Necessary Roughness

by Julie Brannagh

  He thought Jordan would decide she didn’t want to buy the PT clinic after all and would follow him to Atlanta. It had taken a few weeks now to get it through his thick head: Why should she have to give up her life’s goals for him if he’d already shown he wasn’t willing to do the same for her?

  ***

  ANOTHER WEEK PASSED at the speed of light. On an unbelievably warm Thursday morning, Tanner boarded the team’s jet for the trip to this week’s preseason game location. If Atlanta’s heat was its own circle of hell, Jacksonville was worse. He still hadn’t acclimated from Seattle. Even more, he had had a grand total of less than an hour FaceTiming with Jordan for the week. His work schedule was so nuts he had no time for anything more than takeout at the end of his day.

  He’d spent the past several days working with “his” group of offensive tackles. The high draft pick the team had their hopes on was talented as hell but a nightmare personally. Todd Kaufmann already had been arrested a couple of times in college, had a DUI shortly after the draft, and escaped a domestic violence charge by the skin of his teeth. One of the other guys wasn’t drafted and got invited to training camp by Tanner’s boss; the coaching staff realized Kendrick Johnson didn’t have Todd’s raw talent, but he worked his ass off, stayed out of trouble, and took nothing for granted on the field or anyplace else. The other two guys were lower-round draft picks, one of whom would probably end up on the team’s practice squad during the season.

  Tanner’s boss, Steve, sat down next to him. “I’ve been watching Kaufmann’s film. Did you see anything different at all yesterday out of him?”

  “No. He’s good, but he doesn’t want to put the work in to be great. He thinks he already has it made.”

  “How was your first training camp?” Steve joked.

  “The vets were busting my chops at every opportunity. I knew I’d better work my ass off or I was going home to get a job.” Tanner let out a breath. “Johnson, on the other hand, has All-Pro written all over him.”

  “What makes you say that?”

  “He works twice as hard already. I’ve seen him do another round of lifting after dinner when the other guys are playing video games. I think he likes to have fun too, but he’s already doing what he has to, to stand out from the other guys.”

  The plane’s engines revved for takeoff.

  “You know we really can’t bet,” Steve said.

  “Yeah.”

  “A beer says you’re right. I’m going to tell Johnson he’s playing during most of the second half tomorrow. Let’s see what the rookie’s got.”

  Twenty-four hours later, Tanner steeled himself to walk out onto the sidelines of the first football game he wasn’t playing in. He’d spent the day with the coaching staff working on the game plan and doing a walk-through with the players. He was fine until he put on the assistant coach’s “uniform” of team merchandise, khakis, and cross-trainers. It wasn’t nerves. He remembered the hundreds of times in the past he’d run out onto a football field to a cheering stadium, feeling the adrenaline surge and the anticipation of a win.

  He felt the vibration of the text function on his phone go off. If he pulled the phone out of his pocket, the team would get fined. He’d have to take a look at halftime.

  His life wasn’t going to be the same. No matter how hard he tried to tell himself that he was still part of it, it didn’t matter he wasn’t an active player anymore, and he could have a great and meaningful future helping other guys achieve, he’d be spending each game wishing things could be different. He took his place next to the other assistant coaches and forced a smile onto his face. The guys weren’t going to be introduced here. They ran out of the tunnel to a deafening amount of booing.

  At least that part hadn’t changed.

  Steve glanced at the cane Tanner still used. “Take it easy tonight,” he said. “Don’t be a hero.”

  “I’ll do that.”

  “One more thing. We’re giving the guys tomorrow and Sunday off. Maybe you should take tomorrow off too. It’s a lot of flying, but they do have planes now that go to Seattle.”

  “They do,” he said.

  “I have no idea if there’s a red-eye tonight, but I’ll pretend like I have no idea what you’re planning if you decide to take one. Be back by Monday morning.”

  “What about the game recap?”

  “I’ll catch you up. It’s not a lot of time, but you’ll make it count.”

