by Sky Corgan
It was the most erotic and emotionally infused sex of my entire life. Sometimes, it was so perfect that it didn't even seem real. And when it was over, and he lay in my arms with his head on my chest, my fingers absentmindedly stroking his hair, all I could think of was that famous line from Romeo and Juliet.
My only love, sprung from my only hate! Too early seen unknown, and known too late! Prodigious birth of love it is to me That I must love a loathed enemy.
***
There were no regrets the next morning, though I still decided to save us both from awkwardness by sneaking out again. It was a walk of shame that I didn't feel ashamed of at all. Deep down inside, I knew what my feelings were. I wasn't ready to admit them to myself, but it wasn't just a fling for me. My heart was on my sleeve, and Dustin had all of the power to break it.
I also knew that I had set myself up to fall. I hadn't seen Dustin date anyone since I started talking to him. He didn't let anyone get close, which meant that I was probably just a fuck to him.
I knew I wasn't okay with that, but I had to be. I had made the decision when he had taken me to his bedroom that I would sleep with him and deal with the emotional consequences later. I had known that he wouldn't want to be with me. This was just what he needed to get through the night—to forget about his brother.
I had allowed him to use me, and I needed to be fine with that if we were going to remain friends.
As I walked back to the girls dorm, Bobby sent me a text asking if I wanted to go out for breakfast. I quickly responded, thankful for any excuse not to have to face Leonor. This time, I couldn't say it was nothing. She would find some way to get the truth out of me, and to be honest, I wanted to dish out the details to someone.
The weather was still shitty, so I waited under the awning of the girls dorm until Bobby came to retrieve me. My shirt was practically soaked through, and I was shivering, but I didn't care enough to go back upstairs and change.
“What in the hell, Brenna. Have you been playing in the rain?” Bobby gave me a queer look as he approached.
“Yup. You know me.” I hugged myself for warmth. “Crazy as always.”
“You should go upstairs and change.” He glanced at the building behind me.
“Nah. I'm good. Starving. Let's go.” I grabbed his arm and walked him back to his car.
Once we were inside, he turned on the heater to help thaw me out. It did little good since the commute was short and the diner had the air conditioner going. For some reason, restaurants always kept the thermostat set to freezing. I had read once that it was because being cold made you want to eat more to increase your body heat. All it made me want was coffee. Scalding hot coffee.
“I wish I had a jacket for you," Bobby said, his expression full of concern.
“I'm fine.” I pulled my sleeves up over my hands. The timing was ill. The waitress handed us menus, and I had to expose my hands to the cool air yet again.
“You don't look fine.” He took note of my trembling.
“I'm good,” I insisted. “I'll be better when I get some coffee in me.”
Almost as soon as I said it, our waitress returned with a pot of coffee, pouring us both a cup. I grabbed my mug the second it was filled, not even bothering to put sugar and creamer in it before I took several timid sips. It tasted like crap, but the warmth stopped my shaking.
“So,” he began after we had placed our orders. “I see you've still been hanging around with Dustin quite a bit.”
“He's part of my friend group now.” I quirked an eyebrow, not wanting to get into an argument about this. “Holly is dating Brandon. And Brandon is Dustin's frat brother. It makes sense we'd all be hanging out together.”
He sighed, his shoulders dropping several inches. “I know that I can't choose your friends for you.”
“You don't seem to have issues with any of my other friends. Just him.”
A soft laugh passed Bobby's lips. “Yeah, I suppose you're right. Your history and all.” He circled his hand in the air. “But that's not all.”
“What, then?” Nervousness surged up the back of my throat. Were people talking about Dustin and me? Had news already gotten out that we had slept together? I wasn't exactly quiet last night, though I had tried to be.
Bobby grunted. His eyes fell to the table as he moved some empty sugar packets around with his fingertips. He was avoiding my gaze. It was something he rarely did unless he had something important to say.
“I guess,” he hesitated, “I'm kind of jealous.”
“You're jealous?” My head jerked back.
“Yeah. I mean, you're with him all the time now. It used to be just you and me. And now...I guess I feel like he's pushing me out.”
I blew out a relieved breath. This wasn't anywhere near as bad as I had thought it would be. “He's not pushing you out, Bobby. I just...have more friends now. It's hard to hang out with all of you equally.”
“That's not all.” His eyes shot up to meet mine, and there was a seriousness behind them that made my heart freeze in my chest.
“It's not?” I asked stupidly.
“I'm...beginning to worry that you might like him.”
“That's ridiculous,” I laughed a bit too boisterously, trying to throw him off.
“Good.” He nodded to himself, looking a bit more relaxed. “Good.”
“Yeah. That's preposterous.” I flipped my wrist at him. “Me, like that guy. Impossible.”
“I'm glad.” He smiled at me. “Because I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.” He continued to play with the empty sugar packets. “I'd like to ask you out on a date.”
“A date?” The words sounded foreign spilling from my lips. They also left me with a gaping mouth. Had I just heard him right?
