The Immortal Continent

by Virlyce

  “Why did you call us, Chosen Lucia?”

  Ah! One person was brave enough to speak up! He’s the fellow that normally drives the boat, yes? I think he is. Wait, if he’s standing there now, then who’s driving!? Oh, there’s an auto-pilot mode for flying in straight lines. I almost made a fool of myself. “Here, catch.”

  A sword flew through the air, and its pommel perfectly hit the brave disciple’s forehead. He fell over with a thud, unconscious. …I have a feeling that these people stand no chance in a real war. Didn’t they rack up a lot of experience while pillaging Kong County? These were the strongest hundred determined by a tournament that Softie’s grandpa insisted on holding! I only threw the sword lightly. The woman standing next to the unconscious driver shook him awake. “Where am I?” he asked in a groggy voice. He grabbed the sword that was lying on his chest. “What’s this?”

  “It’s an earth-realm-ranked sword! It’s yours now.”

  The driver’s mouth fell open as the murkiness in his eyes instantly cleared. “An e-earth-realm-ranked sword? F-for me!?”

  “That’s right!”

  The driver scrambled onto his knees and knocked his forehead against the floorboards nine times in quick succession. “Thank you, Chosen Lucia! I swear to follow you for the rest of my life! Even if you ask me to swim through a sea of flames or climb a mountain of swords naked, I will do it without hesitation!”

  Whoa. Isn’t that a bit of an overreaction? His forehead’s bleeding from his kowtowing. It was just a sword…. “Seriously?”

  “I’m serious! Chosen Lucia can order me, Passionate Cloud, to do anything and I will comply without hesitation!”

  He said it twice; he must be serious. Should I test it? “Alright. Then here’s my first order.” I pointed towards the side of the boat. “Jump off.” We’re over a hundred feet in the air! I wouldn’t get hurt from falling from this high, but these people are a lot more brittle than me. They had to fly down on their swords to prevent injuries back when we were invading other sects.

  “For Chosen Lucia!” Passionate Cloud ran towards the side of the boat and leapt with his arms spread out to the side. He really did it! There was no hesitation either! Is an earth-realm-ranked sword really that valuable…?

  “S-shouldn’t you catch him?” Softie asked.

  Ah! I forgot!

  “It’s too late,” Ilya said. “We’re only a hundred feet in the air. It’ll take him roughly three seconds to hit the ground, and Lucia was standing around in a daze for two seconds. And it took you one second to ask that question. The question you should’ve asked was, is he still alive? And the answer to that is, most likely because we’re flying over a body of water.”

  Has Ilya fallen from a hundred feet in the air before? How does she know how long it takes? …It’s a mystery. Alright, I’ll teleport down there and save Passionate Cloud real … quick. Never mind. “Hey, Softie, go fly down there and bring him back.”

  “Is something wrong?” Softie asked, but she took out her flying sword anyway.

  “Uh-huh. I can’t do it, but you can. Hurry up and save him before he drowns.” I can’t swim. And he’s slowly sinking into a large body of water, so someone else has to save him. One day, I’ll conquer my fear of water. Maybe in like … never. Yeah. That sounds good. Water is an unnecessary force of evil in this world. Right. I should get rid of all the water instead of learning how to swim. That makes much more sense! Whew, I’m glad I have this necklace of intelligence.

  While Softie went down to pick up Passionate Cloud, I distributed the rest of the earth-realm-ranked swords. I had enough for everyone and more! I bet Durandal would’ve liked me to save all of them for him to eat, but he’s an asshole who lied to me about being virile. This serves him right! Eh? I’m distributing these swords out of generosity, not out of pettiness! Sheesh. Do one good deed and everyone questions your integrity.

  “Thank you for the sword, Lucia.” Softie smiled at me and hugged the sword that I gave her to her chest. “Our Shadow Devil Sect only has three earth-realm-ranked swords, but with these, we’ll definitely be the strongest sect in King Province.”

  I thought the Shadow Devil Sect was really rich, but they only had three earth-realm-ranked swords? “How much is an earth-realm-ranked sword worth, just wondering?”

  “Close to a hundred billion spirit stones,” Softie said.

  “A hundred billion….” How much is that in thousands?

