Undeniably Yours

by Shannon Stacey

  “You’re awfully dressed up just to go to lunch.”

  Paulie looked down at herself. “I’m hardly dressed up. And I’m, uh…meeting Sam after for…something.”

  She was such a bad liar. “If we were going somewhere somebody might take pictures or something, you’d tell me, right? Because you’re my best friend.”

  “I’m not telling you anything because Mrs. Kowalski is fierce. But a dab of lip gloss might not hurt.”

  “Give me five minutes.”

  “Not too much,” Paulie called after her, “or people might wonder why you got all dolled up just to go to lunch with me.”

  Ten minutes later, Beth managed to lower herself into Paulie’s Miata. “You’re going to need a crane to get me out.”

  “Yeah, thought about switching vehicles with Kev, but we’d need a crane to get you up into his Jeep. Either way, not gonna be pretty.” She got in herself and fired up the ignition. “You know, you’re the only person I know who doesn’t own a car.”

  “It’s only a matter of time before I’m fishing week-old Cheerios out of my minivan seats. Enjoying my freedom while I still can.”

  A few minutes later they pulled up in front of a beautiful restaurant known for its function room and Beth managed to hoist herself out of the tiny car without making too much of a spectacle of herself.

  “You better look surprised,” Paulie hissed before they went in, “Or Mrs. K will tear me a new one.”

  She didn’t have to pretend. Even though she’d suspected it was baby shower day from the minute Paulie walked into her apartment, she hadn’t expected it to be so…much. Balloons and streamers and banners.

  And her parents. Seeing the happy tears in her mother’s eyes, Beth came totally undone and was sobbing by the time she got her arms around her. She’d missed her mom and she hadn’t realized just how much until she saw her.

  “Look at that belly,” Shelly exclaimed and Beth laughed through the tears.

  Eventually her mother let go of her and let her dad have a turn. Then came all the Kowalskis. She realized with a start all the guys were there—Kevin’s brothers and his dad and brother-in-law—and not just the women. Even his nephews.

  After Stephanie hugged her, she had to lean forward so the girl could slip a tiara on her head. Then Kevin was next to her, slipping his arm around her very substantial waistline.

  “Surprise!” He grinned and kissed her cheek.

  She spotted Darcy, Randy and a couple of the cooks over by the punch bowl. “Who’s tending the bar?”

  He shrugged. “We’re opening late today. Our friends want to celebrate our baby, so what the hell, right?”

  “What the hell,” she agreed. She saw Bobby practically running across the room toward her and laughed. “Here he comes.”

  The temporarily youngest Kowalski put his hands right on her belly. “Hey, cuz! Why do you have a baby shower? So the baby doesn’t stink!”

  They all laughed and then she was guided to a chair decorated with pink and blue streamers and inflatable baby bottles. She felt incredibly special on her throne, wearing a tiara, and she didn’t have to fake her smiles as the camera flashes blinded her.

  Then the parade of gifts began. Big gifts. Small gifts. Everything in between gifts. From socks to a top-of-the-line stroller and diapers to a carseat, the pile of things she wouldn’t have to buy for the baby grew almost as tall as Kevin. And one thing her child would never want for? Sports T-shirts and Onesies. Red Sox, Celtics, Bruins, Patriots and the Revolution—there was some kind of garment for every team. There was more red, white, blue, green, black and gold than mint-green.

  The celebration continued in true Kowalski fashion—food and laughter and more food. And, even though she wouldn’t have believed it, Arty and Shelly Hansen seemed to fit right in. Whatever stories Leo and her dad were exchanging had them laughing together, and her mother was more than happy to fuss through the pile of baby gifts with Kevin’s mom.

  When the wait staff wheeled out a three-layer cake capped off by a cute pair of baby booties, Kevin leaned so close to Beth his lips were practically brushing her ear. “I specifically requested chocolate cake because I know how much you like it.”

  Even though the temperature in the function room skyrocketed, a deliciously slow shiver tickled her spine.

