The Search for Starlight

by Elyse Salpeter

  They said their goodbyes, and when Kelsey glanced up from the screen, she found Desmond staring pointedly at her. “Your father set your mother up to sleep with Armand. He knew he’d get her pregnant. Your father sent your brother away so he could get cured from leukemia, so he wouldn’t get attacked in Tibet and so he could train as a soldier in Pritvhi so that one day he would kill you and fulfill the prophecy. This is exactly the scenario that happened and you have to accept this.”

  Kelsey pursed her lips and nodded. “He knew I’d be a descendant of Kenmut, too. Which would then put me on a path to have a showdown with Ustha. And Benjamin Porter knew all of this because Kenmut must have told him.” She ran her hands through her hair. “This makes no sense!”

  Robbie’s eyes cleared with a sudden understanding. “It makes total sense, Kelsey. It’s because our father was something else. He was a demon.”

  She laughed out loud. “A demon? Really? So now everything and everyone in the entire world is otherworldly.”

  Robbie just stared at her.

  “Come on, Robbie! How in the world can you think our dad was a demon on top of all of this?”

  “It’s the only explanation,” Robbie said. “He had knowledge of all these future events. He knew what was going to happen and allowed it, because he had the understanding of life and death. If he was a demon, he knew only his body would die in the attack in Tibet and not his soul. And the cat? Obviously conjured to watch over your mother and Armand.”

  “Conjured?” Kelsey’s mind raced. If this was true, it changed everything. “So which demon do you think he is? Only a very few demons have the ability to conjure familiars. And more importantly, how’d he become a human on Earth to become part of our paths?”

  Benjamin Porter was a demon. She let that sink in.

  “Someone powerful made a deal to make him human,” Robbie said. “The same way someone put Caim into the Order of Angels. The same way someone made the Emperor and Empress Aranhats in the bardos. What if it all started then?”

  Kelsey nodded. “So, this entire continuum started the very moment Caim killed the Emperor and Empress.”

  “But where is your connection to that moment, Kelsey?” Desmond asked. “If we’re discussing your entire existence being connected to all of this, when did you become a part of the continuum?”

  “We have to figure out how long this has been going on, starting with when Adra and Jagan were human,” Kelsey asked.

  “You said in the vision Caim referenced the Chi You tribe,” Desmond said. “That tribe existed four thousand years ago I believe.”

  Her eyes widened. “I left Mara’s side four thousand years ago. Maybe I was there and knew them!”

  “That has to be it. Maybe you were Adra’s older sister who died, or maybe you were a friend of hers. It has to be something like that. Is there any way you can remember?”

  Kelsey shook her head. “I don’t remember my beginnings on Earth yet.” She moved back over to the photo album. She flipped to the last page and sucked in her breath. Benjamin Porter stared directly out from the photo, holding a key. It looked as if he were giving Kelsey a message personally.

  “They’re at a bank.” Desmond read the name Danske Bank on the front of the building.

  “Huh, well that’s weird,” Jay said.

  Kelsey glanced up. “What’s weird?”

  “The key he’s holding. I can’t believe I didn’t notice this before.” Jay moved over to one of the bookshelves and took down a glass display box. He opened it and held it so Kelsey could see its contents. “My father told me that this key was one of the most valuable artifacts in his entire possession. That it came from an ancient burial site and proved that thousands of years ago keys were made and used by ancient civilizations. Why would he be holding it at a bank?”

  Kelsey eyed the key. “He was pulling your leg, Jay. This is just a bank deposit box key.” Was it the same one? “I’m sure this is a clue from my father. No matter who or what he was, he was giving me clues.”

  Desmond raised his brows. “But what kind of clues, Kelsey? Clues to get you killed?”

  Kelsey swallowed hard. “We need to get into that safe deposit box. Maybe there is something in there that will help us.”

  Robbie scoffed. “Help us? You still think that Benjamin Porter had any good intentions towards you? You do realize our father betrayed us all along, right? Where was our protection? You were taken to Tibet where you were viciously attacked and nearly died, and I was sent away from my family to become a soldier destined to kill you. I want to know what was promised to this demon that was so important that he had to sacrifice all of us like this. He allowed our mother to get killed, Kelsey! The man was a true demon with no heart.”