  “You’d have to take the underwear of every person in ten thousand sects to buy a single sword,” Ilya said and paused, “assuming each person only had one set of unwashed underwear.”

  Thanks, Ilya. Ten thousand is … four zeros? That’s…, fuck! That’s a lot! That many people for one sword!? I-it’s not too late to take all these swords back, is it? But they all pledged their undying loyalty to me…. Alright, fine! I’ll be sure to get my hundred billion spirit stone’s worth of use out of each and every one of them!

  Chapter 18

  For a place called the Gates of Hell, this place looks a lot like heaven! The buildings are bright and shining. The sun’s overhead and lighting up the brilliant green grass. People are lying about and cultivating out in the open. It’s so … picturesque. That’s a word, right? The necklace of intelligence is warming up, so it’s definitely agreeing that it’s a word. Wait a minute…, didn’t Ilya say the necklace heated up when I was under the attack of an illusion? “Who’s attacking me with illusions!?”

  “Oh? Newcomers?”

  “They look like province-exchange winners. They only sent one earth-realm expert?”

  “Well, we were running out of fodder anyway.”

  “Hey, Softie. They’re looking down on you.” I poked Softie, who was trembling while staring at the grassy meadow. “Softie?”

  “Ah?” Softie stopped shivering and looked at me when I grabbed her shoulder. “Lucia? Was that an illusion? I, I really thought we were in hell….”

  So there was an illusion! I need to reward Ilya some more. She’s so useful. “What did you see?”

  “It was very similar to the great massacre you performed at the cultural exchange a year ago back at the sect. Lots of blood and screaming and death.” Softie shook her head and bit her lower lip. “At least it was just an illusion.”

  “It might’ve been an illusion, young lady, but that’s just a glimpse of the true battlefield.” Someone appeared on the deck! He was slim and feminine and completely not imposing at all. Maybe he was a woman? His black hair was even longer than mine, going past his butt and down to his knees! When he sits, does he sit on his hair? Doesn’t it get dirty really fast? “Oh? It seems like someone recognizes me.” The long-haired man smiled at me. “And which sect might you ladies be from?”

  “Do you recognize him, Lucia?” Softie whispered.

  “Nope. The only transvestite I know is Snow.”

  “Kuack! T-transvestite?” The long-haired man made a very strange coughing sound as if he choked on a roasted duck while laughing. “W-which part of me looks like a transvestite?”

  “Your hair.”

  “Just his hair?” Ilya asked. “Don’t you mean his dress? He’s wearing a dress.”

  Well, it’s easier for a man to wear a dress than it is for a man to grow out his hair for years. “No, I’m pretty sure it’s the hair. Cause a man in a suit with long hair like his can still be mistaken for a woman, but a short-haired man will only be mistaken for a woman while wearing a dress.”

  Ilya paused. “That placebo’s working really well….”

  Placebo? What placebo? Is that a type of fish? Ilya mutters the strangest things sometimes. No wonder why she mutters them; people will think she’s crazy if she says them out loud. “Anyways! We’re from the Shadow Devil Sect. Where’s the crown prince?”

  The transvestite looked like he wanted to cry. I know this expression! He’s about to develop a heart devil. I wonder why. Maybe he didn’t intend to look like a woman? But why would he dress that way if that w
asn’t the case? Mm. People are strange. The transvestite sighed. “There are many crown princes at the Gates of Hell, but I assume you’re looking for the crown prince of Kang Country, right, young lady?”

  “Yup.” I’m here to steal his sword, but Fat Sky gave me a legitimate reason to approach the crown prince. “He’s supposed to be my direct superior.”

  “Your direct superior?” The depressed expression on the transvestite’s face disappeared as his eyes widened. He looked around before leaning towards me. “You might not want to say that out loud,” he whispered and gestured around with his eyes. Dozens of people had awoken from their cultivation and were staring at me. “There are many people here who wished to be the prince’s subordinates but were rejected. If they find out someone like you is a subordinate of the prince, there will be no end to your troubles.”

  “Eh? No end to my troubles? But my troubles always stop when I hit them.” Except for when I have to find a stupid sword for stupid Durandal because he’s so picky! Gah. It’s a shame I can’t hit him into existence. I can only hit things out of existence. Woe is me.

