Home is Where You Are

by Marie, Tessa

  When I see her chest rise and fall, the awful thoughts vanish. I didn’t ignore her and she’s fine, or at least she’s going to be.

  Downstairs in the kitchen, you would never know Dean made anything. Not a single crumb on the counter, or a dish in the sink.

  I wonder how his first day on the job is going. It’s still hard for me to understand why he never took Marv up on his offer in the past. He really needs to get over himself.

  Maybe I’ll surprise him later and stop by, watch him in action. That is if I can get Katie up. To most it would seem impossible, but after dealing with her long enough I know the tricks.

  First I get ready to put on a pot of coffee. The smell alone has gotten Katie to leave the plush comfort of my bed in search for her fix. For now it’s a start.

  I search the cabinets for the boldest, strongest coffee we have. The drip begins, and I sit back, text Mom good morning, so she knows I didn’t burn the house down. Not like she’d ever be concerned about that, I’d just like to think she is. When the pot is drips away from being full, Katie stumbles down the stairs. Her wavy long hair is un-brushed. She has my dark tinted black sunglasses on, and even though she looks like a hot mess, somehow she pulls it off.

  “Coffee,” she says as she gets to the last step.

  “And good morning to you too, sunshine.”

  She just waves her hand at me and the single act looks as if it takes up every ounce of energy she has.

  She plops herself at the kitchen counter while I pour her a cup of coffee, milk, and three sugars—the way she likes it.

  “Here. Though, I doubt it will help any.” I slide the mug across the counter. Her fingers, with chipped hot pink nail polish, wrap around the ceramic handle. For a minute she hovers above the mug, and at one point I think she’s going to collapse face first into it, but then she lowers her head to take a sip.

  I lean against the counter, waiting for that first hit of caffeine to take effect. Is it wrong I’m enjoying this?

  “Why is it so bright in here?” Katie asks, her hand slowly finding her forehead.

  “Because it’s morning. You know, the time of day when the sun rises.”

  She pushes her sunglasses onto the top of her head. “Don’t be a bitch.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry if I’m trying to make light of your current state. May I remind you what you put me through last night?”

  “The last thing I need is a lecture.” Katie sips her coffee, using the mug to cover her face. She can pretend that mug will protect her all she wants.

  “No, I think that is exactly what you need.” She rolls her eyes at me, but I continue anyway. “But I’m not going to lecture you.” Her eyebrows rise from behind the mug. “That doesn’t change the fact that last night you were a total mess. I hate seeing you like that. It scares the shit out of me. And not to mention, getting a phone call like that, not knowing what I’m walking into is not exactly how I like spending my Saturday nights.”

  “I’m sorry.” Finally, an apology, and I didn’t have to pull teeth. “And tell your friend I’m sorry too.”

  “His name is Dean, and you can tell him yourself. And on top of the apology you should thank him because honestly, without him I don’t know how the hell I would’ve gotten you out of that psycho’s hold.”

  “He’s not psycho. He was just really messed up.”

  “Katie, he grabbed you then pushed me to the ground and threatened Dean when he got us out of there. I have a freaking bump as evidence if you can’t seem to remember that part of the evening.”

  “He didn’t mean it.”

  I’m on the verge of screaming, leaping across the table and shaking some sense into her. “Do you hear yourself right now? How can you defend that asshole?”

  “You’re overreacting, and at least he’s not some bum who lives on the street.”

  She has got to be kidding me. Anger surges through my veins, and I can feel my pulse increasing. If she didn’t have a hangover, I’d rip into her. On second thought, forget the damn hangover.

  “You have some freaking nerve. Dean may live on the street, but he’s not a bum. It’s not his fault his parents died when he was ten, and he has been in and out of foster homes ever since. And he only wound up on the streets after he couldn’t take the constant beatings and abuse. He works his ass off in order to survive. Doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t even drink. And he would never ever lay a finger on me or you. Or anyone. So don’t you ever compare Dean to Paul again because Dean is nothing like that asshole.”

