The Immortal Continent

by Virlyce

  “Hold it right there, little fox. Do you think we’re idiots?”

  There! That person who’s flying in the sky. Flying’s prohibited, but since he’s up there, he has to be strong enough to disregard that rule. His nameplate says he’s from the Ascending Phoenix Sect, but I’ve never heard of them before. They must either be weak, which is unlikely given that they have a sky-realm expert, or they’re from Fang Country.

  “Of course not!” Lucia shook her head back and forth. “I don’t think you guys are idiots. I just know that I’m smarter than all of you. There’s a difference!”

  “…Are you trying to make me mad?”

  “Me? Make you mad? I’m the one who should be angry here!” Lucia stomped her foot against the arena platform. “How dare you question my identity? This nameplate is clear for everyone to see! I belong to the Flaming Sparrow Sect, not the Shadow Devil Sect. My name is Fiery Rain, not Lucia Fluffytail!”

  The sky-realm expert’s expression darkened. “I don’t recall Lucia Fluffytail ever introducing herself earlier when she faced Butcher. How do you know her name?”

  “Err…, that’s….” Lucia scratched her head and glanced around. I think she was looking for Ilya. When she couldn’t find her, Lucia coughed. “That’s simple. Heart Devil Lucia is famous; everyone knows her. Yup. That’s it. She’s famous and totally well-known! I can’t believe you didn’t recognize her, and I can’t believe you’d mistake someone like me for her.” Lucia’s ear twitched, and she turned her head. “Hey! Where do you think you’re running to, Beast Tamer Forest?”

  “I-I’m not going to fight someone who’s breaking the rules!” The poor frightened man turned to run, but Lucia was one step quicker. She drew her sword and brought it down with a flash, drawing a scream out of her opponent as his limbs separated from his torso. Lucia’s so domineering! That’s a really attractive trait for a man I’m interested in to have. …Wait, Lucia’s not a man. Nor am I interested in her! Lucia waved at me. My face is on fire! Will she notice? I, I—

  “Claw! Come harvest this head for me!”

  Maybe she wasn’t waving at me…. I’m not disappointed!

  “Yes, Chos—Lady Fiery Rain!” Brother Claw nearly ruined Lucia’s disguise as he ran up to the stage and beheaded Beast Tamer Forest without hesitation. If I had volunteered to harvest Butcher’s head, it’d be me up there on that stage with Lucia right now…. She’d be depending on me instead of Brother Claw. I shouldn’t have promoted him to fourth-in-command! Wait, no. I wouldn’t murder people just to gain Lucia’s favor. I’m not that kind of person!

  “Audacious! You dare to break the rules and kill another one of my Fang Country’s men? Descending Phoenix Claw!” The sky-realm expert shot down like a bolt of lightning, colliding into Lucia. She yelped as her robes were burnt away, but she didn’t seem injured.

  “Bastard! What the fuck are you doing!?” Lucia shouted as she grabbed onto the sky-realm expert’s wrist. “Breaking Madness Fist Strike!” With a crack, Lucia’s free hand struck the sky-realm expert’s nose, causing his face to crumple inwards like dented metal. “I just fought a duel! We’re only allowed to duel one person a day! You’re the one forcing me to break these rules by attacking me! Stupid pervert, how dare you burn my clothes off!?” In a flash, Lucia pulled robes out of her interspacial ring and donned them in one motion. Then she removed the sky-realm expert’s robes while taking his ring off of his finger. Is, is he dead?

  “Hey, Claw,” Lucia said. “Cut his head off for me.”

  Brother Claw was standing in a daze, but he flinched at Lucia’s voice. “Yes, Lady Fiery Rain!” With a short cry and a leap, he swung his sword down. …If the sky-realm expert wasn’t killed by Lucia’s punch, then he’s certainly dead now. Unless he’s a body cultivator, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. But how did Lucia defeat him in a single strike? Was he already weakened?

  “Lu—Fiery Rain!” Ilya shouted while cupping her hands around her mouth. “Bring me his body so I can make stuff out of it!”

  …I really wish Ilya would stop using body parts in alchemy. People will associate our sect with a bunch of murderers! Though they might respect us as long as we’re strong, the instant we show any hints of weakness, a lot of people will point fingers at us and try to tear us apart! …With Lucia’s blatant disregard for the rules, Brother Claw’s kill-happy demeanor, and Ilya’s insistence on experimenting with dead bodies, our sect’s reputation is already in the gutter. This isn’t the type of prestige I wanted our sect to have!

