Every Single Heartbeat

by Abbye J Leen

  How could he do this to me? How could he hurt me so bad? How could he put my life at risk and betray both me and Noah’s trust so mercilessly?

  "He's your best friend Nolan, you know him. You know he’s a bit of a control freak and maybe you're right, maybe that did cause my light to fade a little, but that’s just how he is"

  "You deserve better" he says, leaning in closer to me.

  "Hey um, I feel a bit tired, can we just get back to the accommodation? Then I guess it would be best for us to go, you know, it’s getting kinda late" I suggest.

  "We’re leaving tomorrow morning, I thought I’d made that clear" he replies, rudely.

  I nod, as the sunlight slowly fades behind us.

  Cold, numbness and fear.

  These are the only things that I am able to feel.

  I don’t know what Nolan’s intentions are, I don’t know why he’s brought me here, but I do know that I have to get the hell away from him before I find out.

  I sneaked out of the bathroom’s window, although all I could take with me is the hoodie I’m wearing and my phone. Twigs and branches assail my face ruthlessly, as I sprint through the forest as fast as I can. It won’t take much for Nolan to realize that I’m gone and when that happens, it’s over for me. I don't want Noah to be afraid or alarmed, I don’t to worry him, but I need to call him, I have to. If something does happen to me tonight, he has to know who’s to blame for it.

  I slow down a bit to hide behind a tree, completely out of breath and unable to stop crying. I hasten to call Noah but in vain, because my phone still has no signal. I haven’t been able to get in touch with him ever since we got here and now, I realize that’s much more than a simple coincidence. Nolan had it all planned out from the start, I’m sure of it now. I’m sure he never told Noah about any of this this, I’m sure that he never told him about the trip and the house he rented and the four hour drive it took to get here. The only option I have right now is to send Noah a WhatsApp audio: even if he won’t receive it straightaway, sooner or later he might.

  I move away from the tree and start running again, but I’m almost completely out of energy already, so I’m forced to slow down my pace a bit. I strive to keep jogging knowing that the time I have left is very limited, as I press the microphone icon on the screen and start recording:

  "Noah please forgive me, for I couldn’t see this coming. I'm at Buttermilk Falls State Park, trying to escape from Nolan. It's... it was him Noah, whatever happens to me it was him. I l…"

  I drop my phone and let out a shrill scream, when I realize that I’m being grabbed by the hair. Nolan’s piercing glare makes me come to the conclusion that once again, I could not get away from him in time. All I can do is pray to God that my message sends.

  "You shouldn’t have done that, little bitch" says he, leaning into me. Feeling his breath on my neck makes chills of terror run down my spine and I’m scared, scared to death, scared to the point that I start retching all over Nolan’s brand new expensive shirt.

  Noah

  53

  I’ve missed California. I’ve missed the beach, the seaside and the overall peacefulness of my State. I’ve decided to pay mom a visit before going back to New York, although I must admit that I was pretty unsure I would at first. I can’t get in touch with either Ellie or Nolan and that’s worrying me, but I don’t want to always look so pathetic and overprotective in her eyes, so in the end I’ve convinced myself to go.

  I’m drinking a beer with Amelia’s husband, enraptured by the Pacific Ocean’s suggestive scenario. I can see every shade of blue, running towards me and back, as a light breeze delicately brushes my skin, allowing me to taste and smell the salty brine. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down, but I’ve got a bad feeling inside me that I simply can’t get rid of and I hate it. I need to get over myself and soon too, before Ellie gets sick of my exaggerate, although legitimate, apprehension.

  "Are you all right?" Asks Oliver, handing some of his chips to Jonas. I shake my head, gently fuzzing up the hair of the little boy whose resemblance to Ellie is absolutely incredible.

  "I haven't heard from Ellie in two days and that’s quite odd... I can’t reach either her or Nolan"

  "I’m sure she’s fine, don’t beat yourself up over it. Have you tried asking Amelia?"

