Acquiesce

by CORY CYR

  He’d been my first love, my only love. I should be grateful for that. Without him, I wouldn't know what I wanted or needed. I’d spent eleven years wallowing in misplaced guilt. Chris had loved me and we’d shared ten beautiful years. Some people never get to experience that kind of love or happiness in a lifetime, and now I knew what it would take to make me happy. I certainly wouldn't find it here or with Cass.

  I’d changed, and once I got home, I would embrace those changes and try to create a new life for myself, one that Chris would be proud of. Maybe I'd go back to work or start up new charity foundations. I couldn't see myself in another relationship, but I now felt an overwhelming confidence that I could master dating. Cass had made me see I needed to be open for the possibility. Even if I didn't take the leap, I knew I was able.

  I didn’t realize how long I stayed in the water until it began to grow cool and my skin began to prune. I got out and wrapped myself in a towel, then padded to my bed. I yawned as I dropped the towel to the floor and slipped into the inviting comfort of my sheets.

  Why wasn't Cass here to share it?

  “Fuck,” I hissed under my breath.

  Why couldn't I stop thinking about him? He allowed another man to hurt me just because he couldn't fuck me himself. He was a self-absorbed asshole, and I hated him.

  Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Nic. While you're touching yourself.

  I let my fingers lightly stroke my swollen flesh, pretending it was him that day we had the picnic. Even though tonight I’d endured significant pain emotionally and physically, I could feel the slickness my thoughts created. Regardless of Cass being a prick and a self-righteous bastard, my body craved him. I wanted to know what it was like to have him, to feel his cock slide in every entrance my body possessed.

  As my thoughts turned carnal, my nipples became stiff and sensitive and my sex began to have that familiar quiet pulsing. This was so wrong. What kind of person was I that I could stimulate myself after what I went through tonight and what Cass had allowed to happen? Possibly, we were alike. Maybe I did aspire to become like him sexually. Maybe we wanted the same things, and I was just refusing to accept it.

  I softly moaned as I pushed a finger inside myself and coated it with wetness. I found my nub and began to rub it slowly back and forth. I envisioned Cass's tongue penetrating my pussy and licking me to my release. I turned on my side and forced my finger to rub furiously now until I was on the edge of coming. Even at my own hands, this orgasm was so much more than anything I had felt tonight with Justin. I loathed myself, knowing even after I’d said everything to Cass, I still dreamed of him immersing himself deep within me.

  How was I going to get through the remaining days here? I could shut myself off by staying in my room and having my meals delivered, but why should I be the one to stay away? Cass knew the island better than anyone, after being here for months. Surely he could spend his days elsewhere, and I already knew how he spent his nights. I had no idea how to react if I saw him or what we would say to each other. He had the distinct ability to read people. Would he be able to tell that I still desired him, that no amount of emotional or physical pain he inflicted would push me away? That until I had him inside me, my desire for him would never be quenched? I would always thirst for a taste.

  29~Caspian

  I was being ridiculous. I felt trepidation as I walked to the kitchen. I had no idea what to expect or if I'd even see Nic. She’d made it clear to me last night that our time together was over and we should avoid each other at all costs for the remainder of the time. I grabbed some coffee and a small glass of juice and headed out to the pool area with my usual paper under my arm. I briefly surveyed the patio before opening the door. The last thing I wanted this morning was another verbal confrontation with her.

  I caught her scent before I actually saw her. She always wore a floral bouquet mixed with just a hint of musk. It was still quite early so we had the pool to ourselves. I avoided looking in her direction as I sat down in the corner area of the patio. I unfolded my paper and began to pretend to read. There was no way I could concentrate when I could feel her disdain clear across the pool. I shuffled the paper, then took a sip of my coffee, burning the shit out of my tongue in the process. Fuck, woman, just say something, anything—feel free to continue last night's battering. I deserve it.

  I gazed at her out of the corner of my eye. I wished I hadn't, because if looks could kill, I'd be a dead man walking—okay, sitting. I watched as she got up leisurely and strolled over to my table. Was she going to forgive or possibly talk to me, and why was I suddenly sounding like some prepubescent boy? I looked up at her as she stared down at me, not realizing her hand was whipping through the air so fast I hardly had enough time to register the slap coming toward my face, a whack so hard that for a moment I'd thought some of my fillings came loose. She packed quite a punch for someone so small. She went to slap me again, and this time I was prepared, grabbing her wrist in midair.

  “I know I deserved the first one,” I said, rubbing my cheek with my free hand. “But the second one won't be free.” For a moment, I saw challenge on her face as my eyes flashed a warning. She was the only woman who'd ever hit me, but she would only get that one shot before I’d return the punishment. I had something in mind of a spanking. My cock totally agreed as it began to twitch in my shorts.

  “You think this is amusing?” she demanded as her jaw clenched. Yes, she was still pissed.

  “No, not at all. I was just contemplating what kind of punishment I had planned for you if you decided to slap me again.” Her hand came up, and I grabbed it once again. “Don't make me spank you, little one—because I will.”

  “Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Last night's viewing wasn't enough… You want to bite me on the ass too?”

