by Paige Toon
‘We can stay here with you, Jessie,’ Agnes offers. I glance from her to Drew. He’s staring at Margarita, but Agnes, I can see, will do whatever I ask of her.
I look at Jack again. What should I do?
‘Don’t,’ Tom warns me.
‘Fine!’ I snap, sitting down in a huff, my mind made up. Or at least Tom’s mind made up for me.
He sighs and sits down next to me.
‘But don’t let me stop you,’ I say to Drew. I can see him hesitating. ‘Go, seriously, I really don’t mind.’
‘Are you sure?’ he asks.
‘Of course I am.’ I’ll only feel bad if he stays. I don’t even know him that well.
‘I’ll let the others know,’ Agnes says.
‘Don’t stay behind, Agnes,’ I call after her reluctantly. ‘Go have fun.’
She glances back at me and shakes her head. ‘No way.’
I stare up at Jack miserably, but he doesn’t look down at me because he’s glaring at Tom. I glance at Tom to see them in an all-out staring match. They look like they’re going to thump each other.
‘Shouldn’t you be going to the club with your friends?’ Tom asks Jack sarcastically. ‘After all, Jessie’s not your girlfriend. Why would you stay here?’
‘They know,’ I tell Tom, as Jack slumps down on the bench seat next to me and slides his arm round my waist.
‘Jack told them earlier,’ I add. Tom looks shocked. I glance at Jack to see him raising a smug eyebrow at Tom.
‘Stop it.’ I whack Jack’s stomach.
‘I’m not doing anything,’ he replies casually.
‘Do you know what?’ I say, sitting upright. ‘If you two don’t cut it out, I’m going upstairs to bed.’
‘What have I missed?’ Agnes asks, returning.
‘Nothing.’ I sigh. ‘I’m sorry. Clubbing would’ve been fun.’
‘I didn’t feel like going, anyway,’ Agnes says. ‘My feet are killing me.’
I smile at her. She’s such a good friend.
‘Thank you,’ I murmur. I feel a little stung that the others barely even looked back.
‘And thank you, too,’ I say to Tom. ‘You’re right. I would have only regretted it.’ I sigh. ‘Jeez, I’ve become a right bore.’
‘I’m going for a smoke,’ Jack interrupts, getting to his feet. ‘Anyone for a drink on my way back?’
‘I’ll sort out the drinks,’ Tom says, standing up.
Agnes and I watch as they walk away from us. Side by side, they’re about the same height and build, one with black hair, the other with brown. Jack peels off to go outside while Tom heads to the bar. I turn to Agnes.
‘So it’s all out in the open now, is it?’ she asks.
My eyes widen. ‘I can’t believe I didn’t tell you! Jack came clean to Brandon and Miles before the show.’
‘Were they angry?’
‘Furious.’
I fill her in. Her phone beeps, distracting us. She yawns as she pulls it out of her bag.
‘I’m so tired,’ she says. ‘I was up late, FaceTiming Brett.’ ‘What the hell do you talk about?’ I ask with a grin. She’s always FaceTiming him.
‘Sometimes we don’t talk at all,’ she replies with a smirk.
I give her a perplexed look and then I realise what’s she’s saying. ‘TMI alert!’
She laughs and blushes beetroot. ‘Surely you and Jack—’ Then she stops herself. ‘No, actually, despite what I said earlier, I don’t want to know what you and my brother get up to in the bedroom.’
‘Good, because I wouldn’t tell you, anyway,’ I say primly. ‘Not that we get up to much. Well, we don’t get up to anything.’
‘Really?’ She seems surprised and a bit curious.
‘I thought you didn’t want to know.’ Now I’m the one who’s blushing. ‘Who’s your message from?’ I nod at her phone.
‘Nice change of subject, Jess,’ she says with a grin, reading the message. Her face falls.
‘What is it?’
‘It’s from Drew. He says that Dana’s at the club. She’s with Sienna.’
‘You are kidding me!’ I snatch the phone from her. ‘Oh my God! Can you imagine if I’d gone? If Johnny had found out?’ It would have been bad enough me disobeying him about leaving the hotel, but, if he’d heard that I’d been even in the same room as Dana, he would’ve hit the roof.
