Crashing Souls

by Cynthia A. Rodriguez

  He looked up and laughed. “I guess that’s all that matters. Where’s the remote? Can’t miss the game just because my mom is on my ass.”

  I tossed it to him and sat back, content.

  And I wondered, had I had someone like Ralph in my old life? I sure hoped so.

  Chapter 7

  Don’t lose sight of your purpose. Find her. Bring me light. Give me hope.

  I was used to waking up slowly, the words following me like a whisper. But this morning, I woke like a light switch, the words coming to me like someone said them right into my ear.

  I sat up, groaning when I realized I was up a full half hour before my alarm. Monday had come like a bullet—fast and leaving me full of dread.

  Find her. Find her? I didn’t know anyone besides Ralph in that school. Tracey wasn’t exactly the best person to bring this up to. She freaked out at the thought of me leaving the house, let alone going on a journey to find the supposed love of my life.

  Sessie. I didn’t know much about Sessie other than her optimism when it came to things pertaining to life and heaven. She seemed sweet, but I’d have to go alone on this. After all, I’d been told not to tell anyone. I didn’t dare question it because it seemed like solid advice.

  It could take years. I was slow, still healing from being hit by a car. Luck definitely wasn’t on my side. At this rate, I’d never find her. Were we even in the same state? The same country?

  I heard my door crack open and Tracey walked in with two mugs.

  “Oh, you’re up.” She set one down on my nightstand. “I thought I’d leave this here for you when you woke up. Help ease your nerves. Or mine. Whatever.” She shrugged and took a sip of her coffee.

  “Do you think soul mates exist, Tracey?” My voice was rough and sleepy. I sat up, eager to hear her response.

  “Hmm. I don’t know how to answer that. On one hand, I’m a woman who likes to think so. I’m not exactly a younger gal anymore. I don’t have time to go gallivanting off into the sunset with Brad Pitt. On the other hand, I have a teenager asking me this question. You’ll find fault in anything I say.”

  “No.” I shook my head. “I’m not asking to make fun of you. I’m asking because I genuinely want to know what you think.”

  She looked at me with curiosity before sitting at my desk and setting her mug down. She sat forward and hunched her shoulders a bit, looking up at the ceiling in thought.

  “I’ve always wanted to believe it. But what about the people who stay alone their whole life? I don’t want to believe it because what if I end up like them? It isn’t something I’m fit to live with. I crave partnership. But what if, by some stroke of bad luck, I miss him? What then?” She paused. “I guess I do think we have soul mates. Does everyone end up with theirs? I don’t think so. But, because I’m greedy, I hope we both do.”

  I liked her answer more than I was willing to admit.

  “Enough talk about soul mates and your crazy aunt not wanting to be alone. Let’s get you ready for your first day back. Have you picked out your clothes? You used to always do that. Quite the old man, you were.” She muttered the last bit to herself.

  I chuckled and shook my head. “Seems I outgrew that habit.”

  She ran her fingers over my keyboard. “This may be a little hopeful but have…you remembered?” After she asked, her eyes slid to mine, waiting for a miracle.

  “Mhm.” I couldn’t muster a better response; one enough to give her happiness but not too much to give her hope in other aspects of my life. She nodded with eyes large and round and left the room slowly without another word. I hoped she wasn’t off crying somewhere. I lay back on my bed, running my hands over my face.

  •••

  The bells ringing around the emptying hall startled me, causing me to drop my books and watch as they scattered across the floor. I glared at the bright blue lockers, huffing as I prepared to fail at picking up the textbooks.

  If they’d let me carry my book bag instead of forcing me to keep it in my locker like everyone else, this wouldn’t be an issue.

  “Butterfingers. What would you do without me, man?” I sagged with relief when Ralph ran up. I hadn’t seen him since Saturday night, and he’d left Sunday morning before I’d woken up.

  “Look like an idiot standing here,” I muttered, annoyed with myself. I wanted self-sufficiency.

