Long Hard Fall

by Marie Johnston

  “I didn’t even get paid. Your mom thought since I was family I should work for free. Those rules no longer apply, by the way.” Bunny went back to work.

  “Doc is my second cousin. Our grams are sisters.” Cash opened the stall to enter. “Hey, uh, I can call you later if you want to go back into town. This might take a while, and I doubt your stomach will tolerate it.”

  “I can wait.”

  “Abbi.” Cash draped his arms over the stall gate to watch the exam. Hoof scrapes and horse grunts came from inside with Bunny muttering encouraging words. “I’ve got a long day. My horse is sick and we’re in the middle of harvest. Dillon has been in a combine for hours already and we need to work until sundown. I was supposed to be taking over for him now, but I’m here.”

  She tried to keep her expression pleasant, but it probably teetered toward droll. “And are you really going to call?”

  “I said I would.”

  “How many girls have you told that to?”

  Bunny snorted. Cash clamped his mouth shut.

  “Exactly.” Abbi pushed her hair back. “Why don’t we plan a time to meet?” Her cheeks warmed. Would he think she had plans to hit on him again?

  “My day tomorrow is exactly like today. Without a dead horse, I hope.”

  The concern in his features was endearing. He was worried about Patsy Cline. Abbi hoped she recovered, but she couldn’t let Cash squirm out of talking to her.

  “You gotta eat, Cash. Come on. I need to talk to you.” She got the sentence out before she choked back a sob. An unknown someone picked that time to ring her. Between her phone and her insistent tears, she had to leave. No answers today.

  She mustered a smile despite her disappointment and was turning away to answer the call when Cash spoke.

  Distress glimmered in his eyes and he looked away. “All right. Meet me out here for lunch tomorrow before I trade with Dillon.”

  Nodding, afraid he’d change his mind, she nearly ran back to her car while digging her phone out.

  Her parents were going to call her every damn day, weren’t they?

  She checked the screen.

  Even worse. Ellis. So not what she needed. Did she have to answer? She debated until right before her voicemail kicked in.

  She answered in a bored voice, “Moore Sewage Treatment. How may I direct your call?”

  Silence greeted her.

  Finally, Ellis spoke. “You’re cracking jokes after the way we parted?”

  “What do you want, Ellis?” She couldn’t muster the energy to be angry, but his authoritative attitude rankled. How had she not noticed it before?

  “I’m checking to see how you’re doing.”

  Not as simple a question as he probably thought. I got drunk last night and took the best-looking piece of ass home. I don’t remember much, but I know it was goooood. “I’m fine.”

  “Have you found Reno Walker?”

  Had she ever. “He’s going to talk to me later.”

  “Maybe I should come up there.”

  Distress choked off her mental No! Yesterday, she’d drunk too much because he hadn’t come with her. Now, him being here sounded like the worst idea in history. “Why? We’re not together anymore.”

  “I care about you, Abigail.”

  Abigail. So grown up. So proper. So how he wanted her.

  “I’m fine, Ellis, but I have to go.”

  He started speaking, but she made static sounds and hung up. How immature.

  God that felt good.

  ***

  Cash resisted the urge to jump out of the stall and watch Abbi saunter away. Then he resisted the urge to jump out of the stall and watch Abbi drive away. Either way, she was leaving and it was a giant relief with a gaping hole of regret.

  Perry Daniels’s little sister.

  He could’ve gone his whole life without meeting her. The wild little sister Daniels had worried about. Cash hadn’t lied; he’d told her what had really happened. They’d been clearing a building and her brother hadn’t walked out alive with the rest of them. He almost hadn’t, either, thanks to Daniels.

  His eyes drifted shut. He’d slept with Daniels’s little sister. He couldn’t save the man and then he’d bedded his sister.

  “You with me, cuz?”

  He started and covered it by stroking Patsy Cline. Worry overrode his tumultuous feelings—barely.

  “I caught her early enough, tell me I did, Doc.” If he’d left Abbi after sex like his standard MO, he would’ve been up early like usual and might’ve noticed his mare’s condition then. In his haste, he’d missed the warning signs of colic.

