Deliverance

by Kirsten Bij't Vuur

  Edward showed no discomfort either, sitting before me almost undressed. If anything, he was relieved, Miller had been right to take those tight trousers off, they were causing his patient pain.

  As soon as he had readied his materials, clean rags and a strong smelling solution that stung poor Edward terribly, the nurse started to talk to his patient in a soothing voice, 'It's good to hear your voice, Mr Rochester, I'm glad to see you doing so well.'

  He always started with his patient's head, then worked his way down.

  'Can I hold you hand after all, Jane? Can you still watch when I'm holding it?

  I don't think I can stand this without your support.'

  'I'm sorry, sir, it has to be done. Another week or so should see an end to your suffering. I'm ready if you are, sir, miss.'

  It almost broke my heart to hear my idol admit he feared the treatment, it must really hurt then. I took his right hand in mine and pressed it to my heart, then watched the nurse wet one of the rags with the solution and apply it to one of the burns between the stubble of Edward's raven hair, now a quarter of an inch long. I knew my beloved was in great pain, but he did not crush my hand or make a sound, and kept perfectly still, so Miller could do his job quickly and was soon finished with the numerous burns on his patient's scalp.

  Then he changed rags and prepared one for the large burn in Edward's face, a wound I knew was still painful even when left alone. I was not looking forward to seeing the agony on my beloved's face again, when I suddenly felt something touch my chest, something quite heavy leaning against it. Looking down, I saw black stubble, and a pair of hopeful dark eyes.

  There was no way I could refuse my love this comfort, if resting his head in my bosom would make his pain more bearable, I welcomed him.

  'It's important to clean everywhere,' Miller explained to me, 'even under these irregularities, for that is where it usually starts, a wound going bad. It's as if things hide there. But I really don't advise anyone to treat a loved one, miss, it's very difficult to hurt someone, even though you know it's for their own

  good. It does feel good to see such nasty wounds heal up this well, but still it's hard. That's done already, Mr Rochester. I'm very glad to hear your voice, it makes you more human, somehow. I was very afraid of you for a few days, you could easily break me in two, and smoke-poisoning can make people unpredictable.'

  I could so imagine that, my Edward could still startle me with his dark looks, and I knew how strong he was, I'd seen him restrain his wife with little effort, and she had been tall, heavy, and with the strength of madness besides.

  Somehow, my hand had started to caress those black stubbles as soon as Miller was done, and now my fiancée was almost asleep, leaning into my strokes like a cat.

  'Are you married, Miller?'

  Not asleep then, but merely relaxing a bit before the pain came back.

  'I am, sir, and very happily, I may add. I've a boy and a girl as well, and a little one on the way. We have a nice little house on the edge of town, this side, very close to your lands.'

  He did not look shocked or even surprised at Edward being so close to me, his governess, well, he told me just now it was very hard to treat a loved one because it hurt so badly, he knew there was a bond between us, something he affirmed by what he said next.

  'I don't gossip, sir, miss, what I see or hear stays in this room, that is part of my job. One hears things in this line of work, servants talk, you know. Yours are hoping you'll make a match of it soon. I don't care that much about propriety, I care about my patients, and I know love can sometimes heal more than the best medicine.

  Are you ready for the next set?'

  Edward's head stayed right where it was, and his face seemed less contorted, less agonized than usual. In the next ten minutes I learned a lot about wounds; cleaning them, recognising the danger of infection before it could strike, dressing a wound so it wouldn't stick to the bandage, and many other useful things. But I mostly hoped Miller would not be called to another case, he was so capable I could not imagine doing what he did.

  And I saw Edward's bare chest again, bandaged in some places, and his bared legs, also covered in a little pelt, but strong and wiry under that. He had one large burn on his left upper leg, the rest had been spared. Last of all, Miller removed the bandage from his patient's hand, and even after all the hurts I

  had seen so far, the sight of that one frightened me all over again. The entire top part of my beloved's hand was badly burned, and most of his fingers were affected as well.

