“Joe was the one who taught me how to play poker. He’d have poker night around his house at least twice a month and it wasn’t long before I was beating him and Fiona.” She picked up the cards and shuffled them. As she dealt them out again, she said, “I guess the way I was, at hiding my emotions, made it easy for me to bluff my hands.”
“You miss him, don’t you?”
“I’m sorry if I’ve been quiet tonight, but how your mum and dad accepted what you told them made me feel kind of sad about Joe.” Stephanie placed her blind before checking her cards, and after Meredith placed the big blind, she glanced at the two cards in front of her. “I don't understand how he could be so against this.” She placed a modest bet. “He keeps on at me to express my feelings and not to bottle things up. I thought he would be happy that I’m finally feeling things, good things.”
Meredith upped the ante, hoping she could bluff with her seven of hearts and two of diamonds. She never was a very good poker player and she prayed she could get by on bluffing alone. “He’ll come around, he loves you.” The next card was dealt, and she couldn’t help but groan as a queen was laid down. “Why don’t you give him a call?”
“I tried earlier when you were in the shower before dinner. He didn’t answer. I thought maybe Fiona would have at least texted me to see how I am, but she hasn’t.”
“I know she is your friend too, but Joe’s her husband. She probably doesn’t want to get stuck in the middle, and at the end of the day, spouses come first.”
Stephanie shot her an angry look and she threw her cards down, clearly not happy with Meredith. “Even when he’s in the fucking wrong? He was the one who was out of line. I defended you and you’re taking his side?”
Meredith could see why she would think that. After all, Stephanie didn’t have many people on her side, and she had no experience in relationships. However, she was wrong, Meredith wasn’t on his side, she was trying to see it from all perspectives.
“Steph, this isn’t about taking his side. I’m just telling you how Fiona probably feels. As you say, you defended me and took my side in all this, she’s probably doing the same.”
Stephanie scrubbed her hands over her face and looked up at Meredith sheepishly. “I’m sorry. It’s just all bullshit. Why can’t he just let me be happy?”
“I’m going to pack this all away as you’re clearly not in the mood anymore, and it will save me losing any more chips.” She picked up the cards and placed them back in their box. “You’re going to be paying the asking price for the cottage and are paying cash, so hopefully the contracts won’t take long to exchange, but it will still be a few weeks. What will you do in the meantime?”
Stephanie stood from the floor and went into the kitchen and grabbed two beers they had bought to go with dinner. Coming back into the room, she gave one to Meredith.
“Well, I can’t keep wearing your stuff, so I will need to go back up there to grab some things. I guess I’ll take a drive up there tomorrow and pack away my belongings and stick them in a storage unit.” She sat on the couch and put her bare feet up on the coffee table.
Meredith returned the poker chips and cards back to the sideboard below the lounge window and joined Stephanie on the sofa. She took the proffered beer from Stephanie’s outstretched hand and took a long swallow. She was going to suggest something that was totally crazy, but to her it made sense. From the moment they met they had formed a close bond, and to her, it seemed silly for Stephanie to fork out thousands of pounds if she didn’t need to.
“This apartment is pretty big. I’ve got three bedrooms and I’m sure there’s plenty enough room for both of us.”
“Are you suggesting I move in with you?”
Meredith took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m not saying we live together in a partner kind of way, more like roommates. You can have two of the rooms for yourself and we won’t need to spend all our time together if you don’t want to.”
Stephanie shifted in her seat to face Meredith properly and took hold of her free hand. “We’re putting the offer in on the cottage tomorrow, and until it completes, I can stay in a B&B.”
“I know what you’re saying, however, it just seems silly to me for you to buy something when you could just stay here. And you know, if at any point it doesn’t work out between us, you’ll be free to go wherever you want.”
“Two hours ago, you were saying you were falling in love with me and now you’re saying we might not work out? I’m confused.”
Meredith kissed the back of Stephanie’s hand, a soft smile on her face. “I’m not saying we are not going to work out. I’m just saying if something does go wrong, you wouldn’t be tied to Bristol. And besides, I’d prefer it if you were here.”
Stephanie didn’t answer for a while. She slowly sipped her beer and stared off into space. The silence was killing Meredith. It probably was totally crazy to ask her to move in, but if one thing being in that place taught her, it was that life was short and to take advantage of every opportunity. She knew without a doubt Stephanie was a special woman, a woman she had fallen in love with.
Eventually, the silence was broken when Stephanie whispered a simple but quiet, “Yes.”
“Yes?”
Stephanie leaned forward and pressed her lips to Meredith’s.
“I would love to move into your spare room.” She pulled back and held her gaze. “But I will be paying rent and half of the bills. And don’t argue with me on this. It’s either that or a bed and breakfast.”
Meredith smiled and kissed her again. “You drive a hard bargain. I do have one request, though.”
“Oh, you do, do you? And what would that be, my lady?”
“You teach me how to play poker, so I can win.”
“Deal.”