Over the next half an hour, Agnes’s yawns become so violent that I can tell my friend is on the verge of falling asleep here in front of us.
‘Sorry, Jess. I know it’s only eleven thirty, but I really have to hit the sack,’ she says.
‘I’ll walk you back to your hotel,’ Jack offers, standing up.
I open up my arms and engulf her in a hug. ‘I love you. Thank you for being here for me.’
‘Always,’ she replies, squeezing me in return.
‘I’ll be back in a bit,’ Jack says, shooting Tom a dark look before returning his gaze to me.
I nod. ‘OK.’
When they’ve gone, Tom and I sit back down.
He turns to face me, resting his elbow on the back of the seat.
‘I like your T-shirt,’ I tell him, nodding at the Arcade Fire one he’s wearing.
He glances down at it and then smiles at me. ‘I like what you’re wearing, too.’
‘Agnes got this for me.’
‘How does that work? Do you pay her?’
‘Of course.’ I pick up my drink and take a sip before explaining. ‘Unless she’s made it herself, she tends to buy what she thinks will suit me and return what doesn’t work. I pay her for what we keep. Well, my dad does. He gives me an allowance,’ I say with an embarrassed shrug.
Tom shakes his head at me. ‘It’s mad how much your life has changed.’
‘You’re telling me,’ I agree, putting my glass back on the table.
‘But you like it, though? You seem happy.’
I nod. ‘I am. Well, as much as I can be, considering.’ I swallow, as my thoughts turn to Mum. ‘Obviously I still miss—’
I don’t finish my sentence. He reaches over and clasps my shoulder and I stare back into his sympathetic brown eyes. A moment later, I force myself to avert my gaze and he in turn lets his hand drop, shifting in his seat.
I swallow again, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat.
‘Are you looking forward to going home?’ I ask, seeking a lighter subject.
He shrugs and stares down at the table. ‘Not especially.’
‘Will you call Isla?’ So much for a lighter subject.
He pauses. ‘Yeah, I guess we need to talk, clear the air,’ he says heavily.
‘Are you sure it’s over?’
‘I thought I was sure before.’ He looks at me. ‘Seems I can’t be sure about anything any more.’
We hold eye contact and this time I really don’t want to look away.
‘So it’s official with you guys, then,’ he murmurs. ‘Does that mean you’ve—?’ His voice trails off, but it’s clear what he’s asking.
‘No, not yet.’
He looks surprised, but pleased. I could kick myself for being so open. Jack would have wanted me to tell him that it’s none of his business. I should have wanted to tell him that, but my reply just came out.
‘It won’t be long though,’ I say.
I don’t know why I suddenly wanted to hurt Tom, but the reason is irrelevant because it worked.
‘Sorry,’ I mumble. ‘I don’t know why I just said that.’
‘You wanted to punish me,’ he states in a low voice.
I pull a face. ‘Why would I want to punish you?’
‘Because you hate that I had sex with Isla.’
‘That’s not true—’
‘Don’t lie.’
‘OK!’ I exclaim. Suddenly red mist clouds my vision. ‘I do hate it! Why the hell did you do that? You told me that you were done!’
‘Finally we’ve cut the bullshit,’ he says firmly. ‘I knew it bothered y
ou. Why didn’t you just say so?’
‘Because it shouldn’t bother me,’ I reply, my eyes stinging. ‘You’re a free agent. I’m with Jack and I’m happy with him, but…’
I shake my head helplessly, hating that I’m rapidly getting upset.
‘You still have feelings for me,’ he finishes my sentence.
I cover my face with my hands and sit forward. I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.
He places his hand on my back and edges closer, resting his chin on my shoulder.
‘I still have feelings for you, too,’ he whispers.
‘Tom, stop it.’ I come to my senses and shrug off his contact. ‘I don’t want to do this. You and I are just friends.’
‘We were never friends,’ he spits. ‘I always wanted you, way before you became Jessie fucking Jefferson. I had the hots for you in Year Ten, even before you started going out with that little twat Dean Smith.’
