Mustard Seed

by Laila Ibrahim

  Agitated by the disturbing sound that filled the room again, Lisbeth closed her eyes and took in a deep, slow breath while asking God to help her stay calm and strong. When she opened her eyes, Mother was no longer in the chair. She stood by the door, her hand on the knob, ready to leave.

  “I cannot bear this,” Mother explained, her lips pursed tight. “I hoped we could face this together, but I do not have the strength. I will wait downstairs; please inform me when he has taken his last breath.”

  Lisbeth stared at the woman who had borne her, anger, annoyance, and pity churning inside her. Her mother was a coward, running away from her own husband’s death.

  “Goodbye, Mother,” Lisbeth said, sounding too formal even to herself. Her mother looked at her strangely. Her eyebrows drew together; she pinched her lips and shook her head.

  “Good night, Elizabeth,” Mother said, and left Lisbeth alone with her dying father.

  Restless and impatient, Lisbeth sat at her father’s side. She tried reading out loud, but soon gave up on that because his breathing was so loud that she had to shout to be heard over it, which was not soothing for either of them.

  She held his ice-cold hand and hummed what she hoped was his favorite hymn. Partway through the second verse, he was suddenly silent. She stared at his chest. Was that his last breath? At once sad and relieved, she slowly counted: one, two, three, four.

  His chest jerked, and the loud gurgles of the death rattle filled the room again. Lisbeth sighed and sat back. As much as she wanted it to be, it wasn’t over yet.

  Lisbeth heard the clock declaring a new hour. Ten. She did not have much more time before she must leave. Dear God, please have him pass over soon, she prayed. It would be much easier to leave if he had taken his final breath.

  When the clock struck eleven the thought of placing a pillow over his mouth to help the process along crossed her mind, but she decided against it. It wasn’t her place to decide such matters; he was in God’s hands. She continued to hum, watch, and pray.

  Eventually the clock struck midnight, and she needed to leave even though her father was still alive. Despite the distance between them, it was a painful choice. He was entirely unaware of her presence, but she knew that she was abandoning her father to be alone in his last hours.

  She looked at the dying man. Lisbeth put a hand over his heart and whispered, “God, please judge this man with mercy, and if you see fit, invite him into your circle.” Then she leaned over and kissed her father’s ice-cold cheek. It wouldn’t be long now.

  “Goodbye, Father,” she said, swallowing hard.

  She stood up to leave, taking the Bible and the Tale of Two Cities from his bedside table. Lisbeth slowly opened the door and listened carefully. As she had hoped, the house was quiet and dark. She went to her room to grab her carpetbag. After putting the books in it, she tiptoed down the stairs, startling at every creak or sound.

  At the bottom of the stairs, she froze at the open parlor door. Mother was sitting in the dark, in Father’s chair. Lisbeth’s mind spun an excuse.

  “He’s resting comfortably. I need some water,” Lisbeth explained in hushed tones, hoping the quiver in her voice would be attributed to unshed tears rather than fear. She kept the bag hidden behind her body.

  Her mother made no response. Slowly Lisbeth stepped closer to the old chair and saw Mother’s lids were down; she was fast asleep. Lisbeth snorted, somewhat amused. She scanned the room. Goodbye, she thought.

  Lisbeth continued down the hallway, through the kitchen, to the door in the back. She didn’t knock, but slowly turned the knob.

  Emily and Willie were sitting on the bed, dressed and ready to travel, packed bags at their feet, fear on their faces. Lisbeth sighed in relief. She smiled at Willie, hoping to offer a small reassurance to the scared boy, and placed her finger to her lips to ask him to be silent. Lisbeth gestured with her hand for them to come. She jumped and froze when she heard the click of a knob, but it was only Emily closing the door to their room. Very quietly, they escaped through the back door.

  Though the night was warm, Lisbeth shivered. Every one of her senses was on high alert, and she looked around to see if they were being followed along the empty street. Emily and Willie held hands right behind her without speaking. A lantern might have betrayed them, so she had not brought one, but the moon was just bright enough to light their way for the two-block journey to the public square’s park.

