Dreams of Gray

by Maurice Lawless

  “But why did you take me? What did I have to do with all this?”

  “My wolf chose for me,” he said.

  “Bullshit. We’re one and the same, Lupin. You chose me for a reason.”

  Slate rose and walked to the edge of the clearing. She stood with her back to us, arms crossed and looking into the darkness. Her voice carried in the still night.

  “He always did have a thing for brunettes.”

  Something nagged at me. “Slate, you said there were others. That you knew where they were. That he’d been doing this for years, spreading the mark. What happened to them?”

  Lupin lay still, staring up into the night sky. “She killed them, Dreama.”

  30

  My head swam, and I ran to Slate. “He’s lying, isn’t he? ISN’T HE?”

  She remained still and looked into the darkness. She could have been a sculpture for all the response I got out of her.

  Lupin sat up and scraped his hands across his face. He suddenly looked every bit as old as their story suggested. “They’d always turn up a few days later. Dead. I never knew why. I thought maybe I had done it and forgotten. The moon makes us crazy sometimes.”

  Throughout all of this, Slate remained still, denying nothing. The weight of it hit me, and I stumbled to the ground.

  “How could you? Did you spend all this time with them too? Show them how to live and gut them when they weren’t looking? Am I next? Talk to me, Slate.”

  “I cleaned up his mess,” she said, “He left a string of them on his way down here. Scared, tainted women. Girls, really. Made into abominations and left to fend for themselves. I ended their suffering.”

  “You really did it. You killed them all.” I felt nauseous. “When was I going to go? Tell me that much, at least.”

  She turned to me, and I expected her eyes to still be amber. They were brown. “I like you Dree. You, I wanted to keep. Make a pack. Perhaps find you a mate.”

  “I’m not a pet, Slate! I’m a person! Most of the time anyway. Were you ever going to tell me about the others?”

  “No.”

  Lupin was up now, pacing. “Lorelei, we can start again. We can have a proper marriage. Have children. Whatever you want. I thought you were dead. This is wonderful.”

  He was beginning to sound a lot like Charlie. I wondered if he’d turn out the same way. I looked at Slate, but she seemed unconvinced.

  “It’s too late for all that, Danny. Far too late.”

  He knelt down next to her. “As wolves then. This curse need not be the end of us. We can at least enjoy the last of our days together, in spite of your father.”

  I could tell she was considering it, but she shook her head. “We are monsters, Danny. My father made sure of that. We have killed, both of us. Brought others in and taught them to kill. We don’t deserve to live our lives at all, much less together.”

  Lupin placed a hand on her bare shoulder, and I half expected her to break it. She left it there.

  “You don’t really believe that, Lorelei. Do you?”

  “Leave me alone, Danny MacGregor. It’s what you’re good at.”

  I was at a total loss for words. Slate, who just this morning had cradled my head in her hands and coaxed me back to humanity, had systematically killed all the others who came before me. How could I trust that I wouldn’t end up the same?

  It was too much. I ran. Lupin called after me, but I wasn’t listening. I changed out of instinct and ran faster. I didn’t know where to go, so I headed north. She was Alpha, but she had betrayed me. This time, I wouldn’t follow.

  I just ran.

  31

  It took me three nights to get back to my apartment. Three nights of surviving on rabbits, stray cats, and whatever else I could find. Days were spent hiding and sleeping fitfully in drainage ditches and the occasional bed of brush. I had to move in the dark and stay to unsettled areas, which in Houston has become less and less common.

  I was shot at, at least once. A pack of feral dogs tried to ambush me just north of the freeway loop, and I’d reacted on instinct alone. With their alpha in bloody strings, they rethought their strategy and ran. I began to forget where I was going. I continued north regardless.

  It was deep night on the third evening when I emerged from the woods behind my complex. I listened closely for signs of anyone outside, and when I was satisfied, I snuck around to my bedroom window. It was closed. I held my breath and shifted back to human.

  After three days as a wolf, it felt strange to have small, clawless feet. My skin was naked to the wind with no fur, and my nose felt tiny without my muzzle. I felt weak. The pull to change back was loud and insistent in my brain. I wanted to run, to hunt and feed forever. I couldn’t imagine what this would feel like after years in the wild.

  My hands awkwardly fumbled the window open. The police might have closed it, but they didn’t flip the latch. It seemed an odd detail to miss. I climbed in carefully and shut the window behind me.

  My lamp flipped on and I whirled, growling low and flexing claws I didn’t have. Alan was in my bed, and his gun was out. He put it down when he got a good look at me.

  “Dree, thank God you’re okay! I have a missing persons report out on you. I thought maybe that guy we found in the woods might have-”

  He sprang out of bed and tried to hug me. I shrank into the corner and growled at him. Part of me wanted to embrace him, but the larger part at the moment was the one that had seen him hurt Alpha.

