Mid-Life Crisis Diaries

by Geraldine Solon

  “Dancing? I can’t remember the last time I went dancing.”

  “Well, it’s never too late to start. C’mon, we need to get you out of those clothes and put on some dancing shoes.”

  Marsha hesitated for a moment, but she remembered what it felt like to be in an empty house.

  ***

  A tall stocky black bouncer checked IDs outside Venus club as young women, dressed in skimpy outfits, lined up. Men ogled at them and one man whistled at Dr. Lee who was wearing her black leather pants and a sleeveless safari shirt.

  Marsha hid behind Dr. Lee as she scrutinized her black leggings and skin tight black and white blouse with matching high heels. Dr. Lee had promised her this outfit would boost her confidence. She was wrong, Marsha felt awkward and hoped she wouldn’t bump into any of her patients.

  Dr. Lee nudged her. “You’re smoking. Quit trying to analyze the situation.”

  Marsha studied the crowd around her. “I’m not sure about this.”

  “You’ll be fine.”

  Strobe lights welcomed them on the dance floor as people swayed to the music. Dr. Lee and Marsha inched their way around people to find a table while men watched from their seats.

  “Do you want to dance?”

  “Me, oh no,” Marsha said.

  Dr. Lee pulled Marsha toward a back curtain.

  “Where are you taking me?”

  Two women are pole dancing as men cheered for them from their seat. “This is where the action is.”

  Marsha turned around to leave. “I’m not doing any of that.”

  Dr. Lee tugged her arm. “Remember what I told you earlier? That you’re capable of doing anything. Now’s your chance. Follow me.”

  Dr. Lee pulled Marsha to the stage. Dr. Lee removed her clothes exposing a metallic bikini.

  The men dropped their jaws and applauded.

  Marsha hesitated but soon clung to the pole behind Dr. Lee.

  Dr. Lee wrapped her leather black pants around the pole and circled around.

  Marsha tried to follow her act but tripped causing the audience to roar in laughter.

  “I’m not making a fool of myself. I can’t do this.”

  “Each time you say I can’t, you’re conditioning your mind to fail. Just imagine how flexible your body is. Play with your lips, bat your eyelashes and wiggle your hair.”

  Marsha sighed, wondering what she got herself into, but perhaps this would help her forget Blake.

  Dancing Queen played and Dr. Lee bent down and swayed her hair.

  Marsha took a deep breath and tried to do what Dr. Lee instructed. She closed her eyes, swayed her body and bent backwards, yet all she saw was Blake’s expression when he told her he had to find himself.

  Opening her eyes, Marsha pushed her thoughts aside when she heard the audience roar in delight.

  Dr. Lee winked at Marsha.

  Marsha continued to play her act but this time with confidence as she danced to the tune. Men hollered and threw wads of cash at them.

  Marsha and Dr. Lee laughed as they exited the club and crossed the street. Parked cars lined the sidewalk. The music continued to blast while people lined up to enter the club.

  “How did that feel?”

  Marsha caught her breath. “I don’t know about you, Dr. Lee, but ever since I met you again, my life has been crazy.”

  “At least I made you laugh.” Dr. Lee poked Marsha’s ribs. “Did you see all the men gawking us? Food for our ego. Look at you, you’re glowing and we have all this cash to enjoy another girl’s night out.”

  Marsha grinned. This isn’t how I pictured my life to be. I wish Blake would come back. But while he’s finding himself, I need to find a distraction from my chaotic world.

  C H A P T E R 5

  It had been four days since Blake created a scene which rocked Marsha’s world. She had no choice but to still report for work. The responsible person that she was, taught her to do the right thing.

  Yet, stepping inside the building reminded her of that fateful day. The receptionists stared at her then immediately looked away. She also received sorry stares from the bellboy as she headed up in the elevator.

  Tricia greeted Marsha with a sorry expression. “Good morning.”

  Marsha forced a smile and strode to Shirley’s office. All Marsha wanted to do was escape. Earlier that day, she had browsed brochures of Paris. If Blake can go to Nepal, I can fly somewhere that won’t remind me of him.

  A touch of purple with a couch and coffee table in front of the desk surrounded the office. Frames of Shirley’s family were neatly arranged on her desk.

