The Color of Love

by Radclyffe

  “This is not going to work.”

  He waved a hand. “Okay, let’s try that again. You did jump her, like I told you to, but in an uncharacteristic Derian Winfield fashion—whoops, sorry—Woman X declined your offer.” He frowned and shook his head. “Really, though, I never took her for a fool, so even I don’t believe that one.”

  “Ron,” Emily said in a threatening tone.

  “No, I’ve got it. You did jump her, she accepted, and she was absolutely terrible in bed.”

  “Derian is wonderful in bed,” Emily said, almost amused when Ron’s mouth dropped open. If she’d had any fiber of her being left that wasn’t miserable, she might have laughed too. “I don’t remember who jumped who, but believe me, there was nothing to complain about.”

  “I’m sorry,” Ron said. “You don’t strike me as the one-night stand type, and I know Deri—”

  “No,” Emily said, “you don’t know. No one does. Derian is nothing like her reputation.”

  “You’re right, sorry. She made a really good impression with everyone while she was here. But you knew it was only temporary.”

  “Oh, I did. Unfortunately, I seem to have forgotten that somewhere in the process of taking off my clothes.”

  Ron laughed wryly. “I’ve been there and done that. Are you sure it’s just temporary?”

  “She’s gone, isn’t she? And there was never any discussion of it being any more than that, unless you count the part where she asked me to marry her.”

  Ron stared. “You’re not serious.”

  “Actually, I am, and this does not go any further than here. I mean it.”

  “I swear.” He crossed his heart. “Derian Winfield asked you to marry her? And you said, what, no thanks?”

  “What do you think?”

  “I’m missing a few steps. Like the whys and the wherefores.”

  Emily sighed. Maybe if she said it all out loud she’d stop torturing herself with the endless replays. Maybe she’d convince herself she’d been right in sending Derian away. “Derian thought it would solve everyone’s problems—I’d become a permanent resident, and voilà, no more visa problems. I’d be in a position one day to ensure that Winfield’s continues with its mission, and presto, Henrietta’s legacy is preserved. All that and Derian manages to not only infuriate her father but gain the upper hand in their long-standing private battle.” She dusted her hands. “Everything taken care of all neat and tidy, as long as you don’t consider the fact that she and I would be legally bound to one another.”

  “Well, you’re already having sex.”

  “Are you going to sit there and tell me that’s all that matters?”

  He grinned. “It’s a good start.”

  “It is, I won’t argue that. But it’s not a reason to get married.”

  “There are lots of reasons to get married, including the fact that you like someone, you have terrific sex, and it’s sensible. They don’t call it a contract for nothing.”

  “It’s not enough for me, especially when—” Emily looked away. Especially when she wanted much more than a contract with Derian.

  “Uh-oh.”

  Emily smiled sadly. “Yes, uh-oh indeed.”

  “Does she know?”

  “Of course not.”

  “Maybe you should’ve told her.”

  “No. That’s not fair.”

  “Honey,” Ron said gently, “love isn’t about being fair or unfair. It’s about being honest.”

  “There’s nothing dishonest about keeping one-sided feelings to oneself.”

  “When you see her again, you should reconsider.”

  “By the time I see her, it won’t matter any longer.”

  Emily’s phone rang and she grabbed it like a lifeline. Please let there be some problem she needed to take care of. She didn’t want to talk about Derian—it took all her energy not to think about her.

  “I think you better come down here,” Vonnie said ominously.

  “Oh no, tell me Donatella hasn’t slithered back in.”

  “See for yourself.”

  Emily jumped up. “I have to go.”

  “This isn’t over,” Ron said.

  Emily shook her head. “I’m afraid it is.”

  *

  “What is it?” Emily whispered as she approached Vonnie’s desk. The door to Henrietta’s office was slightly ajar and she really didn’t want to go in there and see Donatella where Derian should be sitting.

  “Go on in,” Vonnie said with an air of resignation.

  Emily steeled herself and pushed ahead.

  Henrietta sat behind her desk, looking just as she had the last time Emily had seen her there.

  “What are you doing here?” Emily blurted.

  “The last time I checked, this was still my office.”

  “You’re supposed to be home recovering.”

  Henrietta gave one of those peremptory motions of her hand, less a wave and more an incision, cleaving air. “I promised my doctors I would not come into the office to work. There’s nothing wrong with my brain, and if I’m sitting at home I can be looking at my computer, which is probably a lot better for my overall state of health than staring at daytime television. Have you actually looked at what’s on there recently?”

  Emily grinned despite herself. She was just so glad to see Henrietta with color in her face and fire in her eyes again she couldn’t be angry with her, even if she was still too thin and just a bit fragile looking and should not be there. “Television in general is not something I usually have time for.”

  “Then consider yourself better off for it.” Henrietta speared her with a hard look. “How much does Derian have to do with how unhappy you look right now?”

  “Absolutely nothing,” Emily said instantly. Whatever had gone so terribly wrong between her and Derian was entirely between them. “Derian was a tremendous help and the entire staff is appreciative.”

  “I see,” Henrietta said, looking as if she really did see but was kind enough not to probe any further. “I want you to take a few weeks off. Go home, see your sister.”

