Maggie's Going Nowhere

by Rose Hartley

  Four years was a long time to wait for the real thing.

  I walked out of the bathroom and further into the party, as far from Simon and Lisa as possible, heading towards Dan and Jen at the window. Jen was elbow to elbow with women who were wearing almost identical sparkling cocktail dresses, their faces unfamiliar to me except for Biyu, the one college friend I actually liked, even though I avoided her dull barbecues. Biyu had lived in the room between mine and Sarah’s at Barff College, and had often taken it upon herself to correct people who gossiped that I had slept with nine of the guys who lived on my floor. It was only seven.

  ‘Maggie!’ Biyu called out as I approached. She had short hair and a round, pleasant face, the kind of face that didn’t judge you, and she could be relied upon to wear the same banana-yellow nylon jacket no matter what the occasion. She’d earned the nickname Signature ever since she’d once referred to the jacket as her ‘signature piece’.

  ‘Have you met Dan?’ I asked her.

  ‘Of course! How do you know Dan?’

  ‘Maggie’s my date,’ Dan said quickly.

  Oh, that’s right, we were pretending.

  Biyu’s eyes widened. It could have been joy, but it was more likely surprise. ‘Oh my God, I had no idea you two were together. Maggie, you lucky thing. Dan is my favourite person in the world.’

  I smiled. ‘It’s kinda recent.’

  Dan leant in to mutter quietly in my ear. ‘I work with Biyu’s boyfriend, Joe. He’s a sparky.’ I often forgot about Biyu’s boyfriend because he was exceptionally boring, though really I should have remembered him because he had the misfortune of being named Joe King.

  ‘Have you seen Sarah yet?’ Jen asked me, equally quietly, while Biyu was distracted by another friend.

  ‘Haven’t had the pleasure.’

  Jen’s eyes flicked to a spot a few feet behind my head. ‘Then don’t turn around.’

  The smooth, lullaby voice sang in my ear. ‘Hiiii Maggie.’

  I turned. Sarah was dressed in a flowing, glittering muu-muu and high heels that jangled when she walked. Tonight, the violence in her aura was less scorching and more simmering. Smug. Her lips were pulled into what she clearly knew was not a smile. If she hadn’t been so unpleasant I might have mentioned the lipstick on her front tooth.

  ‘Sarah. How’s Sean?’

  The circle of people around me fell silent. Somewhere beneath the honking laughter and the din of clinking glasses in the kitchen, I heard the intake of breath – from Biyu, probably. It wouldn’t have been Jen, because Jen would have known that I wasn’t going to lie down tonight.

  ‘Taking the high road,’ Biyu said quickly. ‘Wonderful, Maggie, just wonderful.’

  Sarah ignored Biyu and licked her teeth, but it didn’t remove the lipstick. ‘Sean’s great.’ She let the vowels drag. ‘Where are you living now?’

  A touch on my arm alerted me to Dan’s presence. ‘Another wine?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes.’

  He pressed the already-poured glass into my hand and took the empty one. What a man.

  Biyu, sensing danger, took the opportunity to distract Sarah. ‘Did you end up buying that lovely house in Prahran, Sarah? I saw it on the internet. Two bedrooms?’

  ‘Yaaas, I did.’

  I took a large gulp of wine, shooting Dan a grateful look over the top of the glass. Jen was standing too far away to put her arm around me, but I recognised the urge in her. She made a face and rolled her eyes while Biyu and Sarah talked about Sarah’s amazing house at a volume intended to be heard by those within a two-metre radius.

  ‘My mortgage is, like, so massive,’ Sarah drawled. ‘I mean, owning my own home is amazing, so much better than renting, but paying all that money each month is so depressing.’

  Biyu nodded in sympathy. ‘I know, how annoying is it? Joe and I can’t have any fun. We never go out anymore. The mortgage eats up all our cash.’

  Sarah snorted into her wineglass. ‘Huh. I think my mortgage is bigger than yours.’

  Sarah, Dan and Biyu all fell silent. Biyu’s cheeks turned red, clashing horribly with the yellow jacket.

  ‘Well,’ I cut in, ‘I think my penis is bigger than yours, so I win.’

  The silence stretched into a void. Dan began to shake beside me. For a moment I thought he was choking until I saw the corners of his eyes were creased and realised he was trying not to laugh. Instantly the desire to giggle overtook me as well. I stifled it valiantly for about two seconds, until it burst out of me in a little sheet of snot and wine that landed on Sarah’s sleeve.

