First War (Minimum Wage Sidekick Book 6)

by Lucas Flint

  Smoke Man scowled. “Whatever. I’m not here to talk to you anyway. I’ll just finish you off and then get me and Hindsight out of here before the police show up. Your death will be a wonderful morale booster for the rest of the Legion, especially if I’m able to bring your helmet—or perhaps your head—as proof that I killed you.”

  Abruptly, the hand’s grip on me tightened even more than before. And it was getting tighter and tighter with each passing second, squeezing the air out of my lungs. I gasped for breath, but I was unable to breathe in any of the filtered air through my helmet. I wasn’t sure what would happen first: My falling unconscious due to the lack of air or my spine snapping in two like a twig.

  Before either could happen, however, a loud roar of a motorcycle engine echoed through the alleyway, followed by the Beams Bike’s front light suddenly flashing on. It was incredibly bright, even in the daytime, forcing Smoke Man—who stood directly in its path—to raise his hands in front of his eyes to protect them from being blinded. Despite that, he actually stepped backwards and his concentration must have broken, because the hand’s grip on me suddenly weakened.

  I forced the hand open all the way and fell to the street below. It was a short fall—not more than a few feet—but I nonetheless hit it at a roll and rolled to a crouch directly in front of Smoke Man. Smoke Man had just enough time to look down at me, his eyes squinted to protect them from the light, before I blasted him in the torso with my eye beams.

  The beams struck Smoke Man in the chest dead on. He flew backwards and crashed into the wall hard enough to leave an imprint of his body in it. He fell off the wall and landed on the street, where he looked quite dead, though he was probably more unconscious than anything.

  At that same instant, the smoke hand vanished, turning into formless smoke which quickly dissipated into the air. Aside from the faint scent of smoke in the air, there was no sign that the smoke hand had even been here.

  Panting, the pain in my shoulder burning, I slowly rose to my feet. The Beams Bike’s light turned off at that moment, which was nice, though I still saw flashes in the corner of my eye from its glare.

  “Thanks, Laser,” I said, my voice tight. I grabbed my shoulder, which hurt worse than ever now. “Damn it.”

  “No problem, Beams,” said Laser, again with no emotion in her voice. “I am always happy to serve you.”

  I nodded, but then a thought occurred to me and I said, “Try calling Rubberman now, if you can. I don’t think I’ll be able to get back to the Elastic Cave by myself.”

  “Yes, sir,” said Laser. “Please be patient, because I think the jammer is still in effect, despite your assailant being knocked out.”

  Frowning, I looked over at Smoke Man and figured he probably had the signal jammer somewhere still on his body. I walked over to him and removed his smart watch from his wrist. I didn’t even try to figure it out. I just dropped it on the street and crushed it under the heel of my boot.

  “All right, Laser, can you contact Rubberman now?”

  “Yes, the jammer is gone,” said Laser. “Please hold on a moment as I reconnect to the Elastic Cave’s computers and reconfirm our current location through my GPS system.”

  Given the pain in my shoulder, I wasn’t sure I could ‘hold on a moment,’ but I supposed I would just have to try. It was better than being squeezed to death by a giant hand made of smoke, anyway.

  At that moment, however, I heard the click of a gun’s hammer behind me. I turned around just in time to see Hindsight—who I had thought was out for the count—sitting up. He was aiming a second gun at me, a smaller handgun, but I had no doubt that if he shot it, it would hurt every bit as badly as his sniper rifle would have. His poncho was dirty and slightly ajar, but he didn’t seem to notice.

  “You killed Smoke Man,” said Hindsight; he was breathing hard, which made him sound like Darth Vader through his mask. “You killed my friend.”

  Hindsight sounded hysterical. I thought about shooting the gun out of his hands, but I wasn’t sure I would be able to hit him fast enough.

  Holding up one hand, I said, “Calm down. There’s no need to shoot me.”

