All About the Hype

by Paige Toon

  ‘I’ve missed you so much,’ I whisper.

  ‘Me too,’ he replies, smiling down at me.

  He lets me go so I can say hi to everyone else.

  We’re in the wings and it’s almost time. Earlier Johnny introduced me to his band and backing singers and he even stood beside me while we watched the support acts, one of whom was Contour Lines, the band Jack and I saw in LA. Now the stage is dark, but the crowd is electric. I peek out of the wings to see big spotlights moving over the stadium. Tens of thousands of people start to chant as one.

  Johnny turns to kiss Meg. She hugs him tight and I hear him tell her he loves her. Then he bends down to give Barney and Phoenix a kiss and a cuddle – they’re wearing ear defenders to protect their little ears from the loud music, bless them. Johnny straightens up again and a roadie hooks him up to his guitar. He’s wearing a simple white T-shirt and jeans and the brown leather guitar strap stretches across his chest. He rakes his hand through his blond hair and smiles at me.

  ‘Good luck, Dad,’ I say.

  He raises an eyebrow and grins as he bends down to peck me on my cheek. ‘Thanks,’ he says. I have a feeling he won’t need it.

  His band walks on to a roar from the crowd and then Johnny gives Meg one last kiss and turns and strides out onstage. The noise from the crowd is deafening, like nothing I’ve ever heard. Of course, I’ve been in crowds like that, watching my favourite bands, but back here it seems amplified. We’re outsiders, looking in. I glance at Meg to see her eyes shining with pride as Johnny launches into one of his biggest hits, and then I turn to watch my dad. I think I must have the same expression on my face as Meg has on hers.

  After a couple of songs, Johnny says hello to the audience and he seems so comfortable, so at ease. His body language and the way he speaks is sort of intimate, like he’s addressing each and every one of them in person. They lap it up.

  By the fifth song, I’m completely relaxed and loving every minute. Lou, Libby, Nat, Em and I are dancing away, singing along to the songs like we’re at just another gig. It’s so much fun. When the song ends, we clap and cheer like everyone else in the stadium.

  And then Johnny speaks to his fans again.

  ‘Hey, you guys wanna meet my daughter?’ he asks casually.

  The roar that goes up from the crowd is crazy, but it takes me a moment to register what he’s just said.

  I freeze as he looks offstage at me.

  ‘Come on, chick,’ he says, beckoning me towards him as though he’s about to introduce me to a mate of his, not 90,000 strangers.

  Anxiety attacks my body and my feet glue themselves to the spot.

  ‘Go on!’ Em hisses, pushing me and bringing me to life. I glance hesitantly at Jack and he grins and nods, and then Em gives me a shove out onstage.

  The crowd ROARS. The noise is mind-blowing.

  ‘Come here,’ Johnny says, his green eyes twinkling at me as I make my way across the absolutely mahoosive stage. He throws his arm round my shoulder and turns me to face the audience. ‘What do you think?’ he asks me, casting a cheeky look at his tens of thousands of fans. ‘Pretty, aren’t they?’

  I can barely hear myself think from the screaming response he gets to this comment.

  ‘Everyone, this is Jessie. I should probably introduce you to her band, too, shouldn’t I? She wouldn’t forgive me if I didn’t introduce you to her band,’ he adds nonchalantly, smiling. He looks past me and waves at Jack, Brandon and Miles. The cheering continues as they step, stunned, into the light.

  ‘Meet All Hype,’ Johnny says into his mic, as they walk towards us. ‘You should check out their stuff on YouTube. They’re really good,’ he adds as an aside to his audience. His tone is mischievous and overfamiliar and I’d laugh if this didn’t feel so surreal.

  My bandmates reach us, their eyes wide as they look out at the packed stadium.

  ‘This is Jack.’ Johnny addresses his fans again with a cheeky grin. ‘Jack plays lead guitar. And this is Brandon on bass.’ Johnny reaches behind Jack to pat Brandon’s back. ‘And Miles here is on drums. What do you think, lads? Reckon you could rock Wembley one day?’

  Brandon and Miles laugh with disbelief and Jack drags his hand over his mouth, shaking his head, awestruck, as he stands and stares at the sea of people. The crowd is going absolutely berserk. They’re loving this side to Johnny.

