Never Let Me Go

by Kianna Alexander

  “‘Irresponsibility’?” Dad really has a way with words, doesn’t he? “That seems a little extreme, Dad.”

  Humphrey turned his way, his lips pursed. “Seriously? You can’t see how your unwillingness to make sacrifices will affect that poor innocent child out there?”

  Maxwell looked away after the cutting remark. He couldn’t take the disappointment he saw in his father’s eyes. “That’s not true, Dad. I understand the effects of my actions better than anyone.”

  “How could you do this? I know how much you enjoy your work. And I understand you couldn’t work things out with Juliana. But hiring a nanny instead of cutting back at work?” Humphrey shook his head. “I never would have thought you’d do something like this.”

  “Dad. You’re blowing this out of proportion.”

  “I don’t think I am, Maxwell.”

  He sighed. “You act as if I’m abandoning my daughter. I’m not. I’m simply doing what I have to do for right now.”

  “That’s all fine and dandy, but in case you’ve forgotten, I was raised by a nanny. And what I longed for most of all was my parents’ attention.”

  Maxwell cringed. “Dad. Seriously. Before you go off the deep end, listen to what I’m about to tell you.” He gave a brief recap of Ines’s health scare.

  Humphrey’s expression changed. “Oh no. I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “So was I. So your granddaughter is with me full time, at least until Juliana gets back from Afghanistan.”

  The old man paused, looking a bit deflated. “I see.”

  Determined not to let his father’s rigid opinions make him doubt his own judgment, Maxwell shook off the annoyance he felt. “Listen, I know you don’t agree with this. But there’s only so much cutting back at work I can do, especially right now. Sasha needs someone responsible to look after her, and Yvonne definitely fills the bill.”

  Humphrey exhaled slowly. “She does seem very professional.”

  “She absolutely is. I’m paying her handsomely, and so far, she’s been worth every penny.” Maxwell slowly moved his head from side to side, hoping to release some of the tension he felt building in his neck and shoulders. This had to be the most awkward, uncomfortable conversation he’d ever had with his father. He only hoped they could hash it all out now so they wouldn’t have to revisit the topic later.

  Rising from the chair, Humphrey walked to the window and stood by it, gazing out at the gray morning. “Son, I’m not coming down on you because I want to. I’m doing it because I feel I have to. I just want to remind you not to let your work consume you. They’re only babies for such a little while, and you can never get this time back.”

  Maxwell nodded soberly. “I know. And trust me, I’m going to be there for her as much as I can.”

  “You know I only want what’s best for Sasha.”

  “I know, Dad, and I get that. Believe me, I never intended for any of this to happen. I apologize for disappointing you.” Maxwell looked at his father’s back, wondering what the old man was thinking. As the eldest child, Maxwell had borne the responsibility of setting a good example for his siblings for most of his life. So he’d tried to be the model child, at least when he was near his family. When left to his own devices, though, he did what he wanted. He kept it legal and sane, but he’d had some pretty wild experiences in his teens and early twenties. Knowing how he’d lived his life, he had more perspective that his father did. Dad doesn’t know about the kinds of stunts I pulled back in the day, and he never will.

  “I never expected perfection from you, Maxwell. I can’t. I’m not so perfect myself.”

  Maxwell’s ears perked up. He sensed something in his father’s tone, as if he were holding on to some shameful secret. “Something you want to tell me, Dad?”

  “Just a little piece of advice. Seeing your child in the arms of a woman, especially one as impressive as your new nanny, can…do something to you. It can cloud your judgment. Make you take actions you normally wouldn’t.”

  Maxwell’s brow furrowed. “Dad, are you talking about something specific here? Maybe there’s something in your past you want to share?”

  Humphrey’s back stiffened. “No. A son doesn’t need to know everything about his father.”

  Maxwell wondered what that meant. “Don’t you think that’s disingenuous, Dad? To hold me to a higher standard than you held for yourself?”

  With his eyes, Humphrey let his son know he wasn’t going to discuss that.