  Shirley didn’t lift her face to look at Marsha. She typed on her computer as if nothing happened.

  “I’m not sure I can do this anymore.”

  Shirley stopped typing and faced her. “You can’t think that way.”

  Marsha’s eyes drifted outside the window to the view of the Golden Gate Bridge. “Paris seems like a good place to start over.”

  Shirley raised her eyebrows.

  Marsha played with her fingers.

  “You’re a strong woman, you’ll get over this.”

  “I’m tired of being labeled that way,” she said, remembering how her father had told her to take care of her sisters when her mother died. Being the eldest of the family left her no choice. She had to be strong for them. “What happens to a strong woman when she gets hurt? Isn’t she allowed to grieve? To take care of herself?”

  “I suppose, but I wouldn’t give up on my passion. You’re forgetting at how good of a therapist you are and how much you love what you do.”

  Marsha looked away. How is she supposed to counsel patients when her own marriage has gone south? Blake had promised to take her to Paris, but Marsha’s schedule remained steep. This time she needed to do something for herself, for her own sanity. Staying in San Francisco would remind her of Blake. She couldn’t deal with that now.

  Shirley typed back on her keyboard. “Go to Paris. Run a marathon if you need to, but I want you back here in one month, rejuvenated.”

  Her cheeks felt flamed. “You’re serious? Thank you!”

  Shirley continued to type on her computer. “Yeah, yeah, I don’t want you ending up like me with husband number three.”

  God forbid that should happen to me. Everything about San Francisco reminds me of Blake. I need some new scenery to help me stop thinking of him.

  ***

  That afternoon, Marsha paid a visit to Dr. Lee.

  They both settled on the couch.

  “I have a month vacation and I’m thinking of going to Paris.”

  Dr. Lee beamed. “I’m going to propose something which is much better than Paris.” She grabbed a folder from her desk and handed it to Marsha.

  Marsha read the document and covered her mouth. “A Mid-life crisis study?”

  “My cousin was supposed to be involved in this study but she flaked out on me. You’d be perfect and I think you’ll enjoy it.”

  “I’m not doing anything crazy.”

  Dr. Lee chuckled. “Think of this as a game. If Blake can have his mid-life crisis, so can you. What do you have to lose? We received thousands of requests from hot young men eager to fulfill a cougar’s fantasies and only one lucky man will win the prize.”

  Marsha paced the room. “And how is this supposed to help me?”

  “This should let you forget about the pain Blake caused you. Don’t you want to unleash your inner desires?”

  Marsha sighed. “I’m uncomfortable about doing this and I’d rather go to Paris.”

  Dr. Lee handed her a writing pad and a pen. “I want you to write down stuff you want to do and never had the chance.”

  “Did you hear what I said?” Marsha interjected.

  “You have nothing to lose. Paris can wait. This is more important.”

  “You want me to write a bucket list?”

  Dr. Lee erupted with laughter. “You’re not dying, my friend. You’re reinventing yourself. Thin
k of it like what you would do if you were twenty-one again.”

  “But, I’m not the one with the mid-life crisis.”

  “And nobody’s telling you to have one. We all go through a mid-life transition. This is the one chance you can get to relive your life again with nobody to judge you for what you’re doing. And whatever you learn, you can apply the lessons when you counsel your patients.”

  Marsha swallowed hard. “That means I need a new identity.”

  A smile spread across Dr. Lee’s lips. “I take that as a yes.”

  Marsha averted her gaze outside the window. Nothing made sense. She was Marsha the planner, the fixer, the perfectionist and now her life was in shambles. She never anticipated for this to happen to her.

  Dr. Lee snapped her fingers. “Don’t go thinking about Blake. Focus on yourself.”

  Marsha let her thoughts wander as she made a list of silly things she wanted to do. Maybe for once, life didn’t need to make sense.

  Get drunk like there’s no tomorrow

  Dance the Tango

  Rollerblade

  Go sky diving

  Learn to play the piano

  Try using a vibrator

  Be a blonde

  Wear a sexy bikini

  Experience wild sex

  Fall in love all over again

  Marsha glanced at Dr. Lee then scratched out numbers nine and ten.