  “The people that the prince rejects are all strong. They’re always earth-realm experts. People in the saint realm don’t even dare to approach him. It’s better for you to lay low since you’re new. I’m only telling you this out of goodwill.” The transvestite paused. “Though I’m not sure why I’m doing that. You’ve hurt my dignity quite a bit. But putting that aside, you should do your best to be humble or those slighted people will pick fights with you.”

  “Why would I have to be afraid of a bunch of rejects? They were rejected because they were weak, right? If they try to do something funny, I’ll beat them up and take their underwear! I’m not afraid of losers.” Hmm? Why’s Softie tugging so franticly at my sleeve?

  “L-Lucia! They’re all coming this way!” Softie yelled in a whisper. How does one yell in a whisper? I’m not sure, but Softie did it. All the cultivators who were sitting around in the grass were flying towards us to pay their respects. Right? I mean, I’m someone who wasn’t rejected; it’s clear they’d respect me.

  One person with gray hair—how come so many people have gray or white hair?—slipped ahead of the pack with his sword drawn. Is that a sky-realm-ranked sword? I don’t think it is. “It’s easy for you to call others a loser when you’ve never been here before, but I cannot accept your arrogance, Junior. Today, I’ll teach you a lesson in humility!”

  Was he talking to me? What arrogance? I’m not arrogant; I’m confident! There’s a big difference. One means I believe I’m better than everyone. And the other means I know I’m better than everyone. Hmm. Is there a word for both confident and arrogant? I believe and know I’m better than everyone. Mm. As a humble person, of course, I won’t say that out loud! But I’m not going to not beat this person up and steal his sword! Who does he think he’s picking a fight with? I’ll teach him not to be overconfident for the cheap price of one earth-realm-ranked sword!

  ***

  Lucia has this special aura about her that … attracts trouble. It’s part of why she’s so suitable for cultivating the Heart Devil Cultivation Technique. I’ve only known her for a little more than over a year, but I’ve experienced more world-changing events with her than I have in my whole life. When she first arrived, she started a great massacre at a cultural exchange. Then she started a reign of terror, pillaging and uprooting sect after sect until finally eradicating the Star Phoenix Sect completely. She was just as unruly at the King Province Exchange, murdering all the delegates of the Righteous Buddha Sect. And now she’s crippling officer after officer in Kang Country’s army. If these beatings weren’t taking place at the arena of grudges, Lucia would be executed for treason. I wish she wouldn’t rob her opponents’ swords though….

  “Who’s next?” Lucia asked. She was standing on the bloody stage, leaning against her hammer’s hilt. The head of the hammer was resting on the ground, bits of flesh and bone coating its metal surface. Lucia’s tail swished against the stage, her fur turning red, and she swept her gaze over the officers and soldiers who had come to watch. “No one?”

  The arena of grudges was silent as people shifted their eyes away. A dull thudding sound echoed through the air. Was someone clapping? I turned my head towards the sound. A man, who resembled Heavy Sky, was applauding at a deliberate pace while walking towards the stage. “You must be Lucia Fluffytail from the Shadow Devil Sect. My brother told me he found a talent worthy of serving under me. It seems like he wasn’t wrong.” Instead of wearing a purple cloak with a clasp like his brothers, the crown prince had on a dark-green military uniform. It was loose without wrinkles, a little like a robe, but at the same time, it portrayed a sense of dignity. The belt on his waist had four blue stripes on it, signaling his rank as a general. My grandfather made me study the norms of the army after Lucia won the King Province Exchange for our sect.

  Speaking of Lucia…, she looked tense. Her tail was puffed out like a hedgehog, and her shoulders were slightly hunched as if she were staring at a puddle of water. She’s very suspicious of water. “Right,” Lucia said as her feet slid back by an inch. “Fat Sky sent me here to be your subordinate. You’re the crown prince?”

  “Fat Sky?” the crown prince asked and raised an eyebrow. He mumbled, “Heavy, fat, I suppose they’re almost similar in meaning.” The prince coughed. “Yes, I’m the crown prince, Single Sky.”