  Maxwell sighed. “Fine, Dad.” While he was still curious about his father’s mysterious indiscretion, he knew he wasn’t going to get any answers today.

  “Son, brace yourself. Fatherhood is going to be the hardest job you ever do. Remember, one bad decision on your part could be the downfall of your whole family.” Humphrey turned from the window and looked at him. “And as you can see, the work doesn’t end when the kids are grown.”

  “Yeah, I can see that.” Maxwell stood, walked over to his father. “Does this mean you’ll give Yvonne a chance?”

  Humphrey nodded. “I suppose. But you’d better make sure my granddaughter gets every little thing she needs, or I’m gonna tan your hide.”

  Maxwell laughed at his father’s turn of phrase.

  Humphrey looked at him with a lifted eyebrow.

  Sobering up, Maxwell said, “Sorry. I’ll be good.”

  Humphrey patted him on the shoulder. “I’ll expect nothing less, Son.”

  Humphrey exited the room then, signaling that the verbal filleting had finally ended, at least for now. A relieved Maxwell remained in the study a few moments longer. He thought about his father’s near admission of wrongdoing, then his dogged determination not to discuss the matter further. What was his father hiding? Maxwell had always thought of his father as honorable, a man beyond reproach. For the first time in his life, he now thought his perception of his father might be wrong. But how? He was pretty sure that if Dad had his way, none of the Devers children would ever know his secrets.

  Drawing a deep breath, Maxwell savored a few moments of silence before returning to his newly expanded family in the sitting room.

  When he entered, Yvonne turned his way, her eyes meeting his. Sensing her concern, he gave her a slight nod to indicate that everything was fine. His father had taken a seat on the sofa next to his mother, and his two sisters were sitting on the love seat across from Yvonne. Sasha was in Kelsey’s lap, gnawing on her brightly colored set of plastic baby keys. Maxwell moved across the room, and Yvonne set the car seat on the floor so he could sit next to her.

  Delphinia patted her husband’s thigh. “Is everything okay, dear? You two didn’t come to blows, did you?”

  Humphrey pursed his lips momentarily at his wife’s chiding, then smiled. “Everything is fine, Del.”

  Maxwell said nothing, but inside, he wondered if his mother knew his father’s secret. Was she aware of his past, or was the entire Devers family in the dark about the details of Humphrey’s life? No matter how curious he was, he knew he couldn’t ask the question now, so he kept it to himself. He’d ask his mother another time and would do so with care.

  Sasha began fussing, and as Kelsey lifted her up onto her shoulder, the baby segued into a loud, insistent wail. No amount of Aunt Kelsey’s bouncing or patting on the back seemed to soothe the baby. Kelsey cast a furtive glance toward Yvonne.

  Yvonne reached into the baby’s bag and produced a bottle. “It’s about time for her to eat.” She shook the bottle and removed the cap. Standing, she walked over to Humphrey. “Would you like to feed her?”

  Maxwell smiled as all eyes in the room fell on the surprised old man.

  He took the bottle from Yvonne. “Sure. May as well start the granddad duties right away.”

  While Maxwell watched, Yvonne scooped Sasha up from Kelsey’s grasp, then laid the baby gently on her grandfather’s lap.
Sasha continued to fuss but quieted as she saw the bottle in Humphrey’s hand. With her tiny head resting in the crook of his arm, Humphrey put the bottle’s nipple to the baby’s lips, and her crying ceased as she latched on.

  The room fell silent, and from what Maxwell could tell, everyone was content to watch Sasha take her bottle. He looked at his daughter, at the soft crown of curls on her head, the brightness shining in her brown eyes, and the way her little lips puckered around the bottle. He could feel the smile stretching his lips. She was a beautiful baby, and the sight of her in his father’s lap, looking so content, touched his heart. The situation wasn’t ideal; he knew that, and so did everyone else in the room. But now, as he watched the scene unfolding in front of him, he felt hopeful that this newest addition to the family would be seamless and happy for everyone involved.