Chapter Eighteen
The next morning found them in Stephanie's rented BMW, heading toward York. They had both slept soundly the night before, and as had become their habit over the last few nights, they shared Meredith’s bed. They had kissed a few times, and Stephanie was okay with that. She didn’t feel the need for more intimate contact between them. What she had told Joe and Meredith in the past about being over her ordeal with Jameson West was true, and even though she might be ready to take their relationship to the next level, she was sure Meredith wasn't.
She took her attention off the road for a second and glanced at Meredith, who was sitting in the passenger seat next to her. “Are you sure you are all right coming back to York with me?”
“Yes, why do you ask?”
“No reason, except you look a little pale.”
“To be honest, I am feeling a little panicky. This is the same route I took back in October.”
“Shit, Meredith. If you want, I can go a different way.” Stephanie felt like an idiot. She should have known this would be hard for Meredith. After all, this was the first time she had been back here since the kidnapping, and God only knew what kind of memories this was bringing back for her.
“No, it's fine. I need to work through this.”
They settled into a companionable silence for the next twenty miles until Stephanie pulled off the main road and headed down a country lane. She could clearly hear Meredith’s breathing increase, and out of the corner of her eye, Stephanie saw her rapidly tapping her hand on her thigh.
“Stop!” Meredith shouted.
“What is it? What's the matter?” Stephanie slammed on the brakes and coasted to the side of the road.
“This is the spot. This is where I was taken.” Meredith stared out of the windshield, eyes wide, her face ashen. She got out of the car and slammed the door behind her. She walked to the front of the car and sank to her knees, holding her head in her hands.
Stephanie hesitated for only a second and then she was out of the car, rushing to Meredith's side. She gathered Meredith in her arms and held her while she wept.
“I knew this was a bad idea, I’m so sorry.”
Through her tears Meredi
th whispered, “It’s not your fault. I knew this would happen. I could feel my anxiety getting worse the closer we got to York, but it wasn't until you pulled off onto this road that my panic hit me full force.”
“I should have come here by myself, please forgive me.”
Meredith looked up into her eyes and smiled. “There is nothing to forgive. He is the one who made me feel this way, not you.” She gathered herself together, wiping the tears from her eyes, and stood, bringing Stephanie with her.
“Let’s get back in the car. My jeans are filthy.”
They settled back into their seats, but Stephanie didn’t pull away. She took Meredith’s hand. “It will get better, I promise.”
“I just now realised you’ve never told me how he managed to kidnap you. In all our time there, and since then, you have never mentioned it. How come?”
Stephanie turned away from her and stared out of the windshield, thinking back to her own kidnapping. She surmised the reason she never told anyone was because she wasn’t proud of her actions that night.
“I guess I blame myself for that. I put myself in a dangerous situation and my behaviour caused it to happen.”
“What are you talking about? He’s a psycho, how could any of it be your fault?”
Stephanie looked back into Meredith’s eyes and the love and encouragement she saw in her face made her realise Meredith would never think badly of her. Meredith had been nothing but supportive since they met. Stephanie knew she could trust her.
“I went to a club with Joe that night and I got completely wasted. I'm not talking about your regular drunkenness, but completely out of it. I only live about a fifteen-minute walk from the club, which is around the corner from the high street, so I decided to walk home. Joe wanted me to get into a taxi, but I blew him off and told him I would be fine. I had made it back to the gallery, and as I turned down the alley behind to get to the apartment, West hit me across the face with something, and the next thing I remember is waking up next to you.”
“That doesn’t mean it was your fault. I mean, yeah, it probably wasn’t wise to walk home in that state, but he had no right to attack you and kidnap you.”
Stephanie started the car and pulled away from the edge of the road, intent on carrying on their journey. If she concentrated on driving, she might be able to forget the shame and embarrassment she felt over allowing him to surprise her. She felt Meredith’s hand squeeze her shoulder as she tried hard not to cry. She couldn’t decide which was better, not feeling anything at all, and being envious of people who could, or being able to experience emotions, but have no control over which ones came out and when. It was a learning curve, and one she didn’t think she would be able to master for a long time.
“I guess I blame myself for getting hurt the same way I blame myself for my mother’s death.”
“What do you mean? I thought that was a freak accident?”
Stephanie thought back to an argument with her father a few months before he dropped her off at the foster home. She had accidentally broken one of his expensive fishing rods and he flew into a rage at her, saying she was useless, always ruining everything, and eventually telling her she was the one who caused the accident that killed her mum.
“Apparently I was in the backseat messing around and I managed to unclip the seatbelt that was holding me in my car seat. My mum turned around to try to get me to put it back on and she lost control of the car. My dad told me if I hadn’t been pissing about, she would still be alive, and he wouldn’t be stuck with a brat like me.” The tears did fall now, she didn’t care. She angrily wiped them away, keeping her eyes focused on the road ahead. She didn’t want to cause another accident and kill somebody else that she loved.
“Sweetheart. That wasn’t your fault. You were practically a baby. Your mum could have pulled over to the side of the road and clipped you back in safely, but she didn’t. You can’t blame yourself for that any more than you can blame yourself for Jameson West taking you.”
