by Serena Lyons
I should throw something down there. I hold the statue even tighter with my left hand and unbutton the front pocket of my coat. The empty wrappers from earlier are in there. I throw one out, then the second, but they’re too light, they catch the wind and drift side-ways, disappearing into the darkness. I need to throw something heavier.
My jacket. Breathing deeply, I unzip the front, then carefully shrug off one sleeve and then the second. I shiver as the cold night air attacks my skin, but resist the temptation to refasten the coat. Warm and dead doesn’t sound like a better option than cold and alive.
I look down, trying not to let dizziness xxx in my head. Thank God I’m on the corner closest to the busy pedestrian lane connecting the Bodleian library and High Street. If I aim my coat a tiny bit to the right, it should get someone’s attention.
The hood is detachable. I unzip it and throw that first.
The coat falls quickly. If the zip or buttons hit someone in the wrong place—their eye for example—it could do some damage.
For a second nothing happens, but then I witness the most beautiful sight in the world; first one, then two, then a whole host of strangers stopping on the cobbles below, craning their heads up and seeing me. Arms the tiny glow of phones being used, hopefully calling for help.
I might survive this. They must be calling 999 and the police station is just down the hill.
Gran won’t be destroyed.
I’ll see Callum again.
Sweet relief floods through me as tears sting my eyes.
A gorgeous white and pink firework explodes somewhere over Wadham College filling the sky with twinkling stars. The world is a beautiful place.
Bang! The door from the staircase swings open with a thud. I slowly turn my head away from the fading sparks of light. Phillip smiles at me, looking unbearably smug. He’s holding a broom in his hand, and stroking it like it’s the most precious thing in the world.
A long-handled broom. Fear chokes my throat, and I can’t breathe. He’s going to use it to prod me out of my hiding spot. Sweat instantly beads on my palms, and my position becomes even more precarious.
“I can’t wait all night, so I thought I’d speed things along.” He smiles sadistically and starts slowly walking towards my side if the narrow passageway.
“Wait!” I yell. “I need to tell you something first.”
His brow furrows, but he waits. He mustn’t know anyone on the street has spotted me, and presumably called for help.
If I can just distract him for two or three minutes, it might be enough.
I search for something that could pique his interest or anger him enough to delay the inevitable swipe from the broom. “I want to know, has your mother or father ever mentioned me to you?” My voice shakes, I actually do care about this. All my life I’ve dreamt about my father appearing one day, sweeping in and explaining that he never knew about me, but now he does. “Is he… is he proud of me?”
“Proud? Of you?” Phillip screws up his face like he’s about to spit. “Why would he be proud a piece of trash like you? He couldn’t bear to even look at you. That’s why Mama and him banned you from the house. He was embarrassed, she was haunted by her crime. Proud. Ha. What did you ever do to make him proud?”
His words sting, but I try to concentrate on the positive; his ranting is buying me precious time.
“I thought maybe he’d have heard about me getting into Westforde—”
Bang! I stop talking as the staircase door jolts open for the second time. The police already?
Cal’s here.
Oh my God.
Callum is here, he found me. Relief sings inside of me as he bursts on to the narrow walkway, his stance puffed up like he’s about to charge at Phillip on a rugby field.
He found me, God knows how, but he did. I long to jump into his arms, if he could just hold me, I’d feel safe from anything. But there’s the small problem of the hundred feet drop that I’m not sure I’m brave enough to cross a second time. Or strong enough to.
“You.” There’s a sneer in Phillip’s voice. “Trying to play the hero I guess, earn yourself a few extra column inches.”
“You’re sick.” Callum yells stepping closer to him. Then his eyes dart to me, briefly catching my stare, his xxx loaded with so much emotion I shiver. His gaze drops to the ledge I’m standing on and he pales. I guess my current situation looks as precarious as it feels. “Faith, how the hell did you get up there?”
“Cheerleaders are springy.” I try to joke. “And it seemed a better option than where he wanted me to go.”
