A Christmas Haven

by Cindy Woodsmall

  “I’m sorry for the emotional turmoil you feel over me being here, but I’m not leaving at this time. In fact, not for months yet. I will return and do whatever it takes to set things right with my family and community, but Lorraine and I have talked, and we’re no longer planning to marry.”

  Her Daed stood, got right in his face. “You’re a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and I’m glad to know that now!”

  Arlan held the man’s gaze. “Again, I’m truly sorry for how this feels and the struggle you’ll have to accept and forgive me.”

  A clamor of voices rose. Her Daed didn’t back down, saying a lot that Arlan didn’t actually hear. But he heard enough. They would notify his parents where Arlan and Magda were before the day was through.

  Then they climbed in the van, slammed the doors, and were gone.

  Should Arlan and Magda pack up and leave?

  Fourteen

  Thunder rumbled, and rain pitter-pattered against the screen of the open window. Boxes were now everywhere in Ivy’s bedroom, and she still hadn’t found what she was looking for. She crawled farther back in the closet and pointed the high beam of the flashlight into the recesses. Light from candles and kerosene lanterns was annoyingly insufficient when trying to see in dark spaces.

  Finally she spotted a torn, dented box marked “Daed’s favorite books.” She dragged it out, found a space on her bedroom floor not filled with boxes, and knelt.

  The moment she opened the box, her Daed’s deep, calm voice filled her mind and heart with lines from a dozen books. She could see his expression change and hear his voice lower to a whisper and then get loud as he read, drawing his family in, making them feel as if they were Brian from Hatchet or Lucy from The Chronicles of Narnia or Travis from Old Yeller. How many long winter nights had they spent in the living room in front of a roaring fire, listening to him read? During the other seasons they had raised the windows, and even now she could smell the aromas and see the beauty of spring, summer, and fall outside the window while he read about lives and lands she could only imagine.

  Her heart ached for her Daed, and tears filled her eyes. It hit her why she’d boxed up his favorite reads and put them out of sight. Hiding the books hadn’t helped at all for several years. Still, she kept them in the dark, hoping it would make a difference. Eventually it did…or seemed to. What else had she boxed up and slid into dark corners?

  Party planning had a lot of the same elements as her time with her Daed—families gathered in anticipation and making memories that would last a lifetime. A well-planned party was the closest she could come to reconstructing how she felt during some of the best parts of her life.

  “Ivy?” Holly called as she tapped on the door.

  “Kumm.”

  Holly entered, and her eyes moved across the scene of strewed boxes to Ivy, whose unpinned hair had to be a mess after she’d crawled into the closet half a dozen times. Without a word Holly walked over to Ivy and knelt on the floor beside her. She reached into the box and ran her fingertips across the covers. Her sigh was also a faint moan. Grief and beautiful memories lived inside this box.

  Ivy pulled out various books, looking for the perfect one to pass to Arlan. She would let him read each one in due time, but he needed a very special one right now. The look on his face an hour ago as the Zooks went inside, leaving him to talk to Lorraine’s family, had pricked her heart.

  “I’m looking for a perfect book to help Arlan through the next few days.”

  “Ivy…” Holly cleared her throat. “I…I know you’re planning to leave.”

  Ivy’s breath caught, and she couldn’t make herself look at her sister. Breathe. She drew a slow breath, fidgeting with the pages of That Was Then, This Is Now. It seemed an appropriate book to have in hand at this moment. A tale of two best friends, each one following who he was, and in the end they took very different paths. Unfortunately it didn’t end well.

  “I’m sorry,” Ivy whispered.

  “You should be.”

  Ivy looked at her sister, wanting to argue, but tears were threatening.

  “You should be sorry that I had to figure out on my own what’s going on with you. Do I even have to say it? I’m your sister! I’m here for you. Do you hear me? We need to talk about your plans. We’re certain to argue, but for the record I will not let anything, including religion or your personal view of what’s right or wrong, come between us.”