“No, you’re wrong. It was my actions that led to both events happening and nothing you say is going to change that.”
Stephanie turned down another country road and eventually the fields became more populated with houses and bungalows. They were only a few miles now from the city centre and the sooner they got there the better. Stephanie liked to put things in boxes in her mind and leave them there, unopened. All this talk about her mother and West brought thoughts to the surface she didn’t want to deal with. The sooner she could stuff them back into their respective boxes the better.
“I see you have your mind set on feeling that way,” Meredith said. “But in time, I am going to make sure you understand that neither event was your fault. But thank you for telling me, I think I understand you a bit better now.”
Stephanie didn’t reply. She gripped the wheel tighter and continued to drive.
†
Stephanie opened the door to the gallery, and the little bell above the door tinkled, announcing their presence to Joe who was standing behind the counter. Stephanie was nervous. This was the first time she had spoken to him in a week. He glanced up and smiled before realising who was at the door, and his friendly demeanour shifted into indifference. She reached behind and grabbed hold of Meredith’s hand, pulling her along as they approached Joe.
“Joe, I’d like you to meet Meredith. Meredith, this is Joe.”
Meredith put her hand out. “It’s nice to meet you, I have heard a lot about you.”
Stephanie watched as Joe eyed Meredith suspiciously for a few moments before eventually putting his hand into hers, giving it a quick shake.
“I’ve heard a lot about you, too.” He turned to Stephanie. “How have you been?”
“Not too bad.” She turned to Meredith and gave her a pleading look. She knew this was going to be hard and she hoped Meredith would help her out.
She didn’t.
“I’m going to go and look at some of the art work,” Meredith said. “Let me know when you’re ready to go up.” She gave Stephanie a reassuring smile and went back to the front of the gallery to give them some privacy.
Stephanie turned back to Joe, trying to gauge his reaction to Meredith being here. She wanted to apologise for hitting him the other day, but somehow, she just couldn’t find the words. She was saved from her reverie by Joe who spoke first.
“Listen, Squirt. I’ve been talking to Fiona and she has made me realise that I was out of line. I shouldn’t have said what I did and I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have hit you, but I couldn’t let you talk about her that way.” She looked over her shoulder at Meredith who was studying intently a selection of pencil drawings. She smiled to herself.
“Does she know they are yours?” Joe asked.
“No, I haven’t really told her about my artwork. She knows I have a degree in art, but I don’t think she realises I do my own stuff.”
“Well, she seems to like them. Rather strange that out of all the pieces that are here, it’s yours that have captured her attention. Wait here a minute, I need to go make a sale.” He came around the side of the counter and was striding toward Meredith before Stephanie even had a chance to think.
Stephanie was frozen to the spot. God only knew what he was going to say to her, she just hoped he behaved. Her panic settled when Meredith glanced over at her and smiled, then let out a small chuckle. Joe laughed, too, as he began to remove the three seven-by-five frames from the wall. They came back over to the counter and Joe set about wrapping the frames in bubble wrap and packaging paper.
“You never told me you were such a good artist.”
“You don’t have to pay for them,” Stephanie said. “You can have them as a gift.”
Meredith smiled. “Don’t worry, I’ve been given a discount.”
Joe laughed again and handed Meredith her purchase. Stephanie looked between the two and knew something suspicious was going on. Before she had a chance to question them both Jo
e asked, “So what brings you here, I take it you’re not coming back to work?” He took Meredith’s credit card and completed the transaction.
Stephanie took a deep breath and steadied herself. This was going to be difficult to say so she took hold of Meredith’s hand and decided the best way to break the news to him was to blurt it out.
“I have decided, well, we have decided, that I am going to move to Bristol and we are going to see what we have between us.” She kept eye contact with him while he processed her statement. Sometimes he was hard to read, and this was one of those times. He took a few minutes looking from her to Meredith and back again and she felt her palms sweat. She let go of Meredith’s hand and wiped them both on her jeans. “Say something, this is killing me.”
“I still have the bruises from the last time I said something, so for now, I think I’ll keep quiet.” He gave a small chuckle and Stephanie was relieved he wasn’t so angry that he couldn't make a joke.
“I’m sorry I’m going to be leaving you without a manager, but this is something I need to do.”
Joe focused his attention on Meredith. “Is this what you want also?”
Meredith looked at her, and Stephanie could see nothing but love and acceptance in her face. “Yes.” She looked back at Joe and continued. “Stephanie is a really special person and she has become important to me in more ways than I could have imagined. I can’t fathom not having her in my life.”
Joe seemed satisfied with the answer and a smile broke out on his face. The door to the gallery jingled as a prospective customer walked in. “I need to get back to work.”
“Sorry. One of the reasons why we are here is so I can pack my things.”
“Are you planning to head back to Bristol tonight? Because it would be great if you could come and have dinner with Fiona and myself. You can stay the night and get a head start early in the morning. Of course, you’re invited too, Meredith.”
“That okay with you, Meredith?”
After Dark Page 14
