The Farm Hand

by Katie Cole

  The change in temperature is instantaneous when he joins her under the blanket, but her resolve begins to die. She shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t do this. But when Adam turns on his side toward her, she looks into his dark eyes, lit only by the tiny bit of street light making its way through the thin curtains. She scoots closer, close enough that their bodies are nearly touching.

  Another shiver runs through her, but this one isn’t because of the cold. He reaches a hand toward her, but he hesitates once again. He is so careful with her, so considerate of what she might want.

  Or he just doesn’t like you at all, and he’s just being polite, the doubtful voice in her head hisses. She ignores it.

  She takes his hand in hers and presses it against her cheek, closing her eyes and sighing. They lie like this, only barely touching. Her body is coursing with electricity, and she wonders if he can feel it too. She wonders what it might feel like to touch more of him.

  She releases his hand and traces the tips of her fingers over his chest, a small smile coming across her lips. When she opens her eyes, his are closed, and his jaw is clenched tight.

  “Is this alright?” she asks softly.

  He swallows, then nods. She leans forward and places a kiss on his chest. “Isa,” he warns. She takes that as a good sign.

  “Can I come closer?” she asks.

  He nods again, and she closes the distance between their bodies. His body is hot against hers, and she relishes in the feeling of him pressed up against her.

  She bites her lip, considering her words carefully before she speaks.

  “We have to be up early,” she whispers. She’d been determined to kiss him until he was delirious when she first came in, but now that she’s here, she isn’t sure how to proceed. “We should probably get to sleep.

  A small sound of agreement comes out of him. “Yeah, probably a good idea,” he says. For a moment, she thinks he’s going to scoot away, but instead, he wraps his arms around her and traces his fingers along her spine, lulling her into a deep sleep.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Adam

  Her parents don’t find out. Adam smiles at their secret rendezvous, as if they’d done something truly taboo. If he considers her father’s words from that first day, though, they had. This is not allowed. Still, that makes it all the better. They hadn’t done anything except touch, and they’d barely done that, but Adam’s skin is on fire.

  When they get to the horse show, though, Isa isn’t as flirtatious as yesterday. The stall area is quite a bit busier, so she’s dealing with other equestrians throughout the day, speaking in fast German. He’s improving quite rapidly, but he still has a hard time following the conversation. He loves watching her, though. She is truly in her element when she’s talking about horses. This is her life, and she knows everything about the business. Probably more than he does, and he grew up in the same environment.

  He spends the day keeping the stalls perfectly clean and the horses one hundred percent presentable, and, when the day begins to roll to a close, he begins packing the trailer so nobody else has to. He wants to impress her parents, even if it’s futile. This is just a fling, right? It’s not like it matters what they think.

  By the end of the day, Katrin has a bunch of awards to take home, and Isa hasn’t spoken more than a few words to Adam. That’s alright, though. They’ve got the whole drive home, although the idea of sitting in a truck for hours makes him nervous.

  He’s the last one to get settled, doing a quick walk around to make sure that the horses are secure in the trailer. When he sits in the truck, though, Isa is already listening to her music and staring out the window. Her hands are bunched up in her lap. She doesn’t want to touch him, doesn’t even want to speak to him.

  His heart drops. Had he imagined last night? Or had she actually just come to warm up? It would make sense that he’s overthinking her feelings toward him. If he hadn’t imagined things, then at the very least, she’s obviously changed her mind.

  Still, on the drive back to the farm, he leaves his hand on the seat between them. She does not do the same, and they don’t touch again the whole way there.

  Well, that’s that then.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Isa

  She should tell Adam what’s going on. She should tell him that she’s afraid of her parents’ response, both about their not-quite relationship and her application to business school in America. Sometime in the week, her two favorite professors had sent letters to Syracuse at the last minute. The application is nearly complete.

  Instead of talking to Adam, she caves in on herself the whole ride home, her heart racing non-stop. It’s all she can do not to break down and cry. She’s being torn apart—everything she wants right now is totally out of reach. Even if she does get into Syracuse, she’s not going to be able to go. She should just give up now.

  When they arrive, she helps Adam unload the horses while her parents speak with Jen. After latching the final stall door, she’s about to turn to go to her room when a hand lands on her wrist. She twists around, and Adam is there, his eyes aflame in the light of the barn.

  “Are you alright?” he asks, his voice low. “Last night, I…”

  She waits for him to continue, but he doesn’t. How does he feel about last night? Does he want her as much as she wants him? Had it just been a favor? Her lips tingle when she thinks about pressing her lips to his chest. Had he absolutely hated that? What if her parents find out that they spent the night together?

  “I’m fine,” she says. His eyes are so concerned, and she isn’t sure how to help him. What could she possibly do when she can’t even deal with her own life?

  “Good night, Isabel,” he says, releasing her.

  Her wrist burns, and she turns around. She could swear that she hears him say, “My door isn’t locked in case you get cold.”

  No, that couldn’t possibly be. She’d just misheard him. She walks into the house and goes up to her own room. She falls asleep alone. This weekend had been a mistake.

