Bully

by Sky Corgan

  “Did you miss the part where I said there wouldn't be a next time?” I made a circular motion in the air with my chicken strip before taking a bite.

  “You'll want to do it again. I promise.”

  Whether I wanted to do it again or not was irrelevant. I wasn't going to frivolously waste money on a few minutes of fun.

  “We'll see,” I replied absentmindedly.

  We finished our meal in near silence. Dustin paid for my food, an unexpected kind gesture. It seemed like I was getting a complete free ride today. Then we climbed back into his truck.

  “There's one more place I'd like to stop by if that's okay...since we're close.” He stared down at the dashboard of his truck, his voice oddly solemn.

  “That's fine. I'm your prisoner today,” I teased. “We can do whatever you want.”

  Whatever he wants. I thought as we pulled out of the diner parking lot.

  Again, I hated myself for feeling...anything for him other than loathing. I was actually starting to like the guy. At the very least, I had a new found respect for him. He certainly wasn't the asshole that I used to know.

  I mulled over my shifting thoughts as we drove through town, having no clue where he was taking me. It didn't matter. I trusted him not to murder me in some back alley and ditch my body. In high school, that's probably exactly what I would have expected him to do. Though as we reached the outskirts of town, I did begin to question where we were going. I was just about to ask when he pulled up to the gates of a small cemetery and killed the engine.

  “Well, here we are.” Dustin took a deep breath before opening his door and sliding out of the truck.

  A bit confused, I followed him. We walked towards the back of the cemetery and stopped in front of a tombstone with the name Thomas Nikoli engraved on it. As I read the date on the tombstone, I realized that the boy buried there was only fourteen years old.

  I stood by Dustin's side as he knelt to wipe the dust off of the tombstone with his hand. There were fresh flowers in the flower holder above the grave. The dirt on top still didn't have grass growing over it, which meant it was newer.

  “Thomas was my brother. You would have liked him,” Dustin said, though there was no context behind it.

  “He was so young.” I read the date again.

  “He was.” Dustin stood.

  “What happened to him, if you don't mind me asking?” No one died this young naturally.

  Dustin made a strange humming noise and looked up at the sky for a moment before glancing back over to me. “I bet you didn't even know I had a brother.”

  I didn't. “No. It's not like we were exactly friends in high school. I knew nothing about your personal life.”

  “It wasn't just you. Very few people knew I had a brother.” He returned his attention to the grave. “Our parents were divorced. I stayed with our mom. He lived with our dad. I'm not sure why our parents thought it was a good idea to split us up when they split up, but they did. It's weird how those things work.” He shook his head.

  “That must have been hard for you both.” I took a step closer to him, wanting to offer some kind of comfort.

  “It was, and it wasn't.” He cocked his head to the side. “Thomas and I never had much in common. He was a nerdy little shit. Into Star Wars and Star Trek and LARPing and all of that other geeky stuff. And I was...well.”

  “A jock,” I offered.

  “An asshole.” He snorted, his demeanor completely serious. “Thomas was the kind of guy... If he wasn't my brother, I would have been making his life a living hell.”

  “Like you made my life a living hell?” I gave him a crooked grin, but he garnered no amusement from my words.

  “I'll regret that until the day I die,” his voice trailed off, and I had a feeling he wasn't talking about torturing me throughout high school.

  “It's okay, Dustin. I've forgiven you.” I inched closer. Our shoulders were almost touching. The moment was so intimate. So personal. I was grateful that he was willing to share it with me.

  “It's not forgivable.” His eyes bore down on me, making me feel small.

  “You just need to be able to forgive yourself.” I gave him a hopeful smile.