“Yeah. A date.” He glanced up at me for half a second. “It's been a long time coming, don't you think? I mean, there was obvious chemistry between us when we met.
“I like you. I've always liked you. I think I was just scared in the beginning. We went to high school together. You were my friend. I was worried about losing you as a friend and messing up our group. Then I started dating Christine.”
I couldn't seem to process what he was saying to me. He liked me? He had always liked me? What in the hell? Why was I just hearing about this now? If it were true, surely he would have told one of our friends. It would have gotten back to me eventually. It never did, though. I wasn't even sure if I believed him.
“Does not compute.” I shook my head, feeling a mixture of frustration and a range of emotions that I could only describe as uncomfortable.
“What do you mean?” he laughed, tossing one of the empty packets towards me, though it didn't go very far.
“You've never even acted like you like me,” I lowered my voice in fear that someone would listen in on our conversation and it would somehow make its way back to Dustin.
“Why would I? I was with Christine for most of the time that we've been friends. You know I'm a faithful guy.”
Except when you're slutting around with half of the girls on our college campus.
I pressed my eyes closed, my mind racing a million miles a minute. My appetite had all but dried up in light of this news. I should have been elated by it, but all I felt was frustration. Frustration from being strung along for so long.
All that time, he had known I liked him. People had told him. I had made damn sure of that. Yet he had kept me hanging for four years. Four years! Unacceptable.
I wanted to ask why now, but part of me didn't even care about the answer. It had to be because he saw me getting close to another guy. He was scared of losing me, so he made the most desperate move that he could. I refused to believe that he had actually cared for me all this time and had somehow managed to keep it a secret.
“I've got to go.” My head whipped back and forth as if I didn't remember where the exit was. As soon as my eyes landed on it, I pushed myself out of the booth.
“Where are you going?” Bobby presse
d his palms to the tabletop, preparing to come after me.
“No. You stay.” I pointed at him. “I need to go think. I can't be around you right now.”
I didn't even give him time to respond. I turned away, taking long strides out of the restaurant. I didn't even care that I hadn't eaten. I just needed to get away from him.
Within minutes, an Uber was picking me up and driving me back to campus. I leaned against the door, staring out the window trying to process everything that had gone on between yesterday and today. I could still feel Dustin between my legs—inside of me. I wanted him there, but I knew that having him by my side as my boyfriend was just a fantasy.
Now the guy that I had been lusting over for the past four years was offering himself to me. More than just his body. A relationship. A real relationship. I couldn't count the number of times I had dreamed about this day, the day when he confessed to reciprocating my feelings.
Except it was all wrong.
Nothing had happened as I had envisioned it. I didn't feel the flutter of butterflies when Bobby asked me out. The heavens didn't open up, and angels didn't sing. It didn't feel like it was meant to be. It just felt...forced, for lack of a better word.
The car jolted, then slid to the side. All thoughts of Bobby and Dustin vanished as my hands flew to the dashboard. Tires squealed, and I held my breath as I saw the car skidding towards the guardrail.
It felt like my heart was about to explode in my chest. The driver screamed, his hands leaving the steering wheel to brace for impact. We had hydroplaned...on a bridge, worst of all.
This was going to hurt, I thought a second before my body lurched forward, my head slamming against the dashboard. I expected the car to stop, but it didn't. Within seconds, my whole body was being pushed forward. Terror filled me as I saw the rushing waters of the river below us hit the windshield. There was a sickening cracking sound followed by an icy coldness. Then everything went black.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Incessant beeping.
My eyes fluttered open to see where it was coming from. The first thing I saw were machines.
“She's awake,” a familiar woman's voice said. It was full of excitement and relief.
I looked over to see my mother sitting beside me. It took me a moment to realize she was clutching my hand. Then my gaze fell on my father walking up behind her. My brother and sister were there too.
“Oh thank God.” My father breathed a sigh of relief.
“What happened?” I asked, lifting the hand that wasn't hooked up to an IV to my head. My fingertips landed on bandages, and pain surged through my forehead. There must be a gash there. It was the only logical explanation for why my head hurt so much.
“You were in a car accident, honey,” my mother explained gently. “The car you were in lost control and drove off a bridge. The driver pulled you from the wreckage.”
It was all coming back to me now. The screeching of the tires. The rushing of the water around me as it filled up the car before I lost consciousness.
“Is the driver okay?” I asked.
“He's fine. You got the worst of it,” my father told me.
I gave myself a look over. My right leg was in a cast. Nothing else appeared to be broken, though.
“Your knee hit the dashboard when the car fell from the bridge. You cracked your kneecap,” my father informed me.
“You busted your head too,” my little sister added.
“With any luck, you'll have a cool Harry Potter scar.” My brother grinned at me, his large brown eyes widening for effect.
“Great. Just what I've always wanted.” I rolled my eyes, resting my head back on the pillow.
In truth, I was just thankful to be alive. It could have been a lot worse. Should have been a lot worse. I would probably need counseling to get over the memory of seeing the river hitting the windshield. Just thinking about it made irrational fear spike inside of me.