  Miller was in a talkative mood, of course Edward had started it by asking him questions first, and somehow it helped Edward bear the pain better.

  'I won't lie to you, sir, you may fear the disfigurement of a facial wound, but this one is the most serious. It is healing well, you can see the new skin growing in, and the edges are not inflamed or thickened. But it will scar, and the scarring will cause you pain and cost you control over your fingers. You will need to start exercising this hand as soon as the wound is closed, and you, miss, will have to work the scar-tissue on a daily basis to keep it supple.

  For months, until there is no more change in the tissue.

  But at least there is no infection, for that would have left you crippled. Now please hold on.'

  This time I did see a reaction, poor Edward, it hurt so badly, he no longer needed a cloth to keep from biting his tongue or damaging his teeth, but he hid his face in my bosom and I could feel him clutch my waist with his other arm.

  'Done!' the nurse said, 'don't hesitate to comfort Mr Rochester, miss, he'll still be in some pain.'

  And why not? I did believe Miller wouldn't talk, and within a week Edward and I would be married. He deserved some compensation for his pain. As Miller carefully put away his materials, then fetched a comfortable set of clothing for his patient, I gathered Edward to my chest. His back also had a little pelt, though thinner than his chest or legs. He felt magnificent, hard, strong, and still pliable under his soft skin. My stroking calmed him down entirely, and by the time the nurse was ready to help him dress, Edward was back to his usual dry self.

  'I'm sorry I frightened you, Miller. You're not only very capable, I like you. I can imagine this is a hard job, hurting people, seeing them suffer, have them rage at you. I'm glad Miss Eyre was around to smooth things over a lot, or I would have suffered even more in the long term. I could have lost that hand altogether.

  And please don't worry, I'm going to let this brave young lady make an honourable husband out of me, as soon as I can crawl to town to get a licence.'

  'Congratulations, both of you. And don't worry, not even my family will know about that until it's in the paper, sir. I will keep an eye on it, if I'm no longer in your service by then. Though I suspect you'll reach town long before your wounds are healed, it's just six miles. That is not very far, especially not for a gentleman who owns a carriage.'

  And that was it, we did not visit the damaged wing the next day; instead, Edward bore the discomfort of wearing trousers and a coat over his burns, the bumps in the road to Millcote, and the smoky atmosphere of an industrial town. I held his hand as he braved the looks of passers-by, and within two hours we were back in his room in the possession of a marriage-licence; and an appointment at the parish church in Hay two days later. There would be no guests, no dress, no veil, no party.

  Miller was very pleased to see us return, I suppose he felt he had done well, inspiring his patient to do the right thing; though he tsk'd several times as he carefully removed the bandages from Edward's shoulder.

  'I do entreat you to do without coat while you are at home, sir, even if you receive guests. This burn needs one more week, and then it will be out of danger.'

  I could not discern a single sign of irritation or disturbance in my beloved's face, though he had an intense dislike of being told what to do. Of course Miller had a certain right to boss his employer around, having been hired to save his life; and though he had been afraid of
Edward's temperament at first, and always showed proper respect to his employer, he did not seem overly impressed by my beloved's noble rank, but more by his stern face and piercing eyes.

  'With Miss Eyre's permission, I'll even get married in a waistcoat. I'd like to be in as little pain as possible while I whisper my vows, and drink in the sight of the dearest thing I have on this earth as she speaks hers.'

  And to me, 'Oh my dearest, I will not miss any of the demonstrations of fortune and connections when we get married, but to not even be capable of carrying you across the threshold is a painful realisation indeed.'

  He had always been so proud of his strength, but there was no reason to assume he wouldn't gain it back in time. In fact, he still was very powerful, Miller's initial fear of his rage certainly proved that; Edward just couldn't use his strength because his lungs weren't functioning perfectly, yet, and because his left hand must not carry any weight, not even that of a book or a

  newspaper.