  That was too much for Biyu and Jen. They burst into hysterics as Sarah gave me a disgusted look.

  ‘Sean,’ Sarah called out, her voice full of malice. ‘Come and say hello to Maggie.’

  I followed Sarah’s look and saw Sean talking to a smiling brunette who I vaguely recalled from school as Sarah’s best friend, Morgan Something. Sean was dressed in a baby-blue shirt and trousers that followed the tall, slender line of his figure. His dark eyes met mine and he smirked. What next? Was Sarah going to call him ‘dahling’ in front of me? Dan put his arm around my waist and squeezed. Jen stared at Dan’s hand, then met my eyes as if to say, Wait, are you dating Dan for real? I felt my cheeks flush and willed myself not to knock back the whole glass of wine while Sean lazily strode over to us. I busily inspected my wine glass.

  ‘Maggie,’ he said, eyes fixed on Dan’s arm around my waist.

  ‘Sean,’ I said. The circle of people around us was quiet, no doubt waiting for an explosion of some sort.

  ‘How’s Dot?’ he asked.

  ‘Traumatised.’

  ‘Where are you living?’

  ‘With Jen.’

  ‘No she’s not.’ Jono had slid into the group between Biyu and Dan, fresh from the mines, his hair still wet from the shower. ‘Sean! Nice to see you, mate.’

  The uni girls all said hello in unison. Jono was grinning, oblivious to the tension in our little circle. I could see Jen miming at him, No, No! He frowned at her, uncomprehending.

  ‘Lisa!’ Biyu called out shrilly. Lisa, who had been walking past the group, presumably to greet a latecomer, jumped, but rather elegantly, like a doe. Biyu waved her over.

  Poor Biyu didn’t like conflict. She could sense the hatred humming between Sean, Sarah and me like a power station humming at fifty thousand volts. Calling Lisa over was a fraught act, considering Dan and I were standing there, but she must have been desperate.

  ‘Yes,’ Sarah called out. ‘Come and tell us about the proposal.’

  Lisa did her best impression of a doe in headlights, smile frozen on her face, clearly panicking at the prospect of telling the story of Simon’s proposal in front of Dan. She came over slowly, though, and stood by us, smiling awkwardly.

  ‘Excuse me,’ Dan said, and headed towards the bathroom.

  I couldn’t blame him, but the loss of his warm hand from my waist was a blow. With him there, I only felt like my back was against the wall. Without him, I was standing out on a shaky platform over a long drop. I considered following him to the bathroom.

  Sarah grabbed Lisa’s hand. ‘You look so beautiful tonight, Lisa. And your ring! Stunning. So jealous.’

  ‘Thank you, Sarah.’ Lisa turned to me and put her hand on my arm. ‘I’m so glad you came, Maggie.’

  ‘Oh, thanks,’ I said lamely. ‘Thanks for inviting us.’

  ‘Well, I wasn’t sure about it, you know? I didn’t know if it was the done thing, to invite your ex to your engagement party. But then I thought, I really want Dan and I to be friends. He’s so special to me.’

  ‘Oh, yes. Special.’ Uh. Idiot.

  ‘I had no idea he had a new girlfriend! I mean, I am so happy for him. But he only told me last week that he was bringing you.’

  ‘Oh. Sorry.’

  ‘No, no! I didn’t mean – I was just surprised, that’s all.’ Her hand was now gripping my arm ever so slightly. ‘But I’m glad he’s found someone.’ She crinkled he
r face into that huge, perfect smile again.

  ‘He’s a good bloke.’

  ‘He is. Such a good bloke.’

  Sarah was watching us with the hint of a smirk on her face. Smelling blood, I thought. Jono had started talking to Sean, who clearly wanted to listen in on our conversation but couldn’t find a way to shut Jono up.

  ‘The proposal!’ Biyu prompted.

  Lisa smiled, then put a delicate hand over her mouth. ‘Well, Simon kept it a big secret. It’s a good thing he did, too, because I’m a massive snoop and I totally would have found out otherwise.’ She giggled and her ring flashed under the downlights.

  ‘Oh, so am I, massive snoop.’ Biyu leant in and made sure that her boyfriend was nowhere near to hear her. ‘Totally check my ex-boyfriend’s Facebook messages,’ she confided.

