The Shadow Realm

by James Galloway

  "My love for you is the only reason I'm not trying to take off your head," she replied cooly. "I think your fears are misguided, and maybe unfounded. That you would come in here and accuse my Allyn of such things in front of me is dishonorable. You know that to insult the honor of my lover is the same as insulting mine!" She glared at him. "Custom forbids me from killing you to avenge my honor, so to lay bare your greatest secret is suitable vengeance to satisfy my honor. There are many kinds of pain, brother. Inflicting that pain is the satisfaction of your slight on my honor."

  "Is that so?" Tarrin said in a low, very dangerous tone. "So, there is nothing wrong with securing their cooperation, is there? So long as it does no true harm?"

  "There isn't."

  "So be it."

  Tarrin raised a paw, and then clenched it. He had a good memory, and remembered how the spell was done. He wove that same spell and then released it.

  The target was not Allia. It was Allyn.

  The Sha'Kar youth suddenly sucked in his breath, and then shrieked in mindless agony, clutching at his stomach. He convulsed on the bed, kicking Allia's shins so hard that he swept her feet out from under her. She tumbled on top of him, but was violently thrown aside as his wracking convulsions pushed her away, as he continued to scream in mindless agony, his feet slamming down onto the bed so hard the entire bed shook with each blow. Allia jumped atop him and grabbed his arms, trying to pin him down, but the pain-induced power of his arms was too much for her. She got clear of him, looking at him in terrible concern, and then turned a seething, furious face on her brother.

  "Stop this!" she shouted. "Stop it now!"

  "I'm only using pain as a way to teach, Allia," he said in a deadly cold voice, his expression utterly emotionless. "It is perfectly acceptable. You said so yourself. After all, I'm doing him no true harm."

  She glared at him, her eyes hot, as Allyn continued to shriek behind her.

  "Are my fears misguided now, sister?" he demanded. "Am I overreacting? This is what that Sha'Kar did to that girl. Is this acceptable in the eyes of the Selani? Is this an honorable way to teach?"

  "You lie!" she accused, tears forming in her eyes. "It cannot be! Release him, brother! You're killing him!"

  "I am doing him no true harm," he hissed. "It's a spell that induces the nerves to believe there is pain. Nothing more, nothing less. This is only half of what I could do to him, sister. Do you want to see the spell at its full power?"

  "Let him go!" she demanded, reaching down over the bed and coming back up with one of her shortswords. "Don't make me force you stop, Tarrin!"

  With the opening of his paw, Tarrin let go of the spell. Allyn stopped screaming, stopped writhing, sucking in his breath between racking sobs, coughing and nearly retching on the bed. "You'll find him to be completely unharmed, sister," Tarrin said in a cold tone. "As I said. I did him no true harm."

  "How could you?" she demanded, tears forming in her eyes as she threw the sword aside and literally dived down to Allyn, cooing gentle words to him as her hands checked him for injury.

  "How could you!?" he shouted back at her. "Am I something to just throw aside now that you have him? Do I matter to you at all, Allia? The sister I know would have at least considered my side of the story. She wouldn't have just dismissed me like I was nothing!"

  "Does your jealousy of Allyn make you so vindictive?" she shouted at him. "Are you angry that I finally found someone other than you? Does it infuriate you that I'm happy, Tarrin?" she demanded. "Did you have to come here and try to destroy my happiness?"

  "I was hoping that Allyn would agree with me," he said in a voice that could not conceal his regret. "I was very happy that you are happy, Allia. Believe me, the last thing I wanted to do was come in here and jeopardize that happiness. I wanted Allyn to be with us, to be part of our family. But this is something that just could not be left alone. My honor wouldn't allow it."

  "You lie," she hissed through clenched teeth. "You have no honor, brother," she sneered. "May the Holy Mother wipe the brands from you!"

  That was it. She said he had no honor. Among the Selani, that was about the worst thing that one could say. She had told him that he was now nothing in her eyes, and if she could, she would take his life.

  She had rejected him. Utterly, completely, and irrevocably rejected him. To her, he was now nothing. Only an empty shell that should be deprived of its life at the earliest available opportunity.

