Heart of Sin

by Nicola Jane

  “It comes back to control Alivia, being drunk makes me out of control I don’t like that feeling,” he sighs.

  “But one drink wouldn’t hurt. You never drink a drop.”

  “Oh I do,” he says avoiding eye contact, “Just pray you never see me like that. Do you fancy me?”

  “I’m not bigging you up, go screw one of your subs if you need an ego boost,” I say and Vass laughs, the awkwardness of my last question lifting.

  “I fancy you,” he says honestly and I blush, “It’s hard wanting something you know you can’t have.” I’m flattered, Vass is gorgeous and here he is telling me that he fancies me. Knowing we can’t go there makes me sad but there’s no way I can sleep with this man, he will break my heart.

  Vass stands, “I’ll get us a drink, same again?” he asks and I nod. I pull out my phone and flick through my social media whilst I wait for Vass to come back. A shadow falls across the table and I look up into the eyes of the guy I met last night. Vass won’t like this.

  “Alivia, right?” he smiles and I nod, I can’t for the life of me remember his name so I just sit there with a blank expression.

  “Curtis,” he reminds me and I nod.

  “Of course, sorry. How are you?” I ask politely.

  “I’m good. I didn’t get your number last night. I was wondering if I could get it now?”

  “Erm, I don’t think that’s a good idea Curtis. I’m here with a friend and he can be…” I trail off. Vass is approaching with my drink in his hand. His eyes fixed on Curtis’ back.

  “You said last night you were available,” he continues. Vass places the drink down in front of me and takes his seat.

  “Did you?” Vass asks me and I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat.

  “Erm, I don’t think they were my exact words, maybe I…”

  “Aren’t you that rich guy?” asks Curtis, smiling at Vass.

  “I am, the same rich guy that is out on a date with his fiancé,” says Vass coldly. Curtis looks back and forth between us and his eyes widen as he gets the message.

  “I’m so sorry man, she totally led me on last night,” he says. My mouth falls open in shock, I really didn’t.

  “She tends to get a bit out of control when she’s off her meds,” says Vass dryly, “I apologise. I’ll keep her under lock and key from now on.” Once Curtis has gone Vass glares at me, “Available are you?”

  “Come on Vass, I was drunk and besides I am single. I didn’t know we were starting the lie so early, it’s happened faster than I expected.”

  “From now on you are not single. You need to believe that or you’ll slip up.”

  I nod, “Okay, sorry,” I mutter.

  I wake the next morning with another head ache. Hangovers seem to get worse the older I get. I groan and turn to my alarm clock. It’s only seven in the morning. I get up and dressed and head down stairs. I find my parents and Vass already up and they are huddled around my dad’s laptop at the kitchen table. “What’s going on?” I mutter, reaching for a glass and filling it with water.

  “We’re looking at the newspapers,” says mum excitedly.

  I take a seat away from them and rest my head on the table, “How exciting,” I mutter.

  “Vass Fraser stepped out with his new girlfriend Alivia Caldwell last night in a show of unity after reports that Caldwell was not invested in her new relationship with Fraser. They smiled and posed for photographs and appeared to be very much in love. Caldwell’s mother, Caroline Caldwell told us that she was happy to see her daughter with Fraser and that her daughter was the happiest she’d seen her. Vass Fraser confirmed that he was taking things one day at a time with Ms. Caldwell adding to rumours that they are still under strain and trying to work through it. A close friend of Frasers told us that the pair are still getting to know each other and that they are taking their time. It is no secret that Ms. Caldwell is new to Frasers party lifestyle and the fame and fortune that comes with that. Only time will tell if she can handle the storm that is Vass Fraser,” reads my mum.

  “Oh Jesus,” I grumble in to the table.

  “You know you really should drink less if it makes you feel so ill,” comments my mum and I look up in time to see Vass nod in agreement.

  “Being with a man so popular drives me to drink mum, it’s the pressure,” I say.

  “Don’t be ridiculous Alivia,” she snaps, “Get some breakfast, that will sort you out.”