‘But you were with Beatrice, then,’ I round on him, stunned. ‘And Maria before her and Isla more recently,’ I add unhappily. He’s always had girls after him.
‘Doesn’t mean I didn’t fancy you, though. You weren’t interested.’
‘I was,’ I correct him. ‘I just didn’t want you getting a big head. It was big enough already,’ I add acerbically.
He gives me a wry grin. And then his gaze drops to my lips and all the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
‘I think I should probably go to bed,’ I murmur.
‘Isn’t Jack coming back?’ he asks.
I bite my lip. ‘I’ll text him and tell him not to bother.’
He watches while I locate my phone and type out a quick text, pressing Send. As I’m putting it back in my bag, Tom caresses my face and draws me towards him.
‘No!’ I jump to my feet, realising with horror that he was about to kiss me. ‘No,’ I say again, backing away as he resignedly stands up. My legs hit the bench seat and there’s nowhere else for me to go.
We lock eyes and my heart pounds against my ribcage. He’s so close and so familiar. It would be easy to step into his arms. But I can’t do that. I don’t want to do that. I want Jack.
Tom’s expression softens suddenly as all of these emotions battle it out on my features. He looks almost sorry for me. I freeze as he bends down to press a gentle kiss to my cheek.
‘I’ll go now,’ he says, as my throat constricts. ‘I’ll call you when I’m home.’
I nod quickly, but I’m not sure that he will. I watch as he steps away and walks out of the bar, and then I leave myself, fighting back tears as I press the button for the lift.
Chapter 21
I’ve only been inside my room for a few minutes, first texting Stu to let him know I’m safe and then sitting on the end of my bed and taking a series of deep, shaky breaths, when there’s a knock on the door. I open it reluctantly to find Jack standing there. He gives me a black look.
‘What’s this about?’ He shows me his phone.
‘How did you know which room I was in?’ I ask with surprise, as he edges past me into the darkened room.
‘Johnny told you to charge the drinks to it, remember?’
‘Oh, yeah.’ I’ve been batting around the number 1056 all night.
I shut the door behind him.
‘Seriously, though, why didn’t you wait for me?’ He’s frowning. ‘You knew I’d only be gone twenty minutes.’
I sigh. ‘I was tired. Tom and I had an argument—’
‘About what?’ he asks immediately.
‘I’m so tired, Jack. I’m sorry, but I want to just call it a night.’
‘Did he try it on?’
‘Yeah, as a matter of fact, he did,’ I snap, sick of fending Jack off.
He looks like I’ve slapped him.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say.
‘Did you—’
‘No, I bloody didn’t! OK? I didn’t. I pushed him away and now here we are.’
‘Christ,’ he mutters, slumping onto the bed and clasping his head in his hands.
I go to sit beside him. After a while, he sighs and turns to look at me in the low-level light.
‘You pushed him away?’ His brow is furrowed.
I nod. ‘Yeah.’ I swallow. ‘I want to be with you, not him.’
He sighs and presses a tentative kiss on my lips. I instantly melt into him and, after a moment, our tongues entwine and we fall back onto the bed. I rake my fingers through his black hair as his hands skim over the curves of my body and shivers roll uncontrollably up and down my spine. I’m tingling all over as we kiss passionately.
He breaks away, staring at me heatedly. ‘Do you want me to go?’
‘No, I want you to stay. Not to, you know,’ I add quickly, my face burning. ‘But I want you here.’
‘Slow,’ he whispers meaningfully and the desire in his eyes makes my heart feel like it’s going to peter out.
I slip my hands inside his T-shirt and his taut stomach retracts as I run my palms across his chest. I want his T-shirt off. As though reading my mind, he drags it over his head and discards it before kissing me again.
‘I want to see you, too,’ he says against my mouth, his hands firm on my waist.
I hesitate only a second before nodding, and then he’s pulling my chest flush to his so he can reach round and unzip my bodice.
No boy has ever seen me naked from the waist up and I shiver as he eases me up and away from him, slipping my arms out of the straps. I’m not wearing a bra underneath and I’m not sure he was expecting that because his eyes widen momentarily. He stares at me intently, and then his hands are on me. I kiss him hungrily, and he pulls me harder against him, attacking my mouth. He reaches round to the zip at the back of my skirt.