  The sadness of that washed away his anger, left him feeling cold and empty inside. His sister...gone to him. No more long talks, no more laughter and sharing secrets, no more of her soothing presence with him to make all the bad things stay away. All of that was over now. She had made her choice, and she had chosen against him. In a manner that had burned the bridge behind her. Now that it was said, there was no going back.

  His tail drooping, his shoulders slumping in defeat, he bowed his head and stared at the floor. He could hear Allyn's labored breathing, hear Allia's tightly controlled breaths as she tried to contain her anger. "I'm sorry you feel that way, sister," he said in a quiet tone. "I really am. But know this. If you are not with me," he said, his eyes erupting with incadescent white light as he raised his head to look at them, "then you are against me." He raised a paw, limned over with Magelight.

  It hung there for a long moment, as Allia stared at him in steely resolve, not showing any fear of him, despite how easily he could destroy her. "By all rights, I should strike you down here and now," Tarrin continued. "Both you and him. You know too much about me, and that information could get me killed if you decided to give it over to the Sha'Kar. But I won't do that. You may not love me anymore, but I love you. I can't hurt you. Not now, not ever." He allowed the Magelight to dissipate, his eyes returning to normal, and then he turned his back to them. "If you ever loved me, Allia, then keep your silence. Out of respect for what we once shared, if anything else."

  There was nothing more to be said. The space between them was like a wall to him now, separating them, and he could feel it growing wider and wider. He walked away from her, walked away from his life, feeling like someone had just torn out his soul.

  Sacrifice, he remembered the Goddess said. That he may have to sacrifice, that the Elder Gods wanted to make sure that he could make the hard decisions that must be made. There had been no harder decision than that, no sacrifice greater. Tarrin had just destroyed one of the most important cornerstones of his very existence. He had turned Allia against him. There was nothing worse that could possibly be done.

  Allia watched him go, her mask of fury breaking after he longer looked upon her. She began to cry softly as she held Allyn's head, putting her cheek against his fine hair, her eyes locked on the small, almost unnoticable dark spots on the floor where Tarrin had been standing.

  The water of his tears.

  They knew it had gone badly.

  They came to visit him, but it was as if here dead. He sat on a divan, his expression blank, his body rigid and motionless, head in his paws and hunched over. He didn't hear their words, didn't register their presence as the dark, black reality of what had happened assaulted his mind, assaulted his soul. Not even Kimmie could rouse him from his black depression, something that had Dolanna so concerned that she couldn't bear to leave his side. There was nothing but the pain of his loss, nothing but the echo of Allia's voice in his mind.

  You have no honor....you have no honor...you have no honor....

  He had no idea how long he was like that. The light glowing from the walls eliminated any sense of time. He only became dimly aware things had changed when he felt Kimmie's inhumanly strong arms pick him up, and then set him gently down in the bed. He felt nothing, saw nothing, only the hole inside him, the loss of something that had mattered more to him than life itself. It consumed his consciousness, threatened to suck him down into its unfathomable depths. Were it not for Kimmie's closeness, her touch, her sweet voice in his ear murmuring to him, and the memory of the life she carried
inside of her, he very well may have let go and drowned in that sweet unknowing blackness willingly.

  That had been what had finally made him claw his way out of that black pit of despair. Kimmie's closeness to him reminded him of the world outside, her gentle touch on his shoulders and face and neck recalled him from the emptiness inside, and her murmuring about how beautiful their child was going to be, how strong, how much joy it would bring to both of them, it was enough to bring him back from the emptiness.

  Tarrin registered his senses. He was laying on his back in the bed, and Kimmie was sitting on the edge, staring down at him with concerned eyes, her paw stroking his face as her other held onto his own in a crushing grip. Her expression didn't match the gentle composure of her voice, as her worry and fear were clearly stamped on it, and her scent betrayed her wild panic at seeing him that way.

  "Tarrin," she said with a relieved, gentle look as his eyes fluttered, and he looked up at her. "Are you alright?"