  Kelsey was torn by her brother’s words. She closed her eyes for a moment, remembering her father crumpled on the ground with his blood pooling around him, stabbed trying to protect her. Remembering seeing her mother eviscerated, and then recalling her own attack. Benjamin Porter, the man she had loved most in the world, now appeared to be more than anyone had ever realized. Another being in her circle who had manipulated her. Now she had to find out what he’d been up to.

  Kelsey turned to Jay. “Get me those journals. I want to read about the connection between your father and mine. Then I need to get to London and get into that safe deposit box.”

  Jay finally pulled out a few leather binders and checked the dates on their opening pages. He found the first one she needed and laid it on his father’s desk. “Here you go.”

  Kelsey opened it and froze at the words written in the margins. Little images of flames were doodled along the edges of the pages. But that wasn’t all.

  Kelsey glanced up. “You know Armand’s journals have the language of Xanadu written in them?”

  Robbie leaned over and read. “This is impossible.”

  “You can read this?” Kelsey asked him.

  “I studied the language in Pritvhi. I can speak it better than I can write it, though. It’s how I communicate with the Emperor and Empress when I travel to Xanadu.” He pointed at the page. “This looks like some sort of list.”

  She nodded. “It’s a spell.” She read the instructions aloud, and Robbie’s eyes widened in surprise.

  “It’s not just any spell, Kelsey. It’s a spell to remember.”

  “To remember what?” Desmond asked.

  “To remember your past lives. And maybe it has something to do with these flames.”

  Kelsey continued to turn the pages and paused at another section with a list. “These are names.” She frowned as she read them off. “Felix Smith, Matteo Bianchi, Budi Suharto.” Kelsey suddenly got goosebumps and a strange feeling settled in her gut. “Wait a second. I recognize these names.” She sat back, stunned. “Oh, my God.”

  “Who are they, Kelsey?” Desmond asked.

  Kelsey turned to Desmond, her eyes wide. “These names belong to men who were my fathers in some of my past lifetimes.”

  Desmond’s jaw dropped. “You’re kidding me.”

  Kelsey sat back. “This is unbelievable. He translated the names of my fathers.” She read some more. Jonas Fischer, Jakup Kowalczyk, Abel Abioye. There were so many names. So many human fathers she’d had because Mara had killed her for centuries on end. So much pain for all these men, seeing their daughter killed time and time again.

  Kelsey flipped through the rest of the pages and paused at the last entry in the journal. She froze. “Armand wrote, it all ends with Benjamin Porter.” She glanced up. “Why would he write this? My father must have written all of this for Armand.”

  “Kelsey, this was written before you were born. You know what that means, right?” Desmond said.

  She clicked her tongue. “It means he knew the language of Xanadu even before we went to Tibet and studied it, unlike what I’ve always been led to believe. A demon who knew the language of Xanadu? How? Not to mention that he knew that I would be his daughter.”

  Desmond lai
d a hand on her arm. “Maybe Benjamin Porter was always destined to be your father. And maybe he knew it would end with him in this lifetime.”

  She sat back, trying to take it all in. “You know what’s also strange about these names? Mara killed me at all different ages. I hardly remember the lifetimes I led when he had me murdered as an infant or toddler. But these names? I think I was at least a teenager in every one of my lifetimes with these men. Old enough to know my fathers. To have loved them all fiercely.”

  “Maybe Benjamin was protecting you all those years he was your father because you lived until your teens in those incarnations where he was able to watch over you,” Desmond said.”

  “Protecting her, or grooming her?” Robbie asked sarcastically. “Maybe she lived long enough because he was hoping she’d get older so she could finally be used. Like now.”