  “Thomas was the victim of a bullying incident.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, his expression a mixture of remorse and shame. “These other kids were picking on him. He had told our dad about it, but he never did anything. Dad said that my brother needed to grow a pair and face them. I said the same thing. Told him that they'd never leave him alone unless he stood up to them. If I were there, I could have protected him, but I'm honestly not sure if I would have or not. He was such a nerd. I figured that a few good ass-kickings would help to turn him into a real man. I'm pretty sure my dad thought the same thing. That's probably why he never did anything to stop it.”

  “That's horrible.” I furrowed my brow at him, pulling away. Images of the boy he used to be flashed through my mind. I could totally picture him thinking like that. The arrogant jock feeling like it was okay to pick on the little guy.

  “Yeah, I know.” He cast a look in my direction that suggested I should stay quiet and listen to him, so I did just that. “Anyway, one day, Thomas was walking by the baseball field with one of his friends. One of the guys who had been harassing him thought it would be fun to hit Thomas in the back of the head with a baseball. Typical macho guy bullshit.

  “Except Thomas must have sensed it was coming because he turned his head just at the right moment...”

  I was putting the picture together. Something had gone terribly wrong. My heart clenched at the thought.

  “The ball hit him in the temple. He went down immediately. His friends say he had a seizure before he died. The coroner wrote it up as blunt force trauma to the head.”

  “Oh my God.” I drew my hand up to my mouth. I couldn't even imagine how panicked and pained Thomas' friends must have felt from having to see that. Not to mention Dustin's parents getting the phone call from the hospital that their son was dead.

  “There was no God that day.” Dustin stared out into space. “Thomas was a good kid. He always made good grades. Did volunteer work. Never had a bad thing to say about anyone. Yeah, he wasn't cool or popular, but he was better than most of the cool and popular people that I knew. He was better than me. He didn't deserve to die like that. No one deserves to die like that.

  “Those kids... I know it was an accident, that they were just having fun at my brother's expense. But their fun cost him his life.” He paused for a moment, and I could feel the heat coming from him. He was practically seething. “I hated those kids for the longest time. More than that, I hated myself for being like them. Thinking back, it could have been me that killed someone. It could have been you.” His eyes cut over to me.

  “You were never that bad,” I said softly.

  “Oh, but I was,” he let out a bitter laugh. “Do you really think you were the only one I gave hell to? You got off easy because you were a girl.”

  I clammed up, imagining Dustin in the place of the guy who killed his brother, doing something similar to someone else.

  “It felt like karma.” Dustin's head bobbed, his lips pressed into a tight line. “Like God's way of paying me back for all of the shitty things that I'd done. I felt like I had killed my own brother.”

  “But you didn't.” Despite my better judgment, I reached for his hand, clasping it in mine. “You had no control over what those kids were going to do. It had nothing to do with you.”

  “I know.” He closed his eyes. “I know that now. I didn't for the longest time.”

  I stared down at the grave. “Everything happens for a reason, Dustin. Even the shitty stuff. The bad is what makes us better people. Makes us stronger.”

  “It shouldn't have taken my brother's death to make me a better person.” I felt his hand twitch.

  “No, it shouldn't have,” I agreed with a sigh. “But you can't change what happened.”

  “I wou
ld have rather spent the rest of my life being an asshole and still have my brother than to learn this life lesson the hard way. At his expense.”

  I turned to him, giving him an earnest look. “It's not your fault that he died.”

  “Maybe someday I'll truly believe that.” He inhaled deeply, pulling his hand away from me to run it through his hair. “We should go. It's getting late.”

  He wasn't lying. The sun was setting in the distance. Somehow, we had managed to spend all day together.

  As we headed back to campus, I felt closer to Dustin than ever before. Pain was etched all over his face. He didn't speak. Didn't look at me. He was lost in the past.

  I thought about striking up a conversation to try to distract him, but I was at a loss as to what to say. It made me feel like I was doing a crappy job as his friend.

  Was I his friend? Did this new experience together make us friends? I wasn't sure. All I knew was that I didn't like seeing him sad and that somehow bothered me.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  The following Friday afternoon, I rode home with Bobby. We spent the first part of the drive talking about our classes, then we listened to music the rest of the way, singing along to the songs we both knew. It was fun and reminiscent of old times. Times before everything got so complicated.

