There All Along

by Lauren Dane

  “I can come more often. I told you about the higher frequency of deliveries now. My job isn’t only to run transport escorts. I teach at the academy too. We come off the road and have mandated off time every moon. I have a house in Shelter City. You can come stay there with me or I can come here. It’ll be more than it is now. But I can’t just toss you in my escort vehicle today. That’s not how it works. There are regulations about it and even if there weren’t I’m not sure it’s a good choice for either of us.”

  “I’m not helpless! I can shoot. I can read maps. Do you imagine I’ll sit next to you and ask if we’re nearly there every few minutes?”

  He wisely stifled a laugh at that. “No. That has not even crossed my mind. But I have to be utterly focused on the road when I am on an escort. Not on the beautiful woman next to me and her sweet pussy I’d rather be buried in.”

  “Are you serious? I can’t come with you because you can’t think with your head? You trust Marcus and Trinity and I know they have sex!”

  “They’re trained for the job, Verity. Trinity has been a lawman since she was sixteen. And they’re not the leader of the crew. Neither of them. They all look to me to keep them safe. It’s my job. I can’t just bring my woman on the road with me because she’s lonely.”

  She narrowed her eyes and he held his hands up quickly, recognizing the danger he faced. “I didn’t mean it the way it came out.”

  “How did you mean it then? You seem to think I’m asking you to come along, giving up everything here because I’m a sad spinster who wants to be entertained every moment.”

  “You’re not a spinster. That’s the first thing. And I don’t think, nor did I say you were bored and wanted to be entertained. People try to kill lawmen on the Highway. In the garrisons I have to mete out justice. How will you feel when you watch me shoot someone in the head in the public square?”

  “I’d feel bad for you because I know you’d hate it. But it would be necessary and I know that. Probably better than you do. I live out here. I understand the pressures of abiding by the law. I understand lawmen are the line between civilization and brigands.”

  He scratched his beard, wishing she wasn’t so fucking perceptive and undoing all his arguments one by one.

  “Damn it. Don’t you understand what I’m saying? I can’t bear the thought of anything happening to you. That I’d be the reason for it when you could be here, or in Shelter City, safe. I can’t risk you out there with me. I can’t and I won’t. Not because of what I think you’d do, but of what could happen to you.”

  “I can’t stay here. I realized it yesterday when Constance and I were arguing. I will always be . . . beholden here. Stuck in the ways I’m supposed to act. Every day I wake up and I’m alone. And I know it will only be allowed so long and I’ll have to make a choice. A choice to marry a man like Jackson or to accept that I’ll be unwed and asexual. Right now I’m given some freedom, yes. But my sister voiced something that is totally true. My remaining here without being married will turn people away. So I’d have to turn off my sexuality. No dating. No fucking. Nothing. I’d have to let that part of me dry up so I can remain unwed.

  “Or I could just give in and marry a man like Jackson. If I’m lucky. If I don’t move on that within an annum or two I’d have less choices. Worse choices. I can’t wait for you to come to town the way I have been. Those times are ending. My freedom is drying up. I don’t want to dry up and blow away like dust.”

  He started and stopped a few times trying to find the words. Finally she shook her head.

  “You can’t know what it’s like. You’re a man from the center. You don’t have to make choices in the same way just to exist. I’m telling you I can’t make that choice. I can’t. I’m telling you I love you and I want to be with you. I want the world out there, violence and all. Better that than slowly dying.”

  The horn sounded outside, signaling the start of the day. And the time for him to be readying to leave.

  “I will be back for you. There’s no need to let Jackson in your bed just because you’re mad you can’t get your way.” He said the last angrily and she wanted to throw her teacup at him because he still didn’t seem to grasp what she had said totally.

  “That’s what you think? You think all this is a temper tantrum?”

  She noted the wariness in his gaze as he realized the danger in her tone.

  “No. I understand your frustration, but I don’t like all this talk of other men. Especially when I’ve told you I loved you and we’d be together. I can’t take you in my escort. I already told you. Stay here. Be safe. I’ll be back. I swear to you.”

  She stood up, loving him so much it cut into her belly like knives. “Will you be back to take me permanently or will we have this discussion again?”

  “What brought all this on? You haven’t done this when I left in the past.”

  “I’m so tired. I’m done, Loyal. I’m done trying to make due. Being in love with you . . . having you in my bed it’s . . . I can’t pretend not to see it anymore. I can’t be happy living half of a life. Not when I’ve had glimpses of what I could have otherwise. You woke something up. In my belly. My heart. It’s torture to imagine having to go back to my old life when you drive away today. Last night after my sister left I realized I’d been living like a shadow. I had no idea I was capable of loving someone the way I do you. But even for you I can’t do it. I’m giving Tobin half my savings so he has credits to live on while he’s in training. I’ll be stuck here now for several more annum. And I can’t be a stop on your Highway map, truly alive for a few days here and there.”

  “I have to go now. I have to lead the team to get ready to leave.” He stood, moving to her, taking her hands. “I love you, Verity Coleman. We can make this work. Please believe that. Believe in me.”