  He straightened, adding my stack of books to his. I was only using one crutch today, making it easier to carry around the textbooks that seemed more like paperweights than actual reading material.

  “It’s cool, man. We’ve got Trig this period.” He led us to a classroom, pulled the door open, and waited until I passed him to enter. When my eyes glanced over the students, their gazes were watchful.

  “Oh, Mr. Andrews. I wasn’t expecting you until next week,” a man with salt-and-pepper hair said, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Go ahead and take your seat. I received your homework. You’re caught up on all assignments. Just, uh, follow along. I’m sure Mr. Greyson will fill you in. But if you have any questions, let me know.”

  We neared a few empty desks and I sat, looking for a place to lay my crutch quietly. Ralph grabbed it and scooted a little closer before sliding it under his desk.

  “Don’t mind the stares. Some people are inbred,” he said with some force, much to my chagrin. I didn’t want to make a scene.

  “No, it’s cool. Maybe if they stare, they’ll get over the fascination,” I mumbled.

  He shook his head. “I don’t think you get it, Dex. You were something of an icon here.”

  “Why? I’m nobody. I didn’t play sports. I’m not active in any clubs…why?” I glanced around, seeing some of the girls look away quickly, seemingly embarrassed that they’d been caught staring.

  “Beats me. Ask one of them.” He gestured toward the girls who were right back to staring, this time openly, knowing they had the attention of Ralph. For a moment. Ralph grinned.

  Great. I was now under the watchful eye of the entire student body.

  I tried to focus on the teacher as he lectured. I looked over at Ralph, who took notes, and I felt out of place. Every few minutes both Ralph and the teacher would look at me to make sure I was all right. After the first few times, I began to ignore them. I wasn’t brain dead.

  When the bell rang, I stood, ready to get the hell out of there.

  “Okay, so I’ll make copies of my notes and if you need help with anything tonight, let me know,” Ralph said as he gathered his things. Who was this guy? I’d rather have moody yet rambunctious Ralph.

  “Stop it, man.” I grabbed my books and crutch and headed out of the class as fast as I could. It didn’t take long for him to catch up.

  “Fine.” He walked next to me easily, without a care in the world. “I want to help you out. I can’t help that. So, you tell me. What can I do for you, Dex?”

  I stopped at my locker, checking the combination I’d written on a piece of paper before turning the dial and unlocking it. I shoved my math book in with more force than necessary. When I turned, he was still waiting for an answer.

  The only thing I needed help with….

  “Help me find her.” The words came out before my brain could tell my mouth to shut the hell up. I could think of a million things Ralph would be better at than helping me find…her.

  Before I could let my thoughts drift, he interrupted.

  “Who? Becca? Dude, no. What?” Ralph’s brows were pinched in confusion and frustration. “Screw her.”

  I ran my hands over my face. It was too late to backtrack now. I had to convince Ralph I wasn’t heartbroken over Becca.

  Which was worse? Being broken-hearted over Becca or longing for someone who might not exist? In a split second, I made the decision. If she was worth begging and bargaining for with an angel, not only did I have to find her but I also had to stand firm.

  “No! Not Becca. This—girl. Some girl. Well, the girl I’m supposed to end up with, I guess. It�
��s…hard to explain.” Ralph’s face grew even more confused. Then a smile appeared. And I knew he didn’t understand. Of course.

  “You want some ass? I can totally find that for you. Really, you don’t need my help. The ladies, they pine for you, man.” He looked beyond me and I turned, noticing a group of girls looking in our direction. I looked at each of them, waiting for something. But it wouldn’t be that easy. I frowned.

  “Ah, no,” I said, looking back at him. “I was thinking more along the lines of a relationship.”

  “You tried that. It didn’t work. You don’t remember so I’ll fill you in. You met, you had great sex, she was cute, a distraction with an annoying voice, she slept with everyone behind your back the moment you were down, and you dumped her sorry ass.” As he talked, we headed to my next class.

  “Yeah, but just because it didn’t work with her, doesn’t mean it won’t with someone else.”

  “Who, then?”

