Cowboy 12 Pack
Page 102
“In what way?”
“Not you, too.” Claire shook her head. “I don’t know if all of you just play dumb or if you really are dumb.”
“Whoa, slow down there. I assume you mean Ethan and me.”
“And my father.”
“None of us are dumb.”
“You sure act like it.” She blew out a breath. “What exactly do you think my mother was doing in Europe?”
“Shopping, I guess. She sure spent a lot of money.”
Claire turned to him. “So you were paying attention. Sure, she shopped all right. Spent us all into debt. But that’s not the half of it.” She waited expectantly.
“I’m not following you.”
“She had affairs, Jamie. Lots of them, I bet. How do you think she blew all that money? Buying dresses? Uh uh—she was supporting lovers over there. Putting them up in expensive hotels, wining and dining them, doing God knows what. Then she’d get guilty, I guess, come running home and pretend to be the loving wife and mother for a few months before she went off and did it again.”
Jamie stepped back. “How on earth do you figure that?”
“Because she did it here, too.”
“You can’t know that,” he said.
“I saw them,” she blazed. “Up against a stall, Mack’s hands braced against the wall, my mom’s arms around his neck, her legs around his waist. Do you want to hear more?”
“Shit.” Jamie shifted uncomfortably. “I’m sorry, Claire.”
“Well, sorry doesn’t fix it.”
He rubbed a hand over his face. “No wonder you left. Did you ever…say anything?”
“To my father? No. I couldn’t. I never looked him in the eye again, either. He had to know.” She shook her head. “I was so angry at him, too—angry that he didn’t stop her, or leave her, or something.”
“You hardly ever came home after that.”
“How could I?”
“And now they’re gone.”
A sob nearly escaped her at his plain-spoken words. Now they were gone, and she couldn’t ask her mother why, or tell her father how sorry she was that his wife betrayed him, or tell either one of them good-bye.
“Let’s ride.” She moved toward Storm, who’d wandered off a few paces in the darkness.
“Claire, wait. Just a minute.” His hand on her wrist held her in place. “You have to forgive them or it’ll tear you apart.”
She tried to speak. Couldn’t. This time when she tugged, he let her go.
SHE FELT BETTER once she was back on Storm. Jamie took the lead again, retracing their steps and as the gravesite receded, she was able to breathe. Jamie was right—her parents were gone and there wasn’t anything she could do to fix the past. Despite everything that happened she missed them both horribly.
Would spending more time here on the ranch make that worse or better? It felt so good to ride again. Could she return to Billings after six weeks on the ranch? Could she take off to travel around the world after spending so much time at home? Would she be able to carry off her revenge or would she fall for Jamie’s charm? She snorted and Jamie looked back over his shoulder.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“You want to go back or go on?” Jamie asked.
Scanning the terrain, she saw the lights of the Big House to her left, the open range ahead of them. A flicker of a memory set her nerves alight. She knew one way to leave the past behind.
“Race you to the lookout!”
Storm responded almost before she issued her command, bunching her muscles and bursting into an all-out gallop that made Claire cry out in joy. Her hair whipped back behind her as her own muscles responded, naturally lifting her into a crouch over the saddle as Storm picked up speed. She gripped the reins firmly and moved with Storm until she felt it was her own legs running, her own heart pounding fit to burst as they flew over the ground. Her laughter pealed out as they raced on and on and she didn’t even look back to see if Jamie was following. She didn’t care.
This was freedom. This was living. How had she forgotten?
“Come on, Storm,” she urged and the horse responded, going even faster. Just as she had as a teenager, she was flying toward a ridge that overlooked the river valley, with a moon climbing the sky and the whole world to herself. She was invincible on the back of a horse. She could do anything.
“This way.” Storm knew what she wanted. They veered off down a slope and then up again, skirted a stand of brush. It was her own way to the ridge, the one Jamie had avoided last time they took this ride together. They’d been fourteen and sixteen then, before all the trouble with Mack started. Before her family fell apart. They’d snuck out one night onto the range, stole two of the ranch’s best racehorses and galloped over the terrain like they were chased by the hounds of hell.
“Claire!” he called now, but he was too far behind to stop her. She knew he’d divert her from this trail if he could. No one took this jump.
No one but her.
She rode flat out, skimming the ground, Storm’s stride so long she flowed like the river water so far below.
“Claire! No!”
Too late.
As one, horse and woman leaped out over the abyss, cleared the wash of logs an old creek had pushed together and jammed up against an outcropping of rock making an obstacle so high and wide that most horses would balk rather than go over it.
Storm cleared it like an eagle swooping to the sky with its prey.
Claire raced up the ridge, then slowed Storm to a canter, then a walk. Jamie caught up, flung himself off his horse and strode toward her, grabbing the reins out of her hands.
“What the hell are you thinking?”
“I knew she could do it.”
“It’s dark, Claire. That jump’s stupid in the light. You have no right to risk…”
“I knew she could do it.”
Claire gave Storm one last caress, pressed her cheek to her mane and hoped the horse knew half of what she felt at this moment. She slid down and faced Jamie.
