The Little Brooklyn Bakery

by Julie Caplin

  Sophie laughed again as a comical vision of James, defending his honour in a darkened room with a shield and sword, popped into her head. ‘That’s a new euphemism for sex.’

  With great dignity, James ignored her, ploughing on quite manfully with his speech, oblivious to her total detachment. ‘I kept putting it off. And then when Emma was born, it was hard. I was so torn. Anna would never have let me see my daughter. I loved you so much, I was worried if I told you about Emma you’d leave me.’

  It was like listening to a complete stranger. None of it mattered. Everything she’d felt for him had been expunged. She liked that word; completely expunged. Utterly expunged. Loving Todd had lightened her heart and helped her move on. She didn’t care about James at all. The lies still stung, but more because she’d believed them. And there were so many. Weaving in and out of each other in growing complexity and deviousness. Piled one on top of another until it was a mountain, too high to get over or penetrate.

  ‘Your mother didn’t live in Cornwall.’ Had never lived in Cornwall. How many times had he complained about the journey, sounding so sincere? Just like he sounded now. How many dinners had he cancelled because of emergency trips to the hospital? Dozens of ambulance call-outs he’d glibly described.

  James shook his head. ‘Sophie, that’s not important. I need to tell you, I left Anna. We’re getting divorced. I’m free to marry you. I was so furious with her for confronting you like that. How dare she?’

  Seriously? He’d taken insensitivity to a new level! ‘Perhaps because she was your wife.’ She blinked back her incredulity. Was he for real?

  ‘In name only. It’s you I love, Sophie. You’ve got to believe me.’

  Something inside her snapped. ‘I don’t,’ she said, her voice crisp and cold. She refused to waste one iota of emotion on this man.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I don’t have to believe you.’

  ‘Well … it’s … it’s a figure of speech.’

  ‘I’ll never believe anything you say again. I stupidly thought I loved you—’

  ‘Don’t say it, please don’t say it. Just give me another chance. You don’t have to say yes now. Think about it. We can spend some time together. You loved me. We were good together.’

  ‘No.’ The bald repudiation stopped him in his tracks. ‘We weren’t.’

  There was a genuine look of shock on his face as he peered at her.

  ‘Don’t be silly, of course we were. Don’t you remember?’

  ‘We weren’t,’ she repeated, surprised by her own sang-froid. She couldn’t even get angry with him, which she was quite pleased about. Anger would give credence to what he was saying. Being able to be calm and unemotional confirmed what she knew: it was over and there was no going back.

  ‘Of course, we were. We never rowed. Never fell out. We loved doing the same things. Food, wine. We’re completely compatible.’

  For some reason, Sophie’s head crowded with more recent images. Todd washing up. The whisper of cotton over her ears as she pulled her dress over her head when he challenged her. The kick to her pulse at the sight of Todd’s hopeful and surprised gaze. The beach and the first time she kissed him. The feel of cold sand on her back. Him stealing her beef at Onyx. Running together in Prospect Park and coming back to the apartment, peeling off his sweaty kit.

  ‘Have you ever had sex in the shower? Up against the cold tiles? Soaped someone’s nipples until they almost came?’

  ‘Sophie!’ He glanced around, his eyes wide with horror. ‘What the hell are you talking about?’

  ‘No, I thought not.’ Sophie shivered, delicious memories warming her.

  ‘What is wrong with you? Sayings things like that.’

  ‘I thought you said we were compatible.’

  ‘We are, when you’re being sensible.’

  ‘I don’t want to be sensible any more.’ She levelled a look at him, suddenly feeling a tiny bit sorry for his confusion. How could he possibly comprehend? She’d moved on and he hadn’t. Gently, because she knew he saw her as she’d been months ago, she said, ‘I’m not that Sophie. We weren’t right together, we just thought we were. I’m a different person now.’

  James’ mouth opened and then closed as he tried to digest this. ‘You’ve met someone else.’ He shook his head sadly, ‘Please don’t tell me I’ve missed the boat.’

  ‘No, James.’ She’d had enough. ‘The boat sank, weighed down by your lies.’

  She stood up.

  ‘Where are you going?’

  ‘Home.’

  ‘But what about me?’

  Sophie shrugged, even though it went against her natural instinct. She hadn’t invited him here. He wasn’t her responsibility.