‘Can I?’ he murmurs.
I don’t reply, just nod.
I slip out of my skirt and place my hand on his stomach, my thumb brushing the buttons of his jeans. He knows what I’m asking and I blush and shyly avert my gaze as he stands up to take them off. He tugs down the bedcovers and I climb under them gratefully.
The warmth of his body heat shocks me as he returns to the bed and pulls me against him. We’re only wearing our underwear now and it feels crazily good having his skin next to mine.
‘You said anywhere I want, right?’ he reminds me teasingly, as his kisses begin to trail downwards.
‘I didn’t mean it.’ I clasp his head in my hands as his mouth finds one of my nipples.
And then I’m lost in the sensation, my face burning and my body tingling all over.
‘I want to touch you,’ he says, returning his lips to my mouth.
‘Where?’ I ask breathlessly.
His eyes, dark in this light, stare back at me as his hand traces across my stomach and further down. I squeeze my legs shut, trying to control the sensations I’m feeling. He kisses me gently.
‘Let me,’ he urges.
I force myself to relax slightly and then I jolt violently as his hand moves. He smiles against my lips before kissing me again.
I feel like I’m a firework with a very long fuse. The fuse has already been lit and the thought of it fizzling out is unbearable. I think I want the firework to go off.
A surprisingly short while later, that’s exactly what it does.
‘God!’ I pant against his mouth, completely overwhelmed. ‘What the hell just happened?’
I stare at him, stunned. My body is still quaking with aftershocks.
‘Haven’t you had one before?’ he asks, perplexed.
‘No.’
‘What, not even by yourself?’
My face heats up and I shake my head at him. He looks bemused.
‘Have you?’ I ask curiously.
‘Of course,’ he replies with a smirk and a shrug.
‘Show me how to do it to you,’ I whisper, and all of the amusement dies on his face. He kisses me urgently and takes my hand, guiding it downwards.
The next morning, the hotel phone wakes me up.
‘Hello?’ I answer groggily.
‘Wakey-wakey,’ Stu says chirpily. ‘Are you coming downstairs? Breakfast will be over if you’re not quick.’
‘I’ll throw on some clothes and will be with you in five,’ I reply.
It’s not until we’ve ended the call and I’ve placed the phone back in its cradle that I remember.
I look sharply to my left to see the empty space beside me. Jack was there when I fell asleep. Where is he now? I sit bolt upright in bed and listen for sounds coming from the bathroom.
‘Jack?’ I ask the room, but it doesn’t reply.
I flop back onto the bed and hold my hand to my forehead.
Oh. My. God.
A hot flush comes over me and my face grows prickly with embarrassment as I remember what we did last night. What he did. What I did.
And now he’s gone. Why? Did I do something wrong? Did I not do enough?
I check around me for signs of a note. But there’s nothing, just the indentation of his head on the pillow. I reach for my phone to see if he’s called, but, when I switch it on and type in the pin, the first thing I spot is a text:
Call me when you wake up – Jack x
I smile and type out a quick text:
Just going for breakfast with Stu x
My phone starts to ring.
‘Hello,’ I answer, my heart thumping.
‘Hey,’ Jack says.
‘You OK?’
‘Are you?’ He turns the question around.
‘Yeah.’ I feel my face heat up again. ‘I’m fine. What time did you leave?’
‘About two thirty. I woke up and freaked about your stepdad finding me there in the morning.’
‘Aah,’ I reply. ‘Not just ducking out on me, then?’
‘Are you crazy? After last night?’ He sounds disbelieving. ‘I wanna do it again.’
A thrill rockets through me. ‘Me too,’ I admit.
Chapter 22
After that, everything is different.
‘Jesus, Jack, can you stop kissing Jessie long enough to talk about business? I preferred it when you guys were being secretive.’
Jack rolls his eyes, but taps my thigh. I hop off his lap and, smiling to myself, go to sit on the beanbag next to him.
It’s exactly one week after our gig in San Francisco and Jack and I are now officially a couple – a full-blown, out-in-the-open couple. And I love it.
