Surface Tensions

by Jordan, G R

  "Right. I'll get it. Why don't you tidy Kiera's things away? Probably best we don't find any more remnants lying around."

  Donald nodded. Blast, he thought. Kiera's going to freak. I sounded like some mad sort of voyeur. He either thinks I'm living in sin with her or I'm a raging pervert looking in her windows. Donald heard the crunch of footsteps on the path. The door swung open, and Kiera seeing Donald smiled broadly.

  "Hi there, Tiger. What a morning, I could do with a sexy cuddle."

  Donald's face lit up like slow down speed boards on the roads. Kiera couldn't put the brakes on, and weighed down by bags of fish and salt, she crossed the room and kissed him deeply. Donald stood still like a statue.

  "What's up? Hands been cut off. They weren't so shy this morning."

  "Good afternoon, Kiera, I'm just making a cuppa, would you like one?" came the voice of the reverend as he briefly stepped into the room.

  Kiera nearly fainted. Her normally pale cheeks went a deep red. She looked quizzically at Donald who just shrugged his shoulders saying what could I do?

  Time to act normal, thought Kiera.

  "Ah, Murdo, good to see you. How are you? Cuppa would be great."

  "I'm fine, Kiera, but how are you, yourself? Not been well I am told."

  "Just woman's things," said Kiera, using the code words that all men naturally shy away from.

  "Oh, right. But okay now then?"

  "Yes, thanks for asking. And for visiting, good of you. I haven't many pictures for you to see as I haven't been out, Murdo. Still maybe soon with this decent weather arriving."

  "Aye, I wasn't looking for any pictures, just checking you were okay."

  "I met Laura in town actually. She's invited me across in an hour or so."

  Donald's face this time looked quizzical.

  "Excellent, I can walk you over, Kiera. In fact, come over as well, Donald." Flicking his eyes to Kiera, indicating the direction of the bathroom, Donald stayed quiet.

  "What's up Donald, lost your tongue?" Kiera shook her shoulders, and Donald reluctantly answered in the affirmative. For the next half hour, the young couple listened to Murdo describing the madness over the town regarding these mermaids. He was of the opinion it was probably all a hoax or some sort of social experiment by one of the larger universities. Certainly, his Kirk Session was in uproar about it, and Murdo's lack of "a good, solid Presbyterian rebuttal of these creatures of the devil".

  Kiera tried hard to act normally and engage Murdo in conversation, but Donald was struggling. Like a meerkat, his head would constantly look at the bathroom door or glance out the window in hope of some oncoming storm forcing the minister to leave early. His eyes were also on the shopping bags, full of fish and salt, that Kiera had arrived with. Soon the time of departure arrived.

  "Well, Kiera, we had best get going. Thank you for the tea but if we don't hurry Laura will give me a row for keeping you here. I'll just use your bathroom before I go, if I may."

  "No. You can't."

  "Sorry Donald, why not?"

  "It's impossible. You'll have to go outside."

  Donald was on his feet now reaching towards the door, ready to usher Reverend McKinney onto the grass outside.

  "Are you out of your mind, Donald?"

  "Donald, stop being silly, just because the toilet has that slight issue. Sorry, Murdo but you won't have to use the grass. It's the flush system, not working properly." Donald's face went white.

  "Excellent, I'll just pop in and use it."

  "Murdo, if you can just give me a hand first. You're tall and I need you to reach freshener in the kitchen for me. Donald, can you start clearing the bathroom, please, I think I left some stuff in there."

  Murdo followed Kiera into the kitchen while Donald quickly opened the bathroom door, and without hesitating, grabbed the mermaid around the hips and threw her over his shoulder. She let out a low howl, like that of a seal before she was silenced abruptly as her head caught a shelf as Donald turned for the door. Regardless, he continued into the living room before tripping over his now empty cup of tea leaving his unconscious mermaid lying prostrate face up on the floor.

  Hearing the commotion, Kiera brushed back past Murdo and suppressed a gasp on seeing her new boyfriend lying across a semi-naked fish lady. Reacting quickly, she turned on her heel assuring Murdo that Donald had just dropped something and pointed him in the direction of the highest shelf where she decreed the freshener must be.