  ‘Sophie, I’ve got nowhere to stay.’

  ‘There are plenty of hotels in Brooklyn.’

  ‘I can’t afford a hotel.’

  It was on the tip of her tongue to suggest that it was his problem, but she couldn’t quite do it.

  ‘Wait here a minute.’ She was surprised when he nodded meekly.

  Bella was wiping the counter of the coffee bar with methodical studiousness, as if she’d been doing the same thing for the last twenty minutes.

  ‘Sophie! How are things?’

  ‘Complicated.’

  ‘That’s James then.’ Curiosity bristled from her like crackles of electricity. ‘Your ex. Did he propose? I saw the Tiffany box. He must be serious.’

  ‘He’s deadly serious. Doesn’t want to leave. I feel a bit bad that he’s come all this way for nothing.’

  ‘Nothing! But … he said he really loves you. That he’d been an idiot and should have proposed before.’

  ‘He says a lot of things.’

  ‘But actions speak louder than words. Can’t you give him a chance?’

  Sophie let out a mirthless laugh at the words echoing Kate’s from the other night. Now she regretted not telling Bella the full story before.

  ‘He’s married.’

  ‘Yeah, he told me but he’s getting divorced. He wouldn’t come all this way if he weren’t. I think you at least ought to talk.’

  ‘We’ve talked. He needs somewhere to stay. Would you mind if I let him stay in the apartment for a night?’

  ‘No, not at all.’ Bella looked pleased. ‘It’s your apartment. You can have whoever you want to stay.’

  ‘I’ll text Todd. We can stay at his place.’

  ‘Todd? But …’ Bella suddenly looked furtive. ‘Why? I thought you’d want to spend some time with James.’

  ‘Todd’s leaving tomorrow morning, I’d rather be with him tonight.’

  ‘But … I mean … Todd. Well …’

  A frisson of fear raced down Sophie’s spine. ‘Bella?’

  ‘He … well … he came by. I told him …’

  ‘Told him what?’ When Bella didn’t say anything, Sophie grabbed Bella’s shirt. ‘What did you tell him?’

  Bella wrenched herself away. ‘I told him James was here. That he was proposing. That … he should leave you and James alone. Give you a chance to sort things out. Let James say his piece.’

  ‘And what did Todd say?’ Cold fear settled in her stomach.

  Bella bit her lip. ‘He said I was right. It was probably for the best.’

  Sophie ran all the way to Todd’s apartment. He’d not picked up his phone to any of her calls. Despite knowing it was hopeless, she’d left a voicemail message. When she’d probed more with Bella she wanted to knock both of their heads together. In fact, as she panted her way up the stairs to the front door of his brownstone building, she couldn’t decide which one of them she wanted to inflict bodily harm on the most.

  Bella had only gone and repeated the conversation they’d had in the bar. The dumb one, where Sophie had told her what she wanted to hear. It turned out as soon as the American girl had laid eyes on James, her brain had zeroed in on Sophie’s words. Safe. Steady. Reliable. Which she just had to go and repeat to Todd. And the stupid idiot, more stu
pid than stupid, had believed his cousin.

  With three bells to choose from, her mind went blank and she couldn’t remember which one was Todd’s. She picked the one in the middle and left her finger on the buzzer as she hopped from one leg to the other, trying to catch her breath.

  The door opened and a blonde woman peered through the crack, guarding the entrance. ‘Gee honey, can you take your finger off the buzzer. The static you’re producin’ is giving me a headache.’

  ‘Sorry. It’s Todd McLennan. I got the wrong apartment.’

  ‘No, you got the right one. I was on my way out, but I could hear it in the hallway.’ She sighed, but didn’t move. ‘If I had me a dollar for every chickadee that comes knockin’ for that boy. Seriously, he’s as good lookin’ as shit, but he’s no stayer.’

  ‘I know exactly what’s he like, believe me, but I need to talk to him.’

  ‘Sure you’re not wasting your time, honey? By rights I shouldn’t let you in but,’ she lifted her shoulders in an offhand shrug, ‘what the hell? Heard him come in not so long back.’

  Furious that Todd had ignored the buzzer, Sophie raced up the stairs to the first floor and hammered on the door, knowing that she was acting like a crazy woman. She’d never been crazy in her life. ‘Todd McLennan, I know you’re in there, so you’d better open this damn door.’