  “I can’t go now,” Emily said. “You’re not coming back to work—”

  “I can handle from home whatever Vonnie and Ron can’t deal with, until you get back.” Henrietta looked at her watch. “Now that’s settled, you have a meeting with Audrey Ames in the conference room in five minutes.”

  “I do?”

  “She’s taking over the matter of getting your immigration status straightened out. After you meet with her, go. You shouldn’t have any trouble with reentry now.”

  Emily’s heart stuttered. Of course. If her work visa was not renewed, she couldn’t leave the US. She knew of plenty of people who lived and worked in the US for years without a proper visa, but they couldn’t leave to see family overseas, not if they wanted to come back.

  “All right, yes. Thank you.” Emily rose, suddenly so tired. “You’ll go home too?”

  “I will. And, Emily? It’s going to be all right.”

  Emily didn’t see how, as she went off to meet with Derian’s best friend.

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  “Morning,” Emily said as she walked into the conference room where Aud waited with a laptop open before her and a yellow legal pad by her right hand. Aud’s navy suit jacket with matching trousers and an open-collared pale blue striped shirt looked more stylish than standard business garb on her willowy frame.

  “Hi.” Aud smiled, looking tired beneath her flawless, understated makeup. “Sorry I didn’t get this scheduled with you ahead of time. Henrietta called and issued a priority edict.”

  “That’s fine.” Emily settled across from her. “Henrietta took us all by surprise today.”

  “At least she’s feeling better.” Aud leaned back. “So—today is just a review so I can be sure you understand the protocols and what we’ll be doing to get you squared away.”

  “I thought—sorry, I’m not sure of the etiquette here, but I didn’t t
hink you were part of the agency’s legal team.”

  “Technically,” Aud said, not appearing put out by the question, “Winfield Enterprises’ legal department represents all the divisions. The agency usually works with just one or two of us, but Henrietta requested me. Are you okay with that?”

  “Of course.”

  Aud gave her a long look. “Actually, Henrietta intimated Derian was behind it.”

  Emily’s face grew hot. So much for keeping her relationship with Derian private. All she had to do was hear her name and she telegraphed exactly how she felt about her. “Ah, that’s kind of her.”

  Aud laughed. “Derian is many wonderful and infuriating things, including kind, but I don’t think that’s what motivated her this time. She knew I’d give this more than just the normal business-as-usual attention.”

  “Personal attention.”

  “Yes.”

  Emily studied the beautiful, sophisticated woman. She seemed exactly the kind of woman Derian would choose for a friend, or a lover. Had Derian discussed their relationship? And if she had, what did it matter. “I appreciate that.”

  “We’re friends, Derian and I,” Aud said quietly, as if answering some unspoken question.

  “But you’re in love with her, aren’t you?” Emily asked, much preferring straightforward conversations to roundabout word games. And being on a level field with Aud, if all that meant was being honest, seemed important now that they were to have more than a passing acquaintance. Derian was part of their lives—even if Derian was part of her past now. The feelings remained, and she didn’t want to hide them.

  Aud gave a short, hard laugh. “My whole life.”

  “Does she know that?”

  “Oh, I’m sure she does. And she loves me, in her way. In the only way she can.” Aud shrugged, her expression amused and a little sad. “We can’t help who we love, or who we don’t. Derian isn’t in love…with me.”

  “I’m sorry, it’s none of my business.”

  “Isn’t it?” Aud said lightly.

  “No. Especially now, but really not ever. Derian’s relationships are not my concern.”

  “Really? If she was my lover, I’d put a big sign around her neck—no trespassing.”

  Emily laughed and shook her head. “She’s not my lover.”

  “Maybe, maybe not. But she wants to be sure you’re here when she gets back.”

  Emily ignored the quick fluttering of her heart. Aud didn’t know that. Neither did she, and she couldn’t let herself get drawn into false hope. She’d had years of wishing reality could be changed and wouldn’t be crippled by futile longings again. “I’m glad you’re handling this.”

  Aud leaned forward, pulling the laptop into range. “All right then. Let’s see about getting your immigration situation straightened out.”

  Emily listened, provided what information she could, and tried not to panic. Aud knew what she was doing—everything would work out. It had to.

  “That’s it for now,” Aud said after half an hour. “I’ll be in touch as soon as we start filing the preliminary forms. I’ll push it as fast as I can.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I can’t promise we’ll get this sorted out anytime soon. Immigration laws are changing just about every minute, and with the way things are in Washington—everywhere across the country, really—regulations are getting tighter. Added to that we’ve got three federal agencies involved—Customs, Homeland, and Labor—and none of them speak the same language or to each other. But since you’re already here and established, and paying taxes…” Aud smiled. “That always helps. I’m hopeful this will be taken care of before it becomes a serious issue.”

  “You mean before I have to leave.”

  Aud nodded. “Perhaps you should reconsider Derian’s offer. That’s a surefire way to cut through all the red tape.”

  Emily snorted. “She told you about that, did she? Her plan for me to be a mail-order bride?”

  “She mentioned it, and I might’ve suggested it was a crazy idea at the time. But it’s not illegal, especially since the two of you do have a relationship. You’d hardly be a mail-order bride.”