  'When all the damage is healed, dear Edward, when your body is hale once more, and you've had the house rebuilt, then you can close the book on a miserable part of your life by carrying me over the threshold of our new bedroom. From our wedding-night until that very moment, we'll share this comfortable antiquity in total bliss.'

  How Miller relished our smitten bantering. I have often observed that those who take care of people for a living seem to have a certain craving to see people happy; they seem able to enjoy the love of others even if it's not directed at them, and Edward's attendant was no exception. That didn't mean he was idle in the meantime, within minutes he had his patient undressed and free of bandages, readying his materials for another painful but effective treatment.

  With our only witness in league with us, Edward did not hesitate to find support with me, and this time I held him firmly while I watched Miller perform his miracles again. The shoulder wound had indeed opened, not dramatically, but not wearing a tight coat would have prevented the damage. I wouldn't have minded marrying Edward in his nightshirt, but though he did not consider himself handsome, I personally thought he was rather vain; and especially with his damaged face, he would want to stand before the altar looking as well as he could.

  Of course, postponing the ceremony was not an option for either of us, but I could imagine Edward in a nice waistcoat. Mrs Fairfax would know where to find one on such short notice, she had shown a surprising talent for improvisation during the current crisis; had run an excellent household in a building with significant fire-damage. And once she found out we were planning to get married within days, she forced an issue she had merely pleaded yesterday.

  Right after my Edward's treatment, when he was still in considerable pain and had taken refuge in my arms, there was a knock on the door. With a knowing look at the both of us, indeed snuggled together on the large bed, Miller went to the door to answer it, while we reluctantly parted enough to look like any other engaged couple. Edward refused to release my hand, though his eyes had cleared by now, and the set of his jaw had released significantly since Miller had bandaged his hand afresh.

  Instead of opening the door as we had expected, Miller went through, and we

  heard him talking to a female voice in the hallway. As I wondered who was seeking admittance to Mr Rochester's chamber, Miller came back in and addressed me.

  'It's Mrs Fairfax, Miss Eyre. She has a seamstress waiting for you downstairs, to fit you for some new dresses and a passable gown to get wed in.'

  And to Edward he said, 'She also hopes to convince you to have a suitable wedding suit made, apparently that can be done in two days, and has asked me to help her make her point, sir. Though I have to object strenuously to your wearing any kind of heavy or stiff coat before this week's end, I do understand a wedding is quite a special occasion.'

  'Which is why I will have that seamstress make me the handsomest waistcoat that was ever seen in these parts of the country. You do not give your advice to gain power over me, Miller, you want to spare me pain and risk, I understand that perfectly, and I will heed it. Let her know Miss Eyre will be down soon...'

  A guilty glance in my direction.

  'Sorry, dearest Janet, I did it again. But I did correct myself.'

  Back to Miller, he said, 'Will you please tell Mrs Fairfax that the seamstress will be welcome here to take measurements for a suitable outfit?

  And Jane, will you accompany Mrs Fairfax downstairs? I have high hopes of Miller's conversation, or he may be willing to read to me, to compensate for all the pain he's caused me the last week and a half.'

  Miller now showed he had a sense of humour as well as plenty of medical knowledge, for he did not look offended or hurt, he merely bowed and said,

  'It will be my pleasure, Mr Rochester, to keep you company while the lady is downstairs. I'm not afraid of you anymore.'

  Then he waited for me to give him a reply. I decided to accompany him straight away, if Edward didn't mind my leaving him for a few hours, I rather enjoyed the prospect of seeing Adele and the others again, and I did need some decent dresses, I had just the two that had been in the process of being cleaned when the fire destroyed my wardrobe, and they were my oldest and least fine. I was not looking forward to getting married in either one of them; was I, too, vain, despite my plainness?

  'Are you sure you can do without me, my love?'

  I got a loving kiss as reply and an, 'I'm almost certain, Janet, and should I feel myself slipping into rage or despair, I'll ring for you.'