  He stopped cold. “Dree? What’s happened to you?” As an afterthought he asked, “Why are you naked?”

  I breathed deep and did my best to think calm human thoughts. My voice was almost mine, with only a slight tinge of growl to it.

  “Hello, Alan.”

  “Where have you been, Dree? I missed you. I was so worried. We ran a check on the guy in the woods. Restraining orders going back five years, suspicion of stalking. He was a suspect in at least one murder. I thought he got to you out there, hid your body somewhere. We found your clothes.”

  “Where is he now?” I asked.

  “Out on bail. Why?”

  I didn’t answer. He sat on the edge of the bed and put his head in his hands. “I thought I’d lost you, Dree.”

  Before the events of the last week, I might have melted completely and spent the rest of the night wrapped in his warm body. In this moment, I had trouble feeling anything warm toward Alan. Part of me was horrified by that.

  “Please leave, Alan. We can talk later.”

  His mouth worked open and closed several times before any sound came out. “That’s it? You take off after a stalker and a goddamned huge dog into the woods, come climbing in here four days later naked and dirty, and you expect me to just go?”

  When he put it that way, even I had to bow to the absurdity of it all. Still, I was not in the mood to explain myself tonight. My rapidly emerging human side wanted a hot shower, clean sheets, and sleep that wasn’t interrupted by would-be predators.

  “Yes. That’s exactly what I expect. Please go, Alan. Leave your key on the counter.”

  His jaw dropped. “Why?”

  I dragged him to his feet and pushed him out the door. Somewhere in the back of my brain, I marveled that I could do it at all. He had a good hundred and fifty pounds on me on paper. How things change.

  “You heard me, Alan. We’ll talk later. I promise. Right now, I want some alone time. Good night.”

  He shook his head, but he took his clothes when I handed them to him. He dressed in the hall and walked away. I heard his key hit the kitchen counter and the door slamming shut. I followed behind and flipped the bolt.

  32

  A lack of cell phone doesn’t keep people from contacting you; it just forces them to resort to more conventional forms of annoyance, like making house calls. I had taken a long, hot shower, curled up and slept a good solid seven hours before the heir Mackenzie decided to bang on my door.

  She swore at me furiously through the doo
r, asking where the hell I’d been and why I’d made everyone think I was dead or mangled by that stalker. I heard all of this as I walked to the living room.

  I flipped the bolt and opened the door wide. I hadn’t bothered to put on a robe. PJ shut up immediately.

  “Are you coming in, or what?” I asked.

  Suddenly, she’d run out of things to say. She walked in, and I shut the door behind her. I stood in front of it and crossed my arms.

  “Did you want something, PJ? I’m very tired.”

  Her mouth started working again, and she sputtered, “Dree, what happened to you? And why are you naked?”

  I’d heard that one before. I shook my head and went to the kitchen to make some tea. She followed meekly and spoke softly. It was odd for PJ.

  “We thought you were dead. They found your stalker in the woods. Some scumbag, huh? Can’t believe they gave him bail.”

  I didn’t say anything, just waited for my kettle to boil. I absentmindedly picked at some mud under my fingernails. I’d have to invest in a nail brush.

  PJ walked in between me and the kettle. “Dree, talk to me. What happened? Alan called me this morning, said you were back and not talking. Did you really crawl in through the window buck naked and kick him out?”

  “I did.” The kettle whined, and I performed my tea ceremony: cup, bag, water, spoon, steep.

  PJ put a hand on my shoulder and I jumped back without thinking. Her hand hung in space for a second before her true self emerged. “What the fuck, Dree? I’m worried about you. Is that offensive to you in some way?”

  The numbness that had surrounded me much of the morning suddenly broke. “No, PJ. I’m sorry. It’s been a stressful time for me. You know what happened with Charlie. Things got crazy.”

  I didn’t know how many details PJ had heard. I didn’t want to mention the “large dog” Alan saw, or nearly eating Charlie.

  “Where did you go?” she asked. “Why didn’t you call me or something?”

  I stirred my tea and tried to think of what I could tell her. The closest thing to the truth was probably best.

  “Remember that friend of mine, the antisocial one? I stayed with her while things calmed down.”

  She seemed satisfied with that. “You should have called me, ho. Did you find anything out about your tattoo?”

  “No. You?”

  She shook her head. “Not really. I could only stand two comedy clubs in one night by myself. Some of those guys are awful. The drinks aren’t even that good.”

  “I’m okay, PJ. Don’t worry about me. I had some drama with the stalker, and now it’s over. I don’t think anyone would blame me for being glad about that. Do I still have a job?”