  ***

  She wakes at her usual time, but it takes her a few minutes to get out of bed. She should probably speak with Adam today, find out where they stand. She dawdles instead, checking her social media notifications and then her email.

  One of the emails is from the Syracuse admissions team.

  They received her complete application.

  Her heart races, although a quick scan of the email shows that it’s automated. Everyone who applies receives it. Still, her stomach suddenly clenches with nerves. What if she doesn’t get in?

  Worse, what if she does?

  She puts her phone down and goes to the barn. When she spots Adam standing in the hallway of the stable carrying a push broom, she freezes. She hadn’t planned on running into him so early.

  He hasn’t noticed her yet, but he will. Until then, she watches him sweep, his arms and shoulders tensing and releasing at the simple motion. Her hands itch to reach up and touch him, to run her hands down his back and then his arms.

  She shakes the thought away, and he turns around when Dee notices her, the excited dog stopping short of jumping on her. Isa pets her, scratching her neck under the collar. Dee absolutely melts, her tail going a million miles an hour.

  “Isa,” Adam says, then swallows nervously. “Uh, how are you?” His hands clutch the broom handle tightly.

  Before she can think too hard and change her mind, she asks, “Do you want to go for a ride?”

  A slow smile spreads across his face when he processes her words. “I would love to.”

  He puts the broom away, and then Isa helps feed the horses their morning grain. She’s up early, but Adam must have been up far earlier, as he’s already finished cleaning their stalls. She points at a Friesian gelding. “That’s Ike. You can ride him. He’s good.”

  Adam raises his eyebrows. “He’s also huge.”

  Isa laughs. Adam had said he does reining. Are all his horses as stocky as Daisy? Reining
is not generally a sport for tall horses. “Are you afraid you’ll fall off?”

  He sets his jaw, but a smile plays at his lips while his eyes sparkle with amusement. “Of course not.”

  They tack up their horses in English tack, leading them out through the front of the barn.

  “There’s a trail through there,” Isa says, gesturing toward the trees toward the back of the fields that line the driveway. She snaps her helmet on, then adjusts Daisy’s girth. Although she doesn’t use tack in the arena, she can’t be certain that Daisy won’t spook at something on the trail. It’s always better to be safe.

  Adam does the reverse, finishing his girth and then putting on his helmet. When he swiftly pulls himself onto Ike’s back, Isa’s breath is sucked out of her. With his nearly-black hair and all black clothing, he looks like a movie hero—or villain, her mind supplies—on the back of the pitch-black horse. An outlaw come to take her away.

  To distract herself, she climbs on Daisy and rides away, pushing her to a gallop. Away from Adam, away from the house, away from her parents’ expectations. As the sun breaks over the top of the mountains, she flies. Not far behind, Adam follows. She can’t escape him now, and she doesn’t want to. The thrill of knowing that he’s there, and looking like he does, is addicting.

  They crest the small mountain, the stars blinking out one by one in the rapidly paling sky. They take the trail down the other side at a much slower pace, the horses picking their steps carefully.

  When they come to the stream at the bottom, they let the horses drink. The horses are so close together that Isa’s leg brushes Adam’s. When she isn’t looking, his hand touches her cheek, and she jolts away.

  “Sorry,” he says, jerking his hand back. “You have a leaf.”

  She brushes her fingers through her hair, and, sure enough, a leaf is caught in the strands. It must have landed on her as she rode through the trail in the forest on the way down.

  “Thank you,” she says. After they cross the stream, they trek through the small valley. There’s generally no wildlife in this area, but Isa looks around anyway, if only to keep from looking at Adam. Occasionally, she’ll spot a deer, but not today. When they get up the trail onto the side of another mountain, Isa stops at an outcropping and dismounts. The sun bursts out over the furthest mountain. She loosens the lead so that Daisy can graze. Isa doesn’t have to keep a hold of the lead, but she does anyway. It’s nice to have something to hold onto.

  Isa should have come alone, because all she wants to do is sit quietly and watch the sunrise over her home, these small mountains she grew up in. A small group of horses, the brood mares and foals, wanders down the hill past one of the many fences, and the scene is perfect. But she is so tired of this particular scene, the only scene she’ll ever know.

  Moments later, Adam sits on the ground with her, his hand around Ike’s lead. He and Isa aren’t touching, but they could be. After a moment of hesitation, Isa leans, resting her head on his shoulder.

  After a few seconds, he rests his head on hers. They watch the group of mares and foals grazing, and she sniffs.

  Adam pulls away, then, as gently as possible, puts his hand on her cheek. “Why are you crying?” he asks, his voice hoarse.

  “I’m not,” she responds automatically. When he swipes his thumb along her cheek and holds it out for her to see, though, it’s wet. She turns and wipes the tears away. “I’m fine.”

  He sighs. “Isa, I think…” She waits. “I think we should talk about the other night.”

  She hangs her head. Of course he thinks that. Why can’t they just have that memory and be done with it? This whole morning is a mistake. She sees that now.

  He speaks slowly, not like he’s translating in his head, but like he’s considering his words. “What is it that you want out of this? Out of me?”