  "No, I wouldn’t want to make her worried"

  "I get you, you know? Ever since ‘it all’ happened... it’s been tough for all of us"

  "I know, tell me about it"

  "You will both get through it, you just need to be patient and give yourselves enough time to heal, her in particular"

  I take another sip of beer, pondering over his words.

  "I just wish she could remember who it was, things would be much simpler then”.

  It's half past midnight, I’m walking Oliver back to his house with Jonas, who’s finally fallen asleep on the stroller that I’m pushing.

  "I'd almost forgotten what it felt like, to walk without having to push that thing around all day" says he, smiling.

  "Anytime, buddy"

  "Oh, that’d be dreamy!" he laughs.

  "Yeah. So how’s your wife doing without her little sister?"

  “She's like a daughter to her, you know? It was never easy for Amelia to deal with her absence, but I think that now she’s slowly getting used to the idea that well, she’s lost her"

  "She’s not lost her, Ellie’s just making her dreams come true. It was to be expected from her.”

  "Yes, she’s always been a clever girl"

  The lights are all off, meaning that mom’s already asleep. As I step inside, so many memories resurface within me. I immediately think back to when Ellie, Nolan and I were just children and we’d spend entire afternoons playing in my backyard. At times, if we were lucky enough and dad wasn’t home, we’d even enter the house to study all together at the kitchen table, drinking big cups of hot milk as we did so. I smile thinking back to all these memories, I smile thinking about how much simpler things used to be and I smile, thinking about how blessed I am to still have them both in my life after all these years.

  I take my phone out of my pocket hoping to find a message from Ellie, but so far still nothing, so resigned, I head to the bathroom to take a shower. I’m restless, worried and if I don’t manage get in touch with her within a reasonable amount of time, I’m just going to have to call the police.

  Hot water pours down all over my body, but not even that seems to be soothing my frazzled nerves, so I quickly rinse up, step out of the shower and put on a pair of shorts. I walk out of the bathroom and try to phone Ellie once more, but it’s useless because the call goes straight to voicemail again. I toss my phone across the room frustrated and angry, she should have figured out how worried I’d be by now. Suddenly, my now half-shattered phone chimes, I rush up to grab it and see a WhatsApp notification: it’s an audio from Ellie. Thank Christ, although I’m still furious with her, because she could have at least called. I press play and listen:

  "Noah please forgive me, for I couldn’t see this coming. I'm at Buttermilk Falls State Park, trying to escape from Nolan. It's... it was him Noah, whatever happens to me it was him. I l…"

  The audio cuts, as she cries out desperately.

  I cannot believe my own ears.

  My hands start sweating, as I frantically walk up and down my room, trying to process what I’ve just heard. I must be having auditive hallucinations or something, because this can’t be true, it can’t be. I listen to the audio one more time, trying to understand what to do, how to act, because if I understood correctly, we’re literally thousands of miles away from each other. With the last of bit of sanity left within me, I hasten to call New York City’s police department and without thinking too much about it, run over to Oliver's house: they have to drive me to the airport, immediately.

  Ellie

  54

  I wipe my lips with my sleeve, while Nolan keeps cursing and complaining about his stained shir
t.

  "What did you think you were doing? You can’t get away darling, not from this place" says he, violently grabbing me by the hair, while I can’t stop thinking about how I’ve lost the one and only mean that I had to get in touch with the outside world, the only thing that might have helped me find a way out of here.

  I force myself not to cry, as I try to come up with a plan that won’t fail as fast as plan A did, although I don’t have many alternatives, the only thing I can do is attempt to outrun him. Without hesitating too much, I bite onto his arm as hard as I possibly can, he screams in pain and distractedly lets go of me, so I seize the opportunity to carry out plan B, but as I do so he grabs me by the ankle, making me fall to the ground. I turn around covered in scratches and mud, while I look at him, so strong, enraged and fast, too.

  I won’t make it out alive, not this time, I’m sure of it.

  "Why you are doing this to me?"