  She took a deep, shaky breath and pushed past her exhaustion and impatience to remember the feel of his mouth on hers, of the way he touched her. She’d find the patience to wait. For now. “Don’t make me wait too long. I love you too.”

  He pulled her into his arms, hugging her. She tipped her face up and he rained kisses all over it. The tenderness mixing with ferocity and relief.

  “I packed already. Will you walk me out?” He took her hand, wanting it to be known that she was his. All the talk about her lack of choices and it possibly driving her to another man had stirred something up inside and he needed to soothe it before he got in that vehicle and was trapped for the next four hours until they got back to Shelter City.

  And he wanted to reassure her as well. He knew she remained unsettled. Knew she’d wanted more than he could give just then. But he wanted to give her as much as he possibly could, hating to leave with anything unsettled between them.

  He’d never really had concern for much more than his badge and his crew. Something deep had unleashed and flowed into the rest of his consciousness with the sort of completeness that felt like it had been part of him forever. Belonging. He belonged to her. He hated the idea of her unhappiness in a way he couldn’t have imagined even just half an annum prior.

  Whatever it was, he was old enough to accept it for what it was. It’d be stupid to fight it. He wanted her so he’d take the good and the bad along with it.

  “I have to get down to the mercantile anyway. Constance won’t be there to help. I’ve spoke with a few others who work for me off and on through the annum when we get real busy. But there’ll be a crush now that the horns have sounded and folks know you’re all leaving.”

  He kissed her again, taking his time.

  “I’ll be at the escort before you all leave though. I promise.”

  He kissed her before he grabbed his satchel and they headed out.

  • • •

  Silver Cliffs was buzzing with activity. After the restrictions of the last days and the fear of the brigands, people had places to go and things to do. T
here was a line up already at the mail window.

  And on the porch in front of the mercantile Loyal pulled her close and laid another kiss on her right out in front of god and everyone. It left her breathless and a little weak in the knees.

  “I’ll see you in a bit then.”

  She watched him amble away, unable to hide her smile of appreciation.

  “He does cut a fine figure going as well as coming,” one of the elderly women said as she made her way up the steps heading into the mercantile.

  Verity laughed. “Yes, ma’am, he surely does.”

  She worked a steady shift, taking and bundling mail and packages until she closed up and headed into the store. The crowd had thinned. Tobin nodded toward the door to the loading bay. All the mail was on a rolling cart she needed to get out back. But she wanted to check in with everyone first.

  “Been stacking up orders, barter goods and the like near the bay doors.”

  “Thank you. I’ll go be sure it gets on the transport.”

  She headed through the back and took a moment, standing in the dim behind a tall shelf to find her breath and gather herself.

  She hated the fact that he’d be gone again in just a while. Hated that her life would slide back into that place it was before he’d arrived. Worse, she supposed since things had gotten so serious between them. Since she’d delivered an ultimatum and he’d taken it seriously.

  If he decided to say no, or came back and tried to push for things to remain as they were, what would she do? She’d use the next break before he came back to really think on her options.

  But for right then she’d do her job and also see him off. Store up all the last moments she could before he disappeared like smoke.

  When she walked out into the brighter space, she pushed the loading bay doors all the way open and waved at the transport driver. “Ready to load up.”

  It was quick work from then on. Part of their routine in each garrison. She handed things off and smiled sideways at Loyal when he hopped up beside her and pitched in.

  “We’re off then. Heading back to Shelter City. Going to do some quick check-ins at the garrisons on the way, make sure everyone is safe.”

  She nodded, hoping her fear for him didn’t show too much.

  He pulled her into a hug and she went, squeezing him tight, breathing him in. “Come back to me,” she whispered.

  “I promise. You stay safe. Keep up the target practice. Stay ready, and if they come and you can’t hold them off, you get your pretty butt to that exit in the wall you showed me. In fact, I want you to take some supplies out there. Just store them in the space and if you have to run, you can. Or use the bolt-hole. Either way, be prepared to get out if and when you have to.”

  That was a very good idea actually. She nodded. “I know the back country well. I can head up into the mountains.”

  “Good girl.” He broke the hug but kept her hand until he jumped down and then grabbed her waist and swung her down next to him, taking her hand again as they walked to his vehicle.

  “Safe travels, lawman.”

  “Safe travels, milady.” He slid into the seat and strapped himself in after he’d locked his weapon into the slot on the dash where he could reach it easily in an emergency. His face had lost the softness he’d worn for her and took on the wariness he’d need for the road.

  She trailed to the gate as they drove away before she headed back up the hill to the mercantile to work her days through until he returned.

  15

  As they hit the Highway back to Shelter City they had a fairly quiet first hour or two. Loyal pushed thoughts of her from his head as he did the job. After a bit it became clear they were riding in the wake of a band of brigands. Whether it was the leftovers from the group that had attempted the siege on Silver Cliffs or not, he didn’t know.

  “You see this?” he spoke into the headset that connected him to the other vehicles in the escort.

