PliableInhibitions

by Zenobia Renquist

  “Believe me now?”

  Emily looked at the TV and then Lucas, whimpering in confusion and growing sexual need. “It can’t be.”

  Lucas moved his free hand to his neck and seemed to be holding something out. “Look at it and see it, Em. I’ve been wearing it from the start.”

  She stared in shocked silence as the coin faded into view, like a fog clearing. Lucas held the coin out. She reached for it and he let her hold it. She asked in a breathy voice, “It works?”

  “The fact that you’re standing here letting me finger your pussy is proof.” He thrust his fingers faster.

  Emily didn’t know why she was letting him, why she didn’t run to change her clothes. All she knew was that it felt good and she didn’t want it to stop.

  “I told you to let me. The coin works and has worked this past month. This isn’t the first day you’ve done something like this.” He gestured to the TV.

  She didn’t want to but she looked at the screen. The her she didn’t know was on her knees on the ottoman, shoving an anal wand into her ass. Emily recognized that wand from her toy box. “You know about my toy box?”

  “Know about it, used every toy inside it at least twice and added to it.”

  A wave of heat rolled over her. She shook her head, denying her pleasure and his proof. “Stop.”

  “With the way you’re drenching my fingers, I know you don’t want me to stop. Be honest. If I put you under right now, you would beg for more.”

  “That’s not me. I don’t remember any of this.” She pointed at the TV. “I wouldn’t do that, not with Noah or Carlos. You know I wouldn’t.”

  “You did. You enjoyed it.”

  “You used the coin to make me.”

  “No I didn’t. I can’t. Failsafe in the magic of the coin. I can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

  “That’s ass-backwards logic when you’re supposed to have me under hypnosis and at your mercy. Stop, Lucas.”

  He pulled his fingers free.

  Emily sighed and stumbled away to put distance between them. Tiny shivers coursed over her but she couldn’t tell if they were from revulsion or sexual need. She shouldn’t be aroused. Noah, Carlos and God knew who else… What had Lucas made her do and with whom?

  Lucas watched. “You’re pissed.”

  “Damn right I’m pissed. Why would you make me do something like that?” She wanted to look away but stared as Carlos fucked her breasts. She had no memory of the encounter but the remnants of condom lube between her breasts said it had happened. “It’s not fair to make me do everything you’ve said I’ve done and I can’t remember any of it.”

  “Hmmm. That’s what’s bothering you.”

  “I told you what’s bothering me,” she snapped as she jabbed her finger at the TV. “That!”

  “No, you’re pissed you don’t remember. You want to remember. You want to know what it felt like having Carlos’ dick between your tits and Noah’s mouth on your pussy.”

  “I…” Her clit throbbed even as she tried to tell herself Lucas wasn’t right. Her body told her the tale of what she’d had with Noah and Carlos even if she had no recollection of it.

  Lucas stood and faced her, blocking her view of the TV. “Do you want to remember?”

  “What?” She blinked at him. “Is that possible?”

  He grinned. “I did what you told me, Em. I finished reading the directions. I can return all the memories or specific ones. Tell me what you want to remember. Tell me that you want to remember.” He gestured over his shoulder at the TV. “Tell me you want this and I’ll give it to you.”

  “I don’t. Why would I want that? It’s vulgar. That’s not who I am.”

  He shrugged. “Then it shouldn’t matter if you remember. Chalk it up as another woman or split personality and forget about it.”

  Emily almost started crying. She warred with her need to know and her need for self-preservation. The woman on the TV was reminiscent of her college days when she’d used sex to validate herself. The more men had desired her, the better she’d felt about the way she looked. Her hang-up about her appearance wasn’t something that had started with her weight gain. It had always been there. Her added pounds had simply made it worse.

  Lucas snatched up the remote and hit the rewind button. “I want you to hear something.”

  “Just turn it off.”

  “No. I’m sick of this shit. I did this all for you, Em. You’re going to watch this and actually hear it.” He hit play and moved to the side so she could see the TV.