“I knew…I got on her and I felt…I felt…” She couldn’t put it into words. “Oh, God, Jamie—”
His scowl turned into a reluctant grin as she grappled for words. “You forgot what it feels like, didn’t you?”
He was right—she’d forgotten everything about riding horses. What it felt like to work as one with an animal, to streak over the ground, to break free from the every day into eternity.
Her nerves on fire, pulse still racing in her veins, she felt a hunger for life she hadn’t felt in months.
Years.
And Jamie looked so good.
She took a step toward him, wanting something—wanting…
With a groan he pulled her to him, bent to cover her mouth with his, tangled his hands in her hair, devoured her. He tasted so good she forgot her reasons for keeping him at bay. She wanted more. She wanted to be closer to him, pressing against him. His hands sliding over her skin brought every nerve alight and she stood on her tiptoes, the better to crush her mouth against his. Jamie groaned, an animal sound, and she leaned into him, covering him with kisses. The bristles of his beard scraped her lips and she relished the feeling; it let her know this was real—this was happening.
She ripped at the buttons of his shirt, pushed it off him, smoothed her hands over his hard chest.
“Claire,” Jamie breathed. He worked at the buttons of her dress, searching for a way to get it off of her. Claire dragged him to his knees and he cradled her in his arms.
It wasn’t enough.
She knew she would regret this, but she didn’t care. She’d wanted this for so long—wanted Jamie for so long, whether he was good for her or not. Whether he’d stay with her or smash her heart to smithereens. With one hand she brushed the ground free of sticks and pinecones, then lay back and pulled him on top of her, kicking off her boots.
“Claire,” he said. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” How had she waited t
his long? How had she thought she could resist him? Intoxicated by the night, the moon, the ride, the champagne, all she felt was the burning desire that pulsed within her—the desire only he could fulfill.
“You ready to lose our bet right now?” he said.
“That doesn’t start until tomorrow.”
She fumbled with his jeans and he pushed her hands away, doing the job for her with the ease of long practice.
“You think one time with me is gonna do it for you?” Together they slipped off her dress and she unclasped her bra. Suddenly shy, she waited until Jamie’s calloused hands slid the straps off her shoulders.
“Let me see you,” he said, his voice husky with emotion.
She let it fall, leaned back and watched his face in the moonlight. She saw wonder in his eyes, his own hunger. Then he moved forward and covered her with his lean body. She had no idea if one time would satisfy her for a minute or a lifetime and she didn’t care. All she wanted was Jamie. Inside of her. Loving her.
“Protection?” he breathed.
“I’m on the pill.” She let out a ragged moan as his hardness pressed against her core. “Please, Jamie—now.”
He pushed inside her with one strong stroke and she arched back, crying out. Sliding out and pressing back in again they soon found their rhythm and she gripped him, pulling him against her, gasping when her nipples bounced against his chest, matching his pace as his movements lifted her higher and higher, closer….
“Yes. Jamie, yes!” They moved faster, Jamie pumped harder within her and anticipation built until with one final stroke she fell over the edge of desire and cried out again, clinging to Jamie, digging her nails into his skin until she shuddered to a stop, sinking back against the rough ground.
Jamie collapsed on top of her, nuzzling her neck as she stared up at the blaze of stars that covered the sky. She wanted to stay here for all eternity. Wanted to hold her breath and forget everything.
Please don’t let this end. Please don’t let me think…
Too late.
As her breathing slowed, reality came crashing back, leaving her emptier than she’d been before. Suddenly sober, horror washed through her. Jamie’s trick had worked. He’d stuck a stupid ring on her finger and she’d spread her legs. Now Jamie had what he wanted, he’d be on to the next woman before she could blink. Hadn’t she learned anything? Now she could never come home again, because there Jamie would be, watching her, laughing at her, swapping tales with the others of how he’d bagged her.
What had she done?
“Ah, Claire,” Jamie said. “Forget the bet. Let’s go find that preacher and get married right now.”
She lay still while he kissed her cheek, her jaw. An hour ago she’d felt so alone. Now she’d connected—with Jamie. With Storm, too.
With her old life.
And she had to leave it behind again. All of it behind. A wordless agony built within her at the thought of turning her back on it all again. How would she find the strength this time? Fury at her mother, fury at Jamie had kept her at bay before. Now she was just tired. And sad.
And alone.
Tears pricked her eyes as the ring’s glitter in the moonlight echoed the stars dotting the sky above her. No matter what words he said to her now, tomorrow morning the joke would be on her. Jamie wasn’t capable of staying with one woman. He’d propose tonight, and take it all back tomorrow. Just like Daniel making his empty promises.
She couldn’t stand it if she said yes to Jamie and he cast her off.
Meeting his gaze as he slid off her and touched her cheek, she realized she had to stop this right now. She sat up and began to gather her clothes.
“What’s the hurry?” he said, his voice warm and caressing. He looked at his watch. “We still have time. We could go another round.”
“No, we can’t,” she said, fastening her bra and tugging up her panties.
He stilled. “Something wrong?” He stood up, too. God, he was magnificent in the moonlight. Claire ached to toss her clothing to the wind and jump him again.