  They crossed Monroe Street. One more block to the public square. After crossing Henry Street she pointed to the direction they would walk to get to the stand of trees where the wagons and people were waiting. They walked on the dirt path through the deserted park, Lisbeth gaining confidence with each step.

  She heard the sound of a gun being cocked, and her heart exploded. She froze and felt Emily stop beside her. The two women spun around, Emily pulling Willie behind them.

  Jack was pointing a gun straight at her heart. Adrenaline shot through Lisbeth’s body.

  “I can’t think of one reason not to shoot you right now,” her brother slurred in a drunken state. He swayed a bit; his eyes were bloodshot, his cheeks flushed red.

  Lisbeth’s chest clenched so hard she felt like she was being stabbed. Emily grabbed her arm. Lisbeth’s eyes were riveted to the weapon. Matthew, Sammy, and Sadie flashed into her mind. Her children would be devastated! Her mind raced for words, anything that might stop her brother.

  “Sadie! You care for her, you do,” Lisbeth implored, staring desperately into her brother’s eyes. “Please don’t make her motherless, Jack. I beg of you.”

  Jack’s eyebrows drew together just a touch—her words had penetrated.

  Suddenly Jack jerked over sideways, falling to the ground. Lisbeth gasped and lunged backward. The gun flew from his hand and bounced twice on the earth. He didn’t even reach for it; instead his arm stayed strangely close to his side. She noticed a rope pulling tight around his middle, Samuel holding the other end of it. Emmanuel rushed out of the darkness and kicked the firearm far away from Jack.

  Lisbeth’s knees collapsed. Emily caught her before she hit the ground hard. Lisbeth’s head was spinning so fiercely she started to faint. Emily put a cool hand on her neck and encouraged her to bend her head low. She heard yelling, but she couldn’t track any specific words. A low voice spoke next to her. Lisbeth took a deep breath; her head still bent downward, she opened her eyes and looked to the side. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw William kneeling next to Emily, Willie hugging him from behind.

  Slowly Lisbeth raised her head, testing her ability to stay upright. Her equilibrium was returning. She blinked her eyes to clear them. Jack was on the ground, the rope wrapped around his body and a gag covering his mouth. Samuel and Emmanuel stood over him, Samuel looking like he was getting ready to shoot Jack.

  Mattie walked up to her son and placed a calming hand on his arm. “God don’ like ugly, even when it deserved. God love mercy.”

  Samuel glared at his mother. She stared right back.

  Mattie said, “You gonna feel better for one moment if’n you hurts him right now. But you gonna sleep better next year, and all the years to come, if’n you jus’ walk away.”

  Samuel looked at his mother, then back at Jack. Indecision wrestled on his face.

  “For Lisbeth,” Mattie said calmly. “How she gonna go on knowin’ you kill her brother? Little Sadie? Sammy? You really gonna kill they uncle?”

  Samuel looked at Lisbeth, anger burning in his eyes. She took in a shaky breath and exhaled hard. Then she shrugged. She had no right to tell him what to do, but Mattie was right. It would be hard to live with Jack’s death if it came from her choices.

  Samuel leaned over and whispered something only Jack could hear. Her brother yelled—unintelligible words garbled through the gag. Then Samuel walked away, leaving the rope on the ground. Lisbeth let out the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.

  William told Emmanuel, “We can bring him farther into th
e trees. If we tie him up good he won’t get free until we are in Washington.”

  “The laudanum!” Emily declared.

  All eyes turned to her.

  “If he’s found out here, there will be a pursuit,” Emily explained. “But if we give him laudanum, we can return him to his study. We will be in Washington before he wakes.”

  “Laudanum?” Emmanuel asked. “Where you suppose we gonna get that?”

  “My father’s bedside,” Lisbeth stated with a nod.

  Mattie clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and shook her head. “That sound risky.”

  Without thought Lisbeth said, “I am expected to be there. I will go back and return with the laudanum. Then Emily and I can bring Jack home after we have given him a nice, strong dose.”

  Jack yelled through the gag, startling Lisbeth and causing adrenaline to pour into her. She looked at him and quickly turned away. She wasn’t going to think about him. Emmanuel tugged on the rope. Jack continued protesting, but it wasn’t going to do him any good. Lisbeth set off in a fast walk without waiting for permission or for her own fear to stop her.

