Mid-Life Crisis Diaries

by Geraldine Solon

  Marsha melted and for a moment she knew that Dr. Lee was right. She was starting to feel better. And with that, they were off to discover the municipal market together.

  C H A P T E R 12

  The municipal market was anything but boring. And Marsha was glad that they didn’t purchase anything perishable at the other market, because upon first inspection, she was certain they’d be here for quite some time. On Andre’s suggestion, she changed out her shoes, opting for the tennis shoes she’d brought with her. She also managed to wiggle into one of the skirts in the street before they locked up the car. She left her shorts on, and with the skirt and the see through blouse, she felt like she looked like she belonged. Pulling out her phone and handing it to Andre, she wanted to send Dr. Lee a picture to commemorate her next step of transformation. When she unlocked her phone, she saw that she had missed a call. From Blake.

  Quickly sliding the notification to the side, she flipped the camera on and asked a local man to take her picture. Andre stood to the side with his hands in his white shorts pockets. When he saw her shaking her head back and forth and motioning toward him, he quietly and happily obliged. Without hesitation of where the picture might end up, or who might see it, he wrapped both arms around his new friend and rested his head on her shoulder. Marsha wondered if he always took pictures this way, and then realized she didn’t care. It was unlike any other picture she’d ever been in, herself, and she quite enjoyed it. She looked amazing, felt amazing, and the picture would be amazing. When the local man handed her the phone back, she inspected the picture. The two people in the picture looked as happy as anyone else she saw walking the streets of Puerto Vallarta. She grinned and let Andre watch as she messaged the picture to Dr. Lee.

  “She’s gonna love that,” he said, kissing Marsha on the cheek and ruffling her hair. Again, the act didn’t feel sexual, but more like a bosom friend. And she loved it.

  She’d have to check the voicemail from Blake later. She half expected it to be him asking a question about taking her off the life insurance or something. And she certainly didn’t want to let that ruin her good time. Knowing him, and his amazing lack of tact, he was probably calling her from the nicest restaurant in Nepal, with a gorgeous twenty-something on his arm as a consolation prize for his midlife crisis.

  On the other hand, what if he really did want something good? What if he was feeling poorly for his actions and wanted to reconcile? She shook the thought from her head and took Andre’s outstretched hand and crossed the street to the municipal market. Marsha’s immediate favorite lane of the market was a tiny spot where people had shirts, woven ponchos, and scarves hanging everywhere. The stall itself was so colorful that it lifted Marsha’s spirits right away and helped her forget about her missed phone call.

  Marsha’s favorite part about this section, though, was the huge tree that snaked up between the two sides of the street. The vendors were sitting in chairs, relaxing under the shade of the huge tree; it’s green leaves hanging where any child could walk by and pull them from the branches. It looked magical, and no one else seemed to notice. The whole place made Marsha feel more like a child every time she encountered something new.

  When they reached a vendor who sold only intricately designed sombreros, Marsha pulled her hand away from Andre’s and ran her fingers over the beautiful hats. “So Blake called.”

  “Oh really,” he answered, not seeming concerned. “And?”

  “Well, I missed it. It’s been since we’ve been out. I’m just trying to figure out if I should call him back or not.”

  “Of course you should call him back, he’s your husband.” His voice was confident and he smiled at her from the other side of the table full of hats. He picked up a black one with red tassels all the way around it. There were green and white designs running all up the large part of the sombrero, and gold balls hung from it, giving it beautiful movement as he lifted it toward his head. He smiled his goofiest smile, and Marsha laughed.

  “Hold it right there, please!” She fished her cell phone out of her purse and snapped a picture of him. He looked every bit that part of someone on vacation, and she was proud to call him hers. Or…well…whatever he was to her.

