Finding Beauty in the Darkness

by Ash, Nikki

  The first several months were rough to say the least. I spoke to Dr. Weisberg daily. I missed Gio. I missed his strong arms holding me. The last intimate touch I had felt was Sebastian raping me. I had nightmares for months where I would wake up in a cold sweat screaming and reaching out for Gio. Eventually the nightmares stopped and my life turned into a robotic schedule of school, study, and sleep.

  At first, I would take pictures everywhere I went, trying to create memories, but my heart just wasn’t in it. Dr. Weisberg found me a rape support group to join and I attended their weekly meetings. Now I only attend once a month because sometimes being there feels like it does more harm than good when I’m trying to move forward. And I think, for the most part, I’ve moved forward. I know it sounds crazy but I don’t think I ever truly gave myself a chance to heal until I moved here on my own.

  “Hey, what’s up with the tears?” Trevor points to my face after setting his cup down. I met Trevor last semester. He’s studying photography like I am and we hit it off straight away. Okay, maybe not straight away…but eventually I did give him a chance and we’ve become good friends.

  Trevor knows pretty much everything that has happened to me and is used to my tears. Any time I think about Gio, they come, and even after over a year, they still come frequently.

  “Just thinking.” I swipe the traitor tears away, take a deep breath, and plaster a smile on my face. “Do you have any ideas for the presentation?”

  “Yeah.” His eyes light up. Photography is Trevor’s passion. I would give anything to feel passionately about something again, but for right now I’m content with simply moving forward. “I was thinking we could call it one hundred strangers. I found it online and tweaked it a bit. We would approach a hundred strangers and ask if we can take their pictures, then make up what we think is going through their heads. Where they’re from, what their story is…”

  I’m listening to Trevor’s idea when a chill runs down my spine, goose bumps prickling my skin. I scan the area around me, suddenly feeling like I’m being watched.

  “Aria, are you listening?”

  “Yes…no. I was listening, but I just got the weirdest feeling like I’m being watched, or we’re being watched. I don’t know.”

  Trevor looks around before shrugging. “I don’t see anyone, but we can leave if it’ll make you feel better.”

  “No, it’s okay. I’m okay.”

  Trevor nods and goes back to telling me about his idea. I agree it sounds like a good creative project and we make plans to meet here tomorrow to iron out the details and map out the different areas we can hit up to find people who will let us take their photo. I tell Trevor I’d like to cover a bunch of different areas so we can hit different income divisions to get a variety of people, and Trevor agrees.

  I throw my coffee cup and wrappers into the trash and pack up my laptop. I go by the store on the way to my flat and pick up ingredients to make a chicken salad for dinner before heading home. Taking the lift to the third floor, I step off and dig into my purse to find my keys. Once I have them in my hand, I look up and gasp at the sight in front of me, my bags hitting the ground. My hand comes to my mouth as the tears, for the second time today, come streaming down. Only this time, they aren’t because of the memory of Gio but because of the man himself.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  GIOVANNI

  Two hours earlier

  As much as I wanted to take off on a plane to Florence the minute my mom planted the idea into my head, I couldn’t. I had been neglecting my responsibilities for the past year and it wouldn’t be fair to Nico, to leave him with the bordello like this. I spent the next week bringing everything up to date. I wrote down important names and numbers, let the members know about the change in management-slash-ownership, and tied up all loose ends. Nico asked if I planned to come back and I knew without even having to think about it, I would only be back to visit my family. My life wasn’t here anymore.

  He asked me what I would do if Aria had moved on. At first, I glared at him and told him to shut the fuck up. But then I thought about it and the fact that it could be a possibility. Just because I haven’t been able to move on doesn’t mean Aria wasn’t able to. After some thought, I decided if she has in fact moved on and is happy, I’m not going to fuck it up. I’ll walk away and leave her be. I also decided that regardless of what happens with Aria, I’m done with the organization.