At my mention of Phillip, Callum scowls and turns back to him. “I hope they lock you up until you’re a hundred.”
For the first time all night, Phillip blanches, as if it’s only just hitting him that he’s lost. “We’ll see about that, father’s very connected to the judiciary.” He sneers, but the bravado seems like a veneer rather than how he’s really feeling. “Our family is actually powerful, not just considered so in the gutter press.”
“Bloody hell!” Axel bursts on to the roof. “Are you okay Faith?”
Callum doesn’t flinch, so presumably they’re here together.
“I’ll be better when I’m off this ledge.” There’s something so absurd about us exchanging pleasantries while I’m dangling hundreds of feet above the pavement that I can’t help but smile. I always liked Axel best out of Callum’s friends, the street-smart, xxx one.
“Well you know the quickest way to get down.” Philip sneers, somehow still not seeming to appreciate that he’s lost.
“It’s over, can’t you see that?” I twist to face Phillip, my nerves frayed. He’s still smiling manically, like this is all part of his master-plan, half turned to face me, but angled more towards Callum.
He moves, scuttling in a diagonal motion that reminds me of a crab running from the waves on a beach. He can’t be trying to make a run for it—Callum and Axel are blocking the only entrance to the staircase. Then I realise the broom is hidden behind his back—out of Callum’s sight—and he’s slowly inching closer and closer to me.
The dread that lifted when I saw Callum washes over me again, amplified this time by the fact I thought I was safe. Phillip isn’t finished, he’s not planning on stopping until he’s driven me off this ledge. I can see it happening, and there’s nothing I can do about it. [Hmm WHY DOESN’T SHE SHOUT, MAYBE CHANGE THE START OF CAL CHAPTER OR THIS?]
53: Callum
“She’s right, it’s over.” Anger makes my voice rough. Seeing just how precariously Faith is balanced on the ledge, I want to run over and punch Phillip until his face is a bloody mess. “Just give it up already, you sicko.”
I twist and whisper to Axel, “See if there’s another way around will you mate. And check where the bloody police are.” He nods and disappears back through the doorway.
“I’m not sure you can take the moral high ground.” Millie’s brother’s eyes flash in the moonlight.
“What the hell does that mean?” I step closer to him, my hands instinctively balling into fists.
I’m vaguely aware of Faith’s big brown eyes ricocheting between us. I want to scream at her not to look at us, she’s so precariously positioned on that tiny ledge by the statue.
A slow, teasing smile spreads over his face. “Well you were my accomplice too, you just didn’t realise it….”
I know he’s teasing me into asking more, but I can’t stop myself. “What do you mean by that?”
“The way you treated Millie. If you hadn’t weakened her so much, made her think she was unlovable, she never would have been so easy to manipulate.”
I can’t breathe.
He might as well have stabbed me.
He’s right.
I broke that poor girl, he just made sure the pieces could never get put back together again.
I’m as much of a monster as him. More, because it was selfishness not insanity that drove me.
“It was so easy, the amount of
times I found her in tears after she’d gotten off the phone to you.” He mimics a high-pitched, girly voice. “‘I’m not good enough for Callum, I’m not good enough for anyone.’”
“Be quiet!” I yell, clamping my hands over my ears.
I see Faith’s lips moving, but I can’t hear what she’s saying. She points at Phillip, but all I can think about it what he said.
The ugly truth.
The truth of my soul.
That I’m a terrible person who breaks the people he should care for, just like my father.
“You know what her last words were?” Phillip’s pupils are slits now. “‘Maybe he’ll realise he loves me now.’” He puts on a falsetto voice. “You know, if she hadn’t been dating you I don’t think there’d have been a chance in hell of getting her to do it. But after a few months of dating you, she was like a spineless shadow of her former self. You broke her down so all I had to do is make the vaguest suggestion. Maybe I should have given you and Faith time for another couple of one-night stands and it would have made all this easier.”
“You fucking bastard!” His words freeze my soul though. He’s not lying, I did break Millie with my carelessness. I’m as bad as him, maybe even worse because I did it without thinking, just because I put my own fun and xxx above her xxx.