  She carried on knocking until the door was wrenched open.

  ‘OK, OK. I get the message.’ He wore that slightly aloof, amused look she’d seen when they’d first met.

  ‘Good.’ Sophie marched past him into the apartment.

  ‘Can I ask what’s got your panties in a bunch?’ drawled Todd.

  Sophie narrowed her eyes, refusing to be drawn by the deliberately provocative attitude. Instead she put one hand on her hip and adopted the same calm tone. ‘And can I ask why you didn’t stick around at Bella’s? I thought we were having dinner tonight.’

  She was pleased to see him stiffen. ‘You were otherwise engaged.’

  ‘No, I wasn’t.’

  ‘Looked like it to me.’

  ‘Well appearances can be deceptive.’

  Todd ran his hand through his hair. ‘Look … I get it. James came by with a ring. He’s the commitment guy. I’m not.’

  There was no way Sophie was going to let him off the hook with that asinine statement by challenging it, he could damn well explain himself. Instead of responding she looked at him impassively, or at least that was the expression she aimed for.

  ‘Come on Sophie. James. He’s left his wife for you. He’s offering the whole deal.’ Todd rubbed at the back of his neck. ‘A man doesn’t fly halfway across the world with a Tiffany ring box unless he’s pretty confident of his welcome.’

  He was definitely starting to flounder but Sophie refused to rescue him.

  ‘What do you want from me?’ He’d started to pace now. ‘I can’t compete with that.’ Quick jerky steps punctuated his words, followed up with telling strained glares sent her way. ‘I told you I don’t … this is … you’re going back to England soon.’ He stopped in front of her, his eyes almost pleading. ‘You’d be better off going back with James. You want marriage. The whole shebang.’ She wasn’t sure who he was working so hard to convince. Her or him. ‘He can offer you what you want. Much more than me. I’m … I …’

  ‘Are you done?’ she asked, with a gentle smile. He was such an idiot. He was a million times the man James would ever be. Radiating the warmth that came when you were totally, utterly and absolutely certain of your own mind, she stepped forward. Todd was the only man for her, even though he didn’t quite realise it yet. With the knowledge came confidence. She could show him how wrong he was.

  ‘You’re such an idiot,’ she smiled and leaned forward to kiss him on the lips. For a moment his lips softened under hers and he kissed her back. ‘I love you, not James.’

  Todd stiffened and he gripped her forearms, pushing her away slightly. ‘You’re making a mistake. I’m not …’

  ‘Not what, Todd?’ Sophie’s voice hardened.

  ‘Not right for you. This was only ever …’

  ‘Todd, how can you know what’s right for me?’ With sudden realisation, it dawned on her. She’d never fought for anything she wanted before. As a result she’d sleep-walked into and stayed in a bad relationship with James.

  ‘I know what’s right for me.’ She gave him a fierce stare, letting her feelings show. ‘It’s you. I love you and I’m not going to apologise for that. You can fight it all you like but it’s not going to change.’ She took a breath, it needed to be said. ‘And I think you could love me.’

  His jaw clamped tightly and she could see the denial in his rigid posture. He was such a baby.

  ‘Sophie. I’m not doing this. I told you. I think we should call it quits. You’ll be better off—’

  ‘You’re a coward.’ Sophie’s sudden vehemence made him jump. ‘Yes. You’re not brave enough to try.’

  Todd flushed at the accusation, his lips pinching together. ‘We had this conversation once before. Being brave is acknowledging your limitations.’ With his fists clenched by his sides, his vulnerability showed in the white around his knuckles. His stance hovering between fight or flight.

  ‘No, that’s being honest,’ she gentled her tone. He looked as if he might run away at any second. ‘Being brave is acknowledging those limitations and taking the risk anyway. You think you’ll be no good in a committed relationship because you don’t think you’re worthy of one. You’ve seen your parents’ relationship and the way they’ve neglected you and Marty for their selfish version of love and you want no part of that. I understand that. But that’s only one version of a relationship. In their own strange way they probably do love each other. They’re still together. But you’re not giving yourself a chance to be happy. Saying you don’t do commitment, you’re ducking the issue. You’re not prepared to take the risk. That’s not being brave.’

