Staying was always temporary. She didn’t belong here anymore, and she let herself get caught up in the moment. If it happened last night she could’ve blamed it on the tequila, but now she only had herself to blame. He was just so nice to her despite everything, and she was so far from being the girl he thought she was. The girl that he deserved.
But when he looked at her, none of that mattered. All that mattered was the two of them.
It was almost as if all the years in between didn’t exist, and she thought maybe when she came down from the high that they still wouldn’t, but she was mistaken. Now those years weighed heavy on her, drowning her beneath the impossible expectations she would never live up to.
When she told him that he put her on a pedestal she wanted him to see she didn’t belong there. She never did. She wronged him and how the hell was she supposed to live with herself knowing she was going to do it again?
She gave him one last look, savoring every line of his face, then slipped out of bed. She needed some fresh air to think, to figure out how she could fix this, find a way to make everyone happy so she wouldn’t go another six years without Nick in her life because she didn’t think she could. But she also wasn’t ready to give up on her dreams yet either.
She pulled her clothes on, and he stirred, sitting up. Damn it. She was so close.
“What are you doing?” he asked, wiping the sleep from his eyes. He looked adorable with his rustled hair, but she tried not to focus on that.
“I’m going to get some air,” she said, careful not to make eye contact.
His gaze narrowed on her. “You okay?”
“Fine,” she lied.
He kicked his legs over the side of the bed and strode toward her. He stopped, grabbing his underwear and pulling them on before taking her in his arms. He brushed a curl behind her ear, his finger lingering on her face. She wanted to savor every touch so when she was back in New York she would have something to remember.
“I know you, Daze, whether you want to admit it or not. So why don’t you tell me what’s really going on?”
She shook her head, not sure what the hell was going on in her mind. It was a mess of fears and insecurities bouncing around.
He cupped her cheek, dropping his forehead to hers. “Don’t block me out when you were just letting me in again.”
“We shouldn’t have done that.” Her words were no more than a whisper but they hung between them like a big unbreakable wall.
His jaw tightened, body went rigid. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” she asked, looking up at him, which she quickly realized was a mistake. His eyes darkened, anger etched the corners like bare tree branches in the night.
“Lie to me,” he growled.
She pushed from him, unable to think with him touching her. “I’m not!”
“Really? Then look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me.”
She sucked in a surprised breath. It was a word that used to flow between them so easily, but things were different. They weren’t the same people anymore. They had separate lives, and she couldn’t act like that didn’t change things. It did.
Love complicated things. It turned the dotted line fuzzy and made it impossible to keep things in perspective. It didn’t matter if she loved him. Love didn’t change shit.
Her lip quivered as she forced the lie out. “I don’t.”
“Bullshit!” He threw his hands in his hair, holding tight, his knuckles turning white. He stormed away from her, pacing back and forth before coming to a stop in front of her. “You loved me once, and that shit doesn’t go away. Not with us it doesn’t.” The desperation in his eyes was almost too much for her to take.
“We were eighteen.”
The desperation turned to fiery rage. “I don’t need a reminder. I know how old we were, and at eighteen I knew what most people wait their entire lives to realize—I found my match, my soulmate… I knew it when we were twelve, when we were sixteen, eighteen. Six years later, I still know it.”
Emotion clogged her throat but she forced the words around the hot solid lump. “What are you saying?”
He composed himself, the anger turning to a serene calm as he looked right into her eyes. “You’re it for me, Daze. I don’t need another six years to figure that out. But if you do, I’m willing to wait as long as I have to, because I’m not giving up on us.”
Didn’t he see that was the problem? She could never make him as happy as he thought she could, especially not if she was in New York, and he was here three-hundred-and-fifty miles away from her. She couldn’t be the precious glass he placed so high above everyone else. She would never live up to that, and the last thing she wanted was to disappoint him any further.
He rested his hand on her shoulder, and her heart told her to cut him loose, finally give him the closure that he always deserved and she was too chicken to give him.
She swallowed down the urge to cling to him and say exactly what he wanted to hear. “I have to go.”
His hands fell to his side, his head hanging in utter disappointment. “Then go.” He stepped closer to her, taking her chin in his hand and tilting her eyes to his. “But know this, there’s a reason you kept that picture of us, why you’ve avoided seeing me all these years. You can think your heart is in New York, but it’s not. It’s been here with me the entire time.”
Tears pressed against her lids, and she could feel herself about to fall over. “I really got to go,” she said and ran out the door. She spotted her keys and grabbed them off the hook as she passed.
She didn’t stop. She couldn’t. She had to keep moving forward like she always did. With her focus straight ahead, she kept going, never once looking back.
Chapter 21
The afternoon went by in a blur of tears. Daisy fought every urge to go back to Nick and tell him she was an idiot and that she did love him. But the voice in the back of her head, the one that told her she would only hurt him even more, kept her on the couch with a pint of long ago melted chocolate ice cream.