  “Don’t you have to go back to London?” I ask Vass and he shakes his head, still peering over my Mum’s shoulder at the laptop.

  “I’ve invited him to come with us to see Gran today,” says Dad and I glare at him.

  “Dad, Vass is busy, he doesn’t have time to visit Gran, she doesn’t even know who we are so having Vass there will just confuse her more,” I argue. Both my parents give me the look that tells me to be quiet and stop arguing with their decisions. So an hour later we all traipse into the care home that is currently taking care of my Gran.

  My Dad goes to speak to the nurse whilst the rest of us go through to my Grans room. She’s propped up in bed looking at the newspaper. She glances up and gives us a vacant look.

  “She has dementia,” I whisper to Vass, “She doesn’t always remember us.”

  “Hi Ann, how are you today, you look well,” smiles mum kissing Gran on the cheek. “We brought Alivia to see you,” she adds.

  I give her a small wave, “Hi, Gran.” The blank look she gives me tells me she doesn’t remember me. We make small talk whilst we wait for Dad to return. When he does he looks annoyed. “Mum caused problems last night, the nurse in charge isn’t very happy. They are thinking of transferring her again,” he sighs.

  “Oh not again,” sighs mum. It’s been a constant battle to keep Gran in a care home. She can be violent and she tries to escape all of the time. No one seems to be able to cope with her.

  Gran suddenly smiles brightly at Vass, “Mark, you came to see me,” she says brightly.

  “Go with it,” my mum whispers to Vass.

  “Have you been misbehaving?” Vass asks Gran sternly and she gives a guilty look. “You don’t want to get kicked out of here, they’re doing their best for you.”

  Gran nods, “I know. I just want to go home.”

  “This is home,” says Vass sitting on her bed and taking her hand. Mum pats my hand and gives me swoon eyes. I guess it is cute to watch, he doesn’t even know her and he’s being so kind.

  “I want to live with you and Caroline,” says Gran.

  “You’d hate it with us, Alivia comes to stay and you know how loud and annoying she can be,” says Vass with a wink.

  Gran playfully taps his arm and smiles, “I’ll try to behave.”

  As we leave the care home my mobile pings with a news alert. I’d set it to notify me if Vass came up. I discreetly open it and gasp. In bold letters the headline reads, ‘Is Vass Fraser about to tie the Knot with girlfriend Alivia Caldwell.’ I quickly shove my phone in my pocket and take a few deep breaths. How the hell do they know everything.

  Vass

  I left Alivia with her parents an hour ago. She has her car so she didn’t need a lift back to Tower Hamlets. Before I left she told me about a news story that she was not happy about. I don’t understand what she expects me to do, the press have spies everywhere. I put a call in to Clarisse and ask her to dig about, she has friends on the press that may know where they’ve heard it from but in all honesty, I don’t care. If it’s in the press my Grandmother is more likely to believe it all.

  Once back home I shower and change and then head straight back out. I’m meeting my mother for dinner and she hates lateness. I arrive on time, she is already seated and waiting which is no surprise.

  “Good weekend?” she asks as I take my seat and shrug out of my jacket.

  “Yes thank you, you?” I ask politely.

  “Yes, not as good as yours by the sound of it, any announcements you’d like to make?”

  “M
other don’t be so smug. You were right okay, Alivia is perfect for it, is that what you want to hear?”

  She smiles triumphantly, “It’s not often you admit that I know best.”

  “It’s not often that you do know best,” I say dryly.

  “Have you agreed on a price?” she asks.

  “No, she says she doesn’t want anything,” I sigh and my mother looks up confused. “I told her she could have anything and she said she was happy to just help me out.”

  “No one does anything for free darling, set a price.”

  Before Alivia I’d have agreed with her, no one ever does anything for nothing but with Liv, I’m certain that she really is doing it to help me. She has a heart of gold and in my social circles that’s rare to see. “The press seems to have grabbed on to it, Alivia doesn’t want them to know about the wedding,” I say.