  He sighed. "No," he said honestly. "Kimmie, she--"

  "Don't talk about it," she said with tenderness, putting a finger over his lips. "We know. I'm so sorry, Tarrin. I know how much she means to you."

  Tarrin sat up, and accepted her gentle embrace. He held her close for a long time, letting her scent drown out everything else, feeling her closeness, allowing her to comfort him. He was surprised to hear that she was crying, felt the wetness of her tears on his shoulder. She sniffled ruefully. "Here I promised myself I wouldn't be all weepy for you," she told him. "Some comfort I am."

  "Kimmie, you're exactly what I need right now," he told her in a powerful voice.

  She held him a while longer, and then pushed out so she could look at him. "She, she went to see Dolanna. She tried to give her side of the story, but--" she looked away. "Dolanna was very cold to her. She showed her Zarina and really let her have it. Dolanna said that it was like she was doing everything she could not to look at the girl or face the facts. Dolanna said it was like she was possessed or something. Maybe she didn't mean to hurt you, my mate," she told him delicately. "Maybe it was just her anger talking."

  Tarrin heard her words, and something just clicked. It was a realization, or at least a hope of one, something that he realized may come back to help him later. If he did things right. But it did little to soften the newness of his pain. No matter what he was thinking, the raw wound Allia had opened in him would not close itself so quickly or easily. He still needed time to recover from it.

  "No amount of anger would have made her say what she said to me," he sighed, feeling that hole begin to gnaw at his insides again. "She said I have no honor, Kimmie. That's the worst thing you can say to anyone who understands Selani custom."

  Kimmie gave him a compassionate look. "Well, I'll always be here for you, Tarrin, whenever you need me. I love you."

  He looked into her beautiful blue eyes, and then kissed her gently on the cheek. "You have no idea how honored I feel when you say that," he told her. "I'm not good enough for you, Kimmie. You should find some male that can love you with all his heart."

  "A third of your heart is worth more than the hearts of all the other males put together," she said fiercely. "I'll take my piece of you and be happy with it."

  "A third, eh?" he asked with a gentle smile. "What happened to half?"

  "Mist gets the other third," she said with a teary grin. "We're your females, Tarrin, we're the mothers of your children. And you're our man. Jesmind, Mist, and me, we all love you. We love you so much that none of us can give you up. It's why we decided to share you." She gave him a tender look. "I know we can't replace what you've lost, but we can at least help the pain go away," she told him. "Let our love fill up what was taken away, my mate," she said in a whisper. "Let me take away your pain."

  He looked at her with defenseless eyes, and she leaned down and kissed him with such exquisite tenderness that he could not help but be moved by it. If only for a moment, Kimmie's deep love for him did fill the void inside, did smooth away the gaping wound in his soul. He surrendered to her in that embrace, allowing her to do as she wished, for he knew that he could trust her. Trust her as much as he once trusted Allia...and still did. No matter how she felt about him, she would always be his sister, and he would always love her.

  And if he was right, maybe that trust was justified.

  He surrendered to Kimmie's kiss, surrendered to her touch, and then surrendered up to her his soul as she laid him back down on the bed. In that moment, he knew her love had conquered him. He knew in that moment that it was possible to love two women, equally and passionately. He would always love Jesmind, and her place with him would always be secure as his first mate. It was something that Kimmie herself understood, and accepted. But Kimmie was now his love as well, and when the time came, his sorrow at leaving Jesmind would be mixed with his joy of joining Kimmie. He could only hope that Mist would understand.

  He had realized the hidden love he felt for his devoted mate on the same day his sister had rejected him. In the balance of things, they should have been equal. But inside him, one could never replace the other.

  But if Tarrin was right, one would not have to try.

  Kimmie's tender attentions had done a great deal for his state of mind, but none of them could miss the haunted look in his eyes, the defensive set of his stance as he regarded them. They were all there, all gathered in his room...all of them except Allia. Keritanima looked deeply embarassed and hurt as she sat on the divan with Miranda, who looked stunned. The others, who weren't as close to Allia as Tarrin and Keritanima, still looked on with profound compassion and sorrow. Allia had been one of them, a member of their rather unusual family. But she had decided that a life with Allyn and the Sha'Kar was worth more to her than those she left behind. And so she too had to be left behind.