  “It’s been a while since you’ve had a slice.” He rested his hand on the small of her back. “You must be craving a lick of that sweet, sticky frosting.”

  Oh, she was, with an aching intensity that almost took her breath away. So when the cake was set up and their family and friends were turning to see her reaction, she did the only thing she could to save herself the humiliation of throwing herself in his arms.

  She elbowed him in the gut.

  “Oomph.” He took a step back.

  The cake was delicious, but with every burst of chocolate on her tongue, her gaze was drawn to Kevin, who was making a big production of licking the frosting off his fork. With each swirl and flick of his tongue, the throbbing knot of need deep inside her seemed to tighten, but reality in the form of their friends and family kept her from doing something stupid, like straddling his lap and licking the frosting off his lips. Well, that and the fact she wasn’t sure she could straddle his lap anymore.

  But their mothers were watching. And the last thing she wanted was for them to start getting ideas about her relationship with Kevin. Platonic. That was the word she wanted cemented in their minds, not wedding or bride.

  When the guys got together to start loading the gifts into Kevin’s Jeep and whatever other large vehicles were handy, the knot eased up so, as the mother-to-be, she helped herself to a second slice of cake.

  Paulie plopped down in the chair next to her. “You’re going to be sorry when the sugar rush hits the baby and it starts kicking the shit out of your bladder.”

  Beth licked the buttercream frosting off her fork. “I don’t care.”

  Paulie snagged a plate with a half-eaten slice abandoned by one of the kids. “I don’t either.”

  “You kept your promise. Don’t think I didn’t notice.”

  Paulie shrugged. “I promised you I wouldn’t give you anything else for a baby shower gift. I didn’t, however, promise not to give the baby a gift.”

  She couldn’t remember seeing a gift for the baby with Paulie’s name on the tag. Whatever it was, though, it was too much after all the money she’d spent on maternity clothes.

  “I’ve got some paperwork for you in my apartment. I set up a college fund for the little munchkin.” The amount she said made Beth gasp.

  She opened her mouth to protest, but Paulie shushed her. “I know it’s a lot, but you and Kev? You’re my family. That kid’s my family and I like knowing that, no matter what happens, he or she’s going to get a solid start on life.”

  Beth threw her arms around Paulie’s neck and tried not to cry. “Thank you so much.”

  “You’re welcome.” She pulled away and swiped at what might have been a tear of her own. “Enough sappy stuff.”

  “Okay. So, how are things with you and Sam?”

  “All right, I guess. We’ve been spending a lot of time together. Having fun. He’s practically staying at my place now.”

  “That’s really great, Paulie.”

  She shrugged. “For now. We’ll see what happens when this job is over and it’s time for him to go back to Boston. He asked me to go back, to a fundraiser thing. I said no. Things have been a little awkward since.”

  “But he’s still here.”

  “Well, the sex is good.”

  Beth groaned. “I need another piece of cake.”

  “Don’t tell me you’re substituting sweets for sex when you’ve got a guy like Kevin watching you the way he’s watching you now.”

  She didn’t let herself turn around and look for him. “We’re just friends.”

  “Uh-huh. Looks like they’re passing out the baby shower bingo cards. Get ready to find out how cutthroat t
his family is when it comes to games.”

  “I know they’re all pretty good at getting their way.”

  “Kevin hasn’t yet.”

  Beth shrugged and swallowed past the lump in her throat. “Sure he has. He wants a baby. He’s getting one.”

  “He wants you.”

  “Sure, because it’s a package deal. Instant family.”

  Paulie shook her head and put a hand on her arm. “Tell me you don’t really think that.”

  She was going to tell her she wasn’t sure what she thought, but Stephanie was there, giving them each a bingo card and then the games started. The moment for conversation was over.

  But the thought remained, festering in the back of her mind as usual.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “It’s dead tonight,” Paulie said. “I’m taking a couple hours off.”