  ***

  Whew, that’s three earth-realm experts’ heads already and I’ve only been here for five minutes! At this rate, it shouldn’t take very long to gather all five thousand! …Right? The math’s too difficult to do, but my optimism will make it true!

  “Thank you, Cho—Lady Fiery Rain! With this sky-realm expert’s death, I’ve broken through to the low-high-ranked saint realm!” Claw cupped his bloody hands at me and bowed. Wait. Did he say sky-realm expert?

  “This guy was a sky-realm expert?” I mean, he was flying in the sky in a no-fly zone…. Then doesn’t that mean I only need four more heads!? This was a whole lot easier than I thought! And that crown prince made this out to be difficult, jeez. What did he say? If I caused a big commotion, then every sky-realm expert would … come … after me…. This counts as a small commotion, right? Right!? “Hey, uh, Claw, what’s this guy’s name?”

  “His nameplate says Sun Fire.”

  “I, Fiery Rain of the Flaming Sparrow Sect, have slain the sky-realm expert, Sun Fire! You all heard that properly, right? Fiery Rain of the Flaming Sparrow Sect, that’s me!” Mm, Ilya said I need to hear things three times to actually hear it for the first time, so I’ll repeat my scapegoat’s name one more time for good measure. “That’s right, I, Fiery Rain of the Flaming Sparrow Sect, a mere earth-realm expert, killed a sky-realm expert from Fang Country! But all of you can call me Lady Fiery Rain or Chosen of the Flaming Sparrow Sect or Fiery Rain the Fang-Country-sky-realm-expert-slaying expert!”

  With this, all I have to do is never use any Flaming Sparrow Sect member’s nameplate again. The sky-realm experts will chase after them instead of me, and the Shadow Devil Sect will be left completely untouched! Mm, but just in case, it feels like I should leave this place before something bad happens. No one’s saying anything, and all the other fights on the other platforms have stopped. This is so unnerving; it’s like everyone’s staring at me and judging me! “Ahem. Right, it’s time for me to reunite with my fellow Flaming Sparrow Sect members who’re waiting for me outside. Bye!” And no one’s saying anything still. Did they all freeze? Am I in an illusion? Well, I’ll just make my way back to the Shadow Devil Sect…, and still no reaction. “Psst, Softie. Ilya. Let’s go.”

  So, in total silence, I left the battlefield with my minions by going back to where we entered from and touching the statue’s head. Before my vision completely disappeared during the transportation process, I thought I heard someone say, “Immortal.” What was that supposed to mean? Was I mistaken for an immortal? Are they praising me now that I’m gone!? I’m going back inside to check!

  “Lady Fiery Rain is definitely an immortal!”

  “She killed a mid-ranked sky-realm expert in a single strike!”

  “Sun Fire’s Descending Phoenix Claw exterminated a whole sect once; I saw it myself! But Lady Fiery Rain was completely unharmed!”

  “I, I insulted Lady Fiery Rain’s appearance. Do you think she heard!?”

  “I’m sorry, Sect Brother. I’ll burn paper money for you in the future.”

  “I wonder if Lady Fiery Rain has a cultivation partner.”

  “You stand no chance. If you want a cultivation partner, you should search some place filled with people befitting of you—like a pasture.”

  They were dead silent a moment ago, but the instant I’m gone, they start lavishing praise on me? Why couldn’t they do that earlier? I like praise! It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside li
ke my stomach is filled with bubbles.

  “Wait! Lady Fiery Rain’s back!”

  …And just like that, the whole battlefield fell silent again. A few people dropped to their knees and cupped their hands towards me though. Hmm. Even the people from Fang Country are worshipping me. What the heck is this? I can’t harvest the heads of people who worship me! That’s totally immoral; if I take their heads, then the number of worshippers I have will decrease! It seems like I’ll have to move on to a new battlefield. There should be more than one, right? This is just the west side: there should be a westernmost side, an easternmost side, and everything in between. Ah, but I really, really want to leave my real name behind so people will know who they’re actually worshipping…. But I can’t! I can’t let my vanity be my downfall! Ah, I’m such a tragic hero. Alas, I’m so amazing, yet no one will truly know who I actually am…. All my glory will be reaped by Fiery Rain of the Flaming Sparrow Sect, but I’m okay with that! Stay strong, Lucia, you’re better than this! Stay strong…. Maybe I could tell just one person? No! I’ll leave before I fall to the temptation.

