expelled from their main sects—and Lucia basically created enmity with all of them.
Ding, ding.
&nb
sp; A message? It must be from my grandfather or grandmother; they’re the only ones in my messenger’s contacts list except for Lucia.
To Little Moon,
Have you been well? I hope your journey has been proceeding without issue. Unfortunately, I have some bad news involving Junior Lucia. You see…, she’s not actually a foxkin. Emperor Yi contacted me and told me she was a squirrelkin. Yes, that’s right. A squirrelkin. She’s inherited the blood of the mythical sky-realm beasts from the ancient legends that rivaled phoenixes and dragons, the fearsome squirrel. Emperor Yi told me a few powers outside of Kang Country have contacted him about the aura of a squirrel briefly appearing in his lands, which he suspected was the manifestation of Junior Lucia’s sin. Tell Junior Lucia to lay low and do her best to not attract any attention. It’s possible that even immortals may seek her out. Don’t let anyone else know. Junior Lucia must have a reason to keep this a secret from us, but for your safety, you should distance yourself from her as much as possible.
Love,
Grandpa
A squirrelkin…? Lucia? That’s … highly possible given her high, natural talent. But squirrels were a monstrous evil purged aeons ago! Lucia … might be a monstrous evil, but her evil isn’t malicious. She just happens to do evil things without intending on doing them. I’m not sure which one is worse. Is it possible that the squirrels escaped to a pocket realm during their persecution? That certainly seems to be the case if Lucia is actually a squirrelkin. But, Grandfather, it’s already too late to lay low! And I can’t distance myself from Lucia now—I promised myself I’d stick by her no matter what happens. E-even if I die while following Lucia, I won’t regret it. Wait, actually…, I really would prefer it if I didn’t die. I didn’t raise any death flags, did I?
“Flying is prohibited in this region! Land immediately or face the consequences!”
Trouble has sought us out already. I walked over to the edge of the boat and peered over. We were already a good hundred feet or so off the ground, but I could make out the figures of a group of soldiers standing on top of a building. Did one of them shout that loudly? What were the consequences that we would face if we didn’t land? Wouldn’t they have to fly up here to stop us? Unless there was a formation in the sky, but I don’t think that’s the case. The amount of energy required to maintain a formation over a whole county is immense.