  The concept of letting her be was great in theory. But after I asked the doorman where I could find Aria, and he pointed me in the direction of a quaint little bakery about four blocks from her place that she apparently frequents often, I went in search of her. And just as he said, there she was sitting outside the bakery, only she wasn’t alone. She was with a guy, smiling and chatting with him. And that theory of letting her be went flying right out the window.

  She looked absolutely beautiful. A bit harder around the edges but nonetheless, still has breathtaking. Her hair was no longer golden brown but instead midnight black. In place of the light pink lipstick she used to wear, her lips were darker—the color of mocha. Her eyes were lined in black and she was dressed in skinny jeans, an off the shoulder sweater, and she was sporting tall black boots. Aria had only aged a year since she left, but her look of innocence was gone. Maybe it was the event that led up to her leaving or living on her own, but Aria looked older, more mature. She looked fucking amazing. My heart ached as I watched her interact with the guy she was sitting with. When she looked around, I was scared she might’ve seen me so I walked back toward her place and called Amber.

  “I think she’s seeing someone.”

  “What?” Her voice was raspy, probably from having been asleep. I forgot about the nine-hour time difference when I called her.

  “Sorry, were you asleep?”

  “Umm…yeah, it’s two in the morning here.”

  “I think Aria is seeing someone. I saw her with a guy.”

  Amber huffed out, clearly annoyed. “She’s not seeing anyone, Giovanni.”

  “Then who was the guy with her?”

  “I don’t know. But I would know if she was seeing anyone. I’ve visited her several times since she’s moved there and I talk to her at least once a week and she has never so much as mentioned seeing a guy. Now man up and go get our girl.”

  I hung up and made my way to her place to wait for her. I didn’t have to wait long because not even thirty minutes after hanging up with Amber, the lift chimed and Aria stepped out onto her floor. And when our eyes locked, I knew I could never let this woman go again.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  ARIA

  Looking down at the bags I dropped, I bend to pick them up, but Gio gets to them first. I’m able to snag a glimpse of him up close and he looks just as handsome as he did a year ago. He’s wearing a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes. He looks the most casual I’ve ever seen him. His forearms look solid, muscular like he’s been working out, and his facial hair is just how I used to like it—just long enough to feel the stubble against my lips…and between my thighs. But he also looks sad. He has dark circles under his eyes like he hasn’t slept recently and I immediately wonder if he’s here because something has happened.

  “Thank you,” I say once he has all my bags in his hands. “Would you like to come in?” My words come out so calmly, I question my sanity.

  Gio nods but doesn’t say anything else. We enter my flat and I start to put the groceries away into the refrigerator to busy myself, my eyes constantly glancing toward Gio, who is leaning against the counter following my every move.

  Once I have no groceries left to put away, I offer him a drink. “I have water, orange juice, white wine, and…” I look down and spot a beer in the back. “…beer.”

  “You drink beer?” Gio’s brow quirks up.

  “No, it’s Trevor’s.” The words come out before I can stop them and Gio’s eyes turn cold.

  “The guy you were with at the bakery?”

  “Y
ou were watching me?”

  Gio doesn’t even try to deny it. “I came here first and the doorman steered me in the direction of the bakery. We’re going to need to speak to him about privacy. Is Trevor your boyfriend?”

  I shake my head and pour myself a glass of wine, needing it to calm my nerves.

  “Fiancé?”

  I choke on my sip of wine, coughing to the point that Gio comes over to me, grabs my glass and places it on the counter, and pats my back. Jesus, this is not going well.

  “I’m okay. Thanks.” I clear my throat to get a hold of myself. “No, Trevor is just a friend from school. You didn’t answer me. Would you like something to drink?”

  He shakes his head and walks to the living room to have a seat. I follow behind and once we’re both seated, I say, “It’s been a long time and you’re far from home. Is everything okay?”

  Gio shakes his head again.