“Ignore him,” Faith yells tears in her voice. “He’s just trying to make you feel bad. He did this, he’s the evil one. He’s just trying to distract you!”
Distract me?
I push away the guilt in my mind, trying to make sense of Faith’s words. I can’t lose focus. I can’t let him escape before the police arrive.
But he’s moving away from me, not towards me in attack. I don’t understand, then he moves, leaning far over the barrier, reaching out towards Faith. I almost start to laugh, because there’s no way he can reach her, but then I see it, rising up from where he’d hidden it: a long wooden pole.
A pole that’s more than capable of reaching Faith. A sharp jab of it would easily send her falling to the street below.
The bastard’s trying to unseat her and he’s smiling as he does it.
There’s no fucking way he’s winning.
There’s no way he’s hurting my woman.
I move like I’m going for the tackle of my rugby career, my quads firing as I race the two steps towards him, then jump, knocking the pole off course and yanking Phillip well away from Faith.
For a second, all I feel is relief, but then air rushes past me and Faith’s scream pierces my eardrum; I overplayed the move. Phillip and I are sliding over the smooth edge of the parapet. I’ve pushed us both off the side of the building.
Oh fuck.
We tumble into the black abyss, the freezing air clutching at me. I grasp the air, desperate to find something solid, something that could save me, even though I know there’s nothing for me to cling on to.
I almost scream, but I don’t want that to be Faith’s last memory of me. At least I saved her, many men don’t get to do anything that important in a whole lifetime.
She’ll go on to make me prouder than I ever could have made anyone on my own. She’ll live magnificently.
That’s a life well lived.
I close my eyes and try to picture her smile.
54: Faith
“Callum!” I scream as I watch him fly towards Phillip, leaping up to grab his back and arm, launching them both off the edge of the parapet, towards me for a split second, then plummeting down.
I can’t look. They both went over. There’s nothing to break their fall.
“Fucking hell!” Axel growls and leans over the edge of the stone barricade, his voice clogged with emotion.
He looks up, horror making his eyes wide, the same pain I feel reflected in his thousand-mile stare.
The staircase door opens again, without a bang this time and Nina emerges on to the platform, panting from the effort of the stairs. She bends over, appearing winded and my heart breaks for what I’ve just done to her. I killed her brother. Callum sacrificed himself for me. He’s dead and it’s all my fault.
“Axel…” I stutter, my mouth not moving properly, my hand shaking as I point behind him.
“Faith!” She yells as she straightens up. “We got here in time. Thank God, I thought…” Her voice trails off as Axel moves towards her. “Where’s Cal?”
I can’t answer. I’m the biggest wimp in the world but I can’t break her world in two.
“He… Phillip…” Axel reaches out to stroke her shoulder. “They went over. I’m so sorry—”
“No. No, you’re lying, no!” Nina jerks away like his touch is burning hot and bangs against the stone behind her.
Axel wraps his arms around her and pulls her tight in his chest. Her small frame wracks with sobs and I close my eyes. I can’t witness her heart break, while my own is doing the same. I thought Millie’s death was the worst thing I’d ever have to experience, but this is more instantly painful, to watch the man I love sacrifice himself for me.
How do I live knowing I killed the best, the bravest, the brightest man I’ve ever met?
The adrenalin that was keeping me tight to this statue seems to have evaporated and my limbs shake uncontrollably as I struggle to stay a hold.
Sirens wail below and I dare a look down to the ground. There’s a ring of people around a black figure, splayed out on the grass much like my coat was moments earlier. From this height I can’t tell if it’s Callum or Phillip, or where the hell
For a second, I think about how easy it would be to just stop holding on to the statue. To let myself fall down next to him.
But I can’t. I can’t make Callum’s sacrifice so worthless. I can’t let Phillip get the outcome he wanted.