  Steve slapped him on the back and moved away.

  ***

  TANNER DECIDED HIS chances of getting an early morning flight from Atlanta were a lot better than they were from Jacksonville. He flew back with the team. They’d beaten Jacksonville handily, 25–3. He’d managed to distract himself from the hot, uncomfortable feelings that came up when he watched other guys playing their guts out in front of him by focusing on Kaufmann’s and Johnson’s play. The game was videotaped so the coaching staff could take a closer look on Sunday, but one thing was certain: Kaufmann might have been the more gifted player, but Johnson was the star. He’d be the coaching staff’s project this season. He’d be starting by next season.

  He felt a shiver run up his spine when he watched the guy. Johnson seemed to have eyes in the back of his head. He knew where his quarterback was at all times and stopped the defense from getting to him. He didn’t give up one sack or QB hurry during the game. It was always great to have natural talent, but Johnson’s technique and command of his position had been taught. If he could learn those skills, the sky was the limit for him as far as ability to be coached. Tanner could hear Kaufmann complaining to anyone who would listen that he wasn’t happy he hadn’t gotten more playing time in the game.

  “It’s not fair.”

  One of the other rookies leaned over and said, “You’d better shut up before the coaches hear you.”

  “I was the first-round draft pick. Who do they think they’re dealing with here?” He gestured at Johnson, who was sitting several rows in front of him with headphones on. “He wasn’t even drafted.”

  The coaching staff didn’t have to get involved. One of the vets shouted out, “Shut the fuck up, rook. You’ll talk when we tell you to talk.” The players’ area of the plane went silent. They landed safely in Atlanta an hour later.

  It was two thirty AM. The first flight to Seattle was at six thirty AM. Tanner bought a ticket on his phone, grabbed his suitcase, and settled in to wait at the gate.

  ***

  SADIE WOKE JORDAN up at five thirty AM that morning for her breakfast and to be let out. Naturally, Sadie wanted to go back to sleep less than half an hour later at the foot of Tanner’s bed. Jordan knew she should grab a shower and go for a run or something. It had been a long and frustrating week. She’d had some idea that running the physical therapy clinic was going to be more of a challenge than she had anticipated; she wasn’t a business major. Things were a little nuts as a result. Marco had a CPA doing the books, but he’d never hired an actual manager of the business, preferring to pay himself instead. She wanted to hire an office manager as quickly as she could figure out how much she needed to budget for it among other things. Until they had an office manager, she asked for five staff volunteers who would agree to rotate the job one week at a time. They did stuff like make sure the appointment schedules were up-to-date every day, notified her of broken or damaged equipment, and made sure that things like hand towels and the water dispensers in the business were stocked up each morning.

  The physical therapists managed their own schedules and client load. There would have to be more conversation about how to distribute who got new patients fairly, but for the first two weeks on her own, it wasn’t bad. She hadn’t been this tired in a long time, but she’d live. It also kept her from staring off into space and wondering what Tanner was doing.

  Jordan missed him so much she was wondering if she’d made a horrible mistake. Maybe she should sell the business to the long-term employees and move to Atlanta. He’d never asked her to move for h
im. Instead, he’d told her how proud he was of her for going after the goal she’d had since she became a physical therapist. She wanted to own her own clinic. She’d used the money she had saved for buying a teeny condo as her down payment without a second thought. It was great to achieve goals in life, but she didn’t want to spend her life wondering when Tanner was going to meet a woman there and send her a text that he wasn’t coming back.

  She glanced over at the clock on Tanner’s bedside table. It wasn’t even seven AM yet. Sadie was already snoring at the foot of the bed. She’d moved in here after he left, which was probably not the smartest thing she could have done, either. She fell asleep every night breathing his scent and woke up to it every morning. Anyone else would say it was romantic. It made her miss him even more. They hadn’t seen each other for three weeks. He was so busy that FaceTiming when they were both awake was few and far between. They spent more time texting.

