The Search for Starlight

by Elyse Salpeter

  She’d changed back into Tanha again. Kelsey put her hand to her head, feeling not her wavy hair but her sleek, straight mane. A section was gathered on the top of her head, with what felt like the strand of black and pink pearls that she loved, woven expertly into it. She stared at her hands, now the color of honey instead of her former porcelain skin.

  She turned back to the Bhikkuni. “Where is he?”

  The woman glanced at the rift in the sky. “They took him through there a little while ago.”

  “Who took him?”

  “Your father came himself, Tanha.”

  Kelsey’s blood ran cold. She called to Ishu and her fedelia flew her to Xanadu’s monastery. Kelsey stormed into the temple and raced through the halls to meet the Emperor and Empress.

  She found them in their receiving room but they both lay on the floor, unconscious. Just like the monks at the Bodhidharma Monastery, except blisters and sores covered their exposed skin.

  Kelsey uttered a cry and raced to their sides, careful not to touch them. A soft sniffle sounded and Kelsey glanced up. A young monk sobbed in the corner. Kelsey bent to him, and the man glanced up at her, then shrank back in fear.

  “I won’t hurt you. What happened to them.”

  The monk’s lips trembled. “It’s you.”

  Her patience fled. She had no time for this. “Yes, it’s me. What has happened? You must tell me!” Her voice boomed too loudly inside the room, and Kelsey realized that her body had also grown in size. She now towered over the frightened monk, and he cowered before her.

  She calmed her growing rage and lowered her voice. “Please, sir, what has happened to the Emperor and Empress?”

  He glanced up. “You… you happened,” he stuttered. “The final prophecy must be fulfilled, or everyone will die.”

  Kelsey’s eyebrows raised in bewilderment, and she felt her bindi and eyebrow jewels move as they did. “What are you talking about?”

  The young monk trembled where he knelt. “Tanha, it was always you. Everyone in Xanadu has always known who you were. When you came here as Kelsey Porter, that desperately hurt little girl, we all saw your soul. We all knew the prophecy, and we knew it would be in this timeline you would bring down the kingdom. The Emperor demanded our absolute silence. No one was to ever tell you. We obeyed, but we all knew that one day this moment would come. And now the prophecy is being fulfilled. You are bringing down the kingdom. Xanadu will be lost unless you die.”

  Everyone is so eager for my death!

  She knew where she had to go. Kelsey closed her eyes and turned to the dark part of her soul. The part that she usually tried to keep hidden. The part that fed on anger and the depravity of the human race. The part that loved the power it brought her. An intense rush of pleasure filled her inner core and grew with each passing moment. She searched for that feeling she was looking for, the one that combined sex and anger, love and hate, pleasure and despair. The feeling that would bring her to where she had to go and it suddenly came forward. Yes, there it was in all its glory. The power of the hell realms. The power of being a princess of the Naraka palace. Kelsey allowed all of it to reign supreme over every other aspect of herself. No longer did she make it stay in the background, hidden from the rest of her. No longer did she push it away. She’d ignored these feelings lifetime after human lifetime in the hopes of escaping who she really was, but now she gave herself permission to be who she was and to take what she needed. Once she did that, everything fell into place and she became one with her powers. She waited until her entire body was nearly bursting with energy and then sent herself plummeting down. Down through the floors of the monastery where she had stood. Down through the land below Xanadu. Down through each of the hell realms. She pushed through the dirt, through the rock, through the realms, further and further, traveling through hell realm after hell realm at lightning speed until she finally arrived at the golden entry doors to her father’s kingdom. Her body felt exalted as she stood there. She could do anything she wanted, be anything she wanted. She knew she could now travel to any hell realm she wished to. Nothing remained hidden to her. She could feel the energy exuding from every one of her pores. As she reached for the door handle, she gasped as her awareness exploded in a million sparks of light. Finally the last of her memories returned to her in one blinding moment of exquisite clarity.

  Now she knew everything. She was a demon. A Temptress Princess of the Naraka realms.

  I know who I am. I know who I was. I know… everything.