  “It would only be right,” said Hindsight, his voice near hysteria as he slowly rose to his feet. “You killed a good man, just like you fake heroes always do. And why did you kill him? Because he was a threat to your corruption. It’s time to die, you evil, greedy little—”

  A gunshot rang out through the alleyway. At first, I thought that Hindsight had pulled the trigger on his handgun, but when I didn’t feel a bullet lodge into my chest, I realized that Hindsight had not shot me; actually, someone had shot Hindsight.

  Hindsight still stood, still aimed his gun at me, but there was now a hole in the side of his poncho, a bullet hole based on the size. He looked down at it once, dropped his gun, and then collapsed face first, where he lay on the street as still as Smoke Man. Blood leaked out of the hole; not a whole lot, but enough to make me nauseous.

  I stood there for a second, unsure if I had seen what my eyes told me I saw, until a familiar voice from the other end of the alley said, “Hey, kid. Long time, no see.”

  I turned my head in the direction from which the voice came. Standing at the other end of the alleyway were two men in black suits. One of the man was white, wore sunglasses, and was aiming his own gun at Hindsight; based on the smoke trails rising from its barrel, I guess that he was the one who shot Hindsight. The other man was black and also wore sunglasses, but in contrast to his companion, he looked stoic and tough.

  But I knew who these two men were, even without them having to tell me. “Agents Camel and Jake? Is that really you guys?”

  The white agent—Agent Charlie Camel—lowered his gun and cracked his usual grin. “It’s definitely us. As for why we’re here … why, we’re here to make sure you don’t die, right, Jake?”

  Agent Rodney Jake nodded as stoically as usual.

  “Make sure I don’t die …?” I said. “What?”

  “We’ll explain on the way out of here,” said Camel. “For now, you’ve got to come with us.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  I sat in the back seat of a black, unmarked government van that was currently making its way through the streets of Golden City toward the Elastic Cave. The seats were comfy and firm, and the van itself was nicely air conditioned. It wasn’t the most luxurious way to ride, maybe, but after the intense fight I’d just been through, I wasn’t picky.

  Seated opposite me was Agent Camel. His gun was in a holster just inside his jacket; I noticed it because he sat with his jacket open, unlike Agent Jake, who always had his buttoned up. Speaking of Jake, he was sitting up front, driving the van itself. He made no noise whatsoever; I didn’t even hear Jake make any noise when he adjusted his seat. I knew Camel was an empowered human, but I wondered if Jake had powers, too, like the power to silence himself or something.

  As for the Beams Bike, it had been left back in the alleyway, along with the two vigilantes who had tried to murder me in broad daylight. There was no room for the Beams Bike in the government van, but Laser had assured me that she had managed to contact Rubberman and that Rubberman and several other heroes from Heroes United were on their way to that location to capture the vigilantes and retrieve the Beams Bike. I would have stayed behind myself, but Camel had insisted on taking me with him and Jake, because he didn’t think I was safe out in the open, even though both Hindsight and Smoke Man were out cold. He seemed to think that Hindsight and Smoke Man might have more allies nearby who might try to finish what they started, and given how exhausted and in pain I was, I probably wouldn’t last very long in a fight against them.

  But I knew that Agent Camel had another reason for taking me into their van. It probably had something to do with the fact that he and Jake were in Golden City, even though the last time I saw them, they had gone back to Washington, D.C. after completing their mission in Los Congrejos. So far, Camel had yet to give a reason for that other than my own saf
ety, but I didn’t think Camel cared about me that much, so there had to be another reason they had saved me.

  “So,” said Camel, leaning back in his seat, spreading his legs wide as if he was lounging on a couch in front of the TV after a long day at work. “You’re still putting yourself in dangerous, life-threatening situations, huh? Guess it makes sense. Superheroes and sidekicks always do.”

  “Not intentionally,” I said. “At least, not this time. I was ambushed by those two, though I don’t know how they tracked me down in the first place.”

  “Probably intercepted your calls with your boss,” said Camel. “Maybe they even hacked your bike’s GPS system to track you down more exactly. They can do that, can’t they, Jake?”

  “Probably,” said Jake, though he didn’t take his eyes off the road.

