Spring Log

by Isuna Hasekura

“…So you’re asking for Myuri’s hand in marriage.”

  Lawrence finally met the boy’s determination head-on.

  “Y-yes.”

  Kalm did not appear to be joking, and immediately Lawrence changed gears and stepped into the role of bathhouse owner in his head.

  “Have you consulted your father about this?”

  Lawrence raised his question and Kalm made a troubled face before he shook his head.

  It was important in this small village to know which houses were related to whom. For example, if a popular bathhouse became connected to another by blood ties, then it would create a powerful clique. Though there was no rule forbidding marrying within the village, it was preferred by most to marry out, particularly choosing someone around Svernel.

  Also, simply put, it was to avoid inbreeding in a place with so few households.

  “Hmm.”

  For some reason, Lawrence sighed, and Kalm abruptly leaned forward.

  “U-um, I—I have one question.”

  “Hmm?”

  “D-did Myuri, I—I mean has your daughter, really…um, eloped…?”

  “Yes.”

  Lawrence muttered with a sigh, and he could feel Holo grinning at the edge of his vision.

  Then, he finally understood why Kalm suddenly came over so determined, without talking to even his parents.

  “Even I don’t know, either…if she eloped…No, probably, a part of me felt that this would…”

  Lawrence found himself suddenly muddling his words and could not apply his logic.

  “But it hasn’t been completely decided.”

  The reason Lawrence could say this so confidently was not just because of hopeful observation. It was partly born from his respect for Kalm, who had gathered all his courage to come here.

  “You know, Myuri is the kind to do absolutely reckless things without a second thought. And she gets bored very easily.”

  Kalm, her childhood friend, seemed to be familiar with this and nodded vigorously.

  “So that means there’s a chance she’ll come back if they have a big fight or something like that.”

  On top of that, Col was working toward becoming a clergyman and had taken vows of abstinence. When the beautiful dancers came to the village, no matter who tried to entice Col, he had not been swayed.

  “If that happens, then you should come talk to her yourself. I have no intention of barring your way.”

  Kalm’s face brightened, as though he had seen a ray of light beyond the dark clouds, but his expression soon lost energy again.

  “But…she’s with…Col, isn’t she?”

  Everyone knew one another in this small village.

  Lawrence nodded, and dejection crept into the once-mischievous child’s expression. If Col had been Lawrence’s own rival in love when he was Kalm’s age, he would have simply given up hope. Col had always been a good boy, but when he grew up, he became an even more wonderful man.

  “Sigh…”

  Though Kalm had come in high spirits, it seemed he had lost heart when confronted with the situation he faced. Lawrence remembered he had a similar experience when he was an apprentice merchant and could not help but smile a little.

  And though the person sitting before him was an awful boy who was after his beloved daughter, he was still a brave man who had marched in here all by himself.

  “But why this, all of a sudden?”

  “Huh?”

  Kalm responded with confusion, and Lawrence drew near his face, consciously paying attention to Holo.

  “Aren’t you the kind to prefer the dancing girls?”

  He lowered his voice, as though it was a private conversation between men, and Kalm’s cheeks turned red. Song and dance were essential to a place of healing like Nyohhira, and there were plenty of beautiful women. On top of that, these girls, who had the privilege to indulge in the arts, could get away with anything. Like the first dazzling shoots of summer greenery, they held a beauty that everyone adored.

  “That’s…well…” Kalm hesitated, but did not stay silent. “But I realized they’re…different…from Myuri.”

  Lawrence recalled his daughter. Myuri looked just like Holo, but she was completely different on the inside. She was filled with endless energy, as though all the calm and cunning parts of Holo had been cut out, and all her pessimistic bits were replaced with radiant sunlight.

  Once, when his daughter was little, she had blindly chased after a rabbit, trying to catch it, and fell backward in the mud, bleeding from her head. The very next day, she was playing in the woods, chasing deer.

  From her very core, she was different from the confident and calmly smiling dancers, with their plaited hair and incensed clothes and carefully maintained waistlines. They were more like Holo, if anything.

  “Well…They’re as different as a cat in a noble’s manor…and a wolf in the mountains…”

  Though he thought his own daughter was the world’s cutest, there were some things he could not ignore.

  Lawrence spoke shamefully, but Kalm gave him a small smile and hurriedly shook his head.

  “Well, um, that’s not it…”

  “Hmm?”

  Kalm’s gaze dropped to his fingers.

  “I did like the dancers once, but…when they went down the mountain, I thought, Oh, I’ll see them again.”

  “I see.”

  “But when I heard Myuri left, I…I!”

  It was then his expression became filled with pain, and it seemed as though he would cry again.

  “You just couldn’t bear waiting, huh?”

  “…”

  Unable to speak, Kalm nodded, lips trembling.

  He was the same age as Myuri, and they were always playing together. They were like family. It seemed that Myuri was too close to Kalm to notice. But Lawrence knew quite well. From his experience traveling as a merchant, when he never stayed in one place for more than a month, the emotions of townspeople and villagers always stood out starkly in his eyes.