  She knew he’d been at the team’s first preseason game last night and that Atlanta had won. She watched the highlights on ESPN to see if she could glimpse Tanner on the sidelines. Maybe she should buy a plane ticket on a weekend he wasn’t out of town for a game and go see him. She knew he worked pretty much all weekend these days, but seeing him for a couple of hours a day was better than what was happening right now.

  She flipped back into the pillows and pulled the sheet up to her chin. Maybe she should get another couple of hours of sleep before she tried to figure out how she was going to fill another day without him.

  ***

  TANNER GOT OUT of an Uber in front of his house a little before ten thirty AM that morning. He’d caught a nap while he waited for his flight and slept some more on the plane. He wasn’t daisy-fresh, but hopefully Jordan wouldn’t care. He could always take a shower. With her.

  He had the electronic code to open the front door, but maybe he should call her first so she wouldn’t be startled when he walked in. He could already hear Sadie raising hell behind the front door. He loved his dog, but Labs had two modes: barking like an axe murderer was at the door, and asleep. Hopefully Jordan had her phone. He hit the contact and let it ring.

  She sounded a little out of breath. “Tanner, how are you?”

  “Great. I have a question. What are you doing for lunch today?”

  “Making a sandwich or something. Why?”

  “There’s something for you outside of the front door. It’s kind of big.”

  “What? Sadie. Shh! Nothing’s wrong!” Sadie continued to bark as Tanner watched the front door of his house open.

  Of course, Sadie ran out and tried to knock him over while Jordan stepped out onto the porch. She still had the phone in her hand. Her hair was tumbled around her shoulders. She still wore the oversize T-shirt and shorts he knew she slept in.

  “Tanner?” she said.

  “It’s me, babe. Want to have lunch?”

  She ran up to him and stopped. “I want—I know I have to be careful,” she said. She nodded at his cane. He wasn’t made of glass, but he knew she worried. “Oh God, I have missed you so much.”

  She threw her arms around his waist. Sadie played at their feet while he did his best to kiss DP for every time he wished she was with him over the past three weeks, every moment that he remembered the sweet sound of her laughter and the way her hair smelled.

  “I’ve missed you so much too.” He held her close. “We can go inside. I know the owner. He won’t mind.”

  He felt her shaking with laughter. “Are you sure? I’m housesitting. I don’t want to piss him off.”

  “I’ll let him know things are cool. Sadie! Go inside!” His dog ran into the house as he grabbed his suitcase and tried to hold Jordan’s hand at the same time. He wasn’t sure how he’d made it through the last three weeks of his life without her. He took a deep breath of sun-warmed air with a slight breeze and manageable humidity. He was home for twenty-four hours. How could he force himself to leave her again?

  Fifteen minutes later, Tanner had dropped his suitcase into the corner of his room. He and Jordan threw themselves into his bed, which was currently also populated by a wriggling ninety-five-pound dog licking Tanner’s face.

  “Do you think she’ll leave us alone for a while?” Jordan said.

  “Not unless we lock her out.”

  “Imagine the barking.”

  He shoved himself up on one elbow. “Sadie. Go take a nap in your bed.” The dog gave him an injured look and a soft woof. “I mean it. Go. I’ll play with you later.” Sadie pushed herself onto the pillows and flipped onto her back. “Okay, girl. You leave me no choice,” he warned.

  Jordan let out a laugh at the look on his face as he moved off the bed, pointed at the bedroom door, and said, “Squirrel!”

  Sadie raced out into the hallway, and Tanner shut and locked his bedroom door, then lay down next to Jordan again as they both heard Sadie barking.

  “I never knew my dog would turn into such a cock block,” he muttered as he reached out to pull Jordan’s oversize T-shirt off.