  “Ya?” Tears fell. Ivy set the books down and wiped her cheeks.

  “Ya.” Holly grabbed Ivy by the shoulders. “I’m yours. You’re mine. We’ll learn to navigate everything else. Okay?”

  Ivy set the books down and hugged her sister. “Denki.” She held her tight. “I wanted to tell you, to talk about it, but you have so much on your plate already. Plus, I didn’t want you to get in trouble once the community learned about my plans and that you knew.” Ivy realized another part of why she’d kept this to herself. “And if you were going to reject me, I wanted to be gone first.”

  “Some of that was thoughtful, some not. But if that’s how you think, you need to stop thinking.”

  Ivy laughed and sat back, brushing tears off her face. “I needed to be able to ask you if I should tell you, but somehow I couldn’t make that work.”

  “Ya, life’s funny that way.” Holly brushed some of Ivy’s hair behind one ear. “You okay?”

  Ivy shrugged. “My decision is right for me, but it’s a really hard thing to do to Mamm.” Ivy was ready to share every bit of how she felt with someone who would truly understand. Tegan couldn’t get it. She tried, but in her world it was expected that when children grew up, they followed their hearts and landed elsewhere. As long as they called, texted, and visited regularly, the parents felt fulfilled and satisfied in having launched their child.

  A clap of thunder made Ivy jump to her feet. “Polka Dot!” She grabbed a raincoat out of the closet. “She’s been missing most of the day, bound to have given birth.” She jammed her arms into the ankle-length coat. “Arlan was going to look for her when Lorraine arrived. I doubt he’s thought about that cow since.”

  Holly stood and grabbed a short, lightweight raincoat from the closet.

  Ivy looked out the window, seeing sheets of rain against a gray sky. Metal clanked, and she looked for its source. “Look.” Arlan had a halter on Polka Dot, leading her into the barn, her new calf trotting behind. “No cow is better than Polka Dot at hiding and wedging herself in a secure spot when calving. He must be a cow whisperer to have found her and coaxed her home, especially in weather like this.”

  Holly joined her at the window. “He needs to know something I learned from Julie earlier today—Magda doesn’t have to go back, minor or not. When Lorraine and her family arrived here hours ago, Magda panicked. So I called Julie, and she explained some things to me. Bottom line: what Magda’s parents did in not allowing her medical care isn’t legal. She could’ve died, so with a little legal pushback against their parents, they won’t have to worry about them anymore. My guess is a letter from a lawyer or a call from Julie would cause their Daed to drop the whole matter, especially since she turns eighteen next month.”

  “Why didn’t Julie say this earlier?”

  “She was trying not to scare them off. Was either one ready to consider having any Englisch authority, including a private lawyer, confront their Daed?”

  “Nee,” she whispered, “but I think he’s ready now.” Ivy was excited to tell him the news and share a good book. She grabbed The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe from the box, hoping he wouldn’t mind that it was a children’s book. There were certain books everyone should read, regardless of how old they were when they learned about the books. “Kumm.” Ivy gestured for Holly to follow her. “You can explain the legal stuff.”

  Holly removed the raincoat. “Nee. I was only willing to get out in this yuck to help you.” She l
ooked out the window. “You don’t need me for this.”

  Ivy studied the barn. Arlan was inside it now and had lit the kerosene lantern. She put the book inside her coat. “We’ll finish talking later. I need advice on how to make my leaving as easy on Mamm as possible.”

  Holly nodded. “I understand, although I don’t agree with your plan. My room. Ten o’clock. Bring cake.”

  Ivy’s eyes filled with tears again. “Denki.” Relief that Holly knew her secret strengthened her. Although she realized heated arguments were ahead, she was certain that love and respect would have the final word between them.

  Fifteen

  Holly carried a piping hot dish of chicken potpie toward the back door. Magda was at the sink, washing dishes, and she’d asked not to join their guests, and Holly had agreed. Today was about Holly and her upcoming wedding. A meal with two bishops, each with power over Joshua’s and her future, had her twisted in knots.