  It was not often that big changes occurred in these towns and villages. The things that would come tomorrow had already happened today, and no matter how boring or pedestrian, they would repeat year after year, and the year after that. That was why inseparable old childhood friends stopped calling out to each other as they grew up, though they may have been interested in each other. If that went over poorly and he lost his chance, then he would continue to regret it until he became an old man, and then it would follow him to his grave.

  And that was why the boy deserved respect for his courageous effort, coming here on his own. Plus, it was likely that his rival in love would be Col.

  Lawrence looked at Kalm as a man.

  “And I should have known that…” Kalm’s fists tightened on his knees, and tears fell from his eyes. “I should have known, when my brother got sick and died…”

  Lawrence knew immediately it was about Kalm’s older brother, who had passed on all too soon due to an infectious disease. He hesitated for a moment before slowly putting his hand on the youth’s shoulder.

  “I knew…I have to say…sniff…what I want to say, because otherwise…there might not be a next time…”

  Lawrence patted Kalm’s shoulder, then his back, and pulled him into a hug. Then, he noticed how unlike Myuri the boyish hardness of his bones were, and the faint smell of sweat, and Lawrence felt deeply moved by the thought that if he had a son, it would be like this.

  He took the handkerchief that Holo so thoughtfully brought over and, again, patted the boy’s back.

  “But Myuri is still here.”

  “…Sniff…”

  “If it were up to me, I’d punch every single guy that came after my daughter into next week.”

  He spoke purposefully, but Kalm looked up at Lawrence and flinched a bit. No matter how cute Holo thought this boy to be, Lawrence was still the upstanding owner of this bathhouse.

  “But it would be irresponsible of me to tell you to go after her right now
, even if you wanted to.”

  Kalm tried to stand up suddenly, but Lawrence kept him seated and handed him the handkerchief.

  “She can be pretty indecisive about things like that, so I think there’s a good chance she suddenly comes back like nothing happened after traveling around a bit with Col.”

  Knowing that Holo was in all likelihood listening very closely, he smiled dryly after picturing her reaction, but Lawrence really did think that this scenario was more than likely. He could not imagine Col putting his hands on Myuri without saying anything to her father first.

  “When that happens, I want you to show me what a fine young man you are. And once more…once more…”

  You can come get her, were the words he just could not spit out. But Kalm spoke up, gripping the handkerchief.

  “I’ll come get her!”

  Lawrence saw a determination that would not waver from just one or two hits. Then he relaxed his shoulders and smiled, nodding.

  “I’m waiting. And until then, I’ll be sure to practice some punches.”

  He grinned, and Kalm just stared back, his face twitching.

  “Well then, wipe your tears, and drink this.”

  “O-okay!”

  Kalm did as he was told while Lawrence gazed at him, casually resting his chin in his hand.

  He would not mind a good kid like this for a son.

  “If you want to wash your face, you can use the baths. Your little brother’s got sharp eyes, right?!”

  “Ahh…Y-yes please.”

  If the ever-boisterous, proud older brother went home crying, it would be like a pack of wolves attacking a weak deer. Kalm stood, bowed, and headed to the baths with shaky steps.

  Lawrence sent him off with a smile, and Holo came in his place, sitting on Lawrence’s lap without saying a word.

  “Wh-what is it?”

  “Mm? Heh-heh.”

  Holo laughed merrily, puffing up her tail in the robe that could not quite cover it completely.

  “Is this foolish boy acting like a big man?” She made the first blow and grasped his hand. “You are quite stern sometimes, and that’s why I cannot belittle you.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment for now.”

  “Fool.”

  Her response was short and fawning, almost like she was rubbing her ears against him through the robe. That exchange seemed to have really pulled on her heartstrings.

  Lawrence pulled her into a tight hug and spoke absently.

  “There might not be a next time, huh?”

  How suddenly Kalm’s older brother had died was fresh in his mind. On top of that, those words really resonated with Lawrence, who had led a life filled with fleeting meetings as a traveling merchant.

  “If he understands that at his age, he will make a good male.”

  “I thought it was clear I knew that, too.”

  He was always reaching out to Holo, knowing that if they parted, there would not be a second meeting.

  But Holo leaned back from him a bit, staring at Lawrence. He looked embarrassed under her accusing gaze.

  “What, aren’t I right?”

  “What makes you a fool is how you rewrite things that happened in the past when it suits you.”

  “Wh-what do you mean?”

  “Though you say you are so in love with me, do you know how long it took you? Hmm?”

  “…”

  Holo’s play biting always hurt a bit. If he gave in to the pain and tried to say, I might be wrong but what about you, she would no doubt leave teeth marks in his hide. But her eyes had been on him the entire time, and her tail rustled like a dog that could not wait to play.

  He had no choice but to accept that she desperately wanted him to say those embarrassing three words to her face, even now.

  Being so loved is also pain, Lawrence, the poet, recited to himself, and just as he was going to say the words that Holo wanted to hear—

  “Can’t you say what you want to say?”

  He murmured to himself absently.