  “See?” I clapped my free hand over his shoulder, leaning my crutch against my torso. We stood outside the English class I was meant to be in next period. “That’s what we need to find out.”

  Ralph shook his head. I stepped inside of my class just as the bell rang. I headed to an empty desk and placed my books on it as someone slid right into the seat.

  “Oh, hey. I didn’t see you there.” Becca’s sweet tone made me want to roll my eyes. I didn’t understand her endgame, but I was definitely not waiting around to find out.

  “Right,” I muttered to myself. I had nothing against the girl, really. I couldn’t remember any of the relationship she’d shared with Dexter. She was essentially a stranger to me, just like everyone else. But I guessed it was too much to assume we’d part ways cordially because her eyes looked like she wanted to pick a fight or something.

  I went to the back of the class and sat, content to be away from the rest of the students. The teacher came in, her blonde hair pulled into a tight bun. When she looked across the desks and her eyes found mine, she headed over to me.

  “I reviewed your assignments. Solid work, Dexter. Let me know if you need anything,” she whispered when she got to me. I nodded, hoping she’d leave me alone. Eyes were on me, as usual, and I didn’t like the feeling of it.

  Someone was sitting beside me, her red hair a curtain over her face. When I wasn’t looking, I felt her peek over at me. It wasn’t bothersome. A few times I’d look back and she’d look back down. Shy, I guess.

  I dropped my pencil mid-lesson, and she scrambled down to get it. I thanked her and she looked down at her page, not acknowledging me. When the bell rang, I left as quickly as I had the previous class. Ralph was leaning against the lockers across the door and walked up to me.

  “How was she today?”

  “Becca? She tried to talk to me but—” He swatted me upside the head.

  “No, not fucking Becca. Mouse.”

  “Huh?” I lifted a brow, waiting for him to explain, rubbing the back of my head.

  He rolled his eyes. “I forgot you don’t remember. The girl who sits in the back and stares at you. She’s innocent, kind of adorable if you like the librarian look. Full on ginger. You usually count the amount of times you catch her staring.” He laughed. “Last time was fifty-three times. That’s dedication.”

  “Oh, her? Yeah, I sat next to her. She seemed nice. Shy, definitely. Sorry, man. No count today.” I shifted my books in my arm as we walked.

  “Ah, you sat next to her? I can’t believe she didn’t spontaneously combust.”

  “Did I…ever make fun of her?” I was afraid of his answer.

  He shook his head. “You were always a good sport about it. Could’ve been an ass but she’s a sweet kid. Sophomore.”

  “Why do we call her Mouse? Does everyone else call her that?” It couldn’t be flattering to be named after a rodent. “What’s her real name, anyway?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t think anyone knows. We started calling her that because you told me she was small and undetectable. And it stuck. Far as I know, that nickname is just between us.”

  I felt marginally better. We stopped in front of my locker, and I checked the combination written down on a slip of paper again before turning the combination lock until it opened.

  “I have an idea. That problem you asked for help with? I thought about it in class. Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered.”

  “I can’t believe I asked you to help me. Whatever you’ve come up with probably involves sacrificing a virgin and severe bloodshed on my behalf.” I shoved my books in my locker and faced him.

  “I knew you were into weird shit,” Ralph said with a laugh.

  Chapter 8

  The more days that went by, the more Ralph’s excitement over his secret project worried me. Finally, a few minutes before the bell was set to ring, Ralph sent me a text.

  Meet me at the café down the street. We’re geting you laid.

  Sure enough, when I parked my car, he was standing across the street wearing a huge grin. Trouble was brewing.

  “I know you can hobble faster than that. Let’s go, man. You have to get settled before the others arrive.”

  “The others?” I locked the car doors with a click of the key fob and headed to him. I didn’t use the crutch anymore, but I still had to take it slow.

  “If you ask me any more questions, I will have Tracey let me in the house and cut your beloved man bun off while you’re asleep.”

  “I’m not stepping in there unless you give me something.”