  Dr. Lee leaned closer. “You can write anything you want. I’m not going to judge you.” She read Marsha’s list and winked. “Let’s go and transform you, Dr. Caufield.”

  I’m not Dr. Caufield. I’m just a girl, broken and wanting to be loved.

  ***

  Later that afternoon, after so much convincing from Dr. Lee, Marsha agreed to have a makeover at a beauty salon.

  A gay master stylist wearing a retro outfit ordered the other two female stylists around. “How can I help you ladies?”

  “My friend here needs to go at least three to four shades lighter.”

  Eyebrows raised, he narrowed in on Marsha. “Looking for a change?”

  “More like a transformation,” Dr. Lee responded for her. “I want her to appear like she graced out of a magazine.”

  “I can definitely do that.” He winked.

  Marsha allowed Dr. Lee to take charge. For once, she didn’t need to think how her day would be—no schedule to follow and no patients to see. It was nice to have someone take care of her.

  “I want every man to drool over her. Women will thirst for what she has.”

  Marsha shook her head at Dr. Lee. “You sound like a pimp.”

  Laughter erupted from Dr. Lee’s mouth. “Trust me, you’re going to thank me for this.”

  A wide smile played on the stylist’s lips. “You’ve come to the right place, honey.” He pulled out a chair for Marsha. “I will be your servant today and you’ll come out looking like a queen.”

  Marsha laughed out loud. “I feel special already.”

  “Just wait.” He winked.

  Hours later, the stylist swirls Marsha’s chair so she can face the mirror. “Ta-da!”

  Marsha froze then blushed in unbelief at how she looked. If only Blake could see her now. She pushed her thoughts away. Bastard.

  Dr. Lee gave her a wide grin from behind. “You look absolutely gorgeous.”

  Marsha fondled her hair. “I feel like a new woman.”

  “You are a new woman,” Dr. Lee said.

  He bumped his hips against Dr. Lee. “Time to take her on a shopping spree.”

  Excitement surged upon her like a teenager celebrating her eighteenth birthday. It seemed to be working.

  ***

  Back in Dr. Lee’s office, Marsha rustled through the shopping bags. She removed a tube, micro mini skirt and five-inch high heels.” I can’t believe you made me buy all these skimpy outfits. You’re serious about my transformation and I think you’re enjoying it more than me.”

  “You gotta look hot,” Dr. Lee grinned.

  “Why don’t you do it?” Marsha slipped the tube above her shirt.

  Dr. Lee eyed her. “You’re going to thank me. For now, just take the back seat and let me be your coach. I have a ninety nine percent success rate.”

  Marsha rolled her eyes. “If you say so.”

  Dr. Lee circled around her desk and checked her computer. “Bingo. We found the lucky man.”

  Marsha inched behind her and bent to take a closer look of the man with olive-toned skin, dark hair and toned biceps. Her heart skipped a beat. He’s gorgeous! She tried to conceal her excitement. “He can pass for my son. How old is he?”

  “You can’t deny how hot he is. Twenty-seven.”

  Marsha studied his chiseled jaw and deep-set dark eyes. “Is he for real? He looks like he lives in a gym.”

  “Yup.” Dr. Lee shut the laptop. “You’re spending a month in Mexico with Andre Lopez.”

  “What? You never told me about Mexico. I want to go to Paris.”

  “Oh, please, that chilly weather in Paris is going to get you depressed. You need to inject some sunshine in you. One month in Puerto Vallarta, how can you refuse? Think of all the sunsets you’ll witness.”

  Marsha glared at her. “I hate the sun and I’m not getting myself in the water.”

  “For now you can kiss the old Marsha goodbye and be a sun worshiper with Andre by your side. You’ll learn to be spontaneous like me. Embrace it!”

  Heart pounding, Marsha averted her gaze to the window. Since when did someone make decisions for her? Why did she allow Dr. Lee to manipulate her? But she could already hear the waves calling and thoughts of Blake were now replaced by Andre. Would this be her moment of escape?