  Juliana’s face popped into his mind, and he wondered how she was. He knew her job often placed her in harm’s way, and while things hadn’t ended well between them, he would never wish her harm. That sentiment echoed even deeper now that he knew she’d mothered his child. Juliana had left him with so many questions. Where was she? Was she safe? When would she be back? Did she know what had happened to Ines and that Sasha was now with him?

  But among all the questions he had, one stood out above them all. It was the one that would have the most impact on Sasha’s life, his life, and, ultimately, the lives of his family members. It was such a pressing question, yet one he wasn’t sure he wanted answered just yet.

  Where does Juliana fit into this picture?

  * * *

  Yvonne awoke the next morning with a smile on her face. She enjoyed her new position, partly because her charge was a nanny’s dream. Sasha was about as easygoing as a baby her age could be and was cute as a button to boot.

  Her thoughts strayed from baby to father, and she felt the heat rising into her cheeks. Last evening, before she’d gone home for the night, she’d stayed long enough to tuck the sleeping infant into her crib. Maxwell had been in the room with Yvonne as she tucked Sasha in, and she’d noticed the way he’d stood back, watching her. Yvonne couldn’t tell if he still felt a bit nervous about her caring for his daughter or if he was just fascinated by something she’d done. Either way, the attention he’d paid to Yvonne had only served to heighten her awareness of him.

  As she rolled out of bed, she thought about the look she’d seen in his dark eyes. It could only be described as intense, though she had no idea what he’d been thinking. The professional side of her said it didn’t matter because he was her boss. There was nothing more to their relationship; he’d hired her to help raise his child, and that was the extent of their association.

  But the other side of her, the side that sought enjoyment over responsibility, wondered what it would be like to be the woman in his life. How would they spend the long winter nights together if they were a couple? Would he have eased up behind her in the darkness, fitting his strong body close to hers? Would he have kissed her neck or whispered endearments against her ear?

  She shook herself free from those pointless fantasies. Von, get it together, or you’ll be late for work. She drew a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and went to prepare for work.

  She showered, dressed, and swept her hair back away from her face with a headband. After a quick breakfast of scrambled eggs and wheat toast in the small kitchen of her apartment, she grabbed her bag and headed over to Maxwell’s house.

  Arriving at the door, she was met by Tilda, Maxwell’s housekeeper. Tilda, a short-statured older lady with graying hair and deep-blue eyes, had Sasha on her hip. “Good morning, Miss Yvonne. Maxwell’s gone in to work early today. He left you a note on the coffee table.”

  Yvonne smiled, shifting her bag higher on her shoulder and entering the house. “Thanks for letting me know.”

  Tilda closed the door behind her, shutting out the chilly Friday morning. Passing Sasha into Yvonne’s open arms, she nodded. “No problem, dear. Now I’ve got to get to work. These floors aren’t going to scrub themselves.” With a wink, she eased through the foyer and slipped into the kitchen.

  Yvonne braced the baby against her shoulder as she set her bag down on the floor in the living room. Seeing the baby’s blanket spread on the floor, Yvonne gently sat Sasha in the center of the colorful fabric so she could shrug out of her coat. She ducked into the foyer to hang it, and by the time she returned, Sasha was on her belly. Yvonne sat down on the floor with her, smiling as she watched Sasha wiggle her chubby little frame, trying to get mobile.

  Spying the white envelope on the table, Yvonne reached for it. Tearing it open, she opened the folded note inside and read it silently.

  Yvonne,

  I hope you won’t mind staying an extra few hours tonight. I know it’s Friday, so I’ll be glad to compensate you for overtime. I’ve invited my frat brothers to the house tonight to hang out, and since you’ll be playing such a big role in Sasha’s life, I’d like them to meet you as well. You can expect the boys and me around seven this evening.

  Maxwell

  Yvonne refolded the note and tucked it into her shirt pocket. She didn’t mind working late if Maxwell needed her, though she wished he’d stuck around long enough to discuss it with her. It wasn’t so much the staying late that had her feeling nervous; it was the frat brothers part. How many frat brothers did he have? And what kind of guys were they? How much time had they spent around Sasha in the past? Would she have to soothe the baby in a house full of rowdy men, or would it be a smaller, more refined gathering? She appreciated the heads-up about Maxwell’s visitors. She just wished he’d given her more to go on.

