by Katie Cross
A flash of Mr. Hyde Talmage flashed back through my mind, and a voice followed that asked and what would your middle-aged parents be able to do against that angry force?
Nothing.
But Benjamin would, and that thought came next with a little stir in my chest. As much as I hated thinking about it, it was absolutely true. Probably the only person that could keep me safe from Talmage was Benjamin. My thoughts filtered to Amber, who had effectively disappeared from my life since I left Talmage's house, then away again.
“I plan to stay here through the summer,” I said to dismiss those thoughts. “I'll probably leave before the snow, so I'd like to smooth things over with Talmage. We're bound to run into each other here, and I'd like to be able to support him. Within reasonable, safe means.”
Her hand tightened over my knee momentarily. “You're a good sister, but don't push your boundaries. Talmage has to earn your support.”
I leaned my head on her shoulder and melted into her warmth. Sunlight glinted off sparkling drops of water while Ava's giggle floated across the water, and the only thing that could have made the moment better was Benjamin.
Maybe Dagny was right.
Maybe I couldn't keep Benjamin at a distance.
12
Benjamin
Ava didn't stop talking about Serafina's family the whole way up the canyon, from Pineville to Jackson City, the next day.
I didn't often leave the small mountain town to do more intensive shopping in Jackson City, but Serafina's invasion of my cupboards made my lack of food plainly embarrassing. Serafina had left me a detailed list—plastic leftover containers and kid-friendly kitchen cups and hot pads for the oven—included. Her requests had me lost in the Bed and Bath store for far too long. These were simple things, so why were there so many options?
“Then,” Ava cried in a voice so animated I didn't have the heart to ask her to leave me in silence for just one minute, “when we were in the river, Gary threw me in. I wasn't even scared and I swam back to him and I'm a good swimmer, Dad. Janeen said so.”
My stomach clenched thinking about her in the cold river water, but I let it pass. Apparently, I needed to get this girl out more. Her joy was evident. I'd wrongfully assumed she'd hate the cold water.
Star Dad, over here.
Gary, I assumed, was Serafina's father. My curiosity was piqued. For having just met Ava, she'd had quite a fun time with him.
Once we finally finished the shopping, I avoided a group of people that looked at me with a familiar, questioning gaze. I could practically feel their question from here. Is that Benjamin Mercedy?
Ava skipped through the parking lot as we stepped into her favorite restaurant, an old-time place with wagon wheel chandeliers and flickering, fake candlelight. The waitresses wore 1850's style dresses with boots and sometimes a bonnet. They served kids drinks out of mason jars and a banjo played in the background. Before I could even get inside the restaurant, she'd dashed in ahead of me.
Seconds later, a happy scream followed.
“Sera! Gary!”
My daughter became a blur of hair as she darted across the restaurant and threw herself into the startled—but waiting—arms of Serafina. Sera grimaced as Ava plowed right into her injured rib, but she didn’t push her away. She sat on the outside of a booth next to a woman I presumed to be her mother. A middle-aged man with graying hair and a lean build sat across from Sera. Gary, likely. And there, right next to Gary and luckily by the window so I didn't punch him out, was the bastard brother Talmage. Every muscle in my body clenched.
Sera recovered from her pain, gently pulled Ava into her arms with a bright smile, and a quick, “Hello! How are you today? I've missed you.”
Ava chattered like a squirrel to both Serafina and her mother while I approached. A wary smile lived on Sera's face as I arrived. When her eyes darted to her brother for half of a second and then back to me, I knew why. I intentionally ignored him, but felt an edge of pleasure when he squirmed.
“Hey,” Serafina said, and her bright smile was forced. She wore her hair down today in wild curls that, somehow, seemed more tamed than usual. Everything about her was easy and casual, from her jean shorts to her flip-flops and the sunglasses holding her hair back. Behind it, however, was a hint of something that seemed almost ready to break.