“Faith,” Nina’s voice makes me look across at her and Axel. They’ve moved to the edge of the walkway closest to me. Not even half a metre away from me. “We need to get you to safety. Do you think you can jump to us?”
“But…” I can’t understand what she’s saying. How she can stand there and talk about me getting to safely, when her brother is splattered on the pavement below. “What… Callum?”
“We need to wait for the police or fire brigade,” Axel says firmly. “She’s not in any state to jump. She must be freezing.”
Nina nods. “Just stay there, Faith.” She says soothingly like she’s talking to an untamed horse. “There’ll be someone here to help you any minute now. Don’t you go letting me down now. You have to get down safely.” She closes her eyes and breathes in deeply, her voice shaking with tears now. “You will get down safely.”
I want to ask what’s happening down below, but I’m too afraid of what the answer will be. Scratch that I know what the answer will be.
“I’m so sorry, Nina.”
“It’s not your fault. You didn’t ask for any of this.”
I grimace, her words are kind, but untrue. I did cause this, I was the one who brought this to her and Callum’s door by trying to avenge Millie.
A middle-aged policeman with a receding hairline stumbles out on to the platform, cutting off the need for more painful conversation. “Christ alive.” He blurts out when he sees me. “Don’t worry love, we’ll get you down safely. Don’t move and let us know if you feel like you’re slipping or unsteady.” He nods at me, then turns away and starts talking into the microphone at his shoulder.
His words float over to me in a broken chain. “…. Need xxx equipment and a harness… two hours…”
There’s no way I can wait here for that long. If I straddle the
“Wait!” He yells into his mouthpiece. “She’s moving. Now love, if you just…”
I move my left foot to join my right, clinging on to the statue with all my strength. This side of the ledge is so close to the safety of the walkway that I could tip forward and land on it.
I think. I don’t trust my own judgement any more.
Axel rushes towards me, one arm stretching to touch the statue’s legs, creating a p
hysical barrier between me and the side of the building. “You’ve got this.” He says in a low, but certain voice. “There’s no way I’ll let you miss. I can’t let Callum down.”
“Wait!” The policeman yells. “If you’re going to ignore my advice, at least let’s do it properly. Let me by lad.” He squeezes past Axel and stands directly below me, his hand grazing my calf. “Just tip to the side, love, I’ve got you.”
I hesitate, with him and Axel so close, I can’t see the corner of the building where I’d fall if I misjudge this, but I know that it’s there. I slowly bend my knees, moving into a crouch. Suddenly I’m reminded of getting into position at the top of a wobbly diving board—there’s no going back—although rather than execute a perfect flip, all I need to do it is tip slightly to the right and let the policeman grab me.
“I’ve got you, move after three.” His arm cups my outer thigh. “Three, two one.”
I hesitate then tumble into his hold, a brief moment of panic clutches at me, but then I connect with the bulk of his body.
“You’re safe now, love.” He tells me, stumbling against the wall. I land in a heap on top of him. I stroke the walls on either side of us, marvelling at their strength.
“Hell yeah!” Axel smiles down at us, offering his hand to me, and then the policeman.
“Faith!” Nina rushes over and hugs me, her thin frame clutching on to me.
“I’m sorry,” I sob and she pulls back, her smile dropping.
“I have to go and see him, I’m sorry.” She spins on her heel and races through the door.
“I’d better…” Axel starts, looking slightly apologetic.
“Go, she needs you.” I tell him. “I’ll be down soon.” I want to race after them, I want to get off this damn tower and never go anywhere high again, but my legs are cramping badly from the strain of the last hour on that damn ledge.
“You look well, love.” The policeman smiles kindly at me. “Just a bit cold that’s all. Don’t worry we can carry you down the stairs—”
“No.” I interrupt. I can’t stand the thought of anyone touching me. It doesn’t matter that I’m safe. The cost was far too high. Callum the life and soul of any situation, the golden prince who smiles and gives his all no more. I can’t bear for anyone to touch me. I’m poison. Everyone around me gets hurt; Millie, Callum, my mother. “I can walk.”