  They didn’t mention the missed phone call for the rest of their trip through the market, and instead spent their time enjoying each other’s company. Marsha decided that, although she still did love Blake very much, and did want to know what he wanted, that it could wait. After all, he’d waited days and days to contact her at all, so making him wait for a call back wasn’t really that mean. Hopefully, surely, he’d find something to keep him busy until this evening when she could return the call.

  It wasn’t until the car trip back toward her condo that Marsha approached the subject again. When what seemed an appropriate lull in the quiet presented itself, she put her hand on Andre’s arm and looked at him. One of the nice things about riding in the car with him was that he didn’t insist on there being music playing all the time. It was something she really appreciated since, if they were ever in the car together, Blake always wanted there to be music on. And he always turned it up loud enough to discourage a conversation, even if it was classical music. She’d just grown accustomed to having noise in the car at all times, and loved the fact that she and Andre could ride in silence and not feel strange about it.

  “I have a question for you, Andre.” She squeezed his arm lightly as a quiet sign to him that it was important. Somehow, she knew he would understand.

  “Anything, love,” he answered, turning toward her for a moment, pulling his brows together.

  “When I go to call Blake back,” she said this, and nothing else. She wasn’t even really sure what she wanted to say.

  “Mhmm…?” It was the sound of patience. And it told her to take all the time she needed to form her thought, that he wasn’t going anywhere. His face also let her know that he really did want to know what was on her mind.

  “I was just wondering if I could call Blake back before we eat dinner, tonight. And I know that I’m being pretty presumptuous in assuming that we’re eating dinner together. But let’s just say I’m being hopeful, in a desperate sort of way.” She smiled sheepishly, a little embarrassed that she’d admitted out loud how much she needed him in this moment.

  “Yes, of course we’re eating dinner together. I was just going to ask you if you had any plans for the rest of the evening.”

  Marsha laughed and shook her head, which made him smile.

  “Very good, then! You decide when you want to call him back, and I’ll give you your privacy wherever we are. If you want to talk about it beforehand or afterward, that’s wonderful. But if not, I respect your privacy. Because I would only assume you’d do the same for me.”

  “Yeah, of course I would. I really appreciate it. It’s just, the more I thought about going back to the condo after spending the day with you, and calling him…the more I hated the idea.” She rested her right arm on the armrest of the car and leaned her chin on her hand.

  “You don’t want to be alone,” he said as he pulled her hand down and wrapped it up in his. “That’s understandable. I’ll be here for you, whatever you need.”

  “Thanks,” Marsha sighed. “And when Layla comes calling, I’ll do the same for you. Promise.” Andre smiled at her genuinely, and shook her hand back and forth lightly. “Want to go for a swim before dinner?”

  “Love to,” Andre kissed the back of her hand and they made their way back to the condo, souvenirs in tow.

  C H A P T E R 13

  Once they were back at the condo, Marsha left to unlock the door while Andre took care of something in the trunk of his car. He was rifling through a wicker tote bag in the back somewhere and had motioned for Marsha to go ahead and let herself in. She set her new bags gingerly on the bed, and smiled at the little indention they made in the comforter. The whole place was already beginning to feel more like home than like vacation. Not that she would ever live in this condominium…but
she was beginning to view her entire life as something that she could alter if she wanted to. And that thought was incredibly freeing. There was nothing saying that she couldn’t just stay in Mexico forever and never go back to work. Perhaps she could stay here, write a book or two to live off the royalties, and create an online web presence for herself just like Dr. Lee had done. She could even find a way to work with the woman…though Marsha didn’t want to entertain that thought just yet. She just loved knowing that the possibilities were, for the first time in her life, endless.

  Andre waltzed through the door she’d left open, and clicked it shut behind him. He had his swimsuit in his hand. “I keep a spare in the car,” he grinned.

  “Well it is Puerto Vallarta.” Marsha shrugged. “I would, too.”

  They changed quickly, Marsha in the bathroom and Andre in the living space. Somehow, she didn’t feel the need to say any warnings of I’ll knock three times before I come out in case you’re not ready. She felt comfortable knowing that he was a grown man, and could fend for himself in the presence of a lady.