“I didn't know you were coming up to Jackson City,” she said, adjusting Ava on her lap when Ava laughed at a figurine that Jeanette made out of a napkin. “We were just grabbing stuff for the loft.”
I gave her a quick, warm smile. “There was a very specific list waiting for me.”
True pleasure stole over her hesitation, and her grin widened. “You should get better help, then.”
I smiled more broadly, surprised to be so happy to see her, and her grin slowly dropped. She blinked, then looked away. With an uplifted hand, she motioned to the man across from her.
“This is my father, Gary. Everyone, this is Benjamin. He's the guy that helped me find a place and he's the amazing Ava's father, as you know. This is my Mom and my brother,” she added quickly.
Gary held out a hand, and I returned his firm handshake. He eyed me but I didn't sense any wariness in him. Talmage looked at his plate but mumbled something I ignored. He was a surprisingly thick guy. Broad shoulders, rough face. Thick hands. He looked like the cowboys and farmhands that roamed through Pineville in the summer. A few of them had come to me for classes, interested in heavyweight fighting. Looking at Talmage, I couldn't believe Sera had escaped.
“Much appreciated for helping my daughter,” Gary said and pulled me from my thoughts.
“I'll always be here.” My gaze lingered on Talmage and I couldn't help the hard edge in my tone. “If she ever needs anything at all.”
Gary grinned at Ava when she tried to shoot the wrapper off a straw, no doubt ignoring the sudden tension in the booth. Talmage still hadn't met my gaze, but I spared him the humiliation and ruffled Ava's hair.
“We happen to really like Sera,” I added, but didn't know why the we in that phrase felt so important.
Serafina stiffened.
“Serafina's pretty awesome that way,” Gary said with a wink at Janeen. “Like her Mom. Natural skill with kids. Looks like the two of you are here for lunch? Pull up a chair and you can join us.”
Talmage tensed. The temptation to accept was almost too great to bear just to see him squirm a little bit more. Sera's eyes had widened with worry, however. Reading women wasn't my forte, but I could have sworn I saw a sense of pleading in there.
To spare her the stress of my antagonism toward her brother, I said, “No, thank you. That's a very kind offer but we don't want to interrupt any family time, and we're on a daddy-daughter date,” I added when I saw the building reply in Janeen’s kind eyes. “It was great to meet you. Ava, let's go.”
Serafina reluctantly let Ava go, but there was a wash of relief in her parting smile. “Thanks for letting me see her,” she said. “It was good to see you too. Good luck with that list.”
When I put my hands on Ava's shoulders and steered her to another booth, I felt the burn of Serafina's gaze on my back. Maybe her brother would feel mine.
13
Serafina
Once Benjamin retreated to his own corner of the restaurant, thankfully out of sight because of the tall booths, I let out a long breath. Mom reached down and put a hand on my knee. Dad was talking to Talmage about one of his friends from home after he had fallen quiet.
“Wow.” Mom's eyes were wide. She let out a low whistle. “Hello fighter, indeed. You didn't tell me he was such a hunk.”
A weak smile was my only response at first. Thoughts of the way my stomach curled and my heart raced the moment I saw him swamped my mind. Rarely did I get to see Benjamin with Ava. His affection for her was obvious. And that smile? That honest, true, wide smile? The first I'd ever seen it, and that warmth couldn't be denied. Had the bottom dropped out from under me the moment that smile appeared? Because
my heart had fallen and it still flopped around down there.
“Made me a bit breathless,” Mom murmured. “Seems like a great father, too. Look how Ava has already gotten attached to you! They're both adorable.” Mom set her jaw in her hand. “You've done good.”
“Not helping,” I sang.
She laughed. “I know! It's so fun to be a Mom.”
Talmage, who remained mostly quiet during lunch, darted his gaze toward me again, then back to his plate. He tended to stare at the bruise, and I wondered if he remembered any of it. The brief thought that he didn’t bring Amber registered in my mind, then I almost laughed. Amber would never slink out of her hole to come here.