  "Because I love you and because you belong with me, the sooner you understand that, the better. I didn’t want to do this the hard way, but you left me no choice"

  "You're completely fucking insane!" I scream and at that point, he hits me.

  He slaps me across the face so hard that he sends my head straight to the ground. I can feel my cheek swelling up, as I spit out the dirt in my mouth and relentlessly try to get back up, but he blocks me midway stepping onto my back and holding me down with his foot. I try to crawl myself free but it’s impossible for me to move even by a single inch.

  "I repeat, you’re not going anywhere" he says infuriated.

  He savagely lifts me up from the ground, grabbing me by the hair again and making me shriek. Still holding my tears back, I appeal to all my willpower and try to gather up whatever’s left of my physical and mental strength, I have to get out of here alive, I have to give Noah and I the opportunity to live a peaceful and happy life, once and for all. He keeps tugging me ferociously on his way back to the accommodation, but I don’t want to enter that place, not on my own with him. I hope to God that someone’s still out here, I mean there must be a reason as to why this park is accessible 24/7, maybe there’s night hikers around or something, right? I can hear my heart beating uncontrollably, even faster than when Nolan stabbed me.

  "I can't believe it, all this time you’ve been acting as if nothing were, as if you hadn’t tried to murder me!"

  "Well what else was I supposed to do, Ellie? Besides, you know that I could never hurt you"

  Okay, now I am certain of the fact that he’s gone completely, absolutely mental. What is he on about? I mean, what the hell does he think he’s doing to me in this precise moment?

  "Nolan please, let go of my hair, you're hurting me" I say, and I think. I think that maybe, the only way to get out of here is to be nice to him.

  He loosens his grip, then helps me up and wraps his arms around my waist. I feel the urge to vomit again, but I breathe in deeply and try to fight it. We keep walking non-stop, my muscles hurt, I'm cold, my cheek’s on fire and the metallic taste in my mouth simply won’t leave. Nolan is still enraged, in a way that I’d never seen before and now more than ever, I realize just how true it is that you can never fully know anybody. No one at all, as much as you think you do. Not even the people you’ve known all your life, those that you used to love, those that you used to believe in and those that you thought you could trust. I can feel tears slowly flooding down my face, my throat tightening and bile rising up from the pit of my stomach. I stop walking, but Nolan violently but yanks me forward.

  "Is everything okay over here?" asks a man, as I silently thank God for the wonderful gift he’s just blessed me with. Next to him is a woman, who’s observing me with a doubtful look on her face. I bite my lower lip trying to stop myself from crying, but a sob escapes my lips even if I try to stifle it.

  "My girlfriend tripped over and hurt herself earlier on, but it’s nothing to worry about, really" he justifies himself.

  Hearing that phrase, I once again feel the need to throw up. I don’t even want him to touch me, let alone being considered his girlfriend by anybody at all, just the thought of it makes me shudder. Once again tonight I’ve been blessed: Nolan lets go of me to shake hands with the two hikers, so I don't think twice about it and sprint the hell away from there the very instant his hand leaves my hip.

  "Hold up boy!" the man says, but I’m too busy trying to get away from this atrocity, to wait to hear Nolan’s response. For the hundredth time tonigh. I pray God that I make it alive out of this mess that I’ve gotten myself into, hoping that couple might help me do so somehow. I keep running as fast as I possibly can but suddenly, a tree root makes me trip over and fall. I feel an extremely sharp pain in the leg, to the point that I think it might be broken, but I try not to let that get to me and even if it hurts like hell, I get back up and start running again.

  I hear my name being shouted and feel his presence nearby me. He’s getting closer by the second.

  Think Ellie, think! I keep repeating to myself, as if it were a mantra. I hear the sound of water thundering down in the distance, meaning that I mustn’t be far from the waterfalls. I start chasing that sound, it's dark and I can't see well, but I don’t have any other alternatives: if I want to live I’m just going to have to make a go for it, but if I really were to die, at least it’s going to be my own choice and nobody else’s.