  Lisbeth’s heart pounded with every step. She counted as she walked the two blocks to her parents’ home—returning to one each time she got somewhere in the twenties. She pushed aside any fearful thoughts and did her best to simply breathe as she walked, but it was difficult to force air into her tight lungs.

  The kitchen was just as she had left it, dark and empty. Mother still slept in the parlor. Lisbeth carefully tiptoed up the stairs, rehearsing an excuse should her mother find her.

  Father looked smaller and more drawn. His loud intermittent breaths still filled the room. Lisbeth crossed to the bedside, picked up the laudanum, and started to leave; then her soul tugged her back. She placed her hand on her father’s chest to send him a silent blessing and perhaps a final farewell.

  While she was standing over the dying man, the door opened, making her jump. She composed her face to cover her deceit and looked over to find Julianne framed by the doorway.

  “Jack is not here?” the young woman asked, looking around the room, pain and confusion in her voice.

  Lisbeth shook her head and lied, “I have not seen him tonight.”

  Julianne studied the figure in the bed. Staring at her sister-in-law, Lisbeth worked to hide her nerves. Every part of her wanted to rush back to the public square park to get this evening behind her.

  Slowly turning her attention away from Father and toward Lisbeth, Julianne stared at her, a vacant look in her eyes. Lisbeth’s body thrummed with impatience and anxiety.

  “Jack tells me you’ve convinced your mother to abandon us to live with you,” Julianne said, her voice flat.

  Lisbeth bit her lip and nodded slightly.

  Julianne’s eyes filled with tears. “She has been so cruel to me that I should celebrate her departure, but . . .”

  Lisbeth waited, not without sympathy.

  “. . . I do not relish living alone with your brother.”

  Julianne blinked slowly, sighed, and turned around. She left, the door closing with a click behind her. Lisbeth put her hand on her chest and took steadying breaths. She had no great fondness for her sister-in-law, but Lisbeth felt compassion for the woman. Julianne’s life would continue to be marked by sorrow and disorder.

  Lisbeth waited for as long as she could bear it, wanting to be confident that Julianne was gone. She felt for the laudanum in her pocket, touched her father’s arm goodbye, and walked away from this home for the second time in one night, knowing that it still wouldn’t be the last.

  She rushed through the dark night to the spot where she had left the others. A rush of love swept over her when she saw that Matthew and Sammy stood with the group of people towering over Jack. Matthew looked greatly relieved when he saw her. He shook his head and walked over to her. He and Sammy wrapped her in an enormous hug.

  “Sadie?” Lisbeth asked, worried.

  “She’s safe. Jordan and Mattie are caring for her,” Matthew reassured her. He went on, doubt in his voice. “Emmanuel says you plan to return to the house? With Jack?”

  Lisbeth gave a single nod and held up the laudanum.

  “Well done.” Emmanuel smiled at her.

  Lisbeth uncorked the dropper and finally let herself look at Jack. He glared at her with a mixture of fear and rage.

  “I’m sorry it had to come to this, Brother. I wish you had not come after me. We won’t hurt you, and truly, I hope for the best for you, and Julianne, and Johnny.” Her voice cracked. “And Mother. I will pray for all of you. Every day.”

  Lisbeth filled the dropper all the way to the top and started to lean over. Jack yelled and kicked at her, so she retreated. Matthew knelt down to hold Jack’s legs. Emmanuel grabbed Jack from behind, locking his arms and head in place. He nodded at Lisbeth.

  She leaned over and grabbed her brother’s jaw with her left hand. His mouth was shut tight, but she shoved the dropper between his cheek and gums. When he realized what she’d done, her brother tried to spit, but she held his mouth closed. She squeezed the dropper hard and fast, over and over, emptying it as best as she could. Not moving, she waited until she felt his body slacken a bit.

  Then she filled up the dropper and gave him the same dose as her mother. Within moments he was slack. His eyes closed, his breathing slowed, and his muscles relaxed. Matthew and Emmanuel loosened their grips. When Jack didn’t lash out, Matthew stood up.

  Lisbeth put the dropper back in the bottle and put the elixir into her pocket. She wanted to get Jack back to the house so they could get out of this place as soon as possible.