We'd already been here almost an hour. Our plates were picked clean, but Dad had insisted on pie and Mom agreed. Me? I'd rather go back home. But the loft wasn’t really home yet, was it? Benjamin's house rose through my mind. I pictured myself curling up on his couch, a blanket around me, and falling asleep without rib pain. Benjamin in the kitchen, or mowing the lawn, with Ava singing a dramatic cartoon song at the top of her voice.
Then I shoved that away.
Nope.
Wasn't home. But maybe I wanted it to be.
But why wouldn't it be? my traitorous heart whispered. Even if my mind refused to acknowledge it, my heart had seen the fire in Benjamin's eyes when he saw Talmage. Heard the coiled threat in his voice as he stared my brother down. My heart was the one that wanted to curl up inside Benjamin and never leave. Today's protective display only made it worse.
My declaration to stay distant and friendly felt pathetic against the waves of adoration and affection that crashed on me now.
Part of me hated seeing Benjamin react that way to my brother, even with justifiable cause. Hated to see Talmage reduced to the miserable state he was currently in. Hated the way I tried hard not to watch Talmage carefully. Remembered the rage that flashed in his gaze. The sound of his shouts. His hands shook as he sat at the table now. One of them was on the table in a fist so tight his knuckles had turned white.
They were two different men, Mr. Hyde Talmage and my brother. The one here at the restaurant was pale, a shadow of the old Talmage. The skin slightly sallow. When someone spoke unexpectedly, he twitched. But he tried hard. When my parents picked me up after I'd checked out of the hotel, they had all my stuff from his house in their trunk. I silently appreciated not having to go back there. Talmage was sitting in the front with dad when I carefully maneuvered into the back.
He laid eyes on me and said, “Sera, I'm so sorry.”
I'd nodded and said, “Let's get you better.”
The stoic tears in his eyes had faded into silence while Mom and Dad picked up the chatter, and now we sat here in the slightly awkward booth and tried to act like everything was going to be all right. That was fine. I didn't want to harp on Talmage. Didn't want to shame him. Poke him. Prod him. At some point, we all had to move forward into something better.
But would it?
My parents were trying to help Talmage with his obvious pain medication addiction, but it had to be beyond that. His shady girlfriend, and the way he screamed at me, spoke to something else. Amber had brought more into his life than just pain meds. I had few doubts that Talmage had moved into different reprieves. This was so much bigger.
No, Talmage was moving into a different sphere. For some reason, I didn't think my parents saw that fully yet.
Maybe they didn't want to.
With those heavy thoughts, the waitress appeared with our pie. Dad dove in with gusto, and I poked at the piece of triple berry with ice cream that Mom and I had decided to share. She put on a good face, but only half of the pie ended up getting eaten and only one bite was mine. Talmage wolfed a piece of apple down, and said little.
Once back in the car, and while Mom and Dad chattered in the background, I stared at the canyon walls as he headed back to little Pineville.
I thought only of Benjamin and Ava.
Mom let out a long breath the next afternoon, then clapped her hands together. A little bit of packing dust cleared from her fingers and floated in the air before it slipped out the open window.
“It's lovely,” she declared. “Empty, but . . . lovely.”
I silently disagreed. The loft was open, spacious, and filled with sunshine. Sure, there wasn't much in the way of furniture. A simple twin bed, woven laundry basket, and closet where all my clothes hung, hidden by a gauzy drape. One couch filled up the center of the room, where a second-hand flatscreen was propped near the far wall. In between both of those was a braided rug I hadn't been able to turn down.
For six months, it would be just right.
Mom closed the fridge, now freshly stocked from her own credit card with my favorite foods. She'd meal prepped four different dinners for me and stashed them in the fridge, then organized my food pantry by color, size, and shape. She'd also purchased a large crockpot—bigger than I'd ever need—and dropped a roast into it that would have fed a family of four. Potatoes, onions, and carrots simmered away in a delicious au jus that had my stomach growling.
“A crockpot will be just what you need for those two cuties you work with,” she'd said with a wink. “They're a lifesaver, my girl.”