  “Now that your company’s gone, I’ll do the rectal exam. If that’s clear, all she’ll need is to be tubed to let the gas out.”

  Cash assisted his cousin. Being around horses his whole life, and with a cousin who let him glove up and help, he was familiar with the process. What he wasn’t prepared for was losing his girl. Patsy Cline was one of his first major purchases, even before he’d taken over the ranching side of the Walker Five operation. He and the colic-prone mare had bonded, and horse therapy was legit. Just not enough to fix his issues.

  With the pressure eased on the creature and Bunny’s promise to check on her later so he could relieve Dillon, Cash went to his house to clean up.

  Popping in through the front door, he did his damnedest to ignore Abbi’s lingering floral scent. His body stirred, and he ruthlessly tamped it down. No more drinking from that trough.

  On the way to the same tiny bathroom she had used, he scanned his walls. Had she stopped and looked at his family photos? Had she noticed his mom and dad were rarely in the same one?

  For reasons only obvious to him and his sister, his parents hadn’t wanted their turbulent marriage immortalized.

  Nah. Why would Abbi pay attention to any of that? She’d made it clear when she’d sprinted out of the motel room that she wasn’t here for anything beyond her brother’s story.

  Cash shook his head. Typical Daniels. Sticking him with the fallout.

  He freshened up and hopped into his truck to go in search of Dillon. Cash chose an approach that bordered the field Dillon was harvesting and parked. Exiting his pickup, he texted Dillon and dropped the tailgate to have a seat.

  The trees of the shelter belts were losing their leaves but wouldn’t be bare until the temps dropped closer to freezing day after day. More wind got through them in the fall, but they still proved to be nature’s snow fence when necessary.

  The soy field looked like it’d seen better days, but to a farmer like him, it looked like dollar signs. They were grateful for the harvest, especially after a nasty hail storm in July had taken out significant portions of their crop. Despite the afternoon chill, the sun was warm and shining bright. Cash tipped his face up to it and cursed.

  Flashing hazel eyes and a saucy grin filled his head. Why couldn’t he quit thinking about Abbi? Perhaps he’d known deep down that they had an ominous connection.

  Yeah, that was it. It had nothing to do with how her body had not only felt like paradise, but with how uninhibited she’d been.

  He ground his teeth. But she’d been fucking drunk. Her reaction hadn’t been real.

  Abbi Daniels. He took off his hat and cradled his head in his hands, elbows on his knees. He couldn’t forget her, and all the while she couldn’t remember him.

  Chapter Four

  Dillon had already made two rounds on the quarter of land that comprised the field. The magnificent red combine came into view as the drone of the engine reached Cash. Dread built about the upcoming conversation with his cousin. They’d just reached a solid point in their bro-ship after years of Dillon blaming Cash’s irresponsible side for Daniels’s death. Cash was always responsible when it counted.

  He slid onto the tailgate, waiting for Dillon to pause the operation and swap duties.

  The combine rumbled to a stop. Dillon scaled down from the cab and jogged toward him. He carried his lunch pail and ni
mbly picked through piles of shredded soybean plants.

  Dillon reached him barely out of breath. “How’s Patsy Cline?”

  He got a run in almost every morning, while Cash only met him two or three times a week, just like old times in the army. They’d pass for brothers with the same body frames and similar features. Only Dillon’s rusty brown hair was obviously different compared to Cash’s sandy blond. Cash was only a month younger, and they’d been inseparable their whole lives—they might as well be twins. Admittedly, in their army days, they may have claimed to be twins once or twice to women.

  “What’s wrong?” Dillon’s clear gaze was concerned. Cash’s chest grew heavy.

  Only six months ago, he’d been afraid Dillon was going to crawl into a bottle and screw on the lid. Now, he was bright eyed and bushy tailed, with a smart and intelligent woman waiting for him at home. Figuratively only. Elle did her own thing and Dillon gladly chased after her. But Dillon’s parents had been like that until the death of his dad. Cash’s heart broke for his Aunt Christy, but the anticipation of grandkids in her future seemed to keep a spring in her step. If Cash couldn’t have any of that in his life, at least he got to witness it with Dillon.