  She looked at Emily, indicating with her eyes that the other woman should move to Jack’s right side.

  “Jack, we’re taking you home,” Lisbeth said gently, as if she were talking to a child. “You need to walk, but we will help you.” Emmanuel and Matthew got her brother to his feet. He was impaired, but able to walk with support and follow directions.

  “We can walk him to the door,” Matthew said, looking at Emmanuel for confirmation. Emmanuel nodded.

  “No!” Lisbeth was adamant. “We are not risking detection now. No one will be alarmed if they see me and Emily.”

  Lisbeth slid between her husband and her brother on Jack’s left. Emily did the same on his right. He leaned on them, but they managed his weight.

  Without speaking, the two women set off for the Wainwright home, Jack stumbling along between them. Lisbeth felt Matthew’s worry as they walked away, but she didn’t look back; she just kept on moving forward.

  Lisbeth readied herself for a fight with Jack, but he was cooperative. The laudanum was serving its purpose. The three of them moved as one, an odd three-headed figure in the dark.

  “Do you know she is our sister?” Jack slurred the question, breaking the silence of the night. He swung his head around and stared at Lisbeth, his legs continuing to flop toward the house. Lisbeth looked at Jack, then at Emily over his shoulder.

  “Well?” Jack challenged, a little more energy in his voice. “Do you?”

  “Yes, Jack,” Lisbeth whispered, uncomfortable to be speaking of this directly. She gazed at Emily to see her reaction, but only saw her profile. She was watching where they were going.

  “She looks like you,” Jack proclaimed. “Every time I see her she reminds me of your betrayal. And now it is complete. I told Mother it was unwise to invite you here.”

  He looked like he was trying to work up some outraged resistance, but then gave up. His head flopped forward, and he closed his eyes. Silence filled the air again.

  Lisbeth breathed deeply to steady her nerves. They crossed Henry Street, and Lisbeth scanned for strangers, but the street was quiet. Once again, they made it to the house without seeing another person.

  Emily and Lisbeth brought Jack to his study. Working as one they wordlessly laid him down on the couch, but he popped back up again.

  “Sir, it’s time to sleep,” Emily sooth
ed him.

  Jack looked at her with a question in his eyes. “Emily?”

  “Yes, sir. You been out drinking again, sir. You jus’ sleep it off down here. I make sure Miss Julianne don’ learn about it.”

  Jack looked back and forth at Emily and Lisbeth, confusion in his eyes.

  “Your sister here to help you too, sir,” Emily said. “Would you like one more?”

  She signaled to Lisbeth with her eyes. Lisbeth understood the unspoken direction and searched through Jack’s desk until she found a bottle of whiskey and a glass in the bottom drawer. She poured a large portion into the clear cup, her hand shaking so much that liquid spilled over the side, splashing the fragrant amber liquid onto the desktop. Her first instinct was to be more careful, but then she realized she didn’t need to be. Emily patted her pocket before Lisbeth handed the glass to Jack. More laudanum? Lisbeth felt alarmed. Would that be too much? Emily nodded emphatically. Lisbeth trusted her judgment and squirted another dropper of liquid into the glass, then handed it to Emily.

  Sitting up against the couch, Jack dozed with his eyes closed. Emily held the drink to his lips without saying a word. Slowly she tipped the liquid into his mouth until he’d swallowed half of it; then she turned the glass so quickly that the rest of the whiskey spilled down his chin and ran over his shirt. He opened his eyes and looked at his chest, confused.

  “Oh, sir, you spilled a little. No worries,” Emily soothed. “You jus’ get comfortable right here.”

  She took his shoulders firmly between her hands and tugged him sideways until he was lying down. He grumbled and muttered, looking around, confusion in his eyes.

  “Emily?”

  “You jus’ go right to sleep, sir.” Emily put on a thick accent. “I gonna take care of everythin’ for you.”

  Jack blinked his lids, nestled into the couch, and closed his eyes. The two women stood by silently. Soon the soft sounds of snoring came from his form. Lisbeth felt the tension drain from her body.

  “You were very good at that,” Lisbeth said, impressed.

  “I’ve had a lot of practice,” Emily replied with a wry smile.