  Phew. Alright, all the temptation is gone. But I still want to hear some praise! “Ilya, Softie, Claw! Tell me I’m amazing!”

  “You’re amazing, Chosen Lucia!”

  “Lucia, you’re really amazing.”

  Mm. That’s right! But one person’s missing. “…Ilya? Praise.”

  “You’re so amazing, Lucia. Wow.”

  Did Ilya just roll her eyes? She did, didn’t she!? “Give me back that sky-realm person’s body if you think you’re amazing enough to get one yourself!”

  “W-wait! Lucia! Stop! You’re amazing! You’re really amazing! Don’t squeeze it! You’re forcing the blood out! You’re wasting the blood!”

  Hmph. It’s not a waste! I obtained the body, so it’s mine to use however I please. And if I want to squeeze its blood out, then I can. “Anyways, hurry up and board the boat. We’re moving to a new place before those sky-realm experts figure out something’s wrong.” Ah, I should ask Softie why I was mistaken for an immortal. “And why did those people think I was an immortal?”

  “A sky-realm expert is a nearly unkillable existence,” Softie said as she stepped onto a flying sword. “To kill an unkillable existence in a single strike, wouldn’t that person have to be an immortal? Though, I don’t think you’re quite as strong as an immortal. Do you remember how you broke the statue earlier? The formation was most likely destabilized, and that sky-realm expert must have expended a great amount of energy to stabilize it. When he appeared to fight you, I don’t think he had enough qi to defend himself properly.”

  Hmm. So I weakened my enemy greatly before even facing him? That’s what geniuses do! …But normally, those kinds of actions are planned. Mm. I have to keep up my amazing appearance. “Aha! Just like I planned!”

  “Chosen Lucia’s foresight is truly amazing!” Claw said. “If wisdom were a drink, Chosen Lucia would be like hot chocolate!”

  Like hot chocolate? That’s a compliment, right? Everyone knows hot chocolate is one of the greatest drinks to ever exist, with acorn stew being a close second. And my wisdom is comparable to the greatest drink! I really, really like this Claw person’s analogies! “Claw! Here’s a reward for being such a good minion.”

  “…Used panties?”

  “You can sell it for ten spirit stones!” That’s right. This necklace of intelligence is telling me to reward my followers so they stay extra loyal! And who doesn’t want used panties? They’re not mine, of course.

  “I’m jealous…. I want her panties too….”

  Which pervert said that? Was that Softie…? Mm, nah, it can’t be. Softie’s a girl and she’s rich; there’s no way she’d want my panties.

  Chapter 20

  Just like I thought, people were way ahead of me when it came to robbery! When I plundered those people at the entrance to the camp, I only found a couple of heads that weren’t worth anything because they had already been robbed before reaching the camp. But now, I get to do the robbing before those people are robbed before reaching the camp! Battlefield? Fighting honorable duels? Screw that! I’ve already gathered over three hundred earth-realm experts’ heads and we haven’t even made it to the second battlefield yet. There were even more saint-realm people’s heads, but they’re worthless since they can’t be exchanged for what I want, so I gave them to Ilya to do whatever she does with body parts.

  How many people did I have to rob to get that many earth-realm heads? There were too many to count, but we encountered seventy-four different sects! There are so many people on the Immortal Continent; it’s great! There are so many people to rob and bully and plant heart devils in. This is paradise. I’m not quite sure I want to go back home anymore, but I have to drop Ilya off at least. She has a dad, so I guess she wants to see him. Mm. I wouldn’t know. The only family I have is my husband, Durandal! We’re not married yet, but that doesn’t matter. Once I stick him in a sky-realm-ranked sword, I’m going to have Ilya experiment on him until he becomes virile, then I’ll trap him with kids!

  Ahem. Anyways, there’s only three thousand seven hundred heads to go! Unless I get lucky and get another sky-realm expert’s head from the next battlefield. It turns out that every sect is assigned a navigator by the crown prince. Since I lost mine somewhere along the way, I borrowed the other sects’ navigators. They tried to run at first, but after keeping them tied up in the deepest levels of the boat where Ilya does her alchemy stuff, they changed their tunes pretty quick. They’re at least eighty-percent cooperative! And when they’re not cooperative, I throw them overboard. Because of that, I only have fifty navigators left out of the original seventy-some.