  ‘I don’t know if any of you saw it, but I sang one of All Hype’s songs a couple of months ago at my daughter’s birthday party,’ Johnny says. The corresponding screams confirm that most of the people here did.

  Johnny grins and cocks his head to one side. ‘I’m kind of tempted to ask these guys to return the favour and play one of my songs.’ More cheering. ‘But my band would get jealous, and anyway, they haven’t practised so that would be mean,’ he finishes with a playful grin. ‘S’OK, lads. You can go. Get yourselves a drink.’

  My heart is pounding so hard as I turn to follow Jack offstage.

  ‘Oi, where do you think you’re going?’ Johnny asks, tugging me back.

  I spin round and look up at him with alarm.

  ‘You’ve got a song to sing.’

  ‘What?!’ I splutter. ‘But I haven’t practised!’

  My voice fills the stadium and collective laughter rolls back at me. Johnny’s mic is picking up every word I’m saying.

  ‘You don’t need to practise. You know it by heart,’ he says tenderly, his green eyes filled with humour. He looks over his shoulder and nods at his drummer and suddenly the band starts to play ‘Acorn’, the track I recorded with my dad.

  I can’t believe this is happening. What if I choke? A roadie jogs onstage and hands me a microphone and Johnny turns to face me, his green eyes sparkling as he begins to sing. His voice fills the stadium and it’s so beautiful, so soulful. He nods encouragingly as he approaches the lyrics where I come in. I look straight back at him and open my mouth, and he smiles as our voices come together. In the end, it’s as natural as breathing.

  It’s over all too quickly. The noise from the crowd is colossal, but I barely register their cheers. All I can hear is my dad saying he’s proud of me, as he presses a kiss to my forehead and gently sends me offstage.

  And then I’m back in the darkness of the wings and staring out at the light again and I wonder if I dreamed it. Did that really just happen?

  ‘Amazing, isn’t she?’ Johnny says to his audience, and then he launches straight into one of my favourite songs.

  ‘She sure is.’ Jack materialises at my side, smiling down at me out of the corner of his eye before my friends pull me away and hysterically engulf me.

  Chapter 28

  It is the best night of my life without a shadow of a doubt and the after-party has barely got started. I haven’t even had one drink, but I’m on the biggest high imaginable. I wish Stu had been here to see the concert, but he’s coming to tomorrow night’s show – with Caroline. I still don’t know if they’re more than friends, but I hope I’ll be able to cope with it if or when they take their relationship to the next level. I want him to be happy. I don’t want him to be alone.

  Tom will also join us tomorrow night. I felt kind of bad that he couldn’t come tonight, but Johnny had loads of people that needed to be here – friends, family, both his and Meg’s, plus press and competition winners – so Access All Areas tickets were limited.

  I think Gramps might be coming the day after tomorrow. I hope he’s OK. I know he feels really bad about letting loose like that. But I think Meg’s on her way to getting over it.

  She certainly seems happy tonight. Annie has taken Barney and Phoenix back to the hotel so she’s able to relax. I notice she’s not drinking, though. She tries to avoid alcohol when she’s with Johnny. I heard her say earlier that once the opening nights are over she wants the booze backstage to be limited. It must be hard when you’re an addict, like Johnny, and everyone’s drinking and smoking and doing God knows what else around you. I didn’t really get it before,
but I think now I understand why Meg wanted to be here. I’m glad she’ll be able to help keep my dad on the straight and narrow. There’s every chance he’d stay on the right path himself, but Meg’s right: it’s not worth the risk. She doesn’t want to lose him again.

  And I don’t want to lose him at all.

  I look through the crowd at my dad as he greets person after person. He looks happy, like he’s in his element. He catches my eye and his face lights up. He excuses himself and then he’s striding straight past everyone else in the green room and sweeping me up in a hug.

  ‘You were outstanding,’ he enthuses in my ear.

  ‘I can’t believe you did that!’ I squeak. ‘I was so scared!’

  ‘I knew you would be,’ he says with a grin. ‘I didn’t want to freak you out by telling you beforehand.’ He studies my face. ‘You did enjoy it, didn’t you?’