  Emily was tempted to cover her ears and her eyes. She didn’t move.

  Lucas filmed her walking to the door. Have I mentioned how much I love your ass in these pants? Just jiggling and swaying and making me want to bite it.

  Emily gasped and looked at Lucas.

  He nodded. “Yeah. I said it. Keep watching.”

  She turned her attention to the TV and watched as she opened the door to Noah, who appeared very happy with her display. She’d thought, at the time, that he’d liked her outfit but he’d been staring at her naked breasts and exposed pussy. Of course he would like her in an outfit like this. She was practically naked.

  She let out another gasp and shifted her thighs against each other when Noah stuffed his fingers into her pussy.

  Noah said, Soaked and ready. You are so hot, Emily. You make me want to fuck you right here in the doorway.

  Lucas hit pause. “Did you hear that?”

  “Of course I heard it. He said he wanted to fuck me. Wearing something like this, I’m not surprised.”

  “Not that. Listen.” He rewound the playback and then let it run.

  Soaked and ready. You are so hot, Emily.

  Lucas hit pause. “That!”

  “So?”

  He gnashed his teeth as he stabbed the play button.

  Emily didn’t know what he wanted from her. Anything Noah said was because of her outfit and her near nudity, not her. He was a man and men liked seeing women naked. Of course he would be horny when she was exposing herself.

  Very horny from the way Noah backed her up against the entryway wall, finger-fucking her and kissing her deep. Emily couldn’t believe how much she appeared to enjoy it. Just seeing herself doing something like that had her moisture dripping down the insides of her thighs.

  Lucas, the one on film, broke them apart with a warning about a hose to which Noah replied, Sorry. I got a little excited. You can’t put Emily in an outfit like this and not expect me to take advantage of it.

  There was her proof. Noah was hot for the outfit, not her. Except she was the wearing it and he couldn’t fuck the outfit. Emily felt her confusion and desire building together.

  She watched with fascination as Lucas and Noah talked about the coin. The Emily on film just stood there letting them talk around her. That didn’t make sense. “Why aren’t I saying anything?”

  “The coin. I have it set up so you ignore and don’t respond to sex talk or conversations about the coin.”

  “We’re talking about it now.”

  “I turned it off for this conversation.”

  “Oh.” She wasn’t sure what else to say to that. Watching herself spreading her pussy and masturbating for Noah’s viewing distracted her. She almost sighed in relief when her other self stopped and stood up. The reaction was short-lived when she heard Noah’s answer to what he wanted to drink.

  Your pussy. It’s dripping like a faucet, Emily. I could lick that up for you.

  She blushed. The Noah she knew would never talk to her like that. He was always a gentleman and respectful. Somehow that made his words all the hotter.

  Lucas said, “If Noah’s reaction isn’t enough, how about Carlos’?”

  Emily witnessed the full version of Carlos seeing her outfit for the first time, not just the little bit she remembered. He’d fondled her breasts and been genuinely amazed and awed.

  Hitting pause again, Lucas faced Emily. “Neither of them said
shit about your weight. All they noticed was how hot you look, Em. Why can’t you see the same thing? That is you.” He gestured to her. “This is you. I should know. You picked that outfit out yourself when I told you about inviting Noah and Carlos over today. You insisted on a special outfit for the occasion.”

  “I don’t remember.”

  “Do you want to?”

  “I…” She stared at the video. “I don’t—”

  “Stop looking at the damn TV.” Lucas hit the stop button and tossed aside the remote. “Look at me. Do you want to remember? Do you want to know what you did and who you did it with? Do you want to know how turned on everyone got once they realized you were willing to be with them?” He let out a humorless laugh. “Hell, even Claudia was eager for a piece of you.”

  “Claudia? Why would she—”

  “Say you want to remember and you’ll find out. Admit this is you. You’re you, not your weight.”

  “She wasn’t me.”

  “She was you minus all the crap keeping us from having sex on the regular all these years.”

  “Regular?”