  Glancing back out of the kitchen, Kiera saw Donald pick up the mermaid and then fumble desperately with the bedroom door. With Murdo right behind her, she spun around quickly keeping him in the kitchen.

  "Is Laura good?"

  "Yes, yes. You can judge for yourself, if we get going," said a bemused Murdo.

  "Has she been okay with this fish business?" The end of the sentence rose in tone.

  "Yes, I think so."

  "But is she done and dusted with it? I mean really finished, Murdo. How does one know when we are finished with these things we have to do?"

  "Kiera, I haven't got the faintest idea what you are on about. What do you mean finished with?"

  "Bathroom's clear for you, Reverend," announced Donald poking his head into the kitchen.

  "But I haven't got the freshener yet."

  "Never mind that,” said Kiera. “We'd better get moving or Laura will be wondering where we are at. Murdo, best you visit the little boy's room sharp-ish."

  Murdo in total bemusement at the lurching conversation, gave up and did as ordered. Donald took hold of Kiera and whispered in her ear.

  "What we going to do with her nibs? Can't leave her on her own."

  "We're just going to have to. I'll lock the door and close the curtains all ‘round. Just need to fill the bath again before we go out and add the salt. You'll need to keep Murdo occupied outside."

  "We need to move her soon. Do you think she's ready to go back?"

  "I don't know, Donald. We need to take her somewhere where we can see her swim but away from people seeing."

  "Like a swimming pool."

  "Yes," pondered Kiera, "the swimming pool."

  Murdo exited the bathroom and on seeing the couple close together strategically wandered over to Kiera's groceries, picking them up and announcing,

  "What's with all the fish and salt, Kiera? Explains your bathroom mind, it reeks of fish."

  "Just a good offer, Murdo. The salt's for doing a deep clean." Deciding the conversation was getting too surreal, Murdo didn't comment on the wet carpet nor how it was that Kiera didn't already have fish as Donald had been night fishing all week.

  Young people are getting beyond me now, thought Murdo, leaving the house.

  Following Murdo out, Donald announced Kiera was just sorting herself out and stood with Murdo in silence, a long standing, male, island tradition when awaiting the womenfolk. It took Kiera another ten minutes to lift the mermaid back, as she had come round. She added salt to a running bath and then left her enough fish to be getting on with. Donald's notion of the swimming pool was running around her mind, and she began to see how this would work.

  But would Donald be up for a double-date?

  10

  James

  With the sun shining and a high tide rolling in, James was taking advantage of his two weeks off the ferry. Freed from the duties of attending to hungry deck hands, he now stood on the rocks down at one of the tiny lochs where the fish would swim by on occasion and the odd one would make a grab for the hook dangling off his line. There was nothing like this. A slight breeze in the face and a perfect mental calm, only the sound of the seagulls and the lapping of the waves.

  Things had started to get a little silly with all this mermaid nonsense. Town was busy with extra tourists, and no doubt when he returned to work, the runs would be much busier. He was glad he only served the crew as dealing with puking passengers and little kids chucking their sweets around was no way to attract any girls. Being stuck in the crew section didn't he
lp either, but at least he could get out on the deck occasionally to check out any talent that was travelling.

  The one good bit of news regarding these mermaids was that the girls from the newspaper were coming to the island. Maybe they were worried about their jobs, thinking the mermaids would take over. Still, it would be good to see them in the flesh, so to speak. Especially that little brunette who was always in the paper. Yes, that one was his favourite. Now, she could make a man happy. Well, she could make James anyway, who cares about anyone else?

  James cast his line into the sea and watched it unravelling, disappearing into the silvery-blue that reminded him of that android in the movies who could melt down and then reform. Imagine the sea doing that, the machine that formed would be massive, he thought. His line having stopped unravelling, James, with a practised ease, started to pull the rod up and then reel in quickly, keeping the perk in motion through the water.