In a weird moment of realizing I had become my mother, I could finally see that she'd done to me what I did to Benjamin. I loved it.
Dad hooked an arm around me and gently pulled me into his side. The ache in my rib had been slowly subsiding with over-the-counter pain meds, but he still handled me with care. Pain from the bruise had started to fade, but the discoloration was still there.
“Love you, kiddo. Super proud of you and all you're doing. I'm sorry again about what happened with Talmage. We'll make sure it won't happen again. I think . . . I hope . . . he's on a better path now.”
Get rid of Amber, I thought, and he has a chance.
I wrapped my arms around Dad's waist and drew in a deep breath. The smell of spicy aftershave brought floods of childhood memories with it. Safe places. Giggling summer nights. Long winter days playing Monopoly and drinking hot chocolate.
“Thanks, Dad. And thanks for helping me move in and gather some things.”
He tutted under his breath. “Your wandering spirit is sure something. I can't imagine fitting everything that I own in a few bags.”
I grinned. “It's the nomad's life.”
“Will it be this way forever?”
“Unlikely. I just need to find a reason to stay somewhere, I guess, when there are so many things to see in the world.”
He laughed, pressed a kiss to the top of my head, and pulled the keys to their rental car out of his pocket.
“Ready, honey?”
Mom cast one last look around, then reluctantly nodded. With teary eyes, she fluttered over and pulled me close. Her grip on my shoulder was so tight it would have hurt if I didn't crave it so much.
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Mom.”
With a sniffle, she pulled away, squeezed my hand, and followed Dad out the door. I waved from the window as they climbed into their car and slipped away, Mom blowing kisses the whole time.
For several long minutes after they left, I felt their absence like a missing limb. Maybe this room was too empty now. Too big. Too much for me alone. Maybe I should have taken the offer to move back home . . .
Maybe . . .
My phone buzzed against my pocket. I reached back and pulled it out to see a text from Benjamin.
Benjamin: Business as usual this week?
* * *
Serafina: Yes! Sounds good to me. I'll pick her up from the bus stop tomorrow.
* * *
Benjamin: Thank you.
My heart gave a little thump. I didn't want this exchange to end on a business-like, cordial thank you. Didn't want this end at all, in fact. Despite the rustle of movement, life, and the smell of coffee from below, I felt too alone and too afraid. Talmage had agreed to give me time and space, but nothing f
elt stable anymore. My frazzled state of mind wasn't entirely Talmage's fault, either.
Benjamin owned this one. With his serious expression that I wanted to crack into a smile. The solidness of his very personality, like an immovable rock.
I wanted to text him back and say, can I bring you Sunday dinner? and then stay and eat with them and really see what Benjamin was like behind-the-curtains. All the time we'd ever spent together had been around other people. Except for the night in the hotel room, when I'd fallen asleep minutes after he'd arrived, I'd never really gotten to speak with him.
But should I?
My resolve to keep it platonic for Ava's sake rang back through my head with dying power. Before I could fall into a worsening abyss of overanalysis and the guilt that might follow, my phone jangled in my hands.
Like a sign from the god of don't-do-this-you-might-regret-it and the other god of do-it-or-you'll-never-forgive-yourself.
Benjamin: Your parents must be heroes. Ava hasn't stopped talking about them since we saw you yesterday.
Serafina: They are. I adore them.
Benjamin: They seemed very nice.
Unable to resist the temptation, I typed my next message with my teeth sinking into my lip.
Serafina: Even Talmage? What did you think?
Several minutes passed before his reply followed.
Benjamin: Let's say that I hope Talmage and I never have occasion to meet under any circumstance that results from him hurting you.
Despite the fact that he spoke about my brother, a warm flutter moved in my stomach. Part of my love of living a nomadic life had been the way I could meet people through my waitressing jobs, and then spend my days off with myself. Traveling the world solo meant the quiet evenings were all mine to do with as I wanted.