  Lucas smirked. “Almost every day. On the few days we didn’t, you insisted on toy time. The triple stimulator is your favorite. You would know that if you stop being a chicken shit and just accept reality.”

  “I already know the triple is my favorite.” Emily covered her mouth. She didn’t just say that out loud.

  “There she is. Let her out, Em. The freak wants to come out and play.”

  “So you do think she, the other me, is a freak. Is that what you want?”

  Lucas shoved both hands through his hair with an angered growl. “No, Em. That’s what I’m trying to tell you and no that’s not what I call you when you’re under hypnosis. That’s what you call yourself. And just so we’re clear, you’re not a freak for wanting sex.”

  “I agree. I’m a freak for wanting it with my neighbor and your coworker and whoever else you’ve had me sleeping with this month.”

  “Emily. Damn it.” Lucas dropped to the ottoman, shaking his head. “I don’t know how to do this. Maybe we should have just gone for the fucking therapy instead.”

  “What therapy? We’re not in therapy.”

  “We need to be. Look at us.” He held his hands out wide to indicate both of them. “We couldn’t wait to give up the kids for the summer so we could avoid each other without witnesses. Don’t try to deny it. I know it’s true because that’s how I felt too. We’ve been strung tight on our way to snapping. Every little thing gets us pissed at each other. I was about to suggest a couples therapist when I found the magic shop instead. I figured what the hell. What’s the harm?” He heaved a breath. “Plenty. Obviously. Why did I even listen to you?”

  “Me?”

  “The other you. She said to keep it going when I would have stopped two weeks into our bet. She said you wouldn’t mind. I should have known something was off with that.” Lucas yanked his shirt over his head and held it out to her. “Here. Cover up.”

  Emily took it with a trembling hand. She didn’t like the way Lucas was acting. He’d been so happy all month long. Their marriage had felt the way she’d always thought it should. One conversation with the real her and he was moody again and distant.

  He snatched the chain around his neck. When it didn’t break, he settled on yanking it over his head. “Won. Lost. Whatever. I’ll take the coin back. I’ll delete the video. We can forget this ever happened.”

  “Don’t,” she whispered.

  “Yup. Never again. I’ll see about setting up an appointment with a therapist instead of trying to rely on magic and home remedies.”

  “That’s not what I meant.” She placed a hand over his fist.

  Lucas looked at her with confusion written on his face. “Em?”

  Inhaling deep and adding a little more conviction to her tone, she said, “Keep it.”

  “It?”

  “The coin. The video.” She pulled in a shaky breath. “My memories. I want to keep them.” A wry smile curved her lips. “Well, maybe not the video but the coin and the memories, yes.”

  Lucas searched her gaze. “Are you sure? I know this whole thing upset you. I shouldn’t have taken it so far without telling you the truth when I found out the coin really worked. I’m sorry.”

  “I’m sorry too.” She stooped down in front of him with his shirt draped over her knees and her hands on his thighs. “Lucas, this scares me.”

  “That wasn’t my intention. I’m sorry.”

  “No.” She shook her head. “You’re not understanding me.” She gathered her thoughts and tried to force herself to admit the truth. “I…I don’t remember any of it. You just showed me a video of me doing things I don’t remember. It’s like a blackout from too much alcohol. That loss of control scares me.”

  Lucas gathered her hands in his and kissed her fingers. “You weren’t drunk, Em. There was no loss of control.” He gave her a rueful smile. “Most of the time you were in complete control and barking orders like a drill sergeant. I think you might have a bit of dominatrix in you. But that’s something we can explore at a later date.”

  Emily laughed in spite of herself. Doing so alleviated a bit of her tension. “I’m still scared. I don’t want to find out I did something that makes me feel disgusted with myself.”

  “You want to watch the full video and find out for sure? It’s one thing to watch it. It’s another to have to deal with the memory of doing it. If you don’t like what you see, I won’t force you to remember. Deal?”

  “But that doesn’t change that I did it. No. If I’m going to watch it, then I’m going to watch it as the doer not an observer. Bu-but just this one. Th-the one with Noah and Carlos. You said you can pick and choose memories, right?”

