Black Knight 02 - Back in Black

by Hartness, John G

  The Unseelie stood and drew a knife, pointing the tip at Milandra's wrist. "I suggest you release my arm, before you lose your own, Your Majesty."

  I whispered from behind him "I don't think that's a good idea, Excellence." He turned his head slightly and saw the point of my sword hovering right beside his eye. Otto and Greg had the trolls covered, and Armelion knights surrounded the rest of Darkoni's entourage.

  "This is an outrage, Milandra!" Darkoni shouted, veins bulging in his neck. "We have come here in good faith, answered your questions, and now I want to take my payment and leave. You stretch the boundaries of hospitality to the breaking point, little lizard-slut!"

  "That's it, I'm drinking him." I grabbed his collar and pulled the count's neck around toward my mouth, only to have him twist in my grasp and stab me in the chest with the dagger he'd threatened Milandra with only seconds before. I looked down at the hilt sticking out of my chest, and then I got really mad.

  "I really, really liked this shirt, you prick." I said, just before I grabbed him by the neck and one wrist and flung Darkoni across the great hall. He crashed into the far wall and slid down like the coyote in a Saturday morning cartoon. I pulled the dagger out of my chest, looked over at Milandra, and said, "Sorry about the whole truce thing, but he was a real asshole."

  "He's also not dead, bro." Greg said from right beside me. I followed his gaze and saw a very angry Unseelie count heading my way with a sword in one hand and a wicked barbed dagger in the other.

  "Crap. Sabrina, cover the queen!" I yelled as I reached across the table and grabbed Milandra's sword. "Sorry, Majesty, but you need to not be here for this part. Greg, you with me?"

  "Right here." My partner, being the smart one of the pair, had not left his sword in his bedroom this morning. Me, being the good-looking one, would be using a sword borrowed from the Fairy Queen in tonight's entertainment. Then with a howl of rage from Darkoni, the great hall erupted in mayhem and bloodshed.

  Chapter 20

  Greg and I hopped onto the table to get a better view of things, and I ended up eye-to-eye with Thorgun, who was bringing his giant hammer around for a swing at Otto. I waited until he got the hammer up to the top of his swing, and slid my sword into the unprotected space under his arm. A great gout of greenish-black blood spurted from the wound, and the troll's eyes rolled back in his head. He started to topple forward, right onto Greg and me. "Split!" I yelled as he fell forward, and the gigantic body came crashing down, tearing the sword from my grasp and splitting the heavy wooden table into splinters. Greg and I dove in opposite directions, him landing on the back of an Unseelie man-at-arms with an unpleasant crunching sound, as I went headfirst onto the floor.

  I'd love to say I rolled to my feet in a smooth motion and came up with a knife in each hand, but the reality of it is that I sprawled on the marble floor like a skinny fish out of water and lay there for a minute cursing about how bad my knee hurt. After a couple seconds' worth of creative profanity, I stood up and looked around for an abandoned weapon. Thorgun's hammer was laying on the ground, but even with my vamp-strength I couldn't swing that behemoth effectively. I snatched up a shattered board and brought it up just in time to block a sword blow from a very angry Count Darkoni, who smiled as he circled me with his sword and dagger.

  "I will enjoy bathing in your blood, vampire." He sneered as I tried to parry all his thrusts.

  "Well, since I borrow it, you won't technically be bathing in my blood." I said as I took a swing at his head. He ducked easily and I got a slash across the ribs that my armor turned aside. At least I'd remembered my breastplate.

  "No matter, bloodsucker, it won't be inside you any longer, that's all that matters to me." He lunged with the sword and I batted it aside easily. Unfortunately I forgot about the knife in his other hand. At least, I forgot about it until he buried it in my thigh. The barbed blade ripped all sorts of useful things when he jerked it out of me, and I screamed as I fell to one knee. "Now die, fool!" I looked up as he raised his sword for one final thrust, and did the only thing I could think of, I bit him on the inside of the thigh.