  Katie stares at me, mouth agape. I push off the counter and go to walk away.

  “Anna, come on I didn’t know any of that. I’m sorry. Come sit with me, we can talk and eat the pancakes you made.”

  “I didn’t make them. Dean did, and that’s one more thing you can add to your list of things to thank him for. Enjoy. I’m going to wash up.” My heavy feet on the stairs almost drown out Katie’s voice as she calls out to me. Almost.

  Despite my better judgment, I turn to her, and for the first time, I see sadness in her eyes. Or I could be mistaken and it could be another after effect of drinking and drugging all night.

  My eyes focus on hers and before she tries to make me forget the last twenty four hours I say, “You’re my best friend, and I love you, but for right now it doesn’t mean I have to like you.” Then I continue up the stairs the wounded look on her face stuck in my mind. .

  I rip the brush through my knotted hair. How many times do I have to save her before she realizes…I don’t want to see her hurt, but I can’t save her from herself.

  When I’m done getting dressed, I head downstairs, expecting to find Katie curled up on the couch passed out, but she’s where I left her at the counter. Her head whips around when the step creaks beneath my camel suede flats.

  She pushes her blonde hair out of her eyes. “I would’ve left but I have no way of getting home.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. You might piss me off, but you are always welcome here.”

  “About before…”

  I hold my hand up. “Don’t worry about it. I’m over it.”

  “Well I’m not.” Her eyes narrow on me until she diverts them to her pink nails. “I’m sorry. Truly sorry. I had no idea about Dean. I shouldn’t have been so fast to judge. Besides, you’re the smartest, safest, law abiding girl I know, so if he’s good in your book, then he’s good in mine too.”

  I shake my head, not really sure what to say.

  “So are we good?”

  I smile. “We’re good.”

  “Good because now I need gossip.” Katie leans her bent elbow on the counter, and rests her chin in her hand and leans closer to me. “Pancakes for breakfast. Does that mean he stayed here last night?”

  Despite my best attempt, the tug at the side of each corner of my lips gives me away. I tell her about the days we spent at the library, our first kiss, our day together before she interrupted it and our night together. Then I go into the little bit of back story Dean has given me.

  For once in my life, I honestly feel like a teenager. There’s this boy, and I like him—a lot— and I am sitting here telling my best friend all about it. I’m not locked away in my bedroom studying, cramming at the library or building another house. And I couldn’t be happier.

  “It’s kind of serious then, huh?” Katie asks.

  I shrug. “I don’t know.”

  “Sounds like it.”

  “How do you know though? I mean, how do you really know?”

  “I don’t, but what I do know is last night when you were on the floor the look in his eyes told me he really cares about you.”

  I shake my head. “Stop lying.”

  “I’m not.”

  “You were so messed up last night you could barely even keep your eyes open.”

  “Point taken, but I’m not lying. That’s the one thing I remember from last night. I thought he was going to rip Paul’s neck off.”

  “He should have. Katie, you deser
ve better than that, so much better than that.”

  “I’m a magnet for assholes. Maybe that’s all that’s out there for me.”

  “Why would you even think that? Any guy would be lucky to be with you.”

  “Because I’m the girl a guy wants to sleep with, not take home to meet their mother.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Let’s be real. What mother would be happy to know their son is dating me? I’m not you. I never took an AP class. I can’t even pass the remedial classes. I have a reputation and… I’m a total mess.”

  “You do it to yourself,” I say.

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means that you’re smarter than you give yourself credit for. When you actually show up to class you do pretty well. You control your own reputation and going out and getting wasted every night isn’t helping.”

  “I know.”

  “Then why do you do it?”

  She shrugs. “I don’t know.”

  “Maybe you should work on yourself first. Besides, I’ve always heard you’ll meet someone when you’re not looking. Maybe there’s some truth to that.”

  “Maybe.” She runs a hand through her hair and smiles. “Who knows, maybe Prince Charming has been under my nose this entire time, and I just don’t know it.”