  PJ hugged me and laughed a little to herself as she let go. “I can’t believe you’re all nudist now. That’s going to take some getting used to. And yeah, Marie had HR put your position on hold until they were sure what happened to you. Are you up for work today?”

  I shrugged. I hadn’t considered it at all. Could I really stand sitting in a cube listening to people whine about their cable boxes after I’d torn a guy’s throat out and eaten it? What about Lupin and Slate? Would she change her mind about wanting me around? Was she watching me now, waiting for the perfect opportunity to clean up another one of Lupin’s abominations?

  “Well,” PJ said, “I’m on my way if you want a ride. The drama should be juicy. Dreama Cargill, Survivor of Stalkers, back from the dead.”

  Fuck it. Why not?

  I chucked the last of my tea in the sink and went to retrieve my work uniform. As I slipped on the rough cotton polo, I cringed at the feel of it on my skin. My slacks were no better. I felt hot and awkward. I wanted to throw it all back in the closet.

  I guess PJ was right; I’d gone nudist on her. Better she knew about that than my new found taste for blood.

  33

  What is it about horrible things happening that makes people suddenly notice you? An outsider visiting my office the day I came back would get the mistaken impression that I was a hero, loved by all.

  I walked in to the usual sounds at first: keyboards, phones, and people reading the company scripts. As I made my way to my cube, the sounds died off.

  When I finally sat down, I’d developed a tail, and it wasn’t the furry kind. People in clumps that roughly resembled a line had to ask how I was doing, know if I was scared, call me a hero or a victim, and treat me according to the category they decided I fit.

  I got no work done the first half of the day. Marie called me into her office after lunch, and I was sure she was going to ream me for it.

  “How are you feeling?” she asked.

  I spouted out the same canned response I’d given everyone else that day. “Okay. It’s going to take time.”

  She nodded. “Of course. Please, sit down.”

  I sat, and she closed the door to her office. Usually, that wasn’t a good sign. In my mind, I was already working through the scenario.

  In light of recent events we just don’t think you’re a reliable employee. We’re going to have to let you go. I’m sorry.

  “In light of recent events-” she began, and a growl bubbled up in my throat. Marie froze. Maybe it did more than bubble. Whoops.

  “Sorry. Skipped breakfast,” I said.

  She gave me a weak smile and continued, “I think you’ll be happy to hear that you’re off probation. I won’t be monitoring your calls any more. Just keep you head down and do your best. It’s all we can ask after something so horrible.”

  I started breathing again. That was not what I expected to happen.

  “Um, thanks, Marie. I…didn’t expect that. I know I’ve been flighty-”

  “And I had no idea what you were dealing with. You filed a complaint about that man a long time ago, and, to be honest, I didn’t take it as seriously as I should have. I’m very sorry, Dreama.”

  I nodded and got up to go. She walked over to open the door for me, and I artfully dodged her attempt at an awkward hug.

  “Not really in a touching mood right now, Marie. Nothing personal.”

  She stiffened, but nodded. “Oh. Right. Of course.”

  I went back to work. I wasn’t sure if it was just the shock of being back at work or Marie’s strange bout of sympathy, but I got so flustered on one of my calls that I told a lady she needed to reboot her TV and plug the cable line into her phone.

  The walls of my cube felt like a prison. I was miserable. I managed to fumble my way through the woman’s problem and hang up. I needed air.

  I snuck past Marie’s office and out the door. It was a brisk day, and the air was dry and cool. I wandered around the perimeter of my office building smelling the wind and not really paying attention to where I was going.

  I ended up in a wooded patch a quarter mile down the road. I shook myself and turned to get back to work when Slate stepped out, blocking my path. I immediately began looking for the quickest escape routes.

  “You’re afraid of me now,” she said.

  “No,” I lied.

  Slate shook her head. “I smell it. Before you were just confused, but not afraid. What has changed?”

  What hadn't? “How’d you do it, Slate? How could you kill all of them? Why?”

  She turned her head in that very canine gesture again. “They were suffering. Not all of them took to the change as well as you. It’s merciful to kill a pup that is suffering.”

  “They were human! They weren’t pups, Slate! They were someone’s daughter, maybe someone’s wife!”

  Slate showed me her palms in the most infuriating So what? gesture. To think I was beginning to like her. To trust her. She saw other people as obstacles or food, nothing more.

  “Did you kill Lupin?” I asked.

  “I haven’t decided what to do with him. He lives, for now.”

  Apparently, their conversation hadn’t gone any better after I left. Whatever, it wasn’t my concern anymore.

  “What will you do after you
kill him? If you kill him?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know. I had hoped to start a pack, with you.”

  “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life as a wolf.”

  “You’re lying.”

  I was lying, just a little. The pull was stronger the more time I spent outdoors and around her. Her scent was the same as the first day I met her. A perfume of the wild. I couldn’t deny it was tempting.