Healing A Hero (The Camerons of Tide’s Way #4)

by Skye Taylor

Unable to stand still, he turned in an angry little circle and came back to loom over her. “When I got home that next summer, I was all set to hunt you down and find out why you stopped writing. I meant for us to get reconnected. Then Andy told me you were married.

  “Married!” Philip rammed his fingers through his already disheveled hair. “You can’t begin to understand how I felt. Every dream I had of coming home and making a life with you was smashed all to hell and back. I couldn’t volunteer fast enough to get back into action so I could forget. But if I’d known about Julie, I never would have gone.” His phone rang again, and again, he ignored it. “I wouldn’t have been shipped out of the country on every deployment I could get signed up for since then either.”

  “But you were gone. And Julie had Eli. Eli was her father as far as she knew.” The whipped puppy was gone. Elena squared her shoulders and punched two fingers into Philip’s chest. “She had a father who was there for her.”

  Philip jammed his left hand into his pocket and began rubbing frantically at the lining.

  “And that was a lie too, wasn’t it? I’m beginning to feel sorry for the bastard. You lied to me. You lied to Julie. And you lied to Eli.”

  “I never lied to Eli. He knew from the beginning how I felt.”

  “You married him. You promised to love and cherish him. Or have you forgotten that part of the vows?”

  “We were married by a justice of the peace.”

  “So you never mentioned love? Or fidelity? What did you promise him that you didn’t really mean?”

  “I promised to be his wife. And I did mean it.”

  “You put that man through hell because you couldn’t muster up the kind of love a wife should feel for her husband. Gratitude doesn’t cut it, Elena. No wonder he went looking elsewhere.”

  Philip’s phone rang a third time.

  “Dammit!” He yanked the offending gadget from his pocket and glared at it. Crap! He should never have started this conversation when there was never going to be enough time to finish it. “We’re not done. But I have to answer this.”

  “We’re definitely not done,” Elena snapped. “But don’t bother to call me again until you cool off. You aren’t the only injured party here.” With that, she spun on her heel and stormed off through the trees to the lawn beyond.

  Philip gasped at the pain slicing through him. In just two short days, he’d gone from ridiculously happy, thinking he’d won back the one woman he could love for a lifetime, to finding out he had a thirteen-year-old daughter he barely knew, to this.

  To this shattered empty place where his heart used to be.

  Chapter 36

  1 May 2015

  Camp Lejeune, North Carolina

  PHILIP’S FINAL evaluation proceeded without conversation except for Elena’s brief instructions and his quiet responses. Before the art show and the night that followed it, she had been afraid she might never see him again if he knew how close she was to clearing him for return to active duty, so she hadn’t told him. But, keeping him on base and in her life had been a fantasy.

  Even if there hadn’t been the complication of their past relationship and her responsibilities, she’d known from the beginning that she couldn’t carry her assignment to a successful conclusion without it resulting in him going back to the job he loved. She should have heeded the warning bells in her head. There were good reasons for not getting emotionally involved with a patient. It was a huge conflict of interest. But, she couldn’t have it both ways. She’d done her job. And now he’d be leaving.

  Ignoring that reality while her daughter was on the west coast had been a huge mistake. Worse, giving in to her desire and heedlessly throwing caution to the wind for one sensational week had forced her into a corner she hadn’t found the courage to get out of. After cramming years of yearning into five nights of passionate lovemaking, they’d talked long into the night, telling each other all their secrets.

  Except for the one secret that mattered most.

  She should have confessed when he told her about Tommy. Especially after he’d told her how hard it had been to give Tommy up and why. And now it was too late. The fury and hurt she’d seen in his eyes the day he’d confronted her about Julie had been even more devastating than she’d feared.

  She shook her head to clear the image.

  “Close your eyes and hold your right hand out palm up,” she directed as she reached for a short length of fishing line with an aching heart.

  He did as he was told, and she dragged the tiny filament across his palm. He quickly closed his hand, opened his eyes and looked to see what she was doing.

  “You felt that,” Elena stated unnecessarily.

  “It tickled.” He opened his hand again.

  “It’s supposed to.”

  His mouth turned up in a slight smile, then returned to the unreadable expression he’d been wearing before.

  It was her fault. In spite of her claim to the contrary, he had every right to be angry. For years, she’d been clinging to the conviction that he’d abandoned her, and she’d been the only one who’d suffered. But he hadn’t married someone else without giving her warning. He really had been caught up in circumstances beyond his control, and she’d never given him a chance to put things right.

  She couldn’t change the past, but there had been plenty of opportunities to tell him about Julie. And she hadn’t. She’d found one excuse after another to put off telling him the truth about his daughter.

  She should have trusted him, but she hadn’t. How could she blame him for being hurt? Any man would have been, but especially Philip, for whom family meant so much. And she could hardly blame him for expressing that hurt in angry words. She’d been just as angry, but without the justification. When he’d confronted her with his newfound knowledge, she’d shouted at him and told him not to talk to her until he cooled off.