  “Welcome back, Sister.”

  Kelsey turned and there stood her sister Arati. She hadn’t seen the princess in four thousand years, and feelings for her flooded her being. She’d loved her middle sister dearly. “Arati,” she breathed. She moved to her and embraced her.

  Arati stared up at her sister with her brilliant ebony eyes and smiled that grin that brought thousands of men to their knees. “Tanha, it’s been a long time. Much has changed and nothing has changed.”

  Riddles. Arati loved to talk in riddles.

  “Where are they?”

  Her sister nodded knowingly towards the doors. “They’re inside, imprisoned in a web of deceit. You’ve been used since the very moment you left Father’s kingdom.”

  Kelsey turned to the door handle again, but Arati stayed her hand.

  “Sister, everyone inside there wishes to kill you. Everyone but Father that is, but he’ll allow it to happen so your human self lying back in the monastery can die and you can finally come back home to him.”

  My death. It suddenly didn’t seem like such a big deal any longer. For every one of her family in that room, death was a blip in the timeline of their souls. Less than a hiccup, a second of absolute ending, a second of pain, and then they’d be reborn and would remember nothing of their life before.

  “Everyone has always wanted to kill me, Arati. It’s nothing new.”

  Arati placed a jeweled ringed hand on Kelsey’s cheek. “Has it been worth it, Sister? Being human?”

  Kelsey took a moment to respond. “It is indescribable. It is the most fulfilling experience in the universe. It is a… fragile, imperfect, perfection.”

  Arati considered this and took a step back. “You’re different than you were. You’ve evolved. I can feel it in your soul.”

  Kelsey touched her sister’s hand and squeezed it. “You could join me, Arati. No one is keeping you here.”

  Her sister laughed, and it echoed down the corridor. “No, Tanha. I will not incur the wrath of our father. I’ve seen what can happen and I have no desire to spend four thousand years getting murdered repeatedly.” She ran her fingers up her sister’s arm. “Are you sure you don’t wish to stay here with us? I can feel your power. I can feel your alliance to this world. It is where you could reign supreme, Tanha. You’re even stronger now than when you left. Won’t you consider returning to us?”

  Kelsey paused with the word “no” on her lips, but could not find herself uttering it. She was so torn.

  A slave took that moment to walk by them. With a glance in her direction his hunched form fell to the floor, prostrate, and he trembled with fear. Kelsey could feel his longing for her even through his fear. His need for Tanha. His desire spoke to her, deep in her soul, and her dominance over him produced a pleasure beyond compare. Kelsey turned back to Arati.

  “Maybe.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Kelsey opened wide the golden doors to Mara’s meeting chamber and once more her blood ran cold. She noticed everything at once.

  The monks from the Bodhidharma Monastery knelt against the far left wall with a row of Hell Guards standing behind them. Each man had been chained and beaten, and Kelsey could see the Abbott of Abora struggling to stay upright. Every time he swayed a guard whipped him, and she could see the pain in his eyes as he tried to straighten up.

  Ari, Patricia, and Jay were on their knees at the front of the room, facing her. Guards had wrapped ice rope cords around their waists to keep them i
n place. Patricia’s lips were blue from the cold, and Kelsey could see her trembling and her bloodshot eyes wide with fear. Ari stared at her but did not recognize her. Why would he? I am no longer Kelsey here. I’m Tanha.

  Robbie lay on his stomach on the floor nearby, held down by no less than two sets of demons who stepped on his back, using their massive weights to keep him from escaping. He’d been beaten and his azurite ring taken. Her brother raised his head and he glanced at her knowingly through his one remaining non-swollen eye. Blood ran down his face, but he didn’t seem to notice. What she noticed was that he had clarity. He knew exactly who she was.

  Arati glided by her, stepped over a lump covered in red cloth on the granite floor, and moved towards the front of the room where Mara reclined on his throne. The cloth moved slightly, and Kelsey knew people lay under there. She had a strong idea who they might be.