  “Darling there will be no hiding it, Vass Fraser is no longer a bachelor, it’s big news in the gossip columns.”

  “I know but I respect her wishes mother so we need to do our best to stop that happening, she doesn’t want her parents finding out,” I explain.

  Our food arrives and I tuck in to the steak. My mother stares at me, “Her parents have to attend the wedding Vass,” she says.

  “Why? It doesn’t have to be a big affair,” I say through a mouthful of food.

  “Of course it does. Do you think your grandmother is stupid, she will insist on a grand affair and she will want to meet Alivia’s parents?”

  “Alivia won’t agree to it, she feels strongly about this. She doesn’t want to upset her parents when the divorce comes through.”

  “It won’t work, you’ll never keep it quiet,” she repeats.

  I think it over, I want to be honest with Alivia but my mother is right but if she drops out now I’m screwed. I need this to happen. After our meal I head back to The Luxe, my mind still on Alivia and how she will react to the press knowing about our upcoming nuptials.

  As I walk through the reception area I hear heels clicking behind me, I glance back in time to see Annalise rushing after me. “Vass,” she says falling in to step beside me, “My father has been trying to contact you.”

  “I’m aware Annalise but I’ve been busy. What does he want?” I ask.

  “To speak with you about us,” she says following me up the stairs.

  “But there is no us,” I sigh and she grips my arm to halt me.

  “He’s not very happy about you ditching me like that. He’s threatening to pull some of the members from The Luxe,” she says.

  “And how does he plan to do that?” I ask, “There is no other club like this around here.”

  “Well you know Daddy, his influence stretches quite far,” she says innocently. I shake my head in annoyance and then continue my walk to the office. She follows, “Vass don’t be angry with me, it isn’t my fault. When he saw the news this morning about you and that geeky girl in the office, he hit the roof, you should be thanking me because I calmed him down.” We reach the office door and I unlock it and then grip Annalise by the upper arm and pull her inside. A fire lights in her eyes and I shove her away from me. Trust her to enjoy me pushing her about.

  “I don’t like threats Annalise,” I growl and she shrugs her shoulders innocently.

  “Like I said, it isn’t my fault.”

  “I told you that if my Grandmother didn’t agree then it wouldn’t go ahead, why you told your father in the first place is beyond me.”

  “Because I thought your Grandmother would like me, everyone likes me,” she says suddenly raging.

  “Well she didn’t so get over it. Go back to your father and explain that you’re happier without me. I won’t allow him to try and ruin my business because I wouldn’t marry his daughter.”

  “I tried that. Have you thought about this properly Vass?” she asks taking a seat.

  “I’m not discussing this with you, go home.” I pour myself a water and drink it in one go. The sound of Annalise clicking her false nails on the wooden arm of the chair grates on me and I close my eyes briefly before taking a deep breath and turning back to face her.

  “She doesn’t get you like I do, she isn’t our sort of person. Will she let you carry on with the club, training the subs?” she asks, “She is so vanilla,” she mutters, “Can you imagine her on her knees for you Vass, letting you boss her around.”

  I close my eyes again, seeing Alivia on her knees gives me all kinds of happy thoughts, “I think you should be leaving now.”

  “You’ll come crawling back Vass, we all know how much you need this lifestyle and she is not going to sit back and let you have sex with other women, fake or not, she will fall for you and you will panic. When that happens Vass, I’ll be there, on my knees ready.” I watch her saunter towards the door, she looks back over her shoulder, “Oh and Vass, I’m with Alex in the private rooms, number ten, if you want to watch, or join, whatever.” She leaves, closing the door quietly.

  I pace the office, what I really need right now is a drink and that feeling doesn’t come too often yet just lately the urge seems to be there most days. Without giving too much thought to it I let my feet take me to that room I’m becoming so familiar with. When Ella opens the door she frowns, “Again?” she says with concern. I nod, pushing my way inside.

  “Make it hard,” I mutter.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Alivia

  I stumble against the door and Clarisse falls about laughing. “Those shoes need to go in the trash, you seriously cannot walk in them.”