  “Your name is Single?” Lucia asked. She was still steadily inching backwards. I probably wouldn’t have noticed if I wasn’t staring at her feet. Every other part of her body was stiff. Why was I staring at her feet? B-because…, just because, alright? “Wait, no, that’s not important. You have a sky-realm-ranked sword, right?”

  The crown prince gestured towards the sword hanging from the belt on his waist. “I do. Why? Did you want to try to take my sword as well?”

  The people that Lucia had stripped and robbed flinched at the crown prince’s words. Lucia was definitely going to try. After all, this is what she came here for. She grabbed her hammer’s hilt and raised it into the air. Then it disappeared. Huh? It disappeared? Why? Lucia coughed and shook her head. “Of course not! What kind of person do you think I am? I don’t take people’s swords unless they do something to deserve it. Mhm.” She coughed again. “But if you happen to have a spare sky-realm-ranked sword, I wouldn’t mind if you gave it to me.”

  Lucia … was giving up? No way! She’s fought against plenty of sky-realm experts without backing down. Maybe there’s a special reason that Lucia’s taking into consideration. But Lucia never thinks before she acts…. No, that’s not true. She makes plans all the time, but she looks like she acts without thinking to fool her enemies. I always thought she was a simple person, but looking back, everything she’s done really has worked out in her favor. If she’s not a genius pretending to be a fool, then doesn’t that mean I, the person who’s achieved nothing, am more useless than a fool? Lucia’s plotting something right now and taking away the crown prince’s sword goes against her designs. That must be it.

  The crown prince chuckled. “I do happen to have a spare sky-realm-ranked sword, but I can’t just hand it over to you. Everyone here is striving for it after all. But with enough merits, you can earn it, or you can even hire Kang Country’s sky-realm smith to personally forge a weapon for you.”

  “Hmm?” Lucia tilted her head. “How do I get merits? Can I take them from people?”

  A faint smile appeared on the crown prince’s lips. “You’re quite the interesting woman. It’s possible to take merits from other people in a sense, but it’s easier to earn them yourself. You receive merits for every enemy head you bring back. You can take the heads from your allies, or you can kill the enemy yourself. If you want to hire our sky-realm smith, you’ll need to bring back the heads of ten sky-realm experts or ten thousand earth-realm experts’. If you just want the sword without any personalization, it costs five sky-realm experts’ heads or five thousand earth-real
m experts’.”

  “Five?” Lucia asked. “That doesn’t seem like a lot. I can count that high on one hand! That actually sounds pretty easy.”

  “Fang Country only has twenty sky-realm experts deployed at the moment,” the crown prince said. “And they don’t move often; they’re the final line of defense. You’ll have to create a great ruckus to draw them out, but they’re a bunch of cowards; all of them will come out to suppress you if you do.”

  That makes sense. The longer someone is alive, the more attached to life they become. There’s no reason for them to risk their lives in a battle. I imagine our side’s experts have the same thought process. Neither side wants to make the first move—that’s the nature of this perpetual battlefield. The weaker people fight under the supervision of the strong.

  Lucia stared at the crown prince’s sword. Then she squinted at his face before sighing. “How strong are they compared to you?”

  “Most of them are weaker, but three of them are on par, and one of them is barely stronger.”

  Lucia scratched her head. “Then what about panties?”

  “…Excuse me?”

  Lucia bobbed her head up and down. “How many heads do I need to exchange for sky-realm-ranked panties?”

  I don’t think the army supplies underwear.

  The crown prince shook his head. “We only have saint-realm-ranked boxers.”

  …Why does the army supply underwear?

  Lucia clicked her tongue. “Darn.”

  ***

  This crown prince is way too strong! Even after he left, my tail didn’t settle down until after I ate a meal. Stealing a sky-realm-ranked sword is easier said than done, huh? And the only other option is to collect people’s heads! I’m not a murderer; that’s something I can’t do. Why couldn’t the prince have demanded penises instead? Cutting those off isn’t murder. Hah. Well, just because I refuse to kill people doesn’t mean I can’t collect any heads for merits. All I have to do is rob our allies! The crown prince said that was allowed. I’m not sure why though; doesn’t that make absolutely no sense at all? Why would he want infighting in his army? Well, I’m not going to question it!