  ‘More than anything ever,’ I declare.

  He chuckles and squeezes me.

  Everyone is still in high spirits as we set off to the hotel in the tour bus. We’re planning on continuing the party downstairs in the bar, but I’m having an attack of the jitters as I sit next to Jack. He’s staying on the floor below mine and I’ve just whispered that I want us to sneak up to his room for a bit. His corresponding look was intense.

  I think this could be it.

  When we arrive at the hotel, we find even more people in the bar than there were backstage. Contour Lines and the other support acts have come back with us, along with their posses of friends and family, so it’s easy to slip away unnoticed amid the mayhem.

  My hand is clammy inside Jack’s as we wait for the lift. A middle-aged couple join us as it pings and the doors open. I shoot Jack a sideways glance, but he’s staring straight ahead once we’re inside. We step out onto his landing.

  ‘I’m along here,’ he murmurs.

  Is he nervous, too?

  He pushes his key card in and unlocks the door, leading me inside. Once the door is shut behind us, the butterflies go into overdrive.

  He stands in front of me, caressing my face with his hand as he gazes down at me.

  ‘I love you,’ he reminds me.

  ‘I love you, too.’ My mouth is dry as I look up into his gorgeous eyes. ‘I want to,’ I whisper. ‘Have you got protection?’

  He nods once, knowing I mean contraception.

  ‘Are you sure about this?’ he asks, his expression serious. ‘Because I do want to be responsible. I’d hate to be the douchebag you tell your mates about in a few years’ time.’

  ‘Are you planning on being a douchebag?’ I ask, my eyes widening.

  His eyebrows jump up. ‘Of course not!’ he exclaims. ‘I just want it to be perfect, that’s all. For you. I want it to be perfect for you.’

  ‘You love me. I love you. That makes it perfect,’ I say.

  He locks eyes with me for a long few seconds and then bends down to kiss me.

  It does hurt. The pain is searing and intense, but sort of exquisite in its own way, sort of beautiful. I guess that’s because I’m doing this with someone I really love.

  When it’s over and we’re both lying in a heap, I feel overcome with emotion. It’s done now. I’ve given myself away. Whatever I do, wherever I go, Jack will always be imprinted on me, like a tattoo I can’t see, only feel. He was my first, a part of my history, and, I hope, a big part of my future. But in a week he’s leaving, and I’m staying. The thought overwhelms me and I let go, bursting into tears.

  Startled, he props himself up on his elbows and stares down at me.

  ‘Are you OK? Did I hurt you?’

  ‘It’s not that, I just feel a little overwhelmed.’

  ‘Baby,’ he says, carefully rolling off me and gathering me in his arms. He strokes my hair as I cry, his fingertips running across my temples. His hands are warm, but I think of Mum, anyway, wondering what she’d make of Jack, if she’d like him. Would I have confided in her about tonight if she were still alive?

  I guess I’ll never know.

  After a while, we get dressed and go back downstairs to the party, but for me, this time, everything is different. I’m different. I don’t know what the next few months have in store, whether All Hype will make it, whether Jack and I will, but I have a funny feeling about him, about us. I’m pretty sure we’ve got some distance left to run.

  And I am more than ready for that journey.

  Epilogue

  The lights are bright and so very warm, and on the dance floor, dozens of beautiful people are throwing their arms over their heads as they move to music that none of us can hear.

  I feel like I’m in a very surreal dream, but actually I’m on the set of Little Miss Mulholland. Yes, Lottie actually did it! She got All Hype a slot on her TV show!

  It’s been four and a half months since I went to England to see out the school year, and despite my initial concerns, the time has flown by. I spent a blissful week with Jack in the Easter holidays, and I was in floods of tears when I had to say goodbye to him at the airport. But he flew over twice to see me, and we talked every day on the phone – and yes, FaceTimed, too, something which Agnes loves teasing us about. We are still going strong – stronger than ever – and, if anything, our time apart strengthened our relationship.