  Lisa, Jen and Biyu laughed together and I made a noise like I was trying to join in, but I was wracked with confusion. I thought hacking your ex’s private messages was something you were supposed to keep secret – I wasn’t about to quote from one of Sean’s emails to Sarah – but no one else blinked an eye. Had social convention changed so much since I had moved into a caravan and been cut off from the internet?

  ‘Well, we were in the restaurant,’ Lisa continued. ‘That special duck place on Smith Street, and Simon had ordered Peking duck for us to share. Anyway, when it came out he offered to wrap me a Peking duck pancake and I was like, this is weird, he never offers to do that kind of thing. And I swear he must have learnt some kind of sleight of hand trick because next thing I know I’m picking up this pancake and a ring falls out! And it was, like, covered in sauce but so beautiful, and then he got down on one knee in front of everyone.’

  It was a breathless monologue, punctuated occasionally with giggles.

  ‘Aw, so cute,’ said Biyu.

  ‘How adorable,’ said Jen.

  ‘Ngnh,’ I said, or something to that effect.

  Sarah put her hand on Lisa’s waist. ‘Lisa, I can’t get over it, you look amazing. Look at your waist! It’s so tiny. You are’—she looked at me—‘the most beautiful girl in this room by a long, long way. Simon is so lucky.’

  ‘Thanks, Sarah. You look gorgeous too.’

  ‘And this apartment! Amazing. Warehouse conversions are so glam. And spacious. I’d hate to live in a little shitbox, something you can’t swing a cat in.’ Sarah looked at me again, testing the water. ‘Or in a share house.’

  Lisa broke in, talking fast as if to fill the air with sound to paste over the nothingness. ‘I hate the way Simon arranges the couch!’

  I stared at Lisa as I contemplated this outburst and wondered what arranging a couch might entail. Plumping cushions? Draping a throw rug? Hiding your sensual collection of spanking paddles under the seats? She was a beautiful, chattering, slightly nervous girl, and I realised she would have been perfect for Dan. His calm earnestness would have settled her nerves and insecurities, while her sweetness would have been enough to keep him happy forever. I guessed if he wasn’t a builder – if he was a divorce lawyer – they’d still be together. She kept looking over at Dan, quick glances in his direction. He was now standing by the fridge, looking morose. Lisa’s beautiful grey eyes glittered. She was lucky to have had him, I decided. Jen was looking at Dan, too, a vague expression on her face. Or maybe she was just avoiding looking at Jono, who was staring at Sarah Stoll’s cleavage.

  Dan caught all three of us watching him and walked over as if he’d been summoned.

  ‘Ring story’s all over,’ I whispered in his ear. Lisa watched my lips move and took a sip of her drink, not even pretending she wasn’t keeping tabs on him.

  The group fell silent again and poor, flustered Biyu felt the need to say something pleasant.

  ‘Well, isn’t this nice? Dan, Lisa, Simon; Sean, Maggie, Sarah, all together at a party and getting along—’

  ‘So, Jono, what were you saying about where Maggie lives now?’ Sarah said sweetly. ‘You said she’s not living with Jen?’

  ‘Maggie’s living in a caravan in the alleyway behind our house.’ Jono grinned. ‘It’s a ten-foot heap of shit.’

  Chapter 15

  My facial muscles seized up one by one until I wasn’t sure if I was smiling or frozen in an Edvard Munch-style scream. A tic pumped under my left eye. Sarah’s face, on the other hand, became unusually expressive. She beamed. She actually beamed. One hand let go of her wineglass stem and extended outwards, as if she was flexing a set of claws.

  ‘A caravan?’ She said it lightly, as if it was nothing. ‘A caravan. An apartment didn’t appeal to you, then?’

  Biyu leant in and lowered her voice, a hand over her mouth. ‘Oh my God, Maggie, I didn’t realise you were so hard-up. I would never have brought up the mortgage thing earlier if I’d known. I’m so sorry!’

  Somehow, that was worse than Sarah’s delighted expression. The last thing any sane person wants to be is an object of pity.

  ‘Biyu, don’t worry. I basically live with Jen. It’s only temporary, since I broke up with—’ Sean raised his eyebrows. ‘I mean, I’m moving in with Dan soon.’

  Dan flinched. Lisa turned white.

  Relief flew across Biyu’s face. ‘Ohhhh, congratulations. Isn’t love grand? You two are gorgeous together.’