  ***

  SEX IN THE shower was always a fun idea, but Jordan knew testing the strength of his knee repairs on slippery tile might need to wait a few more months. He nodded at the bench built into one side of the shower enclosure. “I’m having that sledgehammered out and widened.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yeah. We can get as freaky as we want and nobody ends up in the emergency room.” He was helping her rinse the shampoo out of her hair. “I have plans, DP.”

  She turned to face him. “I have plans too. We both need to be in the same state to make them happen.”

  He grabbed the water wand once more and went over her hair. She knew he had to be back in Atlanta by Monday morning, which meant he’d be leaving Seattle late tomorrow afternoon.

  “Do you want me to come to Atlanta with you for a few days?” she asked.

  “Your new employees can handle it while you’re gone?”

  “They won’t be happy and neither will my clients, but we’re going to have to figure this out.” She let out a long breath. “Do you have a game next weekend?”

  “We’re at home. Want to sit in the suite? There’s free beer.” He was trying to joke, but she could see the dark circles under his eyes. He was working long hours without a lot of sleep. He missed her, and she missed him. She’d tried to tell herself that it was good to test their feelings for each other. Right now, it felt like someone was using a cheese grater on her heart. She reached behind her for the shower door and pushed it open.

  “Come on, big guy. It’s time for a convo.” She reached out for his hand. “We’re going to have to put something on and go outside. If we go back into your room, we’re not going to leave your bed until five minutes before you have to go to the airport.”

  “And that’s a bad thing?” he said. He followed her out of the shower, grabbing a dry towel as he did so.

  ***

  JORDAN DRESSED AT lightning speed and headed upstairs to the deck. Tanner was already there. He’d loaded a grocery bag with beverages and brought them too. He leaned his cane against another chair and indicated the bag by nodding.

  “I’m off the painkillers,” he said. “Want a beer?”

  “When did this happen?” She sat down next to him on the love seat he’d turned so they could look at the view. Sadie padded out and flopped down on the deck next to them. Judging by the snoring, she was asleep seconds later.

  “Last week. I’m still taking ibuprofen. The doc said it’s okay to have a beer once in a while, but not fifteen.” He reached into the bag, handed her a beer, grabbed one out for himself, and produced a bottle opener out of his pocket. “So, DP, I have a question for you.”

  Her heart rate picked up. She knew he was not proposing, but any woman would wonder what was coming next. He put the bottles down on the low table in front of them and took her hand.

  “I want to stay with you. Would you like to stay with me?”

  She wished she could f
reeze this moment. The blue sky streaked with wispy clouds, the sun warming them both, the sailboats drifting by as he held her hand, and a snoring dog at their feet. She heard a slight mechanical noise. Tanner was unfurling the sun shade over the deck via remote control.

  “Is there anything this house doesn’t have?” she said.

  “We still don’t have a Dick’s Drive-In.”

  “Nobody has one of those,” she said.

  “True.” He shoved the remote control back into his pants pocket. “Well? What do you think?” He was attempting to look relaxed, but she could feel a little perspiration on his palm. He was nervous too.

  “I want to stay with you too, but I can’t figure out how we’re going to do this.”

  “Flip a coin?” She saw his mouth curve into a smile. She scooted closer to him and laid her head on his shoulder. “This is what I have been thinking about over the past couple of weeks,” he said. “I’m enjoying the job, but I miss you so much that I’d dig ditches if I could come home every night to you.”

  “You’ve told me you wanted to be a coach. What happened?”

  “Nothing happened so much as being five hours away by jet and missing you and Sadie.”

  “Maybe I need to sell the clinic to the other employees and move to Atlanta with you,” she said.

  “Why would you do that?”

  “It’s not fair to ask you to give up something you wanted to do in life.”

  “It’s not fair for me to do that to you, either,” he said. “I know the chances of buying an established business for pennies on the dollar don’t happen often.”

  She pulled herself up and looked into his eyes. “How often do any of us find someone we’d like to make a life with?”

  He reached out to stroke her face. “Are you proposing to me?”

  She let out a laugh. “Not unless you’d like me to.”