  Comfortably in her swimsuit, not checking to make sure that everything was as it should be, and instead trusting that the world was as it should be, she went to find Andre. Marsha found him in the spare bedroom, a room that Marsha hadn’t even ventured to, yet. He smiled at her when she walked in, and when he turned she saw that he had the paper sack full of necklaces sitting on top of the large dresser near the wall. He was pulling them out one by one and stringing them carefully into a large jewelry box he’d found.

  “Pretty, right? It’s perfect. And you’ll be here a month, so you might as well.”

  Marsha walked up next to him and stood quietly, running her fingers along the length of the beaded necklaces he’d already hung on little gold hooks. “They look lovely in here.”

  “They look lovely on you.”

  Marsha felt her cheeks flush. She finished taking the remaining necklaces out of the bag for him and handed him each one. Then he took her by the hand and they walked to the beach. The sun would be setting within the hour, so Marsha settled herself for a short swim to relax and Andre looked as if he had the same idea. They walked slowly into the water, holding hands, and then went their separate ways. Marsha automatically, and without feeling like it was a fault, swam away from him and floated on her back for a while.

  Andre also swam alone, relaxing in the evening sun. It was a perfect half hour of swimming, each of them dipping under the water and soaking in the silence, finding comfort in the fact that the other one was there. Eventually, they made their way toward each other and floated side by side for a while before anyone spoke. The small crowd that had gathered on the beach slowly rolled up their beach towels and gathered their sand buckets and began the trek back to where they had come from. But Andre and Marsha stayed, floating side by side in silence, until the place had nearly emptied.

  “What made you first fall in love with Blake, Marsha?” Andre was looking up at the sky that was only just beginning to change colors. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but I was just wondering. What does it take to get a woman like you to fall in love with someone?”

  Marsha laughed and swished her arms through the water. She closed her eyes and concentrated on how the water felt, flowing over the skin on her arms, and imagined that she was lying on the most amazing therapy couch in the world. Digging back through more than twenty years of marriage, she revisited the time when they were young, and a pang of sadness swept through her chest.

  “A younger version of myself, thank you. And who of us weren’t stupid when we were young?”

  “Hey now,” Andre said. “I resent that.”

  Marsha dipped her forehead back into the water a bit and laughed. “I didn’t mean you, of course! I forget that you’re young. My apologies. I was stupid, let’s put it that way. I was stupidly in love in the best way possible.” She breathed slowly and closed her eyes again. “The kind of love where nothing is like real life, but everything sure seems like it is. You think you’re an adult at nineteen, and that the world is your oyster. Really, though, you don’t recognize that the world doesn’t revolve around you. You don’t realize what you’re getting yourself into when you choose a partner. You think it’s all about looks, and how the person makes you feel. What I forgot to do, Andre, when I was young….was to make myself a whole person before I fell in love. I got married very young, after dating Blake for two years. When you date someone for two years as an almost twenty year old, you assume that you know everything there is to know about relationships.”

  Andre acknowledged her story with a gentle m-hmm.

  “What I wouldn’t even admit to myself for the longest time was that I fell in love with Blake’s looks, first. He was the handsomest thing I’d ever laid my eyes on, and I still feel that way about him.” Marsha knew Andre wouldn’t find any insult in the comment, so she continued without assuming that she’d just hurt his feelings.

  “Amazingly, I’m still attracted to him. Even now. I think he’s beautiful. He just lost his way somewhere in the last twenty five years…he lost most of that spark that I fell in love with second.”

  “Spark?” Andre asked, splashing his feet.

  “Oh yes. The man had a spark. I can’t quite describe it properly. It was like a drive, an amazing motivation, I guess you’d say.” Marsha righted herself in the water and looked toward Andre, running her fingers through her hair to clear it from her face. “Actually, he kind of reminds me of you.”