  The line became tense and each pull took more effort. James licked the salt air from his lips. Got one, he thought. Gradually he pulled the perk closer and could see a faint silver blur in the water. A good one too, judging the size from here. Within a minute, a fine pollock was exiting the water to be placed on the rock beside him. Taking his priest, James dispatched the fish before using his knife to gut it. Having been taught by his grandfather, he had no difficulty in filleting the fish, placing it in a cool-bag and then returning the guts back into the water. Well, the day's not wasted, he thought.

  "Anything biting?"

  James turned his head and saw Iain McClaren looking down from the rock's above. Although not one of James' friends, Iain's background and the loss of his Dad so young was common knowledge amongst those of James' age.

  "Wee pollock. Definitely some out there. Beautiful day."

  "Suppose so."

  James could see something sharp poking out from behind Iain's back. "Is that a new rod on your back?"

  Iain stopped walking and came down close to James. "No. It's not. Took me a while to get this, had to come from the mainland. Ain't she a beauty?"

  James looked at the gun-type device Iain took off his back. It had a speared point on a metal shaft sticking out of the gun barrel, and after a few seconds, it dawned on James what he was looking at.

  "What the hell are you hunting? Bit extreme for pollock."

  "I got my rod for the pollock. No, this is for those filth that are coming up from the deep again. I'm going to get me a mermaid." James was about to burst out laughing but realised there was a man in front of him holding a harpoon and intent on hunting mythical creatures. He tempered his response.

  "Really, wow. So, how are you going to get them?"

  Iain opened the haversack he was carrying. A variety of white fish was laid out, all gutted and obviously shop bought.

  "It's not much, I know, but the stocks of fresh fish in the shops are very low. I'd do better with live ones, but I got chased off the fish farms when I tried to get some."

  "Have you used the harpoon before? Is there a big kick off it?"

  "Well, takes a bit of getting used to. I haven't fired it much as I think people get a bit worried at it, but it'll take something like this to take down a mermaid I reckon. Or even a merman."

  "Merman! You reckon they have males?"

  "Sure or how do they make wee ones? Nasty pieces of work, no doubt. Wouldn't mind hauling one of them in. The harpoon’s good, but if I do get one, I'll need to finish it off quick." Iain pulled a short handled mace from his bag. "My grandpa stole it from a museum years ago on the mainland. Bit rusty but it still works."

  "You're certainly well equipped."

  "You have to be prepared, these things are strong. Pulled my Dad down into the deep, so I doubt I'll go hunting them in a boat. Liable to get pulled clean off the deck. I'll stick to the rocks and cliffs. Bring them back to my territory."

  "You'll need to be careful bringing them back on the land."

  "How?"

  "Don't they change? Get legs as soon as they're dry? It'll look like you're spearing a human. I mean, I don't know if the gills disappear or not. Could find yourself in a sticky situation."

  "Hmm, you're right. I'll have to finish it in the shallows. Anyways, best get off hunting. Let me know if you see one."

  "Will do." James gave a quick wave goodbye. He had no intention of alerting Iain if he saw a mermaid. Imagine the scene, the photos. The girls from the paper weren't going to be hanging about with that sort of nonsense going on. Dangerous clown, never right since he lost his dad.

  The sun was out, and the fishing was good. James stayed in the same spot until mid-afternoon when his bag was full of fish. Having gutted all the fish, he thought of how to dispose of them. Well, he could take a wee walk around his punters and pick up a bit of beer money. Reverend McKinney would be the nearest and Laura would always take a couple of fillets for her freezer. Might get a cup of coffee too. James tidied up his gear and started across the crofts for the manse.

  A grey, dull yet vast building with copious unused rooms, the manse sat on top of a small hill overlooking its village. James became tired walking up to it and gratefully dropped his bag and rods on the doorstep before sounding the large, black knocker. The thuds rang into the house and James waited patiently until the door was pulled back revealing the diminutive minister's wife. As ever, Laura showed first a look of surprise before her face slipped into its usually happy gait.

  "James, good to see you. Been fishing?"

  "Couple of lovely wee pollock Mrs. McKinney, if you're interested. Just caught, mind, well fresh. Thought of you first, always a warm welcome here."