  “Now that would be funny.” I bump her with my hip and toss my arm around her shoulder.

  “Anna?” she says, her voice small.

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks.”

  “For what?”

  “For never giving up on me.”

  “Never.” I rest my chin on her head and rub her arm. “Come on. Let’s head over to the bagel shop, say hi to Dean.”

  “If you don’t mind waiting for me to shower and wash last night off. I have a long list of apologies, and I don’t want to look like shit doing it.”

  Once the floor’s mopped to Marv’s approval, I wash my hands and Marv lets me in on the secret of slicing cold cuts.

  Behind me the bells above the door clang as a customer makes their way to the register. Marv greets them and I continue wiping down the counter.

  “You wanna take this one, Dean?” Marv calls to me. As I turn, my eyes settle on Anna. I flash her my biggest smile. God I want to be back at her house, holding her in my arms.

  “What is it that I can get for you, pretty lady?” I ask and slide my gloves on. Anna’s cheeks redden, and her front teeth slide over her lip.

  “Flirting with the customer is not typical work ethic.”

  Though, Katie nearly towers over Anna, I was too consumed with Anna’s cute grin to notice her, staring at me like she’s looking through a freaking microscope, examining every hair on my head, down to the apron tied around my waist.

  I don’t acknowledge Katie’s statement. Instead I say, “You’re the last person I’d expect to see today. The dark sunglasses prove you are human though.”

  Her right eyebrow shoots above her glasses. “Surprised?”

  “Maybe just a little,” I say.

  “Sorry to disappoint.”

  “At least now I know you won’t try to suck me dry.”

  She tilts her head then smirks. “I wish I was a vampire. I bet they don’t have to deal with hangovers.”

  “Rough night?” I joke.

  Anna hasn’t said anything yet.

  “About that.” Katie picks at that pink crap on her nails. “Thanks and sorry.”

  “Would you like to sit down?” I ask.

  “Excuse me?” The confusion on Katie’s face is classic.

  “Well, it looks like that took a lot out of you, so I thought maybe you needed to sit down and recuperate.”

  “I knew this was a bad idea.” Katie goes to walk away, but Anna grabs her arms, whispers something and then turns her back to me.

  “Look buddy, if you want to be with my friend then you’re stuck with me, and if you can’t deal with that…well then good luck finding another girl that’s willing to deal with your situation.”

  “Katie!” Anna exclaims, her cheeks flushing bright red. I don’t know why she’s embarrassed, Katie makes a valid point. It’s obvious Katie knows this because her gray eyes don’t waver. She’s waiting for me to respond. Prove to her I understand the bond between best friends can’t be messed with regardless of a boy or stupid drunken antics on her part.

  “Hey Marv,” I call over my shoulder, my eyes never leaving Katie’s.

  “Yeah.”

  “Can I take my break?”

  Katie’s eyes drop, and I smile in victory.

  Anna and Katie are the only ones in here. The next rush hasn’t started yet but that doesn’t stop Marv from giving me a hard time in front of the girls. He can be a real ball buster.

  Once he agrees, I step out from behind the counter, greet Anna with a kiss and turn my attention back to Katie.

  “If you’ve talked to Anna for more than two seconds you’d know I’m a smartass. I don’t mean any harm by it. I just like to joke around. So, I’m sorry if I offended you.”

  “No, I’m sorry. I’m hung-over and cranky and I don’t do apologies very well as you can tell. Sometimes I can be a little hard-headed.”

  “You think?” Anna blurts out, and Katie and I both laugh.

  “Why don’t we forget the fact I dragged you out of a drug-infested party, carried you up a flight of stairs, put you to bed, and made you pancakes in the morning. Let’s start over?”

  “Okay, and I’ll just forget the fact you’re trying to get in my best friend’s pants even though she is way out of your league.”

  I didn’t think Anna could get any redder. Katie isn’t so bad after all.