  She glanced finally at her father. He had one leg thrown over the arm of his throne in a casual fashion and he stared at Kelsey with an amused smile on his face. Josh sat at his feet, bound by chains. Her friend’s expression was cloudy and he seemed not to know where he was, which was a blessing in disguise.

  Kelsey eyed her sister, Raga, who lounged on a chair at their father’s side. The greedy expression on her face as she stared at the amulet Kelsey wore about her neck was clear to read. She remained intensely aware Caim rested inside the talisman.

  Mara spoke and his voice boomed across the room. “It’s good to finally have you home, Tanha, even if I did have to go to extremes for four thousand years to force you to come. I’m pleased to see you returned to the form I gave you at your birth. It suits you so much better than all the others.” Mara had quadrupled his size and sported horns on his head this day. He wore a gold robe and had let his jet black hair cascade down past his shoulders.

  His preferred naked slave girls also lay at his feet, their stitched on smiles never leaving their faces, though he couldn’t do anything to rid the girls of their horrified expressions. It was how he liked them to appear. Absolutely terrified.

  Kelsey looked around and then glared at Mara. “Where is he, Father?”

  “Who do you mean, Daughter? Everyone is here that you love.” He waived his hands around. “All your brothers and sisters, your monk friends, Josh. Everyone is already here.”

  Her father played with her. “You know who I mean. Where is Desmond?”

  Mara grinned and exposed his brilliant, pointed white teeth. Had Kelsey been human she would have shrunk from his expression in abject fear, but her father didn’t scare her at all.

  Mara ignored her question and instead turned to Raga. “Go retrieve Caim, Daughter. You deserve it after all you’ve done for me to bring your sister home.”

  Raga slinked over to Kelsey and with a victorious look, put her palm out. Kelsey reached around her neck and took off the talisman, handing it to her sister. There was no use putting up a fight about it any longer.

  Mara pointed to the far corner of the room where the monks sat. “Bring him!” He ordered. The guards grabbed the Abbott of Abora and dragged him over to Mara. They threw him to his knees onto the hard granite floor.

  “Now remove the cloths,” Mara ordered.

  A servant moved over to the squirming mound lying in the middle of the room and whisked off the red covering. The Emperor and Empress lay there, bodhi cords binding them tight. The Empress glanced at Kelsey and moaned. Kelsey knew she was disturbed by her appearance as Tanha.

  Kelsey steeled her heart and pushed the Empress’s feelings from her mind. There was nothing she could do for her at this time.

  The servant raised the Emperor and Empress to their feet and brought them over to the Abbott of Abora. The monk was released from his bindings and Raga brought the talisman over to him.

  Mara turned to the Emperor and Empress. “You want what belongs to me, but Caim is not yours to possess, Aranhats.” He turned to the Abbott. “Release him from his prison.”

  The man’s eyes widened in surprise as he stared up at Mara towering over him. “I do not know how.”

  The Emperor turned to him. “Do as he asks, Abbott.”

  The Abbott shook his head. “I cannot.”

  The Emperor shook his head. “This is not the time to play games. You were the one who put him there in the first place. Release him.”

  The monk trembled and at this Mara laughed uproariously. “Ah, Emperor, you have been duped yet again. It must be maddening to know for century upon century you have been misled. Your monks, the creatures you’ve protected for centuries on end, have never had any real power. They are simply humans. Humans who will promise anything to stay alive. This monk never put Caim in that amulet.”

  The Emperor turned to Mara, his eyes hardening. “Then who did?”

  “I did.”

  Master Dov, Robbie’s teacher from Pritvhi, slinked through the crowd of attendees and stood in the center of the room.

  Robbie made a strangled sound in his throat. “You deceived me, Master! How could you?”

  Mara clapped his hands in glee. “Demon Auns, it is so good to see you again, even in this pitiful human form. Four thousand years it’s been while you played human, watching my daughter. I must thank you for all the times you led me right to her. It made it all so much easier.”

  Master Dov bowed low with a sweeping gesture of his arm. “You’re most welcome, Sire. It was my pleasure.”

  Kelsey seethed. “You turned me in to Mara so he could kill me? The man who was my birth father century after century? How could you?”