  Her Mamm was behind her, carrying a pitcher of ice water. The sounds of friendly conversation rode on the air. That was a good sign, right? She rounded the corner of the house, and Josh looked up from his conversation with her bishop, Benuel, and his wife, Cheryl. Josh winked at her. What was he thinking to show such a display of affection in front of the bishop? Josh wanted to be by her side and help get the meal on the picnic table, but she’d told him it would be best if he left “women’s work” to the women while his bishop was here. Ivy, with a small stack of green cloth napkins in hand, was talking with Josh’s bishop, Stephan, and his wife, Mary, as well as Josh’s parents. The scene looked friendly and casual, but today—the upcoming mealtime conversation—could sanction or kill her career.

  Holly set the dish on the picnic table. Ivy seemed to have excused herself from her small group and was now giving each place setting a napkin. Holly came behind her, placing flatware on the napkins.

  Ivy pointed at Holly’s hands. “Breathe, Holly. Take a few slow breaths.”

  Holly looked down to see her hands were shaking. She closed her fists to stop the trembling and took a deep breath. What Josh’s bishop said today meant life and freedom to her—or the lack of it. But her mind was made up. She would follow through with her decision regardless of what was said.

  “Ya, you’re right.” Holly paused and breathed deeply again. Nothing of late seemed to calm her as much as smelling the musty scent of falling leaves and feeling the slight crispness that rode on the autumn breeze. She’d been baking and preparing for this meal all day. It wasn’t surprising that the October weather was perfect so they could have this dinner outdoors, but it was a nice blessing.

  Mamm put her arm around Holly’s shoulders. “You’ll do great.”

  Holly nodded, hoping Mamm was right. She caught Josh’s eye and gestured at the table, and he asked everyone to take a seat. When their heads were bowed, Holly found it hard not to follow their usual family mealtime practice of speaking out loud to God about what was on their hearts. The traditional silent prayer before the meal no longer came naturally.

  After the silent prayer ended, Bishop Stephan dipped food onto his plate. “This looks delicious.” He slid the hot dish to Holly’s bishop.

  Benuel spooned the potpie onto his plate. “It does.”

  “Holly’s a good cook.” Mamm passed Stephan a bowl of salad. “And she’s very efficient, making the most of every minute, which leaves her time to get everything done in a day.”

  Her mother’s praise was a thinly veiled effort to say that Holly could do all her duties as an Amish wife and Mamm and hold a job outside the home.

  Stephan gave a quick nod and then changed the subject to the weather. He followed that by asking Bishop Benuel various things about his church, the people, and even how well the bench wagon that moved the pews from home to home was holding up.

  Josh gently squeezed her hand under the burgundy tablecloth, giving the signal he’d told her he would. A squeeze meant that it would be okay, that Stephan’s eyes would open to her heart, and that he would accept her need to keep her role as a pharmacy tech. She didn’t want to discourage Josh, but she felt the opposite of Josh’s prediction would happen.

  Bishop Stephan wasn’t going to understand Holly’s point of view. But his decision would be based on what he felt was right. Holly closed her eyes, praying once again. Were they going to talk about the wedding soon? The dinner conversation was pleasant enough, but Stephan had to know that she and Josh were anxious to hear what he had to say.

  Stephan wiped his mouth and looked from Josh to Holly. “Thank you for this meal, Holly. It’s been wonderful to get to know you and your family a little better by being here and seeing you on your farm. I’m sure you’re waiting to hear my answer about your engagement. I would love for you to join our Shady Valley community. I really would, but I’m afraid I can’t sanction your plan to continue working. I’ve been praying about this ever since I visited you at work almost three months ago. Unfortunately, I have to make unpopular decisions because I can’t compromise what I know to be the right way of living. You’ll need to quit your job at the Englisch pharmacy if you intend to join my district and live there once married.”