  “I guess it’s possible,” I said. “They do have a lot of highly skilled former superheroes and sidekicks on their side. I bet more than a few of them are skilled hackers.”

  “Without a doubt,” said Camel. “Our own research indicates that the former superhero Bad Gateway is a member of the Legion. Used to be Silicon Valley’s main superhero, didn’t he, Jake?”

  Just a nod from Jake this time.

  “Yeah, well, I can definitely understand why he became a villain after working in Silicon Valley,” said Camel with a chuckle. “All of those arrogant geeks with their God complexes would be enough to make anyone turn evil, if you ask me.”

  “What are you doing here?” I said, not caring to listen to more of Camel’s rambling. I gestured at Camel and Jake. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you two … agents ever again.”

  I almost called them ‘idiots,’ but I switched out the word at the last moment. I didn’t want to give them an excuse to kick me out of their van, which I figured they would do if I annoyed them enough. Camel could appear to be a friendly, easy-going guy, but I knew from experience that he was a lot more vicious than he let on.

  Camel readjusted his sunglasses. “Trust me, kid, we’re not here because we missed you or anything. And it doesn’t have anything to do with aliens, either, so don’t worry about that.”

  “We were transferred,” said Jake suddenly. “And sent here.”

  “What my taciturn friend means is that we were transferred between government departments,” Camel explained. “Transferred from the Department of Extraterrestrial Affairs to the Department of Superheroes. Then our new boss, Director Ephraim Kent, the Director of the Department of Superheroes, sent us here to keep Heroes United and the Vigilante Legion from tearing the city apart.”

  I frowned. “You’ve done an excellent job of that. After all, The Mystery nearly crashed into the city a few days ago due to the actions of one of the vigilantes.”

  “Baby-sitting you freaks isn’t as easy as it seems,” said Camel in annoyance. “We can’t be everywhere at once, right, Jake?”

  “Prioritize,” said Jake. “Know your priorities and focus on them no matter what.”

  “Exactly,” said Camel, nodding. “We weren’t just sent here to keep your little war from leaving the city limits, though. We’re also gathering intel on the Vigilante Legion itself.”

  “Really?” I said in surprise. I doubled my grip on my seat as Jake made a sharp turn. “I didn’t know you were good at gathering intelligence.”

  “Hey, it’s what we did back in the Department of Extraterrestrial Affairs,” said Camel. “Actually, the Legion has been a lot easier to gather intelligence on due to the fact that they’re not aliens. Makes it easier to find out what we want to find out, right, Jake?”

  Jake nodded, apparently not thinking that that required a verbal response.

  Camel leaned to the right, like he was trying to find a good position in which to lie. “So we’ve been doing that for the past week or so, ever since we arrived in the city. We’ve learned lots of interesting things about the Legion; not everything, ‘cause those guys are very protective of their secrets, but definitely a lot.”

  “There’s not much to learn, if you ask me,” I said. “We already know who their members are, what they’re doing in the city, and what their goals are. I doubt you’ve learned anything we don’t know.”

  “Really?” said Camel. “Huh. I guess you must already know that they’re working with that crazy lady, what’s her name, the Necromanta or whatever?”

  “The Necromantress,” Jake corrected, again without looking over his shoulder. “That is her name.”

  “Right, right, that lady,” said Camel, nodding. “Honestly, for all the crap I give you supers about your names, the guys you fight have even worse names. I mean, the Necromantress? Sounds like something straight from some of those old B-movies my old man used to watch when he was a kid. Or maybe from one of those old pulp books my granddad read.”

  “Wait, did you just say that the Necromantress is working with the Vigilante Legion?” I asked in surprise. “You can’t be serious.”

  “Oh, I am,” said Camel, nodding. He held up two fingers. “Two days ago, Jake and I were performing a recon mission near the Golden City Penitentiary. We were there based on a tip we heard from one of our sources in the city, who claimed that there was going to be a meeting between the current leader of the Vigilante Legion and someone else, though they didn’t have much info on who this other person was supposed to be.”

  “The Necromantress met Iron Angel?” I said. “But Iron Angel is still in prison.”