  He dropped me off at my parents' house, and we parted ways. I knew I wouldn't see him again until Sunday, which was fine by me.

  I spent the remainder of the evening and most of Saturday catching up with my parents and siblings. Then on Saturday night, I arranged a get together with June at the bowling alley. I really wanted Petra to come too, but she was out of town on a family vacation in Paris. She had said that if they had gone anywhere else, she would have skipped out to visit, but she wasn't going to pass up a free trip to Paris. I couldn't blame her. Besides, it wasn't like she wouldn't be seeing me during Christmas vacation in a few weeks anyway.

  “So, tell me what all I've missed.” I sat at our lane to take off my shoes and put on the red and tan bowling shoes that we had been given.

  “Not a whole lot. Petra is still dating that guy I was telling you about.” June slipped off her sandals. She was smart. I should have thought ahead of time and not worn sneakers.

  “The one with the lip ring?” I glanced up at her.

  “That's the one. He's a narcissist asshole. All she ever does is complain about him and cry over his douchebaggery. I don't understand why she's still with him.” She shook her head.

  “Petra always knew how to pick them.” I screwed my face. She had a classic case of bad boy syndrome. The shittier the guy was, the more likely she was to end up with him.

  “What about you? Any new guys in your life?” She glanced up at me in interest before pulling her sandy blonde hair back into a low ponytail.

  “My love life has been pitifully non-existent,” I confessed with a frown before remembering. “Oh, I almost got date raped. That was fun.” The sarcasm couldn't be any thicker in my voice if I tried.

  “Date raped? Are you fucking serious?” Her mouth dropped open.

  “Mhm.” I nodded slowly. “And guess who came to my rescue. Oh, you'll never get this one.”

  “Bobby.” She wiggled her feet in her shoes, giving them a look that suggested they weren't very comfortable.

  “Too big?” I asked.

  “Yeah. They always are. I don't know why I don't just start getting a size smaller.” Her feet settled.

  “Eh, me neither.”

  It was common knowledge that the shoes at this particular bowling alley weren't sized right. For some reason, none of us ever bothered sizing down, though.

  “Not Bobby.” I shook my head, wondering why she even bothered going for the obvious answer after I told her she'd never guess.

  “Are you really going to make me name drop? I have no idea who all ended up at Clear Lake from our high school.”

  “Dustin Nikoli.”

  Again, I was met with shock. Her mouth was hanging open so wide that I thought about teasing her about her jaw being broken.

  “Yeah.” My eyes widened for effect.

  “What do you mean Dustin Nikoli saved you? That seems quite out of character.” She recovered, standing with me to go pick out a ball.

  “Apparently, he knew the guy that was trying to drug me. He stopped me from drinking the beer that the guy had offered me.” I stopped in front of the rack of size 6s. These were normally reserved for children, but I liked a light ball.

  June picked out a size 10.

  “Of course, he'd know the guy. I assume that all of the sleazeballs hang together.” She rolled her eyes.

  “He's not like he was before,” I said thoughtfully as I brought my ball back to our lane.

  “That's a good thing for you.” She tilted her head towards me. “Otherwise, I imagine that your college life would be a living hell.”

  I thought on that for a moment. She was right. If Dustin's brother hadn't died, would he have continued to bully me? I didn't like thinking about the possibility. It made me feel secretly grateful for the circumstances that had caused the change in him, and that made me feel absolutely horrible.

  “I think I'm a bad person,” I mumbled to myself.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” I brushed the thought off. It was natural to feel the way I did. After all, things would be a whole lot different if Dustin hadn't changed.

  “So no new developments with Bobby?” Petra asked as she stepped onto the lane to take her turn.