  Of course he would ask that. But how can she answer a question she doesn’t even know the answer to? She shrugs. “I don’t know. Nothing, probably.”

  A frustrated noise comes out of Adam, and he stands. “I don’t know what that means,” he says. She’s about to repeat it in English, but he says, “I mean, I know the words, but I don’t understand. I need to know what you want. What do you want from me?”

  Isa stands as well. She can’t look him in the eye, although he isn’t much taller than her.

  “I don’t want anything from you,” she says. It’s a lie. She wants him. All of him. She wants to touch him, to talk to him, to know him. But she can’t say that. “The only thing I want right now is to be out for a ride. And then I am going to go home and learn how to run my parents’ business so that they can retire.” And then she’ll live her life here, never doing anything different and never changing.

  Adam’s eyes harden. “I don’t believe that. I really don’t. But it’s not my job to tell you what you want.” He turns and mounts Ike. Isa does the same with Daisy. Before Adam can storm off, she pulls Daisy around and pushes her home.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Adam

  They don’t talk while they untack the horses. Adam shouldn’t have been so hard on Isa, but he hadn’t had anything else to say. If she isn’t willing to admit when she wants something, then he can’t do anything to make her. He’d seen the hopeful look in her eyes when she’d asked about the essay, felt her shaking when she kissed his chest while sharing his bed.

  But if she won’t admit it, that’s on her.

  He takes Ike for a walk after removing his saddle, then brushes him when he’s cooled down. Somehow, he and Isa manage to stay away from each other while putting their horses away. She’s no longer in the barn by the time he’s finished with Ike, and he moves on to his chores. He helps Jen prep the horses she’s training for the day, and he cools down the others when she’s finished.

  The day goes on, and he asks himself whether he should tell Isa that his visa is about to expire. He can only be in the country for another three weeks before he has to go back to the States, and then they’ll lose any chance they had at anything. But if he tells her now, and she goes to Syracuse, that’s only a couple hours away from—

  He cuts himself off. No. There’s no way. He has to stop thinking so much about Isa. She’s not the only girl in the world, and he’s not even twenty-four yet. He has better things to do, like figure out what he’s doing with his entire life. Up until last summer, he’d thought that he was going to help on the horse farm forever. He loves the work, loves the animals, loves the business, but his sister couldn’t possibly want him there, not after he’d run.

  He sighs and scuffs his shoes along the dirty floor. He hadn’t finished sweeping this morning, so he gets out the giant push-broom and re-does the aisle. The steady motion is soothing to his muscles but does nothing for his restless mind. He tries to focus on the movements, to clear his thoughts and work on his breathing, but every breath in reminds him of Isa. How can it not, when everything about her is connected to this barn, to these horses?

  When he leaves Germany and returns to New York, he’s going to break, and Adam isn’t sure if he’ll be able to find a way to put himself back together.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Isa

  Isa spends the remainder of the day in the house. She helps Mom with the paperwork, learning the organizational system as she goes. Each of their stallions has a file, and each file has sub-files with the registration information for foals, show papers, photos, et cetera. It’s an efficient system, and soon Isa is in a muddled daze.

  By the time she finishes filing everything from the past weekend’s show and the papers for the new foals, the sun has begun to set. She rubs her eyes. She hadn’t realized how late it was getting. She should probably go to bed.

  She sighs and stretches, glancing at her laptop. In her email, there’s one new message.

  She holds her breath and stares at that single notification, but it doesn’t go away.

  This email address is new, one she set up shortly before graduating. Nobody has it.
<
br />   Well, almost nobody.

  Mom isn’t in the office anymore, having gone downstairs to start on dinner. Isa opens the tab.

  The email is from Syracuse. It’s probably another automated email. It probably says they’re full up or something. One of her professors from Münster had promised to call someone he knows in admissions, though. Could it be?

  When she opens the email, she scans through it. Her eyes sting, and she has to wipe the water away as she reads it again.

  They want to schedule an interview.

  Somebody at Syracuse wants to speak with her. They’re interested in her.

  She covers her mouth with her hand so she doesn’t sob or laugh or scream.

  Breathe. Just breathe. It’s only an interview.

  Still, she excitedly shoots an email back and closes her laptop.

  She has to tell someone. Anyone. She needs somebody else to be excited for her. She considers admitting everything to her parents, just for a moment, but of course that would be a terrible idea. They would never understand. They have plans, and Isa leaving when she should be learning the ins and outs of their business is not a part of those plans.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Adam

  Adam is just getting ready for bed, shirt already off, when someone knocks on his door. Did he forget something? Is one of the horses still out in the corral? He glances at the note on his phone, but he’d checked everyone off there, just like he does every day. Maybe it’s Jen, coming to tell him that she needs his help with something different tomorrow, so he should get up early.

  When he opens the door, the last person he expects to see is Isa standing there in her tight jeans and tank top. A barely-contained smile spreads across her lips, and her eyes sparkle. He doesn’t miss the instant where her eyes trace over his body, and he has to focus on his breathing.