  Tarrin summed up that mood with one three words. "Allia left us." They looked up at him in compassion and concern, but he wrapped himself in his duty to the Goddess, in his mission. Sacrifice. "But it doesn't change what we have to do. We have to move on. I'm sure Kimmie and Dolanna told you what happened when I visited the Grand."

  "We can't leave her behind, Tarrin," Camara Tal said fiercely. "And we sure as the Abyss can't let her walk around now. Not knowing what she knows."

  "Leave Allia alone, Camara. She's made her choice. She has to live with it now."

  "She'll put us all in danger!" the Amazon argued. "If she tells that boytoy of hers what she knows, he'll tell Arlan, and Arlan is all but up the rear of the Council. Spends all his time with them, I've heard. They'll know exactly what we're doing and exactly how to stop us."

  "She doesn't know everything, and it's what she doesn't know that's most important," Tarrin told the Amazon bluntly.

  "She knows about me," Sapphire said in a calm voice. "It seems all that teaching was for nothing. My use as a spy is pretty much well over."

  "Education is never a waste, my dear drake," Phandebrass told her. "Never a waste at all."

  "I'd have to agree with you, Wizard," Sapphire told him calmly.

  Zarina gaped at the talking drake like it was the most wondrous thing in the world.

  "Allia doesn't know about the missing Sha'Kar, or what we intend to do about it. And in a way," he said with a shudder, then continued in a brutal kind of tone, "it's best this happened now. If Allia really is telling Allyn what she shouldn't be telling him, at least that hole in our kettle is patched."

  "It pains me to say it, but Tarrin is right," Dolanna sighed.

  Keritanima sniffled, and looked about ready to break down and cry. Miranda put her arms around her gently, and Dar patted her on the back from behind.

  "We can't stop now," Tarrin said intensely. "Not when we're so close. Not even because of Allia." He looked at Phandebrass. "I want you to go visit the library at the Grand's house, and I don't care how you do it," he said adamantly. "Sapphire, help him. You can get in there without being noticed, and if he can't get in, he can tell you what to look for, and
you can steal it. They may know you can talk, but they don't know that you know how to read."

  "It will be done, Tarrin," Sapphire said in a calm, confident tone.

  "Camara, Zak, I want you to take one more shot at the servants. I want you to find out all the rumors going around, no matter how outlandish or crazy they may seem. New ones, old ones, even ones that they thought they forgot. All of them."

  "That won't be a problem, Tarrin," Camara Tal said. "The head servant girl has a crush on Dar, and she seems to be the center of the rumors that fly around among the servants. He can take her to bed and boff the answers out of her."

  "Must you be so crude?" Dar asked in a stiff voice.

  "Crude or not, it'll work," she told him bluntly. "That girl can't stop talking to save her life. Once you get her naked, she'll talk about the things that she's not supposed to talk about along with everything else."

  "Actually, she may not," Dolanna said. "I studied the spells that the Sha'Kar have placed on their servants. Among them is a Mind weave that interdicts speaking of things the Sha'Kar do not wish them to say. It is how they protect their family secrets that the servants overhear. Point this girl out to me, Camara. I can remove that interdiction without anyone knowing it, then replace it when Dar is done with her and block out the memory of her doing so. All she will remember will be a romantic encounter with Dar. She will spill all the secrets we wish to hear to Dar, and never know she did. That protects her and us."

  "Why not just take her to a room and make her talk?" Dar asked hopefully.

  "There must be a valid memory to cover my work, Dar," Dolanna told him. "You act like we are forcing you to move a mountain."

  "It's just that I don't feel comfortable sleeping with a stranger," he said with a blush.

  "After you get her naked, she won't be a stranger anymore," Camara Tal snorted.

  "I thought we didn't want to move fast, Tarrin," Kimmie cautioned. "Sending Phandebrass to raid the central library? Isn't that a bit dangerous?"