  A lot of people disregard the leg as a source of blood, but it's important for a vampire to be familiar with anatomy. The femoral artery runs down the inside of each thigh, and I was counting on fairy physiology being close enough to human for me to drain Darkoni before he could sever my head or find a piece of wood to shove through my heart. Frankly, I still don't know if it has to be wood or if anything piercing my heart will do, I've never experimented. But I clamped down on his leg just above his thigh guard and drank as fast as I could. That put the back of my head way closer to his crotch than I wanted to be, but we all make sacrifices in order to stay alive.

  Darkoni threw his head back and screamed, then stabbed downward with his sword. My armor deflected the worst of the blow, and he dropped the knife to try a second time with both hands. That cost him valuable seconds, though, and as he raised his blade for another thrust I drained more of his lifeblood with every heartbeat. He summoned up all his remaining strength for another downward cut, and I reached out with my left hand and broke his kneecap, knocking him backwards and dislodging me from his leg. Arterial blood spurted high into the air, and I crawled up the count's twitching body to get to his throat.

  I stopped right before I bit into him again, looked him in the eyes and said, "Now who's sending the trolls?"

  The count laughed, a wet, dying sound, and spat in my face. "We have no need to kill our own kind, fool. We wish to purge all the realms of inferior beings, like yourself."

  "Well, today's purge isn't going so well for you, asshole." With that, I bit deep into his neck and drew the last drops of blood from his body. I stood up, freshly borrowed blood pulsing in my veins, and took the count's sword from his dead fingers. I quickly cut off his head, just in case fairies could come back as vampires, and looked around at the rest of the fight.

  Sabrina had Milandra backed into a corner and was holding off a pair of Unseelie soldiers who looked like they had bad intentions for the Fairy Queen. Tivernius and Otto were duking it out with Thorgun's evil twin, and they seemed to be holding their own. Greg was swashbuckling with two dark fairies, and the knights seemed to have everything else under control. I tossed Darkoni's sword across the room and through the back of one of the soldiers threatening the queen. His partner turned to watch him fall, and Sabrina cut his head half off with her sword. I ran over to Thorgun's body and pulled Milandra's sword out of his armpit, then turned to the other troll, who had dropped his hammer and was flailing around with fists the size of Honeybaked hams.

  "Greg, you wanna help out over here?" I yelled as I tried to sneak up on the second troll. Tivernius and Otto saw what I was doing and redoubled their attacks.

  "Nah, you go ahead. I'm a little tied up over here." He called, sounding out of breath. I looked back over at him and saw that a second Unseelie soldier had joined the fight, and he was looking a little frazzled. I scooped up Thorgun's hammer, which since I had a tummy full of fresh fairy blood, felt light as a feather, and pitched it at the second soldier. I heard a sound like a cantaloupe falling off the back of a truck, and figured I'd either offed my partner or one of the bad guys. When I heard Greg yell "Thanks!" I knew I'd hit the right guy. Man, I gotta figure out how to get a regular fix of fairy blood in the real world I thought as I waded into the fray with Otto and Tivernius.

  They had the troll pretty well distracted, so all I had to do was walk up behind the beastie and hamstring him. So that's what I did. I brought Milandra's sword across the back of both knees, and the troll hit the deck with a thud. Tivernius and Otto rushed in for the kill shot, and that's when my great plan went right into the crapper.

  Tivernius jumped in with no problem, stabbing the troll in the side of the neck and getting out of reach before the creature could strike back, but Otto was a little slower than the dragon. He got his shot in, but the troll caught him before he could get out of range. The troll was dying, bu
t not quickly enough, and it still had enough strength in one hand to engulf Otto's skull completely, and crush the life out of the knight-mage. It was over almost faster than I could see, and all I could think to do was to cut off the troll's hand. It fell to the ground, but Otto's head was still wrapped in that enormous fist. He was dead before the troll hit the ground.