  “I said the current leader of the Vigilante Legion, kid,” said Camel. He gestured at his ears. “What, do you have wax in your ears or something? Or am I going to have to speak a bit more slowly so you can keep up?”

  My face flushed under my helmet, but aloud I said, “Well, who is the current leader of the Legion? We didn’t know they had a leader. We thought they were just working on saving Iron Angel.”

  “How could they save their old leader if they didn’t have a current leader to organize ‘em?” Camel asked. “Anyway, their leader is the former superhero Doctor Devil. Ever heard of him?”

  I shook my head. “No, I haven’t.”

  “He’s from Iron Angel’s generation, though not as famous,” said Camel. “He used to be pretty successful and even had a blockbuster movie about fifteen years ago based on his adventures. He retired five years ago, though I guess he’s working with the Legion now. He and Iron Angel were friends back in their heyday, which is probably how they got involved with each other.”

  “What are his powers?” I said. “Or is he powerless?”

  “He’s powerless like Iron Angel,” said Camel. “But he does wear a suit of armor that looks kind of like the Devil. Kind of like Iron Angel, except without the wings and with different colors.”

  “Looks like an apple,” Jake muttered from up front.

  “Exactly,” said Camel, nodding. “But anyway, Jake and I went to the reported location of the meeting, though as it turned out, the meeting started a little sooner than we were told, so we missed the beginning. Still, we managed to hear the rest of it, didn’t we, Jake?”

  Jake nodded once, as he usually did. “Yes.”

  “Mm hmm,” said Camel. “So, anyway, we overheard Doctor Devil and the Necromantress having a nice friendly talk between them. It was quite interesting, albeit I didn’t understand all of it.”

  “What did they talk about?” I said, leaning forward in interest.

  “What else?” said Camel. He gestured at me with one hand. “You and your boss. The two of them were talking about how to kill you two. They didn’t go into too much detail about their plan—guess they didn’t want anyone to accidentally overhear the details—but that’s what Jake and I understood them to be talking about. Right, Jake?”

  “Correct,” said Jake. “’The Necromantress wishes to rip out Dennis’ liver and stuff it down her throat.’ That is a direct quotation of what she said.”

  Camel chuckled. “Ah, exes. She reminds me of an old girlfriend I used to have. She pulled a knife on me during
an argument once, which is when our relationship went south. She was always great in bed, though.”

  “I don’t care about your old girlfriends,” I said. I leaned back in my seat and folded my arms in front of my chest. “I’m not sure I believe you, either. The Necromantress helped Rubberman and I fight Iron Angel and his vigilantes the first time. I can’t imagine that she would ever want to work with them or that the vigilantes would ever approach her, either, given how she’s an outright supervillain. It doesn’t make sense.”

  “It doesn’t have to make sense to be real, kid,” said Camel. “Jake and I saw the Necromantress talking with Doctor Devil with our own eyes, right, Jake?”

  “Right,” said Jake. “Not an illusion or a trick.”

  I frowned. “Why would the Vigilante Legion even think about working with her?”

  “She hates you and your boss, doesn’t she?” said Camel. “I imagine she’s so consumed with hatred toward your boss that she’s willing to work with anyone who she thinks could help her in taking him down. The Legion probably feels the same way.”

  “It still doesn’t seem like something she’d do, though,” I said, remembering how the Necromantress had spared me and Rubberman not long ago. “I always thought that she just wanted to kill Rubberman on her own.”

  Camel yawned. “Then why did she say she was working for someone?”

  “Wait, what?” I said. “When did she say that?”

  “During the meeting,” said Camel, scratching his chin. “She said that she had agreed to meet Doctor Devil because her employer told her to. She didn’t say who her boss was, of course, but that does seem to indicate that the Necromantress is not an independent supervillain anymore.”

  I thought about that. I couldn’t imagine someone as crazy as the Necromantress ever agreeing to work for anyone, because that might get in the way of her quest to kill Rubberman. Unless, that is, the Necromantress’ employer had promised to help her kill Rubberman, but I couldn’t think of anyone in Golden City who might … be … willing to do that …