  Andre pulled himself upright as well and turned toward her, closing the distance between them a little but still giving her adequate space to feel out the rest of her story.

  “Blake was a very driven young man. He knew what he wanted, and often wanted several different things at once. Kind of a serial entrepreneur, but in a day job mentality. Does that make sense?”

  Andre shook his head lightly.

  “Well, he wanted to run an all natural dog food company once. But when he couldn’t find one that would let him come in as a manager, he gave up on it. He was twenty, mind you, and had no business running anything until he had life experience. But it was like he just couldn’t grab a hold of life fast enough. Whatever it was he wanted to do, he wanted to be the top dog and do all of it. Right then.” Marsha looked up at the sky, the yellows more evident now, and considered cutting her story short. She figured, though, that this was exactly part of the therapy Dr. Lee was hoping for, so she continued. “Nothing was good enough for him, eventually not even me. But at the very beginning, it was very intoxicating to be around someone who always wanted to move forward. It wasn’t my personality to think like that…as I always wanted to do things in the right order, if you will. But for him, it was always leap first, look later. And I thought that since opposites usually attract, he was the one for me. And I dove head first into loving his late night brainstorming sessions while we were dating, and his last minute trips to La Jolla to walk the beach or our thrice-weekly coney runs. He was just…fun. He had plenty of money, we both held down whatever jobs we could find, though Blake was never happy with his until he started moving up in the corporate world.” Marsha stopped, wondering how long it had been since they’d left late at night to run and get coneys. If she mentioned it to him now, Blake would probably laugh and insist that they make reservations somewhere nice.

  After a generous minute or two, Andre broke the silence. “So do you ever think it’s strange…that he was the one with all the big ideas, and you were the worrier that needed to do things in the right order? Which to me, means you would have the more stable, less creative job. And it turns out, that he has the boring job now, and you’re the creative type that kind of made your own job? I mean, to me, that’s really interesting. You rely on only yourself to make your living. And from what I’ve seen on the internet…”

  Marsha stopped him by cocking her head to the side with a strange look.

  “Yes, I’ve stalked you. Are you happy?” He
grinned and splashed water toward her. “Anyway, it really strikes me as interesting that you have the fun job that you made up for yourself. You’re your own boss. That’s pretty fun.”

  “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Even if I did have a stick up my butt about it the last ten years or so.”

  Andre didn’t laugh. Which surprised her a bit, she just assumed he would. She’d meant it as a joke, but there was a lot of truth in it. Marsha had started her love guru business on a whim, and because her natural instinct was to be practical about everything, she weighed every option and assessed every risk before she even put anything on paper for a business plan. She worked from the ground up, using no debt to start her business, and when she was explaining as much to Andre, a huge grin spread across his face.

  “Do you still love it, though? I don’t mean right this minute, but before he dropped the bomb. Did you love it then?”

  “No.”

  Andre pulled his head back quickly, truly surprised at her answer.

  “What? Did I leave you speechless? I didn’t love it.” She shrugged her shoulders and swam closer to him. “For a long time now, I can’t even remember how long, I’ve been pulling away from Blake and my own marriage, and diving headfirst into my customers and their issues. I have a high success rate with my twelve-step program—”

  “I know,” Andre said. “Stalker, remember? Only since last week, though. Nothing serious.” He winked at her and they both swam toward the beach. When they got almost to shore, they turned and sat with their bodies in the water, leaning on their arms and looking out over the beautiful sea.

  “So I threw myself into my work. And I’m sure you’ve figured out, since you’re very good at reading people…what I do actually isn’t that difficult. There’s nothing new under the sun, right? People problems are all the same. It’s just that they’re experiencing them for the first time, and I’ve seen them all repeatedly. I know what they look like when they’re creeping up, I know what they appear to be when they’re fixing to be exposed, and I know how to clean them up afterward.” She dug her fingertips into the sand under the water. “Except for when it’s about me.”