  Mm. And I’m supposed to be cultivating right now. But for some reason, Fluffles is outside of my body even though I didn’t use Heart Devil Apparition, and he’s eating every single heart devil wormy that’s flying my way! How am I supposed to cultivate if this stupid technique stops me from cultivating!? “Fluffles, damnit! Go eat something else!”

  Fluffles is a terrible squirrel: He doesn’t eat acorns. He doesn’t drink acorn stew. And he doesn’t even look at my hot chocolate! Mm. I guess he isn’t really a squirrel, huh? He’s made of heart devil wormies. And he’s eating heart devil wormies…. Cannibal? First Ilya, now Fluffles? Why am I surrounded by such weird people? Well, anyways, it doesn’t seem like I’ll make much progress if I keep channeling this Heart Devil Cultivation Technique, might as well take a break to eat!

  “Grr.”

  “Hmm? What, Fluffles?” Is he upset I stopped? He already ate a whole skyful of worms! “If you want food, go get it yourself. Stop eating my cultivation.”

  “Rr….” Fluffles stood on his hindlegs and sniffed the air. Then he leapt over the edge of the boat. Like black lightning, he disappeared in a flash, leaving behind a trail of afterimages that disappeared when I blinked. Was he really going to hunt his own food? If he eats heart devil worms, doesn’t that mean he’s going to plant some first? Then that means I’ll have planted them as well since Fluffles is part of my technique…. This is amazing! I can traumatize people without even lifting a finger! Wait a minute…. What if I use Heart Devil Apparition again? “Heart Devil Apparition!” …And another squirrel popped out! This isn’t Fluffles, right? Hmm. Nope. His ears are slightly different. And his tail is less plump. Great! “Alright, Fluff Two, if you want to eat, you’re going to have to hunt your own food. Got it?”

  Fluff Two nodded and jumped over the side of the boat, running in a different direction from Fluffles. This…, this technique is the greatest thing ever! “Fluff Three, come on out!”

  “Fluff Four!”

  “Five!”

  “Six!”

  …

  “Seven Hundred Thirty-Three!”

  “Seven Hundred Thirty—”

  “Lucia? What are you doing?”

  “—Four.” Ah, it’s Softie. Fluff Seven Hundred Thirty-Four sprang out of my shadow and sniffed Softi
e. Before she could grab him, Fluff Seven Hundred Thirty-Four leapt into the air and spread his limbs … and flew. Hmm. He was a flying squirrel, huh? Interesting.

  “Was that an apparition? Even Grandfather’s apparition isn’t as solid.” Softie’s forehead wrinkled. “But what did you mean by Seven Hundred Thirty-Four?”

  “That’s Fluff Seven Hundred Thirty-Four.” I thought it was pretty self-explanatory. “Heart Devil Apparition! And here’s Fluff Seven Hundred Thirty-Five.”

  Softie’s already pale face turned even paler. “You’ve released close to a thousand apparitions? What are they doing?”

  Fluff Seven Hundred Thirty-Five jumped overboard and dug into the ground. Was he a mole or a squirrel? Mm, well, I guess there aren’t many directions left for them to go. The more areas they cover, the better it is for me! “They’re planting heart devils in people for me.”

  “Wait…,” Softie said and placed her hand on her forehead. “Each apparition needs a hundred thousand heart devil worms to act as its base. And you summoned over seven hundred of them. Right. You do have that many heart devil worms to spare. I forgot how slow your cultivation was compared to a normal person’s because of your impurities.”

  I’m not impure! I’m very chaste and moral and cute! If I were a horrible person, my apparitions wouldn’t look so darn adorable. Something this cute can’t come out of an impure person!

  “But, Lucia, is it a good idea? Doesn’t this count as causing a big commotion?”

  “Eh, I’ve only summoned less than a thousand squirrels, no big deal. At most, they’ll only terrorize one sect each. Probably. But there’s a lot of sects, right? A thousand sects is like the last drop of acorn stew in your bowl—almost unnoticeable.”

  “…Did you say squirrels?”

  Ah! “Ahem. Foxes. I said foxes. There are less than a thousand foxes.”

  Softie’s eyes widened to the size of saucers. “Call them back! Call all the squirrels back!”