  “It’s a ridiculous idea. I wouldn’t chain her to a meaningless relationship.”

  “And what about yourself?”

  Emily stared at the lines of script on the yellow notepad. She couldn’t even pretend Derian didn’t matter.

  “No, I didn’t think it would be meaningless.” Aud rose and efficiently gathered up her notes. “I’ll do my best to see that you stay.”

  Emily stayed behind, waiting for the rapid-fire events of the morning to settle. Henrietta was right, as usual. She needed to get away for a little while, and now was the perfect time for her long-delayed visit with Pam. Maybe when she wasn’t coming to the agency every day, she wouldn’t be reminded Derian wasn’t there any longer. Mentally she laughed at her own self-delusion. Nothing would make her stop thinking of Derian. Was Aud right—had Derian reached out from afar to make sure someone who really cared would help her now? Derian had tried to help her too, and even though her solution wasn’t something Emily could live with, she at least ought to thank her. She owed her that.

  *

  Derian collected her winnings and wended her way through the gaming tables to the bar for a drink before heading back to her hotel. At three in the morning, most everyone was at the tables, and the bar was almost empty except for a brunette in a red sheath dress at one end and two men at the other. Derian slid onto a stool halfway down the bar and nodded to the bartender in a crisp white shirt and black bow tie. “Macallan, neat.”

  A minute later, the bartender placed a tumbler of scotch onto a square white coaster on the polished black marble-topped bar in front of her. “Thanks.”

  The brunette eased onto the adjacent seat. “You don’t remember me, but I was at the Speed-Pro company party the other night.”

  “I remember.” Derian had a good memory for faces, and she’d noticed the brunette in a low-cut black dress that had showcased her killer body. She remembered the burly older man whose arm she’d clung to as well.

  “I don’t recall seeing you with anyone.” The brunette’s voice was a low, smoky purr.

  “I’m not here with anyone.”

  “Neither am I.” At Derian’s slightly raised brow, she laughed. “Oh, I am married, but my husband prefers to spend his time at the tables. We have an understanding, in case something like that matters to you.”

  Derian savored her scotch. “I appreciate you telling me. It makes things easier, but I’m not looking for company.”

  “Everyone’s looking for company of one sort or another.” The brunette signaled the bartender and he placed another martini in front of her. “Whether we know it or not.”

  “You might be right,” Derian said. “I should have said I’m not looking for anyone’s company but one particular woman’s.”

  “I see. Someone special.”

  Derian turned the glass in her hands, Emily’s face all she could see. “Very.”

  “Well, how about another kind of company, then. For a little while.”

  “I’m Derian Winfield,” Derian said, offering her hand.

  “Veronica Riley.”

  “Nice to meet you, Veronica.”

  They shared another drink, and Derian offered to see Veronica back to her hotel.

  “That’s kind of you, but I’ll be fine.”

  “Thanks for the company, then.”

  Veronica smiled and Derian walked away. As the cab brought her back to her hotel through the dark, quiet streets an hour before dawn, the restless unease of the last few weeks settled between her shoulder blades with an insistent throb. She’d done what she’d come here to do. Her business was finished, and what remained held no promise of pleasure. Time stretched out before her like a prison sentence, but she didn’t have to accept the verdict. Maybe she’d left this life behind before she’d even returned. She just hadn’t known it.

&nb
sp; When she walked into her suite, the red light on her phone was blinking and she pushed the button for her messages. Emily’s voice stopped time—stopped everything as Derian concentrated on the lift and fall of her voice, shuddered as warmth coursed through her. She steadied herself with a hand on the back of the sofa. What had she said? The words hadn’t registered. Derian played the message again, and then again just to hear her voice. Emily was thanking her for being so kind, so helpful? That was all Emily had heard?

  Derian closed her eyes. What an idiot she’d been.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Emily kissed Pam’s gaunt cheek and reflexively tucked the colorful plaid blanket around her thin shoulders. “It’s almost time for your dinner. I’ll be back tomorrow. I love you.”

  She nodded to Yi Ling, gathered her purse and jacket, and walked outside. She paused in front of the residential center to breathe in the cool night air and shake off the sadness. She loved seeing her sister, but this city, this country, was not home to her anymore. She missed her apartment and her friends at the agency and her work and her life. She sighed. And she missed Derian. She hadn’t heard from her, and she hadn’t expected to, but a little part of her had hoped.

  There was that word again. Hope. She couldn’t shake it—not when it came to Pam, and not, it seemed, when it came to Derian. She joined the crowds on the sidewalk and walked back to her hotel. By the time she got there the sadness had dissipated along with the sun. In another few minutes twilight would give way to evening. Too keyed up to go inside after a day spent talking to a sister who might or might not have known she was there, she strolled aimlessly along the edge of a small park across from the hotel. All she had to look forward to was another evening with a solitary meal and a book. Something she usually looked forward to on vacation, but this time, her solitary pleasures were not enough to satisfy.

  Emily stopped abruptly and stared, giving herself a second while her breath stuttered in her chest to be sure her imagination hadn’t blindsided her.