  She looked down at Sasha, who’d managed to gain a few inches. She raised up slightly, balancing on her hands and knees, her little body rocking back and forth. As she rocked, she made a silly little raspberry sound, drool bubbles and all.

  Yvonne giggled. Without a doubt, the baby would be pulling up soon. It was only a matter of time. She guessed it would be less than a week before the little adventurer set off to explore the entire house. She thought back on the babyproofing she’d noticed when Maxwell had shown her around the place. He’d covered outlets and mounted large furniture, and he had quite a few baby gates. It was obvious he’d put some serious thought and planning into it, and it comforted her to know that all the safety issues around Maxwell’s sprawling home had been addressed.

  She thought of all Sasha had gone through over the past week. She was in a new situation, being with her father for such a long period of time, and she probably missed her aunt and grandmother. It was a lot of change to go through in a short period, and though Sasha likely wouldn’t remember it all when she was older, Yvonne wondered what it must be like to have such a life-changing week. She reached out, lifting Sasha up and placing her onto her lap. Yes, Yvonne would look out for Sasha this evening, just in case her father’s friends turned out to be too much excitement for the baby.

  Throughout the day, Yvonne kept the baby entertained while moving around the designated areas of Maxwell’s huge property. She read a few books to her, fed her, sat down and built a block tower with her, and played some up-tempo jazz music for her while dancing wildly around the room. If Sasha’s clapping and shoulder shimmying were any indication, she enjoyed her nanny’s music selections.

  When nap time rolled around, Yvonne sat with Sasha in the rocker in her nursery, singing to her. She sang “Beautiful Dreamer,” which seemed to be the baby’s favorite lullaby.

  Once she’d tucked the sleeping tot into her crib, Yvonne slipped out of the nursery and went downstairs. Though Tilda handled most of the household chores, Yvonne handled the baby’s laundry. She went into the laundry room, located the basket of baby clothes she’d washed and dried, and carried them with her to the living room. There, with an episode of American Pickers playing on Maxwell’s oversize flat-screen television, she folded the tiny articles and stacked them in nea
t piles.

  The buzzing of her cell phone on her hip caught Yvonne’s attention. Slipping it from her pocket, she answered. “Hello?”

  “Hey, Sis, it’s Zelda.”

  Yvonne smiled at the sound of her younger sister’s voice. “Hey. What’s up?”

  “I’m on my coffee break from the spa. What are you up to?”

  “I’m working, remember? I know Mommy told you about my new charge.”

  Zelda laughed. “Oh yeah, that’s right. How’s that going?”

  “Pretty well. The baby is very sweet and very easy to care for.” Yvonne had worked in a few infant and toddler classrooms during her career, but this was her first time taking care of a baby in this one-on-one fashion. While she’d done well in the chaos of the infant–toddler rooms, she rather enjoyed this quieter, more personal interaction with one charge. “It’s a great job, and I hope to be here for a long while.”

  “That’s not what I mean. Mommy said you’re working for a single man, one who’s got deep pockets.” Zelda’s tone conveyed her curiosity. “So what does he look like?”

  Shaking her head, Yvonne asked, “Now what does that have to do with anything?”

  “Oh, girl, come on. If he has a face like a billy goat, that would explain how he can be wealthy and single at the same time.”

  Yvonne snorted at her sister’s turn of phrase. “A face like a billy goat? Honestly, Zelda. You should be writing a column for somebody’s humor website.”

  “That may be so, but it doesn’t answer my question. Besides, you know I love doing facial aesthetics.” Zelda had been working as an aesthetician in a day spa for the past few years.

  “If you must know”—Yvonne dropped her voice to a whisper in case Tilda happened to pass by—“he’s finer than frog’s hair. When I first met him, it was all I could do not to drool.”

  “Ooh.” Zelda sighed. “Fine and rich? You’d better stake a claim on him before the other prospectors show up with their shovels, girl.”