  “He's actually talking to me now. I suppose that's something.” I shifted my weight, still stuck on lingering thoughts of Dustin.

  “I mean in the romance department.”

  “Nope. No romance. I'm not naive enough anymore to think it will ever happen.” I wasn't. There was nothing between Bobby and I. There never would be. That was as clear as day.

  “That's too bad. You guys would have made a cute couple.” She threw her ball straight into the gutter.

  “Dating is the last thing on my mind.” At least, it had been after Leo.

  “You're just in a lull right now. They're not all bad apples. I promise.” She gave me a sympathetic look.

  “If you say so.”

  ***

  “I don't really think I'm made for sleeping around.”

  Why Bobby was bringing this up now was beyond me? We hadn't talked about his new dating habits on our ride to my parents' house. Apparently, he thought that bringing it up on the way back to the dorm was better. Maybe he'd had some time to reflect.

  “That's...good.” I had no idea what else to say. What did he expect me to say?

  This news should have thrilled me, him telling me that he was trying to get back to the guy he used to be. It should have caused my heart to flutter with the hope that maybe we could someday be together. It didn't. Even if he didn't want to sleep around anymore, I knew that he had no interest in dating me. I was front and center in his friend zone.

  “I think I just took the breakup rebound a little too far.”

  “You mean multiple rebounds.” Rebound usually meant just one person. Not a string of girls.

  “Whatever the case, that's what it was. I don't think I'm made to do...that. It made me feel horrible, leading all of those girls on. I knew I didn't want a relationship with any of them. I was just trying to get laid.”

  “Good on you for succeeding.” Sarcasm leaked into my tone.

  “I'm done with that now.” He glanced away, looking oddly ashamed.

  “So what now?” I asked, only half interested.

  He inhaled deeply. “Now I just enjoy being single for a while. And I stop being such a dick.” He smiled at me.

  “You haven't really been a dick. You just haven't been very present.” I folded my arms over my chest.

  “I know, and I'm sorry. I aim to change that.”

  “Words are wind.” I stared at the stereo, waiting for him to turn it on so that we could move away from this awkward, mea
ningless conversation.

  “Not mine. Not anymore.”

  To my surprise, things did change. Once we got back to campus, Bobby texted me every day. He even asked if I wanted to eat lunch together.

  I tried not to get too hopeful about it, knowing that he could revert back to ignoring me anytime that he chose. He didn't, though, and eventually, things began to return to the way they had been when we first started attending college together. Well, except for the fact that I had the girls now too.

  Georgina absolutely refused to eat lunch with us whenever Bobby was around. The second she laid eyes on him, she did a U-turn out of the cafeteria. I didn't care. She was a bitch anyway.

  Leonor stuck to the bros before hoes rule. It wasn't long before she gave up on trying to get Georgina to eat with us, and they branched out on their own. That suited me just fine, too. It meant that I got Bobby all to myself, which I thoroughly enjoyed in a platonic way.

  On the rare occasion that Georgina didn't eat lunch in the cafeteria, the girls would join us.

  One day, Dustin walked up to our table. At first, I thought he was going to walk right past us. We hadn't really spoken since going skydiving together. It was like I didn't exist in his world anymore after that. In fact, I had written the whole thing off as him just trying to be nice.

  “Hey.” He looked directly at me, causing a hard lump to form at the back of my throat.

  “Hey.” I did my best to swallow it down.

  His eyes volleyed around the table, though I noticed he skipped Bobby. “The fraternity is throwing a party this Saturday. You're all invited. Except you.” He finally zeroed in on Bobby, his tone firm. “You're not allowed.”

  Bobby raised his palms in surrender. “I totally understand. Javier is one of your brothers.”

  “Yeah. No hard feelings. I just don't want to have to deal with any dramatic bullshit again. He's still pissed that you tried to steal his girl.”

  “I get it. No big deal.”

  “Cool. Well, I'll see you girls this weekend.” He turned to walk away without another word.