  “Yup.”

  “Then yeah. Just that one. We’ll go from there.” Emily wasn’t sure if this was what she wanted but her gut told her it was the right thing to do. Denying she’d done it wouldn’t make her past actions disappear. Rather than have people tell her what she’d done, she wanted firsthand knowledge.

  Lucas kissed her hands again. “Reunited time. Chips and dip.”

  Emily sucked in a harsh gasp as an orgasm the likes of which she’d never felt before hit her. It was as though every climax from the start of the day to her encounter with Noah and Carlos happened all at once. She toppled to the floor with her eyes rolling back into her head and her pussy pumping air.

  “Em? Emily?” Lucas knelt beside her with a frantic expression. “Shit. Shit. What the hell? Emily? Fuck.” He grabbed her hands and held them as he stared in helpless horror.

  She wanted to tell him that she was fine. More than fine. This was fantastic to the tenth power. But she couldn’t make her mouth form words. Her body quaked violently. When she could finally push sound past her lips, it came out as a pleasured scream.

  “Emily-baby, hang on. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Shit. I’m sorry.” Lucas stroked her head and continued apologizing.

  The memory let her go and she sagged to the floor with a long sigh.

  “Emily? Emily!” Lucas tapped her cheek. “Say something.”

  She croaked, “Do another.”

  “Huh?”

  With a great deal of effort, she swiveled her gaze to Lucas and smiled at the fear on his face. “Another. Do another.”

  “No way in hell. Not until I find out why you reacted like that.”

  “Orgasm.” She swallowed to wet her throat. “Water.”

  Lucas retrieved the water bottle he’d given her earlier. He helped her sit up, cradling her to his chest, and then held the straw to her lips.

  After a few sips, Emily said, “It was an orgasm.”

  “An orgasm. No the hell it wasn’t. Not like that. You acted like you were having some kind of fit.”

  “Every orgasm I had all day all at once.” She let out a wistful sigh. “It was magnificent.”

  “Every orgasm?”

  “Every single glorio
us one.”

  “Damn. Well okay then. Now I’m not so freaked out.” He hugged her tight. “Okay, yeah I am but now it makes sense. Maybe we do smaller doses next time.” He leaned back and looked down at her. “You do want a next time, right? You look damn happy and you said you wanted more.”

  “I do and I am. Thank you, Lucas.”

  “You’re welcome, Em. So I can keep the coin? You said that, right? I didn’t mistake that part?”

  She laughed as she smacked his chest. “Yes, you can keep the coin. And yes you can continue using the coin. However, I want my memories back at the end of the day when you do you use it. Right at bedtime.”

  “Done.”

  “I want you to only use it in group settings. I don’t think I could work up the nerve otherwise. One-on-one is different. When we’re alone, no coin.”

  “Done and done. What about Bree?”

  “Bree?” She frowned up at him. “What about her?” Her eyes widened. “No.”

  Lucas nodded. “She’s adamant about talking to you. When I return the memory of game night, you’ll see why.”

  “Bree still…” Emily almost couldn’t believe it. So many years had passed since she and Bree had shared an intimate relationship. It had been lust but intense lust. Something that strong should have come with romantic love but she and Bree had been nothing but friends—sex friends but still friends.

  She said, “I’ll call her later or in the morning. After you return that memory. How many times have I been with her?”

  “Just that once. She refused to do it again unless you were aware.”

  “What about Richard?”

  Lucas chuckled. “He’s not as picky as Bree. You know that.”

  She searched his gaze. “Is it okay for us to be together again?”

  He ran his fingers over her cheek. “Do you want to be?”

  “Yes.” The word came out as a soft whisper that carried a wealth of longing. Emily hadn’t known how much she’d missed Bree, Richard too, until met with the possibility of having them back.

  “Then yes. You, me, Bree and Rich is as natural and normal as you and me. I’ve missed them too.” He tightened his arms around her. “Anything else?”