  There it was. Holly’s stomach dropped. But she’d known this was coming.

  Bishop Benuel looked disappointed, but he smiled and nodded. “I know this has been a tough decision for you, Stephan, and we appreciate your many prayers that have brought you to this decision.”

  Josh looked from his bishop to Holly. His handsome brow furrowed, as it always did when he was upset.

  Holly fought for composure, trying to keep the tears at bay. Her chin quivered, but she managed a smile. “I understand. Denki for your open heart to our request.”

  Her eyes met Josh’s, and she mouthed, It’s okay. She held her chin up and looked at her bishop. She’d shared a lifetime of meals with him and his wife on this farm after her Daed died. He and Cheryl had helped the Zook family find a semblance of normalcy again. When Holly came to him to ask about getting her GED, she’d been so nervous she could hardly stay on her feet. He’d been reluctant for a while, and he’d prayed about it for a long time, but he returned to her with a yes. Later she realized she needed an associate’s degree in nursing in order to legally share information about medicine. Driving a rig to people’s homes to deliver their medicine wasn’t enough. She needed to be able to talk to them about the medication. Her bishop spent a long time praying about that too, but again his answer was yes. After that he’d been fully supportive, because he understood why she wanted this so badly. She wanted to prevent any other Amish girl or boy from losing a loved one to something that was preventable with the right information and medicine.

  She met her future bishop’s eyes. “I’ve been praying about it too, Stephan.” She drew a deep breath, trying to force the words out of her mouth. “I’ll put in my resignation at Greene’s, effective before the wedding in mid-December.”

  Ivy choked and pulled the napkin to her mouth, coughing. “What?”

  Holly didn’t respond to her.

  Stephan smiled, as if pleased with one of his children. His shoulders seemed to relax. “Gut. Denki, Holly. We welcome you to our community.” His words were warm and filled with relief.

  The hardest part was over, but Holly’s face was hot, and if she stayed at this table, she’d burst into tears in front of everyone. All those years of hard work, studying, praying, traveling from home to home in a horse and buggy. She was giving it all up. She’d never recover from this decision.

  Mamm stood. “How about some apple crisp? The apples are from my cousin’s orchard.” She passed the potpie dish to Holly, giving her a reason to leave the table quickly.

  That was all the opportunity Holly needed. She clutched the dish and walked away from the table as fast as she could without running. She kept walking until she reached the other side of the house and was on the front porch, out
of sight of everyone. She sank into the wooden rocking chair. A few tears fell into the almost-empty potpie dish. She’d known for weeks that this moment would come, and yet somehow she couldn’t gain control over her raging emotions.

  Josh came around the side of the house, walking normally until he, too, was out of sight of the others. He ran up the porch steps and knelt in front of her. “Holly.” His brown eyes held determination. “No, no, no, no. We can’t agree to this. I told you before we even started dating that I don’t want to change you, and health care is such a big part of who you are. You can’t quit.”

  “I can. It’s my decision.”

  “I can’t be the reason you have regrets for the rest of your life.”

  She cupped his face with a hand. “I will never, ever regret choosing a life with you, no matter what I have to give up. If the bishop were demanding this of you, wouldn’t you give up your chicken farm?”

  “Well, ya, but—”

  She put a thumb over his mouth. “What we have is bigger than me being a pharmacy tech and an LPN or you raising chickens. Our love is stronger, and the family we’re going to build is worth more than anything else.”

  Josh stood. “But you’re part of the Greene’s Pharmacy family too. And your dreams matter just as much as mine. No one is asking me to give up my chicken farm.”

  Ivy hurried up the porch steps, staring at Holly.

  Holly wiped away any remaining tears with the back of her hand. “I’m fine.”

  “I’m not.” Ivy gestured, palms up. “You’re giving up your dreams and the very thing you felt God wanted you to do so they will approve your marriage?” She turned to Josh. “You’d let her give this up?”