  When Otto collapsed, an eerie silence fell over the room. I looked around slowly and saw that all the other fighting was over. The Unseelie were all dead, a couple of the knights were injured, but none of our people were seriously hurt. Except Otto. Tivernius pried the troll's hand off of his mangled face, and carried the knight-mage to the dais, where he laid the body in front of the pair of thrones. He knelt, closed Otto's eyes, and then leaned forward, kissing the dead man on the forehead. That's when I heard Milandra's scream. She ran from behind Sabrina to the dais and knelt at Otto's head. She rained kisses down on the dead fairy, and wept like her heart was breaking.

  "He was her teacher, and closest advisor. He was something of a father figure to her when she first came here, and the bond between them was very close. She will be devastated by his loss." Tivernius said quietly beside me. I jumped a little; I'd never even seen him move from the body.

  Milandra wept for long moments, and then looked up at me. My blood ran cold at what I saw in the Fairy Queen's eyes. She looked at me with a gaze full of pure hatred and spat at me "Do you have what you want, vampire? For I have lost my dearest friend today, all due to your impetuous nature and hot temper."

  I was flabbergasted, and opened my mouth to speak. "Say nothing!" The queen shouted. "You have said quite enough for today. You have your answers, bloodsucker, the Fae have nothing to do with your mundane matters. Now begone from my realm, and never set foot in the lands of House Armelion again on pain of death!" With that, Milandra waved a hand and I found myself shoved through a portal that had opened up behind me.

  When I next noticed my surroundings, Greg, Sabrina and I were on the floor of my living room, still in the bloody armor and weapons from FairyLand. "Well," I said, clambering to my feet with a creak and a clank, "I guess that means we're not invited to the baby shower."

  Chapter 21

  "Now what?" Asked Greg, as he got up off of the floor and went into the kitchen. "You want a beer?"

  "Yeah, but I want a change of clothes first." I headed into my bedroom, but stopped right at the door. I turned back to Sabrina, "You want some sweats or something? That outfit's gotta pinch in places." She nodded gratefully and I brought her back a pair of sweatpants and an old X-Men t-shirt before going into my room to change. I noticed that Milandra had sent me through the portal with her sword, and wiped it down with a towel before leaning it in a corner of my bedroom. "I guess if the Fairy Queen wants it back, she knows where to find me." I muttered to myself as I pulled on a pair of jeans and a relatively clean black t-shirt. I walked barefoot back into the living room, trying to dodge the random puddles of troll blood en route to the kitchen for our beer. I brought two back over to the sofa and sat down.

  Sabrina joined me on the couch a couple of minutes later and twisted the top off her beer. "Thanks for the clothes," she said, sitting down and propping her bare feet up on the coffee table. "I'll get 'em back to you after I do laundry."

  "No worries, I can always steal more if I run out of ratty sweatpants and geeky t-shirts." I took a long pull on my beer and yelled into other room. "Hey, Tiny! You gonna join us out here or you gonna stay in there all night polishing your new elf-sword?"

  Greg came out a few minutes later, carrying a beer and grumpily running a towel over his damp head. "I hate putting clean clothes on a blood-spattered body." He said, explaining his tardiness.

  "Yeah, me too. That's why I grabbed these clothes off the floor. I'm kidding!" I said quickly, as Sabrina reached out to backhand me. She slapped me anyway, just not as hard as if she thought I'd really given her dirty laundry to wear. What she didn't know wouldn't hurt me, as long as she didn't see the mustard spot on those sweats anytime soon.

  Sabrina looked at me, then back at Greg, and suddenly started to giggle uncontrollably. She pointed at the two of us, tried to speak, and just rolled onto her side, curling up into the fetal position as the laughter overtook her. "You two...hahahaha...oh my god I'm gonna pee...you're...this is so awesome...I'm sorry, I can't help it...it's just..."