  Well, he’d cooled off, all right. The careful detachment he’d brought to this therapy session sliced at her heart like a dull knife, ripping and tearing. She’d killed his love once and for all. Her heart ached as she numbly went through her checklist.

  By the time the appointment was done, the rest of the department was empty. Even Rob had gone home unusually early.

  Philip took his hand from her grasp and laid it on his thigh. “Elena,” he began, his eyes downcast. Then he lifted his head and looked directly at her for the first time since their angry confrontation. “I’m sorry I lost my temper the other day. I was upset, but I shouldn’t have said some of the things I said.

  “I left you in an awful mess, and you did what you thought you had to do to take care of yourself and your—our baby. When I cooled off and thought about it more, I realized that just because I didn’t know about Julie didn’t make that time any less terrifying for you.”

  Philip fiddled with the fabric of his uniform. Then he took a deep breath and went on. “You were alone and scared and Eli was there. I wasn’t. And I’m sorry.” His gaze fell back to his lap.

  His unqualified apology shocked her to her core. If he opened his arms, she’d throw herself into them. And probably bawl like a baby. She’d tell him she was sorry for all the bad decisions she’d made and accept her share of the blame. And maybe they could start fresh again, this time with no secrets left to wrench them apart.

  But he didn’t open his arms. He sat quietly folding and refolding a pleat in the khaki fabric and not looking at her.

  “I want to see Julie whenever I can. I hope that’s okay.”

  Every bit of her ached. He was so distant and oddly hesitant. So not the man she was in love with. He was acting more like a man sorting out the rules of engagement concerning the child of a broken marriage than one eager to put a relationship back together.

  “Of—of course.” She reached for the paperwork she’d prepared
before his arrival and handed it to him.

  He took it and stopped playing with his trousers, but he didn’t look at the papers. “She asked me to play in the parent-team tennis tournament. I told her I would.”

  And Elena would have to watch them play and pretend her heart wasn’t breaking. “She’ll like that.” At least, Elena guessed Julie would like it. Julie hadn’t spoken to her much over the last week. She’d called Eli on the phone a couple of times, and she’d talked to Philip nearly every night. But she’d said very little to Elena beyond informing her that she was going to meet her new grandparents the following weekend.

  “She wants to meet my parents,” Philip said, still sounding unsure of his place.

  “So she told me.” Told rather than asked.

  “You’re invited down for the weekend too.” Philip finally looked up. His blue eyes were dark and filled with emotion, but Elena couldn’t read them. Did he want her to go? Or was he being polite? He smiled briefly. Just a flicker of his dimple appeared, then he sobered again. “I—I’d like for you to come.”

  Does he still think we can fix this mess I’ve made? She’d never been the watering pot type. She didn’t weep at weddings and rarely cried even at funerals. But everything in her wanted to cry at the thought of losing Philip forever. She blinked hard to keep the tears from falling. Say yes, you idiot. This might be your last chance to get it right.

  “Okay.”

  He sucked in a sudden gasp as if he’d been holding his breath, waiting for her answer. He hadn’t even asked for an apology from her, but he deserved one.

  “If you’re sure you want me along.”

  “I’ll pick you both up early. My parents are really excited to meet Julie, but if you’d rather not stay overnight . . .” His voice trailed away without offering an alternative.

  Julie had made it clear she expected to stay for the weekend. If Elena went and then wanted to come home, she’d have more of Julie’s sullen silent treatment to endure. But what if this was just an olive branch to end the argument and not an invitation to fix what she’d broken? How awkward could things get if he continued to treat her with this distant civility?

  “A weekend at the sea sounds nice,” Elena said, careful not to sound too eager or assume too much. “Maybe we can find some private time to talk.” And I can find some backbone and apologize.

  Philip got to his feet and reached for his uniform blouse. “We’ll make time.”

  He still hadn’t looked at the paperwork. He still didn’t know she’d just cleared him for full, unrestricted return to duty.

  She wanted to reach out to him so badly, she had to fold her arms across her chest to keep from doing so.

  He bent and kissed her so abruptly she didn’t have time to respond. “I’ll see you Saturday.” He kissed her again, a tad more thoroughly, but still too briefly for her to gather her wits and kiss him back. And without any echo of passion.

  As he turned on his heel and walked toward the door, Elena brought trembling fingers to lips that still felt the warmth of his.

  The jumble of emotions churning inside her were beyond working through. The logical part of her said that if they could just sit down and talk things out, they could find a way to make it all work. But if they did, and things worked out, then what? The illogical emotional side was caught by the fear that the next time he was shot, it wouldn’t be just his hand. How could she protect herself from that possibility? Or Julie?

  And what about the baby she was almost certainly carrying now? She had to tell him about that. When they’d made love two weeks ago without even trying to avoid pregnancy, she’d said she didn’t care, thinking she was safe. He’d said he didn’t care either, but he did.