  Kevin looked at the clock and shrugged. “Go for it. If we get slammed, I’ll call you, but I don’t think that’s going to be a problem. Oh, are you sure you don’t mind covering my shift Wednesday night?”

  “Are you kidding me? Working the bar, imagining you sitting through a childbirth class? Gonna be the best night of my life.”

  She was gone before he could ask her what was really wrong because she didn’t usually split when it was slow. More often than not, she’d pull up a seat and chat up whatever regulars were in the place.

  He figured it out a mere five minutes later when Sam Logan walked in and sat in his usual spot. Paulie was avoiding the guy for some reason, and Kevin wanted to know why. After drawing him a Michelob, he walked over himself instead of handing the brew off to Darcy.

  “How’s it going?” Sam asked casually.

  “Can’t complain. And nobody’d listen if I did.” He set the beer down, then pulled out a chair for himself.

  Sam cocked an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. They’d exchanged some small talk, of course. Sports and the weather and topics along those lines, but they weren’t exactly friends.

  May as well skip the song and dance. “What’s going on between you and Paulie?”

  “Guessing if it was any of your business, you wouldn’t have to ask.”

  Fair enough. “Paulie’s like a sister to me and—”

  “And I love her.”

  “Oh.” Well, that killed the what are your intentions question. “Is that why she’s avoiding you?”

  “I’d guess she’s avoiding me because I asked her to go to some stupid party with me.”

  “In Boston?”

  “Yeah, a charity event.”

  Kevin leaned back in his chair, trying to figure out where the hell he’d go from there. It’s not like the guy was mistreating her by inviting her to a party. And yet, he’d made her unhappy and Paulie was as apt to throw Sam out of her life as try to work through it. He didn’t think that would make her happy, either.

  There was a fine line between looking out for a friend and sticking his nose where it didn’t belong. “Did you know her mother started having Paulie’s hair dyed when she was four because it was too red?”

  “I know the Athertons personally, so that doesn’t surprise me.” Sam took a sip of his beer, then wrapped both hands around the frosted mug. “I wasn’t asking her to quit her job and go be a Stepford wife. I invited her to the most fun, casual event on the calendar. And I didn’t push when she said no.”

  Kevin accepted the water bottle Darcy handed him with thanks, then started picking at the label. “She doesn’t want to go back there.”

  “Didn’t ask her to move. Just one night.” Sam slouched in his chair, looking less like an arrogant trust-fund baby and more like a regular schmuck having his heart broken. “I can’t let her walk away from me again.”

  It was on the tip of his tongue to tell the guy to be patient, but he couldn’t spit out the words. He had enough experience with trying to be patient and it sucked. Royally. And, as far as he could tell, it didn’t get a guy anywhere but frustrated.

  He’d seen the effect his teasing about the chocolate cake had on Beth at the baby shower but, as usual, she’d resisted caving to what he knew she felt as badly as he did. And they were back to square one. Neighbors having a baby while one of them slowly died inside.

  Sam scowled at his beer. “I think this is where you give me some lame shit about being patient and, if it’s meant to be, she’ll come around. And I say, right back atcha.”

  Kevin laughed and twisted the top off his water. “How ’bout them Red Sox?”

  “Beckett looked damn good the other night. And Papelbon’s in good form.”

  “Keeping us in first. Yankees coming up. Should be a helluva game.”

  Like real men did, they spent the next hour talking sports, both pretending they weren’t upset by the fact they had no clue how to make their women happy.

  ***

  Airport chairs weren’t the most comfortable seat for a pregnant woman, but Beth wanted to spend every last minute she could with her parents before they got on a plane back to Florida. They’d be flying back when the baby was born, but she was going to miss them in the meantime.

  When her father went off in search of coffee, her mother’s expression turned serious and she rested her hand on Beth’s knee. “Honey, Kevin seems like a very nice young man.”

  And here it came. “He is nice. One of the nicest guys I’ve ever met, actually.”