  “Are you going to actually speak or should I keep throwing out questions for you to nod or shake your head to?”

  He chuckles softly and that small laugh has my chest tightening, my eyes opening, and my heart pumping. It’s like a switch has been flipped on, and all the darkness is now full of color and light.

  “Fuck, I’ve missed your sass.” His fingers come up, twirling a strand of my hair. “You died your hair black. It looks good on you.”

  “I needed a change.” What I needed was the darkness to match my state of being. For the last year I’ve lived my life to the tune of black, white, and grey. The moment I was forced to walk out of Gio’s life, my world lost all its color.

  “I don’t know what I’m doing, Ari.” He shakes his head and gives me a half smirk. “I came here without a plan. Without thinking this through.”

  My head goes down and I mess with my hands unsure of what to do or say.

  “Baby, look at me.” Gio lifts my chin and gives me a small smile, one that has my heart quickening. It’s been over a year since I’ve been with this man but one simple touch and he has my body going haywire.

  “What are you doing here, Gio? What’s going on?” My words come out serious, demanding an answer. He can’t just come here, walk back into my life and fuck with my head and my heart. I won’t survive it. It’ll be hard enough once he leaves after he’s said whatever it is he came all the way across the world to say.

  “I need you close to me,” he mumbles, and without even asking permission, he lifts me up by my hips and places me into his lap so my legs are straddling him. My hands go to his shoulders to steady myself and our faces are mere inches away from each other.

  “I came here for you. I need you, Ari. Sei il mio cuore.” You are my heart. I gasp and shake my head as his words sink in.

  “Don’t do this, please.” My head continues to shake as I will the traitor tears away, but it’s no use. They build up and fall down my cheeks. Gio’s fingers catch them before he cradles my face with his strong hands.

  “I love you. You are my heart. I can’t breathe without you, baby. I’ve tried. I can’t do it. The day you left, my heart stopped beating. My chest closed in on me and it felt like I was suffocating. Every day it feels like it’s a job just to get up and breathe. I need to breathe again, baby.”

  My tears fall harder with every word he speaks, each one hitting home. “I feel the same way,” I choke out. “But nothing has changed.” My tears turn into sobs as my head collapses into Gio’s neck, his arms encircling me and holding me close.

  “Everything has changed,” he whispers. “I’m out, baby.”

  My head snaps up, my eyes meeting his. “What does that mean?”

  “It means I’m out of the organization. At the request from my mom, my dad let me out. I’m here for you, for us. You’re all I want, all I need.” His lips meet mine, soft and gentle. He kisses me once, twice, three times before pulling back and leaving me wanting and needing more.

  “What do you say, baby? I was thinking maybe I could crash here for a while until I figure my shit out. I’m currently homeless and jobless.” He smirks and I laugh, the sound feeling so foreign but good.

  “You’re moving here? Like, for good?”

  “That all depends on you…Will you have me for good?” This time it’s me that initiates the kiss. My lips crash against his, my tongue seeking entrance. Gio grants me access, his tongue swirling around mine as we get lost in each other. The kiss is more than two lips gliding across each other. Two tongues entwining. It’s two hearts finding their way back to each other. Two souls connecting. And for the first time in a long time, I feel like all the colors in my world are shining brightly.

  Gio’s hands move down my shoulders, grazing my sides, and land on my ass, pulling my body closer to him like even the few inches of distance between us is too much. My hips grind down on his hard length, eliciting a moan from me, a feeling of want I haven’t felt since the last time I was with him. He breaks our kiss and smiles wide. “I want to make you dinner.”

  “What?” I bark out a laugh, completely confused.

  “I never got to cook for you. I promised to cook for you and I never got to.”

  “Right now?”

  “Yes, no more wasting time.”

  “That sounds like a plan but…I’m kind of thinking maybe we can work up an appetite first.” My lips go to his neck, suckling on his skin. Gio shivers and lets out a groan as I run my tongue up the side of his neck until I get to his earlobe. I pull on it, then whisper, “I’m thinking maybe we could be the appetizer.”