“This. Us. We can’t do this,” she forced herself to say, turning her back to him as she shrugged into her dress.
“Hell, you’re kidding, right? Tell me you’re kidding, Claire.” He stalked around to face her. “This ain’t no one night stand.”
“Yes, it is. I’m sorry—I got carried away.”
“Came to your senses finally is more like it.”
Tugging on her boots, she stalked off toward Storm. Jamie followed. “Hey, we’re not done here.”
“Yes, we are.” She tried to keep going, but he refused to let her, drawing her into an embrace she knew just might be the end of her resolve.
“You can’t tell me you don’t feel something for me. Hell, you’re the one who started this.”
“I shouldn’t have had sex with you. That was wrong.” So wrong. It had pried the lid off the feelings she’d managed to clamp down inside her for months. Suddenly she was blinking back tears for the third time tonight. She was never setting foot on this stupid ranch again. Knowing it was fruitless, she tugged at the ring again. Stuck.
“Well, I’m not sorry,” he said and stepped away. “And I’m holding you to our bargain. You said you’d help me with my house and with the trail rides.”
“Oh, come on,” she said, her voice cracking. She folded her arms across her chest, cold now away from Jamie’s embrace. She just needed to live through the next few hours—see the happy couple off on their honeymoon, clean up a bit, and retire to the room she was occupying in the Big House for the weekend. She could do it—she knew she could.
“No, I’m serious. Unless you’ve turned into the biggest liar west of the Mississippi. You can stand there and tell me you regret making love with me, but I won’t let you go back on your promise to help me out.”
Why wouldn’t he let her go? He’d gotten what he’d wanted—did he really need to drag her through the rest of this farce? To prove what? That he held all the cards?
He was right. She was lying to him, but how could she tell him the truth? That she wanted nothing more than to be with him, to chuck everything to the wind—everything—and just make sweet love to him all night long, but she couldn’t—wouldn’t—because she couldn’t trust him or any man after what she’d been through. Because she’d been privy to far too many of the practical jokes he and Ethan and his friends played, and she couldn’t stand knowing she was the victim of another one of them.
“Fine, I’ll help you.” Anything to get away from him now. She had to get home before she lost her composure for good. Before she started crying and couldn’t ever stop again.
Jamie brushed past her to reach his clothes. He leaned close and spoke into her ear. “And you’ll marry me before we’re through.”
LONG PAST WHEN they’d brought the horses back to the stable, wiped them down and put away their saddles and tack, long past when he’d walked Claire back to the bunkhouse and left her there after kissing her softly despite her stony resistance, Jamie lay awake, sketching their future out in his mind.
Working together to design an interior for his home. Leading guests on trail rides and helping build the guest ranch business. Getting married and having babies….
Things hadn’t gone exactly according to plan today, but he wasn’t entirely dissatisfied.
He’d been with Claire.
He’d made love to her.
Man, oh man. It had been everything he’d dreamed of—and that was only the first time. He had no doubt they could rock the rafters when they really got down to it. He should have found a way to get her on a horse sooner. She just never made it easy.
All those years grinding through school, working, saving his money. It had all paid off. She wanted him. She wanted to come back to the ranch.
She just didn’t want to admit it yet.
CLAIRE BENT OVER the sink in the bathroom off her old bedroom in the Big House, lathering her hands furiously, her tears mingling with t
he water running down the drain.
She’d made love to Jamie, and it had felt so good. And now that it was over—well and truly over—she thought her heart would tear in two again. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t forget the way he’d felt inside her, the way his mouth had trailed kisses down her neck. The way he’d looked into her eyes as ecstasy ripped through her core. Baring herself to him had felt as right as slipping into Chance Creek on a hot summer afternoon.
She loved him.
After all this time and what he’d done, she still loved him.
It wasn’t fair—he was playing a game and she was losing her mind. And, damn it, his stupid ring wouldn’t come off her finger.
Swiping hot tears away, she flipped open the medicine cabinet doors and searched through the products she’d put there the preceding evening. Hand lotion. Maybe that would do the trick.
She squirted a big dollop on her finger and worked it in. Tugging on the silver band once again, she groaned when it still hung up around her knuckle.
She hated Jamie for doing this to her—reducing her to a sniveling, shaking, furious mess. She had to get the ring off. Had to show him she wasn’t buying his tricks. Wouldn’t be a victim of his games.
The ring popped off.
Claire half-laughed, half-sobbed as she slid down to sit on the bathroom floor. Cool tile reminded her she was still in her sundress. Her bare feet poked out from under its long skirt.
She studied the ring, a ring she’d be proud to wear under different circumstances—if Jamie really loved her, and if he was capable of sustaining that love. Her finger felt bare without it and she felt empty, too—as if she’d shucked off her connections to her old life on the ranch when she’d taken it off.
In a way that’s what she’d done, wasn’t it? She was choosing a trip abroad and then life in Billings over trying to build some kind of a new life here on the ranch. She thought about how it might have been to go through with the wedding; working together, having children someday, sharing the property with Ethan and Autumn, being surrounded by all their friends.