  “I got a visitor today,” Cash said. Oh fuck. Telling Dillon about Abbi was bad enough, but he might as well come clean about how they’d met. As if anyone needed more proof that he was a poster child for commitment phobia. “Let me start at the beginning. I met a woman last night.”

  Dillon snorted and Cash scowled at him.

  “This one left me in the dust.”

  “Seriously?” Dillon’s surprised tone matched what Cash had felt watching Abbi walk out the door.

  “Yeah. Ran out as soon as she woke, but here’s the thing.” Cash drew in a weighted breath and blew it out. “She shows up again at my place looking for Reno Walker.”

  “What? Wait, she didn’t know you were Reno when you two…”

  “Nope.” Didn’t even remember my name. “And we didn’t swap last names. You know how it goes.” Cash smiled easily. “If your memory goes back that far.”

  The corner of Dillon’s mouth lifted, but he remained serious, waiting for the bad news.

  “Yeah, so,” Cash said gruffly, “she introduced herself as Abbi Daniels.”

  Color leeched from Dillon’s face. Cash had known what was coming, but his heart rate sped up anyway.

  “Damn, Cash. What’s she doing in Moore?”

  “Looking for us—me. Mostly me. Thinks she didn’t get the whole story behind her brother’s death.”

  Dillon’s head tipped back.

  “Yeah.”

  Dillon took his hat off and shoved a hand through his hair. “What’d you tell her?”

  “I asked her what she’d been told. She knew we’d been clearing a building and he’d set off an IED. But she didn’t seem to believe me when I said that was it.”

  His cousin’s mouth twisted. “I hope you were a little gentler than that.”

  “Of course. I’m not an ass.”

  Dillon grunted. “Not at all.” Cash flipped him off. Dillon shooed him over on the tailgate and settled down next to him. “She’s looking for closure then.”

  “She won’t find it with me. What am I going to say? ‘Your brother was kind of a flake and died because he didn’t listen to orders’?”

  “Maybe she heard mutterings when they went through all his paperwork with the army. What are you going to tell her?”

  “You know I can’t say anything. I’m not going to be responsible for tarnishing the image of her big bro. And as for the other…I’m not going there. It wasn’t my business.”

  “The hell it wasn’t. It almost got you killed with him.”

  “But it didn’t.” The day replayed in front of Cash’s eyes. Searing-hot temperatures. Sand in his eyes, his gear, clogging his pores. Yelling at Daniels to leave. The guy looking at him, looking away, and purposely charging into that room. A dull throb settled in Cash’s temples. Great. A long afternoon by himself in an enclosed space with nothing but memories, remorse, and guilt. “If I go saying shit like that, what if it causes a rift in the family?”

  “No. I agree. There’s honesty and there’s hurting his family.”

  They fell quiet, both of them staring at the red combine.

  “You doing okay?” Dillon asked quietly.

  Good question. After his talk, he planned to call Bunny. If he lost Patsy Cline on top of getting his emotional Band-Aid ripped off, it’d be a shitty few weeks. “Peachy. You?”

  “Brings up some memories I’d rather forget, but it’s not like they leave anyway.”

  “She might want to talk to you, too.” She might get distraught, and he didn’t like thinking of that. The easy laughter they’d shared over drinks shouldn’t be dulled.

  They’d joked and chatted about everything from the food at the bar and grill to the cantankerous hotel owner who’d offered to introduce her to his grandson. Cash had gone to school with him and had regaled her with stories of their pranks. No personal topics had been touched on. Cash was an expert at that and she hadn’t seemed to mind.

  The smile had been wiped off her face this morning and he missed it.

  “I don’t mind meeting with her, if it’ll make her feel better,” Dillon said. “It’s the least I can do. I’ll always feel a little responsible.”

  And Cash would always feel a whole lot responsible. The situation with Abbi had taken up way too much time this morning.

  “Well,” Cash jumped off the tailgate, “the beans ain’t gonna thrash themselves.”