  Her words made me grimace, and I frowned as I still held her hand. I pulled her closer to me. “I am sorry. I meant what I said last night. Please say you forgive me. I know you trusted me and I let you down. Give me another chance.” I felt her body stiffen as she sat in one of the chairs across from me.

  “I don't want to forgive you, Cass. I want so badly to hate you, and it would make the rest of the time here easier. I don't want to have feelings for you. I told you last night you're a heartless bastard. I seriously doubt if you became compassionate overnight. And even though you say you want me, I wish you didn't because I'd rather you need me, because I think you do. As much as I need you to pull me out of my self-imposed sexual prison, I think you need me to make you an honorable person.”

  I brought her hand up to my lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. I felt the action cause a chill through her and me. “I fucked up so badly. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I can calculate everything academically, but I can't figure you out. I have no idea what's going on between us, but I want to pursue it. I know what you're thinking, that it's probably the scientist in me that wants to dissect these emotions and access them, and that's maybe a small part of it, but it's the man in me that has to know you.”

  “Cass, you can't alter the fourteen-year age difference. That's significant. Not to mention your unrealistic view when it comes to sex. I mean, I realize I'm a newbie to all of this, but not fucking me because you're afraid I'll go postal with my emotions… News flash, Einstein, I already told you—you’re too late. I already have feelings for you.”

  “Nic, to be honest, in the beginning, age was a major factor in my research. I'd never met anyone your age that was going through your issues, but now, I don't see you as older. You look young and we seem to respond well to each other. I realize my IQ is at least sixty-five points higher than yours, but—”

  Nic cut me off, pulling her hand out of my grasp, her face fixed in a frown. “Way to go, Cass. Your intelligence may be higher, but you lack couth and you definitely do not excel in handing out compliments. Just for the record, articulating I'm stupid isn’t the way to forgiveness.”

  I dragged my hands through my hair. Fuck, I couldn
't win with her. “I didn't mean for it to come out like that. You are anything but unintelligent. Jesus, you challenge me in more ways than anyone ever has. I can win at a debate with no effort, but with you—you've changed all of it. As far as everything regarding you, I never thought I'd be standing here ever having to make any decisions about a woman, and it may be a decision for me… but for you, Nic, it's a choice. You have to decide if I'm still worth the risk, because having me in your life and dealing with the reality of me never having been acquainted with deep emotions, the road could be precarious,” I said, crumpling up the paper and tossing it in the other vacant chair.

  She sat there quiet for a few moments, and another strong emotion hit me. I felt agitated. My cock was begging for sanctuary inside her. I knew even though strong feelings I couldn't comprehend were propelling us together, I still couldn't be with her—not like that—not the way she wanted. I’d demoralized her enough. I couldn't stand it if I hurt her again, and right now, I was drowning in confusion, praying she would throw me a life preserver. Would she understand my logic if I told her I still couldn't make love to her because that would require something I wasn't prepared to give her? Would not “making love” to her seal the deal and make her walk away, or would me being with her, having sex on my terms, be enough?

  “Talk to me, Cass. Tell me what you're thinking, because I can sense the data stream from here.” She snorted.

  “I want to be with you in every way I can, but I know what you really want and I'm not comfortable faking who I am. I need to be honest with you, but I'm worried you'll be upset and give up, that you'll walk away.”

  “I want you to be truthful with me, Cass. I hate liars. I think I already know. You don't want to have sex with me. That's it, isn't it?” Her disappointment was visible.

  I scooted my chair over to her so I could face her. My hand lazily grazed her bare leg as she sat, and her eyes met mine. “You have no idea how much I want to fuck you. If I knew for sure we were alone right now, I'd bend you over this table. I want you, Nic, and I swear to God I’ve never said that to a woman before. I just don't know if you'll be satisfied with what I can offer. I can't give you what you want. I can't make love to you… not the customary way. I've been having sex my way for many years, but I'm willing to cross every other bridge with you and be with you on a sexual level you've never known. I can show you how pleasurable everything else can be… if you let me.”

  I studied her face, but I couldn't tell if she was giving this thought or if she planned to walk away.

  “I won't let you hurt me, Cass, physically or emotionally. That's not my kind of sex. I know I'm not experienced, but being hurt is not pleasurable to me. I commend your honesty, but I need to be truthful with you. I may not be able to give you what you want. If you require pain in order to get off, I can't be with you. I want you, but you'll have to meet me halfway. If you need me to be accepting of the fact that you won't fuck me normally, then you need to understand the sexual experiences I want with you… they have to be pain free.”

  “I swear to you—only pleasure, no pain. I want you to experience everything, Nic, and some of those things might sound or even look frightening, but understand me and trust me. I will never let harm come to you again. I meant it when I said you’re mine, and I will protect what's mine.” I bent over and dropped a kiss to the top of her head.

  There was a brief moment when I thought about actually kissing her again, pressing my lips to hers and having my tongue caress the inside of her mouth, and my cock once again was in agreement with the idea. However, I stopped myself because I knew that kiss would mean everything to her, and I wasn't sure what it would mean to me, other than it had always been a precursor to emotional volatility in women.