  “Um, what? Wh-what is it?” Holo’s face looked as though she was expecting to be fed honey-dipped, sweet, dried grapes, but instead had pepper sprinkled in her mouth.

  Lawrence was oblivious to this, though, as he desperately pulled on something to try to connect everything inside his head. He had a conversation similar to this recently.

  A situation where he could not say what he wanted to say but would say it eventually.

  Confessions at death’s door!

  That was the great release, divulging everything on the brink of dying, since there would be no more chances. But like with Holo in front of him, the things he wanted to say but could not bring himself to were not all bad.

  So?

  “So…”

  “Hello? Heeeelloooooo?”

  Holo was tapping Lawrence’s cheek, but he grabbed her hand and stood up, carrying her bridal-style. Everything came together. An event that would bring more people in spring bloomed in his head.

  “Yes! We should make a landing on the way to heaven!”

  Lawrence yelled loudly, and in his arms, Holo stared at him blankly.

  A funeral was a ceremony of parting.

  Once the lid was closed, prayers were given, and the coffin buried in the ground, the living and the dead would never meet again.

  When the coffin was being carried from his house, all who came out to greet Lawrence spoke their parting words. There was nothing to fake, nothing to hide, nothing to be embarrassed about anymore.

  In parting, there was a certain strength that pushed out the things he could not easily express.

  “Holo.”

  Lawrence called her name, but he could not help the wry smile that tugged on his lips.

  He had prepared as much as he could, and though everyone had been courteous enough to leave the shed, it was still difficult.

  “Ooh…the angels would become impatient right about now, too.”

  He could hear the groans of the dead coming from within the coffin.

  Lawrence cleared his throat and peeked into the coffin at Holo, who was smiling uncomfortably. He began to speak.

  “I was happy since the day I met you.”

  “…Was?”

  She cracked one eye open and asked her question accusingly.

  “This is a funeral, you know.”

  “Hmph.”

  “And in this funeral, the dead returns to life by the water of miracles.”

  He dipped his finger into a silver cup that had been prepared for them, wetting it with the hot spring water, and spread the liquid across Holo’s forehead.

  “How does it feel to rejoin the living?”

  Holo opened both eyes, looking up at Lawrence, and broke out into a smile.

  “How happy I am to still have time to spend with you.”

  “Ah…”

  Lawrence was not expecting that answer and was at a loss for words. Holo showed her fangs in victory. He could never win against her and thought it was just like her.

  “I am honored,” Lawrence said and helped her sit up.

  “So, what do you think of this as a festival?”

  “Mm?”

  “You won’t know if someone said something good about you, nor can you speak any more after you die. So this is a ritual to get just one step closer to heaven, where you may as well spell out everything while you’re still alive, just under the pretense that you’re dead.”

  “Hmm, mm…Well, you know what?” Holo looked at Lawrence and spoke with an honest expression. “’Tis not bad.”

  “Ha-ha, I see. Well, it doesn’t need too many preparations, and it doesn’t get too out of hand, so I think it’s worth trying out.”

  When Lawrence had told the other bathhouse owners what he thought up, they were startled at first. But when he told them the point of it, they immediately became excited. Everyone had one or two things that they wanted to say belatedly to someone important to them, and it would be better to do so qu
ickly—the appeal was easy to understand. All that was needed was an excuse to say those words.

  And all the stubborn men of the world were likely thinking the same thing.

  That was why, in this secluded area, in the place closest to heaven on this earth, they would hold funerals for the living as their excuse. This was what Lawrence thought.

  “Candles can get pretty expensive, so we have to be careful about that…And it really comes together when we all wear the same clothes, so that’s also another expense…But yeah, this could work.”

  As he thought of all sorts of things, he suddenly realized that Holo was staring at him.

  Oh no, I started thinking business and forgot about her. He tensed, but Holo showed him a small smile and, as though she had just woken up, softly gripped his sleeve.

  “I am so…”

  “Huh?”

  “So happy I am still alive.”

  She kept smiling and tears rolled from the corners of her eyes.

  Lawrence hurriedly wiped them away.

  “Our travels will continue, yes?”

  “Everything fades with time.” From Holo’s perspective, Lawrence, too, was nothing more than a leaf that would be blown away with passing years. One day, their parting would come, and this moment would forever remain in the past.

  But that moment was still in the future.

  Lawrence wrapped his arm around Holo’s back and hugged her. They had to protect their “now” from the flow of time, as much as they could.

  “Yes,” he finally responded. “We will. Just a little longer.”

  Holo lifted her head and smiled. Then, they had a bit of a back-and-forth. While neither of them made an effort to resolve it, they ended up naturally settling back down. It was similar to the time they decided to start a business together.

  They shared a kiss in front of the altar, where God watched over them.

  Their eyes met, and even after all their time together, they still found themselves blushing.

  There were still many things left for them to do in this world.

  Spring was near, the season when the snow would finally melt.

  GOLDEN MEMORIES

  Surrounded on all sides by mountains in the center of the world.

  The long winter was finally coming to an end in the hot spring village of Nyohhira.