She couldn’t eat. She could barely do anything without tears spilling down her face. She messed up again, and this time she didn’t think she could fix it. At least Nick had some closure. She didn’t just mysteriously leave in the middle of the night. Remembering the heartbreaking look on his face, maybe he would have preferred that.
Her phone buzzed, and she snatched it up, hoping it was Nick. Not like he had any reason to contact her. She was the one who’d left. Again.
When it wasn’t his name on her phone her heart deflated. She opened the text from her mom.
Mom: We still on for our cooking date?
Shit. Daisy had completely forgotten about that. How was she supposed to go to Sunday night dinner and act like everything was okay when really all she wanted to do was hide under her comforter and wait for the pain to go away? Pain that she knew would never go away. She would carry it with her through the streets of New York like she’d been doing for the past six years.
She typed a reply.
Daisy: I’ll be there in an hour.
Maybe being around her family would help ease the pain in her heart, even if it was only temporary. She was used to temporary.
She forced herself to wash her face and throw on clean clothes. When she put on enough makeup to cover the red, swollen bags she got in the Jeep and headed to the farm.
When she got there, she detoured to the barn. She opened the door and stepped inside. Dylan looked up, his lips pulling back and revealing his big teeth. “Hey boy,” she said, walking over to where he stood chewing on a pile of fresh hay. She grabbed his brush and began brushing his coat. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around much lately, but I know Hadley is taking good care of you. Probably better care than I could ever give you.”
Dylan hee-hawed, and Daisy laughed. “Exactly.” She brought the brush to his other side. “So you see it was better that way, but I still missed you.” She took his face in her hands and kissed his snout.
“Did you miss me?” He nuzzled against her, and it warmed her ice-cold heart.
“I thought I saw you come out this way,” Shay said as she stepped into the barn. Her coat covered her growing baby bump. Her brown hair was braided down the side and sitting against her shoulder.
“Oh hey,” Daisy said, letting go of Dylan’s face. “I just came to visit Dylan.”
Shay stared at her face, eyebrow tilting. She circled her finger at Daisy. “You have that look.”
“What look?”
Shay had been there for Daisy in New York when she’d had nobody else to turn to. Shay hadn’t seen Daisy since she was a baby, yet when Daisy had nobody, Shay treated her like she was blood. She helped get her back on her feet when she thought it was impossible.
Shay moved closer, concern in her hazel eyes. “The look that you had six years ago when I knocked on your apartment door. You look lost.”
There was no use denying it. Shay could see right through her. “I feel lost,” she admitted.
“Want to talk about it?”
Daisy cut a glance toward the door. “Isn’t Matt going to come looking for you?”
Shay waved her hand. “Let him. I’m this close to kicking him out of the house until I have this baby. He’s driving me crazy.”
Daisy laughed. Matt was as overbearing as they came but his heart was in a good place. He simply cared too much. “He just wants to protect you.”
“I know, which makes it really hard to be mad at him.”
“Rock and a hard place,” Daisy said.
“Pretty much. So why don’t you tell me about your rock and a hard place.”
Daisy put Dylan’s brush down, gave him one last pat and leaned against the wall. She fidgeted with her hands, trying to figure out how to put what she was feeling into words.
She looked at Shay and the words just came. “I wanted to be somebody. My whole life. I didn’t think that could happen in such a small town. But I learned that I was somebody.” She fought back the emotion trying to take control and continued. “Here I can’t go anywhere without seeing people I know and who know not only me but my family. In New York, I’d go every day without ever bumping into a single person who knew who I was. Even when I was in the play it didn’t matter.” Daisy looked out over the barn defeat settling in her bones. “Nobody ever recognized me on the street. I wanted to be somebody, and instead I became a nobody.”
Shay shook her head and reached out, giving her arm a comforting squeeze. “You’re not a nobody, Daisy.”
“But I am,” she argued. Tears pressed at the back of her eyes but she fought them off with the little energy she had left in her. “I went to New York to prove to everyone that I could make a name for myself and I failed. Six years and I’m still the same girl who left this town. The same girl who hurt the people I love and if I can’t forgive myself for that, how are they supposed to forgive me?”
“I think you need to keep them a little more credit,” Shay said. “I bet they’ve all forgiven you by now.”
“Maybe, but it will always be in the back of their head that I left them.”
Shay’s eyes narrowed. “They or Nick?”
Of course Shay would see right through her. “Is it that obvious?”
Shay nodded and held up her thumb and forefinger. “Just a bit.”
Daisy sniffed back the tears. “He probably hates me. I don’t blame him.”
“Why don’t you talk to him?”
“Because it’s not going to change anything. I’m leaving. Whether it’s tomorrow or next month, I’m still leaving.”
“Why do you have to leave?” Shay asked.
“Six years, Shay. Six years I devoted to being an actress; I can’t give that up because of a guy. I didn’t let that stop me back then—”
Shay cut her off. “We both know Nick is not just a guy. Coming from a girl who married her first love, I get it probably better than anyone else you’ll talk to. A first love is strong and will always be a part of you, but for the very few that first love is your only love. It was for me, and it took me a long time to figure that out. I waited eighteen years, and I regret every year I wasn’t with your brother. I don’t want you to suffer the same regrets. You’ve already let six years go by. How many more do you want to pass before you face what you’ve been running from?”