  “You’re ruining this, Dex. You’re really ruining this. It’s the perfect setup. You look like the kind of guy who’d sit here in front of a laptop all day drinking an overpriced caffeinated beverage in a size no one knows or gives a crap about and pulling babes, unbeknownst to you. Stop being a little shit and let’s go.”

  I stood looking at Ralph so he’d know I was serious.

  “Fine. We’re holding auditions,” he said as he opened the door and headed inside the café. “Let’s go, asshat.”

  I followed him, ready to tell him I wasn’t going to participate.

  “What? This is your idea of helping me? I feel like this is objectifying women in some sort of way. This has to be wrong.”

  “You’ve seen the dating shows these chicks watch. What’s the difference between this and The Bachelor? It isn’t televised.” He shrugged, and I felt the need to point out the major difference.

  “And I’m not a billionaire.”

  “Pretty damn close,” he said as he led us to a booth that was set up with chairs across the table. We had a clear view of the front door and the shop glass that spanned the entire front of the café.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked when I sat down.

  “Your folks were loaded. Nice car,” he said, gesturing toward it.

  I looked out of the giant window and noticed a few girls heading toward the door. Another was using her car’s side mirror to apply lip gloss.

  “Where did you even find these girls?”

  “Your name carries weight.” He pulled out a stack of paper with three boxes for yes, no, and maybe.

  “This is insane, Ralph,” I said, hanging my head. When the door opened, I looked over at Ralph. I couldn’t believe this. And he was enjoying it.

  “Hi, there,” he greeted them, standing to shake the first victim’s hand. “Have a seat. What’s your name?”

  I couldn’t look up, even when Ralph kicked me under the table. Her name was Kate. When Ralph slid a voting sheet in front of me, I wanted to laugh. He actually thought this was helping me.

  “What are some of your interests?” I glanced up at her to watch her answer Ralph’s question.

  “Um,” she fidgeted when she saw that I was looking at her. “I like reading. I like cooking.” She giggled, still fidgeting. “I’m good at math.”

  “Thanks for coming,” I said, turning to Ralph. It was only when she frowned and jumped out of the chair that I realized how rude I must’
ve sounded. When she was out of earshot, I started talking, the words rushing out of me.

  “This is embarrassing, Ralph. And not what I had in mind.”

  “Look, you gave me a problem, I gave you a solution. I don’t care if you don’t like any of these girls. At least I’m trying to help. So, sit there quietly and let me.”

  I sat back and grabbed the stack of paper. Most, if not all, of these girls would get a ‘no’. I didn’t think she’d be here. It couldn’t be that easy. She wouldn’t fall into my lap.

  But thinking of the loneliness that crept up on me when I least expected it, whether I was daydreaming, falling asleep, or even in class caused me to sit up straight. It seized me. The same way I panicked when faced with losing her in death, I panicked at the idea of losing her in life.

  An hour or so later, we’d gone through about forty girls, all of them getting turned away within the first few minutes. Ralph was loving it, smiling and asking questions like he’d done this before. When he asked a girl what she saw for her and me long-term, I kicked him under the table.

  I drank the last of my hot chocolate and stepped off to the bathroom, hoping there’d be no more victims. The last girl had been painful. Her laugh made me want to bang my head against the wall continuously. I washed my hands and headed back to our booth, keys in hand. I stopped when I saw a familiar head of red hair. Mouse?

  I sat down and watched her pale. It wasn’t hard. Her skin was already pale to begin with, a cluster of freckles dusting her nose and cheeks the only true pigment to graze her skin. I hadn’t gotten this close of a look before.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked. Ralph grinned, watching us.

  “I’m, uh, sure it’s no secret, Dex.” Her voice held an innocent tone and I realized it was the first time I’d ever heard it, despite sitting next to her for the better part of two weeks.

  “It isn’t,” Ralph said, leaning forward and patting her hand.

  “Shut it.” I glared at him. I turned back to face her. “Trust me, I think you’re sweet and if I were actually into this, I probably would…pick you. But this isn’t right....”