  Todd sighed, lifted his chin. Her heart sank at the bleakness in his eyes.

  ‘Thanks for the amateur psychology half hour, but I think you’re being naïve. Happy Sophie. Wants everyone else to be happy. You’re a romantic. You think love will cure everything. Life’s not like that.’

  Stung, she flinched. ‘And how would you know? You’ve never even tried. At least I have. OK, I made a mistake with James. It hurt at the time, but I learned something from it. I see now that I wouldn’t have been happy with him, but at least I know what will make me happy. I know what I do want.’ She stopped and swallowed. Despite his rigid stance, she reached up and touched his face. ‘You might not be able to see it, but I want us. You’ve made me see things in a different way. I’m happy because you’ve made me happy.’ It made her smile thinking about it. Grasping his wrists for balance, she stood on tiptoe and kissed the corner of his unmoving mouth. ‘Perhaps love is as simple as making the person you’re with happy.’

  Only someone watching him closely would have seen the subtle movements, the tendons in his neck tensing, the still of his chest as he held onto a breath and the furious pulse under her fingers where she held his wrist; the battle as he weighed up her words.

  Her eyes held his, unwavering and determined.

  When he blinked, she knew. Even before he spoke, her heart began to drag, sinking slowly like a ship-wreck feathering down to the sea bed.

  ‘You’re wrong.’ He looked right at her, his words brutally calm. Each one slicing in with the sharp pain of a knife blade. ‘I was perfectly happy before you came along. And I’ll still be happy when you’ve gone.’

  If he’d shouted, sounded sad or laughed at her, she might have found the strength to argue back but ironically, the flat unemotional delivery mirrored hers to James exactly.

  With a regal nod, she said, ‘Give my love to Marty this weekend.’

  Turning her back on him, keeping her head held high, she walked out of the apartment without a backward look, down the stairs, out of the door, down the front steps, one
foot in front of the other, forcing her eyes wide open, only letting herself blink when she absolutely had to.

  Chapter 29

  Sophie faltered on the bottom step, bitterly regretting saying James could stay. With a decisive about turn, drawn by the scent of chocolate, she followed her nose to Bella’s kitchen. Standing in the shadow of the doorway, she peered into the golden glow of the kitchen, where Bella was perched on the arm of the sofa next to Maisie holding court, her plump hands waving madly as Edie creased back into the pink armchair, clutching her stomach as if it hurt, her face lit up with laughter. Ed slouched up against the dresser, a whimsical smile on his face as he watched his girlfriend.

  Like a delicious hug, the comforting smell of the chocolate muffins cooling on the side, the gentle hum of the fan oven and the sound of the others laughing and chatting, loosened the iron grip of tension gnawing at Sophie’s shoulders and the fury that had carried her back to Smith Street dissipated a little.

  Unnoticed, she slipped forward, her hand touching the familiar glossy red of the Kitchen Aid and a finger leaving a smear in the cocoa dust on the side.

  ‘I told him there was no way I could do that many cakes for less than forty dollars. Honestly. People want …’ Bella trailed to a halt. ‘Sophie.’

  Sophie gave her a grim smile.

  ‘Hey, honey. Great timing. You must have smelt the honeycomb,’ called Maisie, bouncing in her seat. ‘You are just in time to try my new hokey-pokey cheesecake.’

  ‘Oh my giddy aunts, it’s amazing,’ sighed Edie, raising a spoon and licking it, her eyes closed in bliss.

  ‘Grab a spoon, girl, quick,’ said Ed. ‘Before she eats the lot. Your tastebuds are in for one helluva treat.’

  Sophie pursed her mouth. They were all trying far too hard. Bella ducked her head at the accusing look she shot her.

  ‘Let the girl come sit down,’ said Maisie, shifting to make room on the sofa, patting the seat next to her and immediately slicing a portion of the cheesecake and serving it up.

  With all eyes on her, all Sophie could do was automatically dig in and taste, even though she could have sworn her appetite had vanished. The second the sweet sugary confection wrapped itself around her tongue, she closed her eyes, blinking back the tears that threatened. Next to her she felt Maisie’s warm body, Bella’s hand on her knee and heard Edie’s over-enthusiastic chatter to Ed. Maisie joined in and the three of them began talking a lot of nonsense about whether it should be called honeycomb or hokey-pokey.