Daisy wasn’t naïve enough to believe everyone got their happy ending. Sometimes love was just part of the scene to help give the character depth but never to be their story.
“Maybe we’re not like you and Matt. Maybe we are only supposed to be first loves and nothing more.”
“That’s what you need to figure out,” Shay said.
Daisy’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “I wish there was a sign or something, telling me what choice to make.”
Shay looked down at the hand on her stomach, a slight smirk playing at the corner of her mouth.
“You don’t believe in signs?” Daisy asked.
“I do,” Shay said. “But not in the way most people do. I think when you see a sign, it’s not the universe telling you what choice to make. It’s your subconscious following your heart and finding a way to give your brain reassurance that it’s the right choice for you. Signs are everywhere; you just have to open your heart to what you really want in order to see them.”
Daisy thought about Shay’s words. Maybe the signs were there the whole time, but she was too blinded to see them.
“I’m going to head in the house now to help your mom. You coming?” Shay asked.
“I’ll be right there.”
Shay gave her a hug and pulled back, holding Daisy’s arms. “You’ll figure it out.”
“I hope so.”
“You will.” Shay left the barn, and Daisy turned back to Dylan. He was back to eating hay, and she gave him a quick pat on the head.
“What do you think, Dylan? Have I missed all the signs?”
He nudged her hand, and she smiled. “Okay, I’ll let you go back to eating.”
She headed for the door when her cell phone rang. She slipped it out of her pocket but didn’t recognize the number. It was a New York area code so she answered in case Penny lost her cell and got a new one again.
“Hello?”
“Is this Daisy Hayes?” a woman’s voice she didn’t recognize asked.
“It is. Can I help you?”
“You might not remember me, but I’m Tracy Goldstein, Max Georgio’s assistant.” Daisy froze in place. Max Georgio was a big-time casting director who she’d auditioned for at least twice before. The first time had been an absolute disaster, but the second time, if she hadn’t stumbled on a few sentences, she would have had a fighting chance to nail that role.
“Yes, I remember. Hi, what can I do for you?”
“He’s casting a new play, and he came across your head shot. He’s looking for a very specific look and you’d be a perfect candidate for the role.”
Excited bubbles erupted in her stomach. She had been waiting for an opportunity like this for years. She would still have to nail the audition, but she’d auditioned in front of him before so maybe she’d feel a little more at ease. She could do it. She had to because then she could finally prove that all her hard work had been worth it. That she didn’t leave Nick for a stupid unattainable dream.
“We were hoping you could come in for an audition tomorrow… say eleven?”
She didn’t hesitate. Not when she knew this was the sign she had been waiting for. “I’ll be there.”
Chapter 22
It took everything Nick had not to go to Daisy. He hated how they’d left things, but he said everything he had to say and she still left. So why should he be the one going after her? For once he wanted her to come to him.
Unfortunately, they couldn’t avoid each other at the brewery, but he was sure as hell going to try. He opened the door and let himself in, expecting to see familiar blonde curls behind the bar, blue eyes following him as he walked by, purposely ignoring her,
but she wasn’t there.
Cassie stood behind the bar, setting up for the day and Mason was helping her. They were supposed to be leaving for the competition. Mason hadn’t taken a day off since he started this place, and Cassie had convinced him one day wouldn’t kill him, so why the hell were they here?
“What’s going on?” Nick asked, slipping out of his coat. Why are you guys here? Where’s Daisy?”
Both eyes landed on him and his stomach knotted.
Cassie went to speak then stopped like she couldn’t figure out the right words. She didn’t have to because Mason took the lead. “She left,” he said.
“What do you mean she left? Is she sick?” The news had been talking about an outbreak of the flu. He could take over here, send Mason and Cassie on their way. Put whatever happened with him and Daisy aside and bring her some chicken soup from The Happy Apple. She always loved soup when she was sick.
Mason closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them Nick knew it was worse than the flu. “She went back to New York,” Mason said.
New York? No. It wasn’t even forty-eight hours since she was in his bed, cuddled up next to him. There was no way she was gone. She wouldn’t leave like that. Not again. She told him she didn’t want to hurt him. She wouldn’t leave without a goodbye. She wouldn’t disappear out of his life like she did before.
Nick ran his hand through his hair, trying to make sense of everything. “How do you know that?” Daisy was a runner; that’s what she did—taking off and refusing to look back. But for some stupid reason he thought this time was different. He thought she’d finally realized what they had was worth standing still for. He was so sure of it, he let her go. He watched as she ran out of his house positive she’d be back.
Mason filled a tasting glass and pushed it toward Nick. Nick didn’t hesitate. He needed to numb his brain and forget that he ever knew the name Daisy Hayes.
Dreaming of Daisy (A Red Maple Falls Novel, #6) Page 17