  Master Dov laughed. “It was easy, Tanha. Come now, you were never really my daughter. I just possessed those men. Now, let’s release Caim. He’s been cooped up in there too long.”

  With a flick of his wrist, the talisman in Raga’s hand lit up in a brilliant burst of flame and Caim materialized. The demon first appeared as a thrush and stretched out his massive black wings and with a cry, slowly turned into a man. “Ah, that is exquisite.” Caim turned to Mara and bowed low. “Thank you, Your Greatness. It is good to be back in your service.” He turned to Kelsey. “You kept your promise to me, Princess. Was it worth it, now that you know everything?”

  Kelsey held her tongue.

  Mara’s lips curved upwards with amusement and held up his pointer finger. Kelsey knew he was enjoying every moment of this torture against her. “And at last, the final player in the game, Tanha. All these years you thought you left my side to lead a full life on your own terms. A life you controlled, but now I hope you realize you’ve never controlled anything. Not once were you ever alone. There were always the monks, always me, always your fathers. Not even in your very first human lifetime did you have free will.” Mara craned his head behind him. “Kenmut, would you like to enlighten her?”

  Kenmut appeared behind Mara’s throne and slowly walked towards Kelsey.

  Kelsey could barely contain her fury seeing Kenmut. Her blood boiled and she felt her rage build. “You betrayed me, too. The ultimate deceit. After all I did for you and your family, this is how you thank me? You set this all up, didn’t you?”

  His white robe billowed around him as he strolled towards her. No longer was Kenmut a sickly, dying god. He appeared strong and majestic with the visage of health. He shook his lion’s mane of hair and stared down at her. His body rippled with power.

  “I had no choice, Tanha.”

  Kelsey wanted to spit in his face. “There is always a choice. You betrayed me from the very moment I first became human.”

  “I had to in order to save my family. Ustha would have destroyed us, but I saw a way to save all of our souls once you made your choice. You have no one to blame but yourself, Tanha. You were the one who decided to leave your father’s kingdom and enabled this path to be set in motion. It was Ustha who led Caim to Adra. You came into your human existence as a mere fetus inside her womb. As Adra and you were both my heirs, I simply stepped in once I saw the continuum unfold. I actually protected all of you.
”

  The Empress gasped and stared between Kenmut and Kelsey. “What are you saying? Kelsey was my daughter? My Odgerel? No, you lie!”

  Kenmut turned to her. “I don’t lie, Granddaughter. It’s true. Kelsey Porter is your Starlight. The daughter you lost when Caim murdered you.”

  The Emperor and Empress stared at Kelsey in horror, realizing the implications of what they had done. How they’d had their daughter in their grasp this entire lifetime and hadn’t even known it. How they had set her on a path towards her own ultimate destruction. To the point at which she was destined to die to fulfill the prophecy.

  “Odgerel? My Starlight?” Tears welled up in the Empress’s eyes. “After all these years, you were with us finally? Oh, what have we done? My angel, I’m so sorry.” She collapsed in a heap of sobs.

  Kelsey steeled her heart to all of it. The cries of Patricia, Jay, and Ari, the sobs of the Empress, Robbie’s grunts of pain as the demons continued to step on him. She could do nothing at the moment to help any of them, and she still didn’t know where Desmond was.

  She turned to the Demon Auns, disguised as Master Dov. “You were Benjamin Porter in this lifetime, weren’t you? My father.”

  He bowed low and grinned. “At your service, Princess.”

  Her eyes blazed and flames lit from her fingertips. She threw them at him in the space of a second. “How could you? I loved you!” The flames hit him, and in moments Auns was engulfed in fire.

  Mara clapped. “There is the daughter I know and love. Yes, Tanha, release your anger. Take it out on Auns. Do it again!”

  Crying, she threw more and more flames at the man who had been the father she loved. Soon he burned like a raging inferno.

  A sigh of contentment came from inside the flames, and slowly they dissipated until the Demon Auns stood before her again as Master Dov. He stared at her. “I must say, you were a fun job, little Tanha. Watching you grow into your powers has been most enjoyable.”