  Kelsey knew Robbie didn’t remember their father very well, so she understood his anger. But she did remember Benjamin Porter. She had adored him. They had been so close, or so she had thought. “I remember after Robbie’s funeral, my father and I were sitting in a park. I was cuddled in his lap, crying and talking to him about why Robbie died. I didn’t understand what happened. He told me not to worry about death. That it is a fleeting moment in time, and that when you die, you don’t really die, but you start over again. That all we can strive to do is live the best life we can while we are alive. He then laughed and said something I didn’t understand at the time.”

  “What did he say?” Robbie asked.

  “He said that people take being human for granted. That it is the greatest gift a soul can be given, but everyone has to remember where they came from and make a decision when they die. Life is always a choice. That people always have a choice to be whatever they want to be, from a princess to a fiend. I had no idea of course what he meant at the time. But now it makes sense. He must have known I was always Tanha, and that I would always have to make a choice.”

  Kelsey stood up and paced, piecing it all together. “Then if that’s the case, and he’s this demon, then he knew me in every lifetime as well, and followed my soul every timeline it linked up with his. It means he kept getting reincarnated as a human to follow me.”

  Robbie spoke up. “Which means he retained knowledge of who he was at his core, each time, as well. Demons have complete clarity, Kelsey. It’s why you actually know who you are now for the majority of your lifetimes. Mere humans don’t have that clarity. Only demons. The only reason you don’t know everything yet is because you’ve pushed that part of your soul away, and have not completely accepted who and what you are.”

  Desmond nodded. “It’s probably why your sister wants you to go back to the Naraka realm. So all your memories will return. You’d have full knowledge if you went back and you’d probably want to be Tanha again.”

  “Well, I’m not doing that. I’m not going back to Mara’s Kingdom.” She said it a little too forcibly. “Wait a second. If Benjamin Porter died when I was ten and keeps getting reincarnated, then he’s back here on Earth again. Who is he this time?”

  “He wouldn’t be your father again, though. The timeline wouldn’t match,” Robbie explained. “But maybe Benjamin was once a demon with you back at the palace, Kelsey. One that became human lifetime after lifetime… to watch you? You sure you don’t remember him?”

  “I don’t. I just don’t.” She hitched a sigh. “Well, if this lifetime is really when it all ends, then let’s help end it. I know where we have to go.”

  “Where?” Desmond asked.

  “To London. We have to get into that bank deposit box.”

  “And then?” Desmond asked.

  “And then to the Bodhidharma Monastery. And I’m not leaving until I find out everything they know.”

  * * * * *

  Kelsey, Robbie, and Desmond left Jay at the chalet and traveled the two-plus hours on the Chunnel to London that afternoon. They quickly grabbed a cab and met Nigel at a tea shop near the bank. Kelsey hadn’t seen the professor, and who was her far distant relative, since her trip to Egypt, where the older man had schooled her in her biological lineage. That trip had been more than simply enlightening. Learning Armand Dupuis was her biological father, learning the Decan Sky God, Kenmut, was her biological great grandfather many generations removed. Learning the stomach aches she’d had ever since she was a child happened because she was near a descendant of Kenmut. Learning that much more about who she really was.

  Kelsey gave the older man a huge hug.

  The old soldier pulled back and gave her a warm smile. “You are a sight for sore eyes, Kelsey. My, you are a cracking young woman. If I were a younger man and not your distant cousin…” Nigel insinuated teasingly.

  Kelsey laughed and sat down in a booth. “And if you only actually liked girls, you old coot. Where’s Gianni these days?”

  Nigel shook hands with Desmond and Robbie. “My better half is relieving an old friend of an attic full of antiquities that has been in the man’s family for generations. He’ll be gutted he didn’t see you.”

  Robbie was eyeballing the older man’s clothing and excessive jewelry, but said nothing and sat down next to Kelsey.

  Nigel called the waitress over and then slipped into the booth as well. Kelsey was rather sad that his skin-tight bright green pants were now hidden underneath the table, though there was nothing to be done for his polka dotted white dress shirt and checkered scarf. He constantly mixed patterns and colors. The gaudy jewelry she remembered he loved to wear still adorned his fingers. She could see the thick opal pendant displayed brilliantly at his throat.