  They’d been ambushed before. Caution was a necessary thing out there on the Highway. But they couldn’t just drive past without checking for survivors.

  Indigo answered. “Yeah. I don’t know how far behind them we are.”

  “The engine on that truck ahead is still smoking. It can’t be that far at all,” Stace added.

  A snarl of vehicles littered the roadside. The tires had been blown, the windows broken. Loyal knew there’d be parts missing from the engines and whatever else could be stripped that the brigands might have needed.

  There was no sign that people remained and most likely there wouldn’t be. Brigands took slaves or killed everyone. They didn’t leave much behind.

  “Trinity, Marcus, you two ease up. I’m going to pull over. I want to be sure we don’t have survivors.”

  He got out his field glasses and checked out the treeline. They had heat tech so he could see body signatures, even if they were invisible to the naked eye. Nothing but some small game, which was a good sign there weren’t any brigands around.

  He flashed his lights and let the rest know what he was going to do, popping the catch on his shotgun and easing from his vehicle.

  The men in the transport truck had a mounted gun and once they stopped, everyone was on full alert. Indigo pulled up and got out, giving Loyal coverage.

  Burning rubber and metal, blood, the stench of it never failed to clench in his belly. He’d gotten past the wanting to vomit part, but the juxtaposition of blood against the glitter of shattered glass glittering in the sun made a sort of aching, violent beauty.

  Blood led him to the bodies. Three adult males with offensive and defensive wounds. So they’d gone down fighting at least.

  The central government didn’t approve of private traffic on the Highway, but it wasn’t prohibited. There would always be people who wanted to do their own thing. He understood that sense of freedom and independence. Sometimes people wanted to holiday down in Shelter City. Or they moved from one garrison to another.

  This group though—he looked around—were traders most likely, from the looks of the shells of the vehicles left on the road. Commerce made the world go round.

  “Anything?” Indigo approached, his gaze shifting as he remained on watch.

  “No. Let’s take care of these bodies.”

  They had powder that would disintegrate the bodies. All lawmen transports carried it. Leaving dead bodies around encouraged disease. The powder got rid of the attractive and yet deadly target for predators and illness.

  It took ten minutes to clean up. Ten minutes to erase the existence of these men, whoever they were. Fathers, husbands, brothers, sons.

  A fucking waste.

  “Let’s go. We got some roadway to make up. Be on the alert, we may roll up on them as they’re in action.” He turned the engine over and the ferocious rumble slid up his spine. He didn’t need to tell them to shoot to kill or anything of the like. They knew what to do. It was always the same.

  You couldn’t bargain with brigands. Couldn’t take them in as prisoners. It was a waste of time and money, of space in the jails. There was one way to deal with brigands and that was to kill them. Period.

  They tore up the Highway toward Shelter City. It loomed ahead, shimmering like a dream. If they didn’t encounter any trouble, they’d be rolling up to the outer gates in less than an hour.

  But of course, ifs were what they were and as they rounded a hairpin curve heading up a steep incline, Bren’s voice barked over the comm system.

  “Company about a click back.”

  Shit. They could probably run for it. The brigands would most likely peel away from a chase once they got a little closer to Shelter City where there’d be a higher chance of a patrol and they’d be vastly outnumbered and outgunned.

  But they’d have to haul ass with a transport vehicle full of goods.

  “Lead them around this cor
ner. If we’re clear, get the transport to the rear as we turn to head them off. Vests on. I’ve just sent a signal to Shelter City operations to let them know we’re about to engage the enemy.”

  Once they’d cleared the turn and there was no sign of an ambush, the transport vehicle, with Indigo and Marcus on either side, pushed past Loyal, who spun his vehicle and got out.

  Time seemed to slow down then.

  All the training in the world can’t prepare a man for this moment. When everything feels slowed down and sped up all at once. When all he’d really have was instinct and hope that his will to survive was greater than his opponent’s.

  He flipped the holster on his thigh open and chambered a round for the shotgun as he moved to the center of the Highway.

  The surface of the roadway beneath his feet vibrated as he took a deep breath to center himself. Indigo and Stace fanned right and left. He knew the transport had pulled all the extra shielding into place and the gunner would have his weapon aimed.

  Trinity’s footsteps, along with Marcus as they all got into place.

  There were no pithy sayings. No hoots or calls to arms.

  They all stood and waited until the brigands came around that corner. His muscles burned from the way he held himself until he forced them to relax. This was what he was born to do and he would do it.

  Going to one knee, Loyal allowed himself a smile as he aimed and shot out the front right tire and then the left.

  The tanklike vehicle lost control and sailed off the Highway into the ravine that ran to the west of the Highway.

  “Two more to go.”

  They came again, around the corner, no slower than the first vehicle.

  Bullets peppered the roadway at Loyal’s feet as he jerked his attention away from the blacktop to the van barreling toward them.

  Still standing, Marcus took aim and shot out the windshield as Trinity took out the driver with a head shot. The last vehicle slammed into the back, sending them both skidding sideways.