  Chapter 37

  May 2015

  Camp Lejeune, North Carolina

  PHILIP COLLECTED THE scattered green balls in a bucket and headed back to the other side of the tennis court. He set the bucket down and fished out one of the balls. He adjusted the racquet in his right hand, paused, then lofted the ball and swung the racquet. He smiled in satisfaction as the ball zipped over the net and tagged the very back corner of the court, right where he’d intended it to go. He grabbed two more balls and repeated the serve again. And again. His accuracy had improved enormously since his first outing with the borrowed tennis racquet. Maybe he wouldn’t put Julie to shame after all.

  “Julie, Julie,” he muttered as thoughts of his newfound daughter led to thoughts about Elena. His last day in rehab had seemed so full of contrary vibes. Steering clear of any discussion about Julie or their fight had gotten him through the first two weeks after the monumental blowout, but it had been past time to apologize for his appalling behavior. It had taken him the entire hour to work up the courage.

  And she’d said nothing.

  Unable to let the uncomfortable silence stretch, he’d jumped into talking about Julie. Afterward, it seemed like he’d just issued a bunch of ultimatums. He was going to spend time with Julie. He was going to play tennis with her. He was going to introduce her to his parents. Had he given Elena any say in it? Or was it all just about me?

  He’d tried to make sure she knew she was included in the visit to Tide’s Way, and he’d kissed her. But she’d just stood there with her arms wrapped about herself, giving him no clue to how she felt about him now. I fucked it up! No wonder she wants nothing to do with me.

  Angry with himself, he turned toward the high wooden wall erected for solo practice and slammed the ball hard, making himself work to return each lobby. His backhand was still pretty rusty. He gritted his teeth and wielded the racquet with frustrated resolve.

  “You angry about something?”

  Philip whirled around. Mark Dickey watched him through the fence.

  Philip looked at his right hand, then back at Mark. He shrugged and gathered up his scattered balls again.

  “Looks like your rehab is going pretty good, if you can hit balls like that,” Mark observed as Philip dropped the last ball into his bucket.

  “I think my therapist deserves all the credit.”

  Mark clung to the mesh of the fence. “She dared you to come down here and smash a bunch of tennis balls around?”

  Philip headed for the gate. “That would be my daughter—daring me to hit a few balls, anyway. Elena just got my mangled hand back in the game.”

  “I didn’t know you had a daughter,” Mark said, turning to face Philip. “Didn’t know you were married.”

  “I’m not married.” Philip moved to sit on the first row of bleachers and dug a towel out of his duffle bag to wipe his face.

  Mark made his way over to the bleachers with far greater ease than he’d moved the last time Philip been with him. He swung himself down onto the bench and propped his cane against his thigh. “But you’ve got a kid?”

  Philip couldn’t stop the grin that came to his face. His chest swelled with unfamiliar pride. “I do.” He reached for his wallet and pulled a very recently added photo from it. He held it out for Mark to see.

  Mark took the photo almost reverently, studied it for several moments, and then handed it back. His eyes looked suspiciously moist, and Philip suddenly wondered if he should have kept his pride to himself, given Mark’s inability to father children.

  “She looks like you,” Mark said. “Except she’s prettier.” A hint of a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

  “Can’t disagree with that.” Philip returned the photo to his wallet and shoved the wallet back into his duffle bag. “Did you just happen by, or were you looking for me?”

  “Sergeant Banning said I’d find you here.” Now Mark’s smile grew more pronounced. “I figured you deserved to be the first to know.”

  “First to know what?”

  “I don’t know what strings you pulled, but I’m grateful. I start trainin
g as soon as I get physically cleared. And both my doctor and my therapist say I shouldn’t have any problem with that, considering the specialty I’m training for. ”

  This was the man who, so short a time ago, had sat on the porch of a rundown hunting lodge fighting the urge to put a gun to his head. Had it only been a couple of weeks? He looked like an entirely new man. The dark circles were gone from beneath his eyes along with the expression of defeat.

  “I’m staying in. I can’t thank you enough for convincing me I still had something the Corps could use, and for helping me out.”

  “I don’t need any thanks.” Philip pounded the man’s shoulder. “Congratulations.”

  “I got a promotion, too. At least, I’m getting one as soon as the paperwork gets approved.”

  “Double congrats then, Sergeant Dickey.” Philip pumped the man’s hand.

  Mark lurched to his feet and leaned on his cane. “My turn to spring for the beer. If you’re free.”

  “You’re on,” Philip said as he gathered up his belongings. He was definitely free. The ache that had lived in his chest since the day that he and Elena had shouted each other down over who was more at fault swelled to new proportions. If he’d been less angry, if he’d given more thought to the impact of his words, he might have been headed to Elena’s right now.

  He’d apologized, but she hadn’t forgiven him.

  So, he was more free than he wanted to be.

  WHEN PHILIP and Mark walked into their favored hangout, the place was noisy with the laughter of men unwinding from stressful jobs, or marking time at the end of too many days spent in training while waiting for their next deployment.

  Philip seated himself at a table by the wall and waited while Mark ordered their beers, and then made his careful way across the floor with his cane tucked under one arm and a beer in each hand. Amazing. The man really had been buckling down on his therapy.

  “Hey, Dickey! I heard your name was on the sergeant list,” a man with a pretty young woman hanging on his arm called out from the far side of the bar.