  "What?" I almost yelled at her. She just kept pointing and laughing. I'm not unaccustomed to such a reaction from women, but Sabrina's been more thoughtful than most. I tried for another few seconds to get her to tell me what was going on, and then went to the bathroom to see if I could see anything.

  I stood there in front of the mirror for a second, feeling stupid because, of course, I don't have a reflection, and walked back out into the living room. Greg took one look up at me, and when the light caught his skin, I saw what had Sabrina in stitches.

  "Dude, I don't know how to tell you this..." I sat down and looked soberly at my best friend. "I don't know what we picked up over there in FairyLand, but..."

  "What?" Greg asked, a hint of panic coming into his voice.

  "Dude...we sparkle." I said, as depressed as I've been since I realized I was dead.

  "What?" Greg jumped out of his chair and ran to the bathroom, with similar lack of results. When he got a good look at me in the light, he slumped back into the arm chair. "This is terrible. We sparkle!"

  "I know, it sucks." I answered.

  "Look at it this way," Sabrina said, finally able to control her laughter. "A little hair gel and maybe you can get a date!" She rolled back over onto her side, laughing and kicking her feet.

  "What do you think it is?" Greg asked.

  "Fairy dust, I guess. I just hope it wears off." I said.

  "Yeah," Greg replied, "cause obviously one shower is not enough to get rid of it."

  Greg sat there for a minute, contemplating his fate as a sparkly vampire, and then went to get a drink. He came back, drained his Scotch in one swallow, and looked over at us. "Now what?" He asked, looking exhausted and humiliated.

  I knew the feeling. "I don't know. I would say that was our best lead, but it was our only lead, so that would be redundant. You got any ideas?"

  He thought for a minute and picked up his abandoned beer off the coffee table. I had to ask, "Did you shower with that beer?"

  "Yeah," Greg said. "It's fine as long as you don't mind a little soap in your beer. And with the domestic crap you buy, it actually adds a little flavor."

  "I don't buy it, I just steal it from meals on wheels in the grocery store parking lots." I shut up about biting people when I saw the shadow flicker over Greg's face. I hated that he had to fall off the wagon in FairyLand; that kind of thing really bugged him. But as it turned out, we needed the boost, so it had to be done. Still, that was the one thing I didn't pick on him about. Fat jokes were easier anyway.

  "So what do we do now? Stevie is still lying in a hospital bed unconscious, and we're sitting here drinking beer!" I could tell that Sabrina was really upset, but her words triggered a thought for me.

  "We don't know that." I said. "Where's my phone?" I started looking around tables and countertops, digging for my cell phone. I was just about to tell Greg to call me when I remembered exactly where it was - sitting beside my bed in Milandra's castle. "Gimme your phone." I said to Greg.

  "Why?" He asked, looking distrustful. Given my history with cell phones I couldn't really blame him.

  "I want to call Dad and see if Stephen has woken up. And I want to see what day it is." With the difference in time between FairyLand and our world, I had no idea what time or day it was. For all I knew, we'd been gone for a month and trolls had been elected to the County Commission. Greg handed over his phone, which had been safely on the coffee table through our adventures in FairyLand. I saw a couple of things right away. First, that it was the afternoon of the day after we left, so only a few hours had passed here while we'd been gone for several days in fairy-time.
Second, I noticed that Greg had way better games on his phone than I had. Good thing I was getting a new phone, then. I called Dad, and he answered on the first ring.

  "James, where have you been? I've been trying to call you for hours!" Mike said in a hushed voice.

  "Long story, Dad. What's up?"

  "Stephen is awake and coherent. He is in a tremendous amount of pain, but seems to be healing at an unusually fast rate. I stepped out into the hall to answer the phone, His...partner is in with him right now." Father Mike said.

  "How are you handling that?" I said with a tiny grin.

  "How am I handling what?" My old friend bristled.