  “Deal.” I stick my hand out to her and we shake.

  “Thank God,” Anna says with a smile then heads over to the table in the corner.

  Katie turns, but I step in front of her. I know she was joking, but I feel the need to clarify. “Just so you know, I’m not trying to get into Anna’s pants. She’s more than a body to me.”

  “I know,” she says with a dampened smile. Makes me wonder if she’s ever been with a guy who has looked at her as more than just a body. She acts like she has it all together, but she’s hanging on by a thread, and that thread is Anna.

  We sit down at the table and Katie tells me stories about Anna.

  “Oh my God. This one time we were dancing around Anna’s bedroom, singing into our hair brushes, when her brother walked in and Anna fell off the bed and took out her nightstand. There she was feet up in the air, books all over the floor, but she was still holding her brush.”

  Anna laughs and smacks Katie’s shoulder. “We had Seth swear he wouldn’t tell a soul and here you are blabbing it all.”

  “Oh I didn’t care if he told anyone. I just wanted an excuse to talk to him,” Katie says and Anna rolls her eyes.

  “Katie has a sick obsession with my brother.”

  “It’s not sick. Though, I will marry him one day.”

  “Isn’t he away at school?” I ask, remembering how Anna mentioned he left and never came back.

  “Yes and sorry to break it to you, Katie, but he’ll probably never be back in this zip code.”

  “Always stomping on my dreams,” Katie says and shakes her head before laughing.

  “Somebody has to bring you back to reality,” Anna says with the cutest smile.

  Katie goes into another story, and it makes me realize even though they’re complete opposites they balance each other out. Without each other they would be leaning so far to one side, they’d never be able to make it back to the other.

  After Anna and Katie leave, or correction, after Marv yells at me to get my ass back to work, the day goes by quickly. I say goodbye to Marv, convince him I’ll be fine for the night, and make my way towards the Y.

  It would be nice to see Anna, but I can’t let myself depend on the things she gives me. I need to survive on my own.

  The Y comes into view, and instinctiv
ely I scan the surrounding woods and sidewalks for Wanda.

  I want to tell her about Anna and ask if she’s tried to date since being on the streets. It’s easy to get blinded by things that make you happy and I just want an outsider’s opinion.

  Maggie comes out and still no Wanda. I hope she’s okay.

  “Carlos, Becky, Jamal, and Tanya.” Shit. Looks like I’m on my own tonight. Just when I think things are going good.

  “Cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese.”

  Dean hands me my bagel and leans over the counter to kiss me goodbye. “Have fun at school, Preppy.” This has become our normal routine for the last week.

  “Enough of this lovey-dovey nonsense, we have other customers.” Marv bumps Dean on his arm.

  “Hi Marv,” I say with my best smile.

  “You are looking lovely as usual.”

  “You always know what to say to make a girl blush.”

  “Hey, enough of this lovey-dovey nonsense,” Dean says, staring at Marv.

  “I’m the boss which means I can do what I want.” Marv laughs to himself then walks away shaking his head to help the next person in line.

  “I’ll meet you at the library after school?”

  “Sure. I don’t have to be at the soup kitchen until at least four, so I’ll have time to sneak some studying in.”

  “Studying, is that what you kids call it these days?” Marv says from over Dean’s shoulder. I laugh and almost spit my tea at Dean.

  Dean and I try to spend our time studying, but we always find ourselves in the back section by the history books. Nobody ever goes back there which makes it the perfect place to make-out.

  I get to school a half hour early, just like every other day this week. Five students are here today in addition to Susie. Tutoring was always for my college apps, but I’m actually enjoying my time here. Vicky raises her hand, and I pull a chair over to her desk. She’s been struggling with Algebra all quarter.

  “Can you check over these problems?” she asks, and slouches in her seat.

  “Let’s see how you did,” I say and take the worksheet in my hands.

  I scan over the ten questions and work out the problems in my head. A huge smile spreads across my face. “Aced it,” I announce.