  Climbing off him, I drop to my knees, spreading his legs enough so I’m kneeling in between them. His eyes widen, but he doesn’t argue. I unzip his jeans and tug his pants and boxers down. He lifts slightly to make it easier for me. His dick springs free and it looks as mouthwatering as it did a year ago.

  Fuck, I’ve missed this man something fierce.

  It’s hard and smooth and slightly veiny as it stands at attention needing my undivided attention. Then a thought hits me. How many women got to wrap their mouths around him and taste him? How many women got his attention while we were apart?

  “Hey.” Gio lifts my chin so I’ll look at him. “What’s wrong? You don’t have to do this.”

  “How many women have you been with?” I blurt out.

  “Since you left?”

  “Yeah. I know it shouldn’t matter but, I just need to—”

  “Zero.”

  “What?” There’s no way I heard him correctly.

  “I haven’t been with a single woman in any way since the day you left. You’re it for me, Aria. Now, here’s the thing. Just because I couldn’t be with someone else doesn’t mean I expect you to not have been with anyone. It’s been a goddamn year, but I would rather not know. I just think it would be best—”

  “Zero.” I echo the same word, the same number he gave me.

  “Thank fuck!” He leans down and pulls me into a standing position. “Take your clothes off now,” Gio commands. So, I do. I peel each article of clothing off me until I’m standing naked in front of him, his eyes assessing me, and instead of feeling vulnerable, I feel complete, whole. I see the colors returning to the picture.

  “Bellissima,” he murmurs. Gorgeous. “Fuck, you’re just as beautiful as I’ve imagined every day for the last year.” He cups my sex. “Are you wet, baby? If I stick my fingers into your cunt will you be dripping for me?” My God, I’ve missed his dirty talk.

  “Maybe you should find out.” I raise a brow as I spread my legs, earning a huge grin from him. He sticks a single digit in me, quickly finding out how damn wet I am for him.

  “Holy shit, woman.” He pulls his finger out and, gripping my hips, lifts me up and onto him, my pussy clenching around his hard length as he fills me completely. It’s been over a year since I felt a man inside me, the last time being when I was raped. I focus on pushing those thoughts away and staying in the moment with the man in front of me, the man who holds my heart.

  He must sense something is wrong, because
he cradles my face in his hands and says, “Stay with me, Aria. It’s me and you. I love you, baby.”

  I nod, my emotions getting the best of me.

  “It’s okay,” he coos, wiping the tears away as they fall. “It’s just you and me, for the rest of our lives.”

  I nod again, keeping my eyes locked with his. I focus on the soft brown in his eyes, the way they warm up when they find me, like deep chocolate and comfort and happiness all rolled into one beautiful man.

  “You’re in control, Aria.” How he knows what I need, I have no clue, but it shouldn’t shock me. He’s always known what I need. His words hit me and all the horrid thoughts are pushed aside, and it’s only Gio and me and our love right here, right now, in this room. My hands go to his shoulders, his to my hips, and I lift my pelvis up slightly, the feeling of his hard dick rubbing me in a way I’ve been craving. “That’s it, baby. It’s all you. Take what you need.”

  Gio pulls me into a searing kiss, and our lips and tongues make love as I circle my hips and begin to rock back and forth. I ride his hard shaft slowly, hitting spots I’ve only dreamed of hitting for the last year. This is exactly what I’ve needed for too long. His hands and tongue and dick in me, on me, all over me. I close my eyes and see the bright colors of our future. Blues and pinks and reds replace the gray.

  When our kiss ends, I lick my lips, his taste lingering on me, making me want more. His mouth goes to my nipple as he licks and sucks on the hardened tip while one of his hands comes to my other nipple, pinching and pulling it, his touch sending sparks straight to my core. It’s just us. No one else. I can’t believe I ever went this long without him.