  Then, hesitantly, as if not certain of his reception, 'Will you let the seamstress talk you into something ptty, Jane? You will always be beautiful to me, and I'd like to see you exuberant instead of prim. Just a hint of lace, and a few puffs or pleats here and there? Nothing too obtrusive, I know you don't like that, just a bit of colour and a few ornaments?'

  There was no way I could see his sweet plea as criticism; I knew my style of dressing had been too severe for a girl my age, and by now I knew why I had done it. It was my way of protesting a life of servitude. And since I was now an heiress with an independent fortune, I was actually dying to buy a few really ptty frocks.

  'I promise, Edward. You'll be proud of me, really. And Miller, I'll join you straight away.'

  Knowing my dear Edward to be in excellent hands, I managed to thoroughly enjoy myself in the next few hours.

  Adele and Sophie were overjoyed to see me, and even solid Mrs Fairfax seemed quite relieved to have me around once again. The seamstress first took my measurements, then she gave me some sound advice on style and colours, and together with Sophie she managed to persuade me to get a white dress for the wedding after all.

  'You can wear this in summer, mademoiselle, it's not too fine for a normal day!' Sophie said, and I did yearn for that dress, so I ordered it made, to be finished in time for the wedding.

  'I suppose you will be going abroad, too, Miss Eyre, once you're married.

  That dress would wear beautifully in a warmer climate, and while travelling.'

  Dear Mrs Fairfax.

  Together with this very varied group of ladies I chose a further three dresses, to replace those that had been burned. With the help of the seamstress I managed to find a balance between simplicity and elegance that I felt would suit me, and I was actually looking forward to wearing dark red and rich blue instead of grey or black. There were samples of trimmings I had never known existed, of an outstanding quality and frightfully expensive, but not gaudy or overdone, and I ordered some. Then I was done, I had spent more money than ever before; I had always been poor, and could not act like a rich heiress all of a sudden.

  But Mrs Fairfax was not yet satisfied, and wheedled me into ordering a riding habit and an elegant but warm winter coat as well.

  'You'll be Mrs Rochester soon, miss, and though the master may not want to go out much, there will be church, and other functions you will be expected to attend. You need clothing to reflect your new rank, not just to replace what was lost.'

>   She was right, and I could spare the money, so why not listen to her advice?

  It would be such a treat to have a fur lined coat, once I had decided to take it I couldn't wait to feel the lush softness of the fur against my skin. But Mrs Fairfax was not planning to let me pay for any of it.

  'When you came to work here, you expected to be safe and protected from harm, but great harm came anyway. And without you, the master and every one of us might have died. Without you, the master might have died of his wounds later, Miller says he could not have treated Mr Rochester by himself; but instead of going wild the master sat more quietly than any patient he'd ever had to treat for burns. Your clothes and everything you owned were burned in this house, I am very certain the master will have my hide if I let you pay for even one of your new dresses.

  Thank you for saving us, Miss Eyre, and thank you for making the master happy, even after everything that happened.'

  Dear Mrs Fairfax, she was truly affected. I couldn't help thinking she might reconsider when she saw her master again, he had changed quite a bit because of my bossing him to accept treatment, she might think I'd broken him. But he was still in pain, he'd get his dominance back once he felt better.

  And then we'd fight.

  Dresses ordered, I accompanied Mrs Fairfax back upstairs, but with a promise to Adele to spend an hour with her each day, she was lonely for me and I did have an obligation to her, she depended on me for her education.

  Mrs Fairfax would have knocked, but I went ahead and just opened the door, finding Edward on the bed and Miller on a chair beside it, reading poetry in a pleasant accent. Upon our entrance, Miller finished his sentence, then shut the book and got up.

  'You're a fine reader, Miller, as well as a gifted medical practitioner. Will you stay a little longer and advise the good lady of cloth and needle about the dangers I'm in?'

  I had only been away from him for an hour or two, but still my heart swelled with gladness to behold my beloved again, and in such an excellent mood, attentive to those beneath him, I was proud of him as well as smitten.