  They made small talk until the waitress brought their tea and a small tray of scones and crumpets.

  Nigel poured some milk into his tea and raised his brows questioningly. “And how is Jibade doing these days? Still being cheeky?”

  Kelsey snorted. “That’s one way of saying it. He’s doing as well as can be expected, I guess. He’s got a lot of emotional baggage tied up with his father.”

  Nigel sipped his tea. “That’s putting it lightly. It’s no wonder he’s miffed. Armand was a consummately selfish, blinkered knob-head and put that boy through hell, but I don’t need to tell you that. Now tell me why you’re here? You said it has to do with your father, Benjamin Porter?”

  Kelsey brought him up to speed on what had transpired over the past few weeks. Nigel listened attentively, raised his brows questioningly at appropriate parts of the tale, but let her finish before he asked any questions. The man was an ex- Royal Guard soldier, an esteemed professor, consummately brave and brilliant, and could handle discussions of the supernatural with ease.

  “Bloody hell, Kelsey. So you think Benjamin Porter knew something all along about what would happen to you, and there’s information in a safe deposit box at a bank? And you think he might be a demon who has been following your journey for centuries? How could this have happened?”

  Kelsey sipped her tea. “I think our great Grandfather Kenmut had something to do with it, Nigel.”

  “Kenmut, really?” The old man touched his opal absently. “But why? You already rid his family of Ustha. Why would you still need to do his bidding?”

  Desmond chimed in. “Because of the prophecy that needs to be fulfilled. Someone created that prophecy. It had to start somewhere, and maybe if it doesn’t happen something terrible will occur.”

  Kelsey put some jam on her scone and took a bite, considering. “Well, there’s only one way to find out. Let’s get to the bank and get into that box.”

  It was a quick walk to Danske Bank, and they got there right before they closed. Kelsey took out the photo of Benjamin and Armand and confirmed they stood at the exact same location as in the photo. They went inside, and it was a simple matter for Kelsey to hand over her identification and the key. Without any preamble, the clerk took them to the viewing room and left them alone with Benjamin Porter’s box. Kelsey took a deep breath and opened the lid.

  Robbie peered in and suc
ked in his breath in surprise.

  It was filled with herbs in sealed glass bottles and plastic bags to keep them fresh. It completely reminded her of Rajiv Sitaula’s suitcase filled with herbs she’d seen in Alaska.

  She read the labels. These herbs were different kinds, though. “These are the ingredients in that spell we read in the journal, aren’t they, Robbie?”

  He nodded.

  Kelsey removed each of the items and laid them on the table. A jar of bay leaves, a rock of amber, sage leaves, basil leaves. She held out a packet. “What is this?”

  Desmond examined it. “It’s myrrh. It’s used in the East in medicines.”

  Kelsey pulled out the final packet. It contained a black granular substance she didn’t recognize.

  Robbie nodded. “That looks like Kala Lamak.”

  Kelsey raised her brows. “Black Salt? Kala Lamak is the word for that in Xanadu, and in Hindi.”

  Robbie nodded. “We use it often in Pritvhi. In fact, we would get it from the Himalayas on Earth and bring it back to use in medicines as well.”

  Kelsey nodded in understanding. “So, my father obviously wanted me to remember something.” She took out Armand’s journal that Jay had given her, and read the list of ingredients again for the memory spell. “It’s all here.”

  “But what exactly does he want you to remember?” Desmond asked. “You know who you are already. You’re remembering your life as Tanha, you’re remembering all your past lives. You even understand your powers. What in the world could you have forgotten?”

  She didn’t know, but she was determined to find out. They gathered the herbs and made their way back to the hotel.

  * * * * *

  They surrounded the coffee table in the living room of the hotel suite. Nigel had opened the curtains wide to let in the last of the sunlight. The herbs from the safe deposit box and the notes from Armand’s journal on how to do the memory spell lay spread out on the table before them.

  Nigel handed Kelsey a glass tube. “Now, hold the glass up to the sunlight, Kelsey. You want the setting sun’s rays to pass through it for its positive energy. It will give it the power we need.”