  “They’d be great for Bambi on ice though,” I say, pulling my self up and holding onto the door whilst I pull the ridiculously high heels from my sore feet.

  We go inside. “You pour the drinks and I’ll just get out of these jeans,” she says running for the stairs. I head in to the kitchen and drop my heels and bag to the floor. I turn the light on and jump back in surprise to find Vass sitting at the breakfast bar with his head resting on his arms, face down on the worktop. He looks up slowly, blinking like he’s just woken up.

  “Shit,” I curse, “You scared the crap out of me Vass.”

  “Where’s Clarisse?” he asks gruffly.

  “Just getting changed. Are you okay?” He lays his head back down on the worktop, not bothering to answer my question. I pull a bottle of wine out of the fridge and two glasses. Vass looks up again but this time he looks alarmed.

  “Put it away Liv,” says Clarisse from the kitchen doorway. I screw the lid back on to the bottle looking from her to Vass. “What do you need Vass?” she asks seriously.

  “Sleep,” he mutters. I watch her go to him and gently take his arm. He stands and winces with the movement.

  “Bad huh?” asks Clarisse, leading him from the kitchen.

  I take a seat on the nearest stool. Somehow I feel like whatever just happened has happened many times before. Clarisse knew exactly why he was here. I wait around but Clarisse doesn’t reappear, he needs her right now and so I decide to go to bed with my mind full of questions.

  The following day my alarm screams at me at six A.M sharp. I groan and whack it to shut it off. After my shower I get dressed for work and head downstairs. I’m surprised to find Clarisse and Vass sitting in silence eating breakfast, both staring at their mobile phones.

  “Good Morning,” I say brightly, pouring myself a coffee.

  “Morning, sorry I didn’t make it back for the wine,” Clarisse says, glancing at Vass who still hasn’t looked up.

  “That’s okay, I needed an early night anyway. Everything okay now?” I ask. She nods but Vass doesn’t respond. “Well I’m heading in to the office early, does anyone want a ride?” I ask.

  “No, we’ll see you there,” says Clarisse. I shrug my shoulders and then leave them to it. I can’t help but feel shut out which is ridiculous, they are great friends and they clearly lean on each other for support. Its nice they have that but part of me wonders if anything else is going off between them and then if I
’m right, why isn’t she marrying him. She told me she was bisexual, it’s possible that she could have a thing going with Vass, he certainly seems open to sharing.

  I chuck myself in to work. The new brochures have arrived and so I set about putting a welcome letter together so that I can get them sent out to local companies. It’s almost eleven when I check my watch, I haven’t seen or heard from Vass yet which is odd because he normally pops his head in to say good morning. I grab a copy of the letter template and the brochure, Vass will need to okay it before I send any of them off. I swing open the office door and come to a sudden stop. Vass is standing with his back to me, his shirt is off and Clarisse is standing behind him. It’s hard to ignore the angry cuts that mark Vass’s skin. His back is covered in deep welts and Clarisse is gently rubbing cream in to them. They both look over their shoulder when they hear my gasp and Vass grabs his shirt from the nearby chair and pulls it on. “What the fuck have I told you about just walking in here?” he yells angrily.

  “I didn’t think you were in,” I mutter weakly.

  “Get out!” he shouts, his voice is commanding and I find myself leaving the way I came. I chuck the brochure on my desk and go straight to the toilet, slamming the door and locking it. I lower the toilet seat and sit down, tears running down my face. The shock of seeing him like that and the fact that he yelled at me hits me hard and I stay locked in there for some time. Ten minutes pass and then a knock at the door has me wiping my face quickly, I go to the basin and splash my face, wiping the mascara from under my eyes.

  “Alivia, you have a meeting, reception just called up to say your appointment has arrived,” says Vass through the door.

  “Okay, I’m on my way,” I say brightly. I wait for a moment hoping that he’s gone but when I open the door he’s leaning against the opposite wall, his arms folded across his chest. He pushes off it and comes towards me slowly. It’s obvious I’ve been crying but he doesn’t mention it.