  “Cash…”

  He called over his shoulder. “Go home, clean up, spend some time with Elle.”

  Dillon took care of everyone else first. Cash didn’t want to be the curse on another relationship.

  ***

  Seriously, Abigail.

  She scowled at her phone as she sat cross-legged on her bed in her hotel room. Ellis had texted the message after she’d hung up on him.

  He chastised her behavior and he wasn’t even here. Why did he always think he was the measuring stick that everything should be compared to?

  How had she tolerated it?

  The answer came quickly. Her parents. They liked him so much, and they’d liked the change in her when she’d started dating him.

  Abbi had liked Ellis and how grounded he’d made her feel. She was honest enough with herself to know she’d been growing out of control. Her partying was going to hurt her one day, and she’d needed to grow up.

  So she’d settled into a relationship with the new man in her life. He’d accompanied her everywhere, probably because he didn’t trust her. The drinks and laughter would flow while he glowered at her and hinted it was time to get home. After a year of dating, her wild child was put into the corner for a timeout. She hadn’t seen near as much of her friends, and she and Ellis had spent all their time together.

  Abbi recalled those suffocating days and the moment she’d resolved to break it off. She had just graduated from college and Ellis had “surprised” her with an apartment to move into together.

  Living with Ellis. The idea had crashed reality down hard. Live the rest of her life feeling suppressed and under constant scrutiny? Nope. It had been time to break up with her handler.

  Then her parents had called, and life had stopped on a dime.

  Perry was gone.

  Abbi blinked away tears. God, she still missed him. He hadn’t liked Ellis, thought he was too pretentious and had noticed Abbi wasn’t as happy as she used to be.

  “He’s not right for you, Abs,” Perry had said after he’d met Ellis.

  Oh, but her parents had loved him and how could Abbi shove Ellis away from them after they’d lost Perry?

  The next three years hadn’t been bad. She’d been too devastated to care about what anyone thought, and she’d begrudgingly admit that Ellis had been a huge support. Too much time had lapsed and Ellis’s support had turned into a crutch. The longer
she leaned on him, the more he thought she couldn’t adequately function without him.

  But she’d been coming out of her fog, pushing back against Ellis and his wishes more and more. The weekend she’d spent going through Perry’s belongings before she’d decided on a trip to Moore had been more than cathartic. It’d brought up all the questions her parents had had over the years. The ones that had gone unanswered. No one from Perry’s old unit had ever stopped by to talk to them, having said their good-byes before Perry’s body came home.

  A tear dripped onto her phone and she wiped it away.

  Seriously, Abigail.

  As serious as death, Ellis, she finally texted back.

  She wanted to talk to the men Perry had been the closest to. Wanted to know if Perry had known his family loved and missed him. Wanted to know how Perry had been. He hadn’t sounded like her jovial brother the few times she’d gotten to talk on the phone with him when he was over there. His letters and emails had grown shorter and shorter and hinted at despondence.

  Then the last phone call, he’d been Perry again. Told her to be true to herself. She’d asked him what that meant.

  “Come on, Abs. You’ve become boring as fuck. Lose the jackass and have some fun. It’s all going to be all right.”

  It’s all going to be all right.

  It hadn’t been since then.

  She glanced at the time. She had an hour before she had to meet Cash. Flutters tickled her belly.

  Looking forward to seeing him again? No, just relieved to be able to talk about her brother and that was it. Had to be. She couldn’t sniff around Cash for anything more. Hey, Mom and Dad, not only did I meet this guy as a random hookup, but he’s Perry’s friend. You know, one of the ones that ignored us after he died?

  Perry hadn’t been close to many men he was deployed with, complained it was hard to meet a woman when he chose a male-dominated field like infantry. But he’d gushed about the Walkers.

  Abbi groaned and flopped back. Another memory of chatting with Perry tugged at her.

  “Reno’s awesome, Abbi, the exact opposite of Ellis. You need to find a guy somewhere in between. Not Reno, not Ellis, but a normal guy who’ll treat you right, one that’s Perry-approved.”