  I can hear the sound of footsteps intensifying, so I swiftly crouch behind a tree and hold my breath, trying to remain as still as I possibly can. I look around and not far from me I spot Nolan, calling my name and searching for me nervously, both his fists hermetically clenched.

  "Where the fuck are you Ellie?" He roars.

  I shiver hearing the voice tone with which he speaks and die inside a little, knowing that the two hikers did see me try to escape, but did nothing to stop him. I guess I can’t blame them I mean, why put yourself in danger for a person you’ve never even seen before, right?

  I watch him walk deeper into the woods, as I felinely step away from the tree. I start running again, the pain in my leg is unbearable, but fear is helping me move forward. If I remember correctly, the waterfalls aren’t supposed to be far from the park’s entrance…

  But even then, where will I go? Thousands of miles away from home, without a phone, without clothes, without anything? I guess all I can do is think about it when I’ll get to it.

  As I continue running I can hear the sound of sticks and leaves crunching under my feet, the same sound that as a child would always make me feel so careless and serene, but that now only makes me feel agitated, sad and terrified. It’s getting really hard to breathe, my throat’s burning and the pain in my leg is slowing me down considerably, but I somehow manage to make it to the edge of the waterfalls. I look around, breathing heavily and turning my head from left to right almost compulsively, in fear that Nolan might have caught up with me and unfortunately, moments after I see him in the distance… and he sees me. He starts running in my direction and he’s fast, extremely fast.

  I look to my right and then to my left once more, searching for a way out, but the only escape I see, which is also the reason why I came here in the first place, are the waterfalls. I know that Nolan’s afraid of heights and I also know that he’s afraid of deep water, so I’m sure that he won’t jump... I’m sure that he won’t follow me.

  I look in front of me, then turn around towards Nolan. He just keeps getting nearer and nearer, so I have no choice: plucking up an insane amount of courage, I say a prayer, close my eyes and at once, leap into the void.

  "Ellie… Noo!!" I hear, as an unmeasurable sense of peace invades my soul. It doesn’t matter what happens now, all that matters is that Nolan couldn’t carry out his intentions.

  Frost.

  The lake’s water is incredibly icy but I don’t mind, the fact that I survived a fall like that is simply a miracle. I start swimming, thinking about how I didn’t come all this way to simply die in the same, foolish way as Jack in the Tita
nic. The coldness I’m submerged in slightly numbs the pain in my body, but it takes almost no time before I start feeling absolutely chilled to the bone. I notice a big rock nearby, so I try to swim in its direction although it’s pitch black outside, which makes it almost impossible for me to see anything and being in the middle of a random, isolated lake isn’t exactly helping me either, but I keep going, consoled by the fact that at least I’ve managed to escape from Nolan’s clutches.

  The rock is slimy and smooth which makes it really hard to climb, so it takes me several attempts before I somehow manage to get the right grip and finally make it out of the water. I start crawling forward, following my instinct until the rocky, hard surface finally becomes earthy again. I'm exhausted, the clothes I’ve got on are weighing me down and making me freeze, but I’ve got no time to waste so I straightaway start running again. I know that I’m getting closer to the exit, I can feel it, I think, trying not to let myself be discouraged because this is not the time, nor the place to let reality set in.

  I have been running and walking non-stop for about two hours now, but all I still see around me are just a bunch of trees and outlandish animals. My mind, soul and body are completely drained, all I am able to feel is sorrow, agony and fear and if I was hoping for this damned night to somehow get better at some point, well now I’m not anymore. I am exhausted and out of breath when I decide to take a rest from it all, cowering behind a bunch of trees. I run my hands through my hair, take in a deep breath and then let myself go to tears completely. I sob, weep and cry my heart out, until I almost faint. I feel sick at heart if I think about the situation I’m in, if I think about what Nolan’s been trying to do to me and about all that he’s still got in plan. I wipe my tears away angrily, as I attempt to stand back up, but all of a sudden panic takes me over.