  “I want you to come with me to the toy store. It will open in about an hour, and I want you with me so you can choose things you want to explore,” I said quietly, bending my head to hers. “All the items I find necessary for our self-exploration I left at home. This was a working vacation, and I never planned to meet anyone. But I am glad I met you, Nic, so glad.”

  “Where's home, Cass?” she asked quickly, snatching my newspaper out of my hands.

  I watched as she unfolded it. She had undoubtedly already seen what newspaper it was. I’d already lied to her about who I really was and why I actually planned to write this book. All this intelligence and I still couldn't convince myself to tell her the truth. This would be another one to pile on the heap.

  “Since I do freelance writing, I don't really have a permanent place of residence, so I stay off and on with a friend in Hollis, New Hampshire. I kind of view it as home base,” I replied, trying my best to avoid eye contact because I hated lying to her.

  She chuckled. “You do realize this paper is from over four months ago?”

  I laughed upon hearing her chuckle, because it gave me the hope that she would allow me the opportunity to move forward and explore with her.

  “Well, yes, I know that. When I came here, I brought along at least thirty expired newspapers because I knew the library would be insufficient as far as my literary tastes. I suppose I wanted something from home,” I said, smiling, as I took the paper from her and laid it my lap.

  “It sounds kind of lonely to me, not having actual roots and living out of a suitcase.”

  As I got out of my chair, I pulled her up with me. “It's really not that bad, and I’ve grown accustomed to the lifestyle. And as far as being lonely, I’ve always believed loneliness is a state of mind, not a place. So, Nic, you willing to fall down the rabbit hole and allow me take you to Wonderland?”

  “Quoting childhood fairytales, are we?”

  “Kind of sounded less terrifying than come with me, little girl, to the toy store.” I laughed as I waggled my eyebrows at her.

  30~Nicola

  As Cass and I headed out of the pool area, people were beginning to arrive for breakfast. I waved to Pru while completely ignoring Dee as they sat with what had probably been their escorts the night before. We ran straight into Lorraina as we entered the house. When Cass saw her, he tightened my hand in his.

  “Up so early, are we?” Lorraina asked Cass, but the question seemed directed at both of us. Did she know what had happened last night? Did he tell her?

  “Just up getting some coffee, then off to do some island exploring,” he replied, winking at me.

  Lorraina smirked as she eyed us closely. I knew we’d gotten off on the wrong foot from the very start, but Cass was her cousin, so I had a hard time understanding the hostile looks passing between them.

  “Some exploring. That sounds charment. By the way, Cass, how was last night, eventful?”

  A look of anger swept between the two. Lorraina appeared annoyed and he looked livid. I had no idea what was going on, but whatever it was had rattled Cass enough to pull me closer to him and walk away.

  “What was that about? Does she know… about last night? Oh God, you didn't tell her, did you?”

  Cass stopped and studied my face, then pinned me with a look that seared me clear to my sex. “I would never say anything to anyone. You've been hurt enough. I doubt she knows, but if anyone said anything, it came from that cocksucker Justin,” he said as he pulled me tighter.

  I suppose I was surprised to hear such contempt in Cass's voice. I knew he felt badly, but since having emotions wasn't his strong suit, he caught me by surprise. “Let's go. Show me the way to this toy store and intrigue me with their playthings.” I grinned, looking up at him, attempting to lighten his mood.

  “Oh, I believe you will be intrigued, and since I'm going to guess this is your first time in such a place, feel free to ask me any questions, or if you'd like a demo, I'd be happy to oblige.”

  I laughed as I poked his ribs with my elbow. “Umm… pretty sure if I want to see how it works, I can wait until we're alone. I think I'm done with voyeurism.”

  “Well, here we are. Are you ready to be mystified or mortified?” he asked as he opene
d the door for me.

  “Probably a little of both,” I replied in a hushed tone.

  The store was smaller than I’d expected for a brothel, but every single nook and cranny was crammed with products. Three glass display counters sat in front as well as two on the wall behind them, packed to capacity. I had the distinct feeling the high-end items were kept in those glass displays. Along with an array of embarrassing dildos, vibrators, blow-up penises and vaginas, this store had lingerie. Not the normal girly type of sleepwear, but crotchless as well as edible panties, bras with the nipples cut out, and corsets and stockings.

  I felt the heat creep along my collarbone into my face as I surveyed the rest of the store. Justin must have shopped here, because on the very far wall, they had everything you'd need for a bondage scenario. A chill went through me as I looked at some of the objects he could have used, but I was lucky enough that he hadn't.

  “Any questions, thoughts, or comments?” Cass asked.

  I squeezed his hand tighter as I leaned into him.

  “Don't be embarrassed. Let me get what we need. Then we'll leave, all right? And if you see anything that inspires you, tell me.”

  I nodded as I watched him walk over to the front glass cases. He studied all three and seemed in deep thought. I heard him say something to the clerk as he motioned me over.

  “This is called the Violet Wand and it's one of my favorites, and personally, I'm sure you’re going to love it.” He handed me what looked like a feminine version of a soldering iron. Chris had kept some tools in one of our garages when he did home projects, and this device reminded me of one of those.