My family hung around for a good part of the day, taking turns sitting at my bedside. I told them to go home, but they refused. When you're injured, you just want to heal, but I could understand why they wanted to stay. According to the doctor, they had almost lost me. The driver had to do CPR on me when he pulled me from the river to get me breathing again. Apparently, I had sucked in a lungful of water when the car had filled up. I would have to thank the driver later for saving my life.
I slept for two days straight after the accident. My mom had been worried that I was going to slip into a coma. I had a concussion, but the doctor said that it was nothing to worry about. He still wanted to keep me for a few days to make sure that my head wound healed up properly.
Time passed in a blur. For the most part, I slept a lot and watched copious amounts of reality TV. It was boring as hell.
One afternoon, Bobby came to visit me. My family took the opportunity to go have dinner, leaving the two of us alone. I made them promise to bring me back a burger because the hospital food was horribly bland.
“We'll sneak you back some cookies, too,” my brother told me as he trailed behind the rest of my family.
I gave him a thumbs up of approval.
“Wow, you look like shit," Bobby said with a crooked grin.
“Thanks. I appreciate the compliment.” I pressed my lips into a tight line.
He pulled up the chair next to my bed and sat in it, his grin fading. “I can't help but feel responsible for this.”
“Oh, don't even start.”
“If I had driven you home, this wouldn't have happened.”
“Or it still could have.” I cocked my head to the side. “The road was wet. Accidents happen.”
His gaze shot up to meet mine. “It didn't happen to me, though. It happened to you. So logic dictates that if you had been in the car with me, it wouldn't have happened.”
I frowned. “I just needed to get away.”
“Well, you almost ran all the way to the other side,” there was only the slightest twinge of humor in his tone. “If you didn't want to go on a date with me, you could have just said so. You didn't need to go jump off a bridge.”
My mouth fell agape, but I quickly recovered with a smile. “I did not go jump off of a bridge. The car decided to jump off of a bridge on its own.”
“There's that smile I know and love.” Warmth spread across his face, and it caused a strange tugging at my heart.
Bobby was important to me. He always would be.
I knew that he felt guilty, but he really shouldn't blame himself.
“Sorry I worried you.” I scrunched up my nose. Thanks to a few days of healing, it didn't feel half as painful as it had the first time I tried to do it after the accident.
“I don't know what I would have done if I had lost you,” his voice softened.
“You would have continued living. That's what everyone does when someone they love dies. They don't think they can, but they do.” I stared up at the cream colored ceiling in thought.
“I don't know about that.” His eyes cut to the side.
Reflection and silence filled the room. It wasn't quite awkward. We were past the point where being quiet around each other was awkward. We had been friends too long for that.
“I know that saying I wanted to date you came out of left field,” he began again. “I didn't mean to startle you. To be honest, I thought you'd be happy when I approached you with the idea.” Bobby reached up to scratch the back of his neck.
A smirk spread my lips as I caught a glimpse of his forearm in a ¾ sleeve shirt. He always wore ¾ sleeve shirts, saying that they offered the perfect level of comfort. Not too hot. Not too cold. Good for all weather. I had never understood his logic.
“I thought I would have been too,” I replied softly.
“What changed?” He rested his hand back down on his lap.
I wanted him to clasp my hand with his. That was the thing about Bobby, though, he never did what I wanted him to do. In the entire time that I'd
known him, he'd never been able to clue into what I needed at the moment. It's as if there had always been some disconnect between us. A disconnect that told me as clear as day that we didn't belong together because we were never able to sync up. Not really.
“I don't know...” my voice trailed off. “Maybe everything changed. Maybe who we were before isn't who we are now.”
“Things have definitely changed, but we haven't. We're still the same people deep down inside.”
“I'm not.” My brow pulled together as a montage of the semester's events played through my head. I had grown emotionally, evolved as a person.
“Well, whatever the case, we should go out when you get out of here.” He knocked on my bed rail twice with his knuckles before standing up to take his leave.
“I'll think about it.”
“You do that.” He winked at me. “Get better, Brenna. I'll sign your cast next time I see you.”
“Oh, goodie.”
I settled back into bed once he left, feeling a bit odd about the conversation. It was obvious that the topic of us dating was still open for discussion to him. I wasn't so sure it was for me. I still cared about him, but it was different than before.
I didn't have much time to think about it before there was a knock on the door. My parents didn't knock when they entered the room, so I figured it had to be a nurse, though they never knocked either.
A surprised smile overtook my face at the unexpected sight of Dustin peeking his head inside.
“I wasn't sure I had the right room.”
“This is the one. Here I am in all of my glory.” I outstretched my arms to present my injuries to him.
His forehead creased, and he cocked his head to the side before nodding. “Yup, it's about as bad as they said it was.”
“Who is they?” I gave him a quizzical look.
“Leonor. She told me about the accident. I would have been here sooner, but I didn't find out about it until last night.” He took an apprehensive step into the room. “To be honest, I had thought you were pissed at me for...well, you know.”