  “Mary told me he wants to have a relationship with you, but that you’re insisting you only want to be friends.”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “Love usually is.”

  The word hit her like a wrecking ball and, going to miss her or not, she was tempted to get up and walk away. “There’s no love, Mom. We had a one-night stand. He collects women’s numbers on cocktail napkins, for goodness’ sake. And I would never have seen him again if I hadn’t gotten pregnant.

  “We were done with each other and a defective condom doesn’t change that. We had no future together before, so therefore any future we have now is only due to the baby and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life knowing that.”

  Her mother squeezed her hand, but didn’t say anything. She probably knew Beth well enough to know there was more.

  And there was. “I was going to Albuquerque. That’s where I was going to go next, but then I met Kevin and I was stupid enough to sleep with him and now everything’s different. My entire life is different and upside down and I’m tied to him forever because he’s going to be a great dad.

  “He overwhelms me and I’m already so overwhelmed I don’t know what to do. I can’t think straight when I’m around him, but what we do will have such a huge effect on the baby’s life. And I just don’t want to spend my life wondering if Kevin really wanted me, or if I was just the first woman to give him a child.”

  Pouring her guts out was exhausting and, when her mother pulled Beth’s head to her shoulder and stroked her hair, she didn’t resist. For once she didn’t feel smothered. Just comforted. “You’ve always been independent. And stubborn about it. You were only four years old when you told me you didn’t need me to tuck you in anymore and you could do it yourself. I could never make you understand it wasn’t whether or not you could do it. It was about sharing those last few minutes of your day with you. You have a way of not letting people in.”

  “If I let him in any more than I have, I’m going to fall in love with him and there’s no going back from there.”

  “I think you’ve both fallen in love a little already.”

  Beth closed her eyes to will the tears away. “We’re okay right now. We’re friends and, as long as it stays the way it is now, we’ll stay friends. But if we think we’re in love and get married, what if someday he realizes he was more in love with the idea of a family than with me? Or what if I realize I only thought I loved him because he’s such a great guy and I’m not sure I could go through this without him?”

  “At least you’ll have tried.”

  “And if we fail, it�
��ll be ugly. Love doesn’t end amicably and I don’t want us to hate each other. I don’t want that for the baby. I want her—or his—parents to be friends.”

  When she opened her eyes, she could see her father coming, trying to balance two paper cups of coffee and a bottle of water. A waiter, he wasn’t. Straightening, she swiped at her face, not wanting to look upset.

  “Take it slow if you need to,” her mother said. “Just don’t close yourself off to him completely.”

  “I can’t,” she muttered. “He won’t let me.”

  Her dad handed out the beverages and Beth took a long drink of water, hoping to knock the last of the lump out of her throat. She was tired and uncomfortable in the chair. Plus, she hadn’t slept worth a damn since Kevin, the rotten bastard, had whispered naughty things in her ear about chocolate cake and licking sticky frosting. He’d done that on purpose, hoping she’d get so wound up she’d fall back into bed with him.

  Instead she was just wound up with no intention of falling back into bed with him, which meant staying wound up. Payback was a bitch though and, since he’d insisted on being her birthing partner, she was going to have the satisfaction of watching him suffer through childbirth classes. If anything would kill the mood, that would. She hoped.

  Much too soon, it was time for her parents to go through security and they each wrapped her in long, lingering hugs. She kept the tears back by sheer willpower, but it wasn’t easy.

  “We’ll be back when it’s time for the baby,” her mother told her. “But if you have any problems at all, just call. We’ll come as soon as we can.”

  “I’ll be fine, Mom. You met Kevin’s family. Even if I wanted to be left alone, I wouldn’t stand a chance.”

  “Take care of my grandbaby,” her father said gruffly and then he wisely pulled his wife away before both women could dissolve in puddles of hysterical sobbing.

  When she couldn’t see them anymore, Beth turned and, after a trip to the ladies’ room for a pit stop and quick cry, she walked out the front entrance of Manchester’s busy airport.