  In fact, the distance did all of my bandmates good. Miles had initially been a little off about the publicity surrounding my dad and me, but in our months of breathing space, all of us have had time to think about what we really want. Both Brandon and Miles tried collaborating with other artists, but nothing really came of their efforts. Jack, meanwhile, used all of his spare time to write songs for All Hype. My sexy boyfriend was confident that his mates would come to appreciate what good a thing we had, and he was right.

  As soon as I saw Miles again a couple of weeks ago, he gave me the biggest hug and told me how much he’d missed me and that he honestly couldn’t imagine being in a band with a different frontperson. We are all completely committed to making this work.

  This new determination must’ve been apparent to Lottie. She’s talked for ages about getting All Hype on her show, but she’s only just made it happen. I can see her, right now, on the other side of the set, acting out a crazy shouting match with Peter, who plays her brother, Zachary. It’s so much fun to watch them in action.

  ‘CUT!’ The director shouts, making me jump. He turns and points his finger straight at us, standing in the wings. ‘Right, All Hype – you’re next! Take to the stage!’

  I feel a flurry of nerves as the set becomes a hive of activity around us, with huge cameras being wheeled our way and film crew buzzing round.

  We’re in a big studio in Hollywood, and the set that we’re currently standing in is a pretend nightclub called The Looking Glass where Lottie’s character, Macy, and her friends hang out. On TV, the club looks so real, but one glance upwards shows cables and wires dangling from the ceiling, and the walls are so flimsy, I could probably push them over. Brandon told me earlier that the bottles behind the bar contain water, dyed with food colouring. I guess the crew aren’t taking any risks with their underage cast…

  The extras are having a breather and chatting amongst themselves, but soon they’ll be dancing to one of our songs. At least they’ll be able to move to real music next time, even if it will only be coming from a recording we did a few days ago. I hope to God I can lip sync, because we have to mime.

  Jack reaches across and squeezes my hip. ‘You OK?’ he asks in a low voice, his eyes steady on mine.

  I nod, wondering how long it will be before we can escape to his place. His stepdad, Tim, and his mum are currently in the Bahamas, so we’ve been making the most of our privacy.

  ‘Don’t be nervous,’ he whispers, stepping closer to give me a kiss on my forehead.

  I grab his wrist to stop him from moving away again and he pauses, before enfolding me in his arms. He holds me there for a moment and I begin to feel calmer, but I still want to kiss him. I tilt my face up t
o do just that.

  ‘NO!’ I hear someone yell, and we break away from each other to see the make-up artist hurrying towards us, wielding her make-up bag like a weapon.

  ‘Sorry!’ I exclaim. Whoops.

  ‘At least it’s not red,’ she mutters under her breath as she reapplies my lipstick. Jack and I grin at each other, but I’m the one who gets told off for not managing to keep a straight face.

  ‘Stay still!’ she warns as she puts the finishing touches to my lips.

  ‘I love you,’ Jack mouths at me, his face growing serious. It’s everything I can do not to mouth the same thing back.

  ‘Your turn,’ the make-up artist says to Jack. ‘And then no more kissing!’

  Jack solemnly flashes her the Scout promise as she cleans him up.

  Lots of upcoming bands have stood on this exact same stage, and many have been propelled to stardom after their episode has aired. We still haven’t signed a record deal – Dad urged us to wait for the big guns and we’re taking his advice. Who knows what the future has in store? I still have two more years of school here in LA, but I’m relieved that my GCSEs are out of the way.

  Oh! I passed! Not with flying colours – come on, this is me we’re talking about – but I was beside myself to get an ‘A’ in English, and Stu was proud of my efforts, especially considering what I’ve been through in the last year and a half.

  ‘OK, everyone, take your places!’ the director shouts.

  More butterflies cram into my stomach as the extras return to the dance floor, and then the crowd parts and Lottie – Little Miss Mulholland herself – waltzes towards the front, flanked by the two actresses who play her onscreen besties. She catches my eye and gives me the thumbs up, but then she’s looking past me and it doesn’t take a genius to work out that she’s smiling at Brandon. I glance over my shoulder in time to see him look away, and when I return my gaze to Lottie, her smile has slipped, the light diminished slightly from her eyes.

  My heart hurts on her behalf. Brandon is still very much devoted to his girlfriend, but I have a feeling he and Lottie will have their own story to tell one day.