  "Excellent James. You'll come in, of course, I have some guests from the mainland with me but you'll fit in just grand. Take the fish into the back and leave them in the fridge. Glass of wine for you?"

  "Oh, wine, must be someone special."

  "All my guests are special James, you know that." James smiled.

  Laura always made him feel welcome, like his Auntie Cathy used to. It was six years now since she passed on, and he missed going there for his Sunday dinner. On a quiet day, she was good fun.

  James kicked off his boots, and leaving them at the door, took six fillets through to Laura's kitchen. On passing her front room, he heard giggles and laughs of a female variety, and he wondered who was there. James liked girls but was not very good at being "cool". Since leaving school, his time amongst the opposite sex was limited, especially as two weeks out of four were spent on the ferry. And anyway, he was always the quiet one in the pub, struggling for a word to say.

  "Girls, this is my own personal fisherman, James."

  Surely this was a dream. James just stood there looking dumb as he took in the view around him. It was them. Right here, right now, in Laura's room. He knew Laura was a Godly woman, but now he realised she was an angel. The blonde on the left, that was Candice. To her right, brunette, Debbie. Tanya, the redhead, Kyla, another blonde and then, oh yes, it must be. Right in front of him was Alyssa.

  She was dressed in a large t-shirt and jeans but still her curves showed through. With long, dangling waxy brown hair and teeth that looked like a dentist's advertisement, James thought she looked even better than her picture in the paper. Having spotted her last, his eyes didn't leave their post.

  "James, say hello then."

  "Hi."

  "Sorry girls, I think us women are a bit too much for him. James grab a seat, there's room beside Alyssa. She's the one at the end."

  "I know." James reddened. Heck, now she knows I check her out in the paper. And Laura knows. But I am getting to sit beside her. James was waiting to wake up from the dream.

  "Are you really a fisherman, James?" asked Alyssa.

  "She wants to know about your rod," Tanya chirped in. Alyssa threw her a snarled look before turning back to James.

  "My dad used to fish, James. I've always wanted to try but down in London there's not that much opportunity. At least I don't think so, but up here, it must be
so good. Fancy taking a girl down to the rocks?" asked Alyssa.

  James sat there and stared at Alyssa, totally embarrassed and yet, in a most wonderful place. He wanted to be suave, sophisticated and above all charming. Despite failing at all of these, she had just asked him for a date. Well, a fish anyway. If only his mouth would work.

  "He'd love to, Alyssa, wouldn't you, James?" prompted Laura.

  James just nodded and began to beam. The other girls laughed, but Alyssa smiled back in return.

  The embarrassment was broken by the sound of the front door opening and a shout of "home" from the Reverend McKinney. Laura leapt to her feet to see if anyone was with him and greeted Kiera and Donald in the hallway. Telling Murdo to take their coats, she dragged them into the front room and introduced their guests. The conversation began politely enough until the state of the mermaid's dress was brought up by Tanya.

  "I don't see why the people here get into such a flap about the mermaids. We had those church people shouting at us, just because we go topless like the mermaids. I mean it's not like we were parading along the sea front. ‘Spawn of the Devil’ she called me. Can you imagine? Bloody church people."

  "You're drinking bloody church people's wine," said Kiera.

  "Now, now, Kiera, Tanya has a point. I think ‘spawn of the Devil’ is wrong in all sorts of ways," said Laura.

  "So you're okay with it? It is art, after all. Not our fault if others get upset, is it?" asked Tanya.

  "Well, I wouldn't go as far as that. It is your choice, Tanya, but personally I think your body is for your partner to see and enjoy," said Murdo, while his wife was gently shaking her head to silence him.

  "That's a bit much. Laura, do you seriously go with that."

  "Tanya, at my age, there is little call for me to display anything," laughed Laura. "But in my day, I had no issue with sunbathing topless abroad or wearing attractive things for my Murdo. Different places have different rules and when I was out in the Caribbean and the Americas and then Africa there were different degrees of dress. Outrageous in one place was normal in another. Ultimately, it's your body but don't be ignorant of what you do to a man. Don't be ignorant of their reactions."