  C H A P T E R 6

  Marsha dragged her suitcase inside the airport. Earlier that morning, Dr. Lee had tossed her wardrobe, replacing it with bikinis and skimpy summer outfits. She wondered if she’d ever be herself again or if this was a game where Dr. Lee could prove to her that she was right all along. Off she was, traveling to a foreign country with no Blake, to meet a younger man who is supposed to fulfill her fantasies. What a cliché? the type of story you read about in a Romance novel. She laughed, lining up to present her passport and ticket.

  A smile played on the clerk’s lips. “Puerto Vallarta. Had my honeymoon there. Such a lovely place.” She eyed the Asian man behind her.

  Marsha cleared her throat to make it clear that she was traveling alone. Taking her luggage, she grinned.

  An image of Blake flashed through her mind. He hasn’t texted or called. Doesn’t he care about me?

  There’s no backing out now. Marsha approached the line and pushed her carry-on bag inside the machine while she crossed the inspection line.

  A strong beep jolted her. Suspicious stares from the agents beckoned her.

  “Ma’am, please open your bag.”

  Chewing on her nail, Marsha unzipped her bag and removed her toiletries. “There’s nothing here.”

  The man eyed a small box inside. “What’s that?”

  Marsha squinted to take a closer look. I don’t remember putting that in there. Opening the box, she pulled out the blue wand-like object and turned it on. It made a strong motor sound. She tinkered with it. The sound grew louder which caused people to stare. Fuck! It’s a vibrator!

  Shit! “Sorry.” She bit her nails. I’m going to get you for this, Dr. Lee.

  The security officer didn’t flinch, but Marsha knew he was judging her. She pressed her lips together and attempted to turn off the vibrator, but she couldn’t. She tried to remove the battery, but fumbled. She tried again, but it fell to the ground.

  He bent down and picked up the vibrator, removing the battery. “I’m sorry, Ma’am, but I’ll need to take this with me.”

  “Please, I don’t know how that got there.”

  He eyed her sternly. “Did somebody pack your bag for you?”

  “Um, no, I meant I must have left that there from last time.” She bit her lower lip, tapping her fo
ot.

  The security officer returned the remaining contents to Marsha’s bag and handed it to her.

  Heart pounding, Marsha sighed in relief. When she arrived at the gate, she dug inside her purse and pulled out her phone. She must have chewed on all her fingernails.

  Dr. Lee picked up after one ring. “Miss me already?”

  “How could you?” She whispered, turning around to see if someone was listening to her conversation.

  “What do you mean?”

  “The machine beeped because of that stupid vibrator.”

  Laughter erupted from Dr. Lee’s mouth. “Sorry, I should have packed it inside your suitcase.”

  “Please tell me you didn’t put anything else in. I want to arrive in Mexico in one piece.”

  “Relax, it’s going to be a blast.”

  “Yeah, yeah, you keep saying that. I don’t even know anything about Fabio, err, Andre.” She perched in a seat, eying her boarding pass.

  “That’s the best part. Keep it mysterious,” Dr. Lee said.

  “Gosh, Dr. Lee, how can you be this carefree?”

  “You have nothing to lose.”

  “All I want is to restore my relationship with Blake. Mexico isn’t going to erase the twenty-five years we’ve shared.”

  Dr. Lee didn’t say a word.

  “Are you there?” Marsha asked, wondering why Dr. Lee, who always has an answer, doesn’t have a witty comeback.

  “I don’t have all the answers, Marsha. Try not to overanalyze things. You’re only there for a month. I’ll see you when you get back.” She shut the phone and Marsha was now alone to collect her thoughts.

  What could go wrong when everything she built with Blake was now gone? There’s no guarantee they’d get back together after his trip to Nepal. I have one month to think about nothing but myself.

  ***

  The four-hour flight to Puerto Vallarta didn’t calm Marsha’s nerves. The last time she traveled alone was before she got married. All the trips she took were with Blake. They had a ritual before every flight because Marsha didn’t care for flying. She didn’t need to be medicated for the trip, but something about their pre-flight routine always calmed her nerves. She and Blake would listen to the same CD on the way to the airport, and talk about wherever it was they were going. It calmed Marsha to talk about it, and on this flight, there was no one to share that with, without becoming the loony on the plane who wouldn’t stop pestering the other guests.