  Dan was beginning to sweat beside me. I could tell he hadn’t meant for the charade to go this far. He only wanted to act as if we were casually dating, so he wouldn’t seem so pathetic turning up to his ex-girlfriend’s engagement party alone. Sean looked Dan up and down, sizing him up, obviously trying to think of something vaguely insulting. Luckily Sean’s brain worked at half-speed, and all he could think to say was, ‘Is that right?’

  Sarah narrowed her eyes. Somehow, my performance hadn’t quite fooled her. She ran her tongue over her teeth. Going in for the kill?

  ‘Funny how you two have moved so fast. Didn’t you meet at Jen’s engagement party?’

  Sean frowned. Then it hit him. Dan was the guy whose pants I’d been caught inside. He stiffened. Straightened right up, like a pole had been rammed up there.

  ‘We did,’ I said. ‘It was an instant love connection. Wasn’t it, Dan?’

  Dan was staring uneasily at Lisa. I elbowed him in the ribs. ‘Uh, yeah,’ he said.

  This didn’t suit Sarah, so she changed tack. ‘Well, that’s great news. I guess Centrelink will want to know about it, though.’ Her smile was innocent. ‘When you move in together, I mean. Don’t you have to report that kind of thing?’

  I seethed, but before I could say anything Dan pulled me away. I wrapped my arm around his waist firmly enough that he couldn’t shake me off and blow our cover.

  ‘I think you’re having too much fun with this game,’ he hissed.

  What would Rueben do if he was here? I wondered. Would he pretend to listen to the conversation around him, or would he let the impatience show on his face and make the clean-cut legal types uncomfortable? Something tightened up in me when I thought of Rueben. He made me more aware of my breath and my shadow, the blood in my veins. You do worry about what people think, Maggie, he had said, and he was right. My cheeks were still hot from Sarah’s jab about Centrelink.

  Jen followed me to the fridge, where Dan had deposited me with instructions to stop telling everyone we were moving in together. I thought she would have something to say about how well I’d carried myself; with what dignity and grace I had pretended not to care that my ex-boyfriend was screwing the enemy, but nada.

  ‘I think your pretence is working too well,’ she whispered. ‘Lisa keeps staring at Dan. Simon’s gonna notice.’

  ‘Yeah, she’s clearly not over him.’

  ‘Look at them.’ She nodded towards the floor-to-ceiling windows, where Lisa had walked over to Dan and was now standing close to him and talking, touching him on the arm occasionally. ‘She left him for someone else and now she’s flirting with him at her own engagement party. She’s going to keep stringing him along, even after she marries her
rich divorce lawyer.’

  ‘Probably. How are things with you and Jono?’

  She took a sip of her drink. ‘Sometimes, when he talks to Sarah Stoll’s cleavage, I imagine shoving my thumbs into his eye sockets.’

  I was startled. ‘What?’

  ‘Nothing. Let’s go talk to Biyu.’

  Jono interrupted by putting his hands on Jen’s shoulders. Her cheeks turned pink and I could see her wondering if he’d heard the thing about his eye sockets.

  ‘You keep springing up behind us like a spare dick at an orgy,’ I said.

  ‘You want another beer?’ Jen asked quickly.

  ‘Nah, I’m pretty knackered,’ Jono said. ‘Wanna head home?’

  ‘We just got here!’

  Jono shrugged. ‘We’ve said our hellos, now let’s go.’

  At the end of the night, Dan walked me back to the corner of Smith and Johnston streets.

  ‘Lisa’s in a gilded cage,’ he said. ‘It’s what she wanted, though. She probably went after him for ages, even while we were together. Scoping out how much money he made, what kind of shoes he wears, going to parties and talking to his friends. But she hates him.’ He hit the button for the pedestrian lights and we waited, watching the cars go by at the intersection. ‘She loves him, but she hates him.’

  ‘You reckon?’

  ‘She complains to me all the time about what a jerk he is and all the shitty things he does.’

  ‘What, Lisa calls you to complain?’

  ‘Yeah, every now and then.’

  ‘What will happen when the love runs out? If she doesn’t like him as a person?’

  ‘Oh, they’ll have affairs.’ He waved his arm. ‘She’s the kind of person . . . some people don’t want to be happy. Some people have to be unhappy. They seek out people they don’t respect to start relationships with, so they don’t have to worry about losing someone they actually love.’