Lullaby

by Amanda Hocking

The problem was that Gemma had never really lain about before. She was always tan, but that was because she spent so much time in the bay. It didn’t take long before she gave up; she just couldn’t lie still that long.

  The balcony outside her room hung about twenty feet from the ground. The ceilings on the first floor were tall, making the balcony exceptionally high. A railing of horizontal bars—painted white, of course— ran around the side of it to keep anyone from accidentally falling over.

  Gemma went over to the edge and sat down, dangling her legs over the side and resting her arms on the lowest bar. She stared out at the ocean and swung her legs back and forth.

  “I see you’re feeling better,” Thea said from the balcony next to hers. Each one of the five bedrooms that faced the ocean had its own balcony, and Thea’s room was closest to Gemma’s.

  “Much better,” Gemma admitted.

  “It’s the ocean that does it, you know,” Thea told her. “Something about the transformation heals all your aches and pains. ”

  “Yeah, I figured that. ”

  “If you swim every day, you buy yourself some time,” Thea said. “It’ll help keep your body from completely falling apart. But eventually you will have to eat. ” She paused, running a hand through her hair. “But if you want to put that off, then I’d suggest you swim as often as you can. ”

  “Thanks,” Gemma said, genuinely surprised that Thea had offered her any tips.

  Thea didn’t say anything to that. She stayed outside a moment longer, then turned and went back into the house.

  Gemma knew she should take Thea’s advice, but she didn’t want to just yet. She felt content. Or at least as close to content as she’d felt since coming here. She’d been in so much pain lately that just the absence of pain felt amazing.

  She was about to get up and go down to swim when Sawyer wandered out to the balcony. He’d gone shirtless today, opting to walk around in drawstring pants. Not that Gemma minded all that much. Her heart might belong to Alex, but she wasn’t blind.

  “Do you care if I join you?” Sawyer asked.

  Gemma shrugged. “It’s your house. You can do what you want. ”

  “Is it my house?” Sawyer sounded perplexed as he sat down next to Gemma, dangling his own legs over the edge of the balcony.

  “Yeah, it’s your house. ” Gemma gave him an odd look. “At least that’s what you told me the other day. ”

  “Right, right. ” He shook his head as if to clear it. “Of course. It’s my house. ” He leaned against the railing, resting his chin on his arms. “It’s just that lately it feels more like Penn’s house. ”

  “Yeah, I can understand that,” she said. He sighed, and she turned to face him. “Do you even like her?”

  “Penn?” Sawyer asked, then nodded quickly. “Yes. Of course I like her. I’m crazy about her. I don’t think I can live without her. ”

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  “Why?” Gemma asked him directly.

  “Because…” He furrowed his brow, seemingly finding it difficult to think of a single reason why. “I feel so restless when she’s not around, like I can’t get comfortable. ”

  Gemma knew that Sawyer didn’t really care about Penn, at least not to the degree that he acted. But she thought he’d at least cite Penn’s beauty or her voice as a reason for being so devoted to her.

  She wondered what his absence of reasons meant. Maybe Sawyer didn’t like Penn at all. If Penn took away the siren song, he might even detest her. But Gemma would probably never know how he really felt about Penn.

  “I know I love her,” Sawyer said finally. “But when I try to think of why, it’s all a blur. All I can hear is her song. ”

  “If you try to think, her song drowns it out?” Gemma asked.

  “Yeah, kind of. ” He nodded. “Sometimes it’s Lexi’s, too, but mostly it’s Penn’s. She sings to me a lot. I don’t think she likes when Lexi does. ”

  “Why do you say that?” Gemma asked.

  “She always tells me not to listen to Lexi’s song,” he said. “And that’s really hard to do, because her song is the most beautiful I’ve ever heard. ”

  “Yeah, I can agree with that. ”

  Lexi’s song didn’t have the same power on Gemma that it once had. She still felt compelled to sing along with her, but she had no urge to do her or any of the sirens’ bidding. Still, Lexi had the loveliest singing voice Gemma had ever heard.

  “Do you think…” Sawyer’s face scrunched up, as if he were in pain. “Does Penn love me?”

  Gemma was shocked that he’d even asked her that question, and she didn’t know how to answer. She briefly considered lying to him, telling him the kinds of things she thought he’d want to hear, but she didn’t see the point.

  “What has she told you?” Gemma asked, carefully avoiding answering directly.

  “When I tell her I love her, she usually just laughs,” Sawyer said. “She doesn’t really say how she feels about me. She just yells at me a lot and tells me I’m an idiot. ”

  “No, Penn doesn’t love you,” Gemma told him. “She’s just using you. I don’t know if she even likes you. ”

  She turned toward him to watch his reaction. His blue eyes stayed locked on the view of the ocean, and he looked hurt but not surprised.

  “Yeah. That’s what I thought. ” When he spoke again, he sounded disappointed, but more with himself than with Penn’s lack of affection.

  “She put a spell on you,” Gemma said, trying to ease his sadness. “She’s a siren, and she’s used her songs to trick you into thinking you feel a certain way about her. But you don’t. ”

  “No,” Sawyer said quickly. “No, that’s not true. I really love her. It’s not some spell. ”

  “Well, you can think what you want, but it is a spell. ” She turned back to the water.

  “You really think Penn’s a siren?” Sawyer asked.

  “Yep. ”

  “Lexi and Thea, too?”

  “Yep. ”

  He thought about it, then asked, “What’s a siren?”

  “A siren is sorta like a mermaid, but they can enchant people with their voices, usually men,” Gemma said.

  The explanation was longer than that, but she didn’t think Sawyer needed to know all the details. The Cliffs Notes version would do.

  “Oh,” he said. “Are you a siren?”

  “Yeah, I am,” Gemma said, her voice heavy with regret.

  “But you’re not like the others. ”

  “Because I’m not as pretty?”

  “No, no, you’re all pretty. ” He waved off that idea. “But when I’m around you, I can actually think. You feel different. ”

  “I feel different?” Gemma raised an eyebrow. “You’ve never touched me. ”

  “No, not the way you physically feel. The way you … are, I guess,” Sawyer said. “Your presence when you walk into a room. You feel real. The other girls, they feel like dreams I made up in the night. Or sometimes they feel like nightmares.

  “And I don’t know why you said you’re not as pretty,” Sawyer said. “You’re just as pretty as they are, maybe prettier when you smile. ”

  Gemma smiled. “Thanks. ”

  “If me and Penn don’t work out, do you think that we could go on a date sometime?” Sawyer asked.

  “Me and you?” Gemma laughed. “No, I don’t think so. ”

  “Why not?” Sawyer asked. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

  She kept smiling, but it became pained. Gemma had been trying not to think about Alex that much, since it wouldn’t do her any good, and it still broke her heart a little every time she did.

  “Yeah,” she said thickly. “I do have a boyfriend. ”

  “Then why isn’t he here?” Sawyer asked. “I don’t think I could stand to be away from you if I was your boyfriend. ”

  “He, um…” Gemma licked her lips and looked down at the beach below
her. “He had to stay back home. It’s safer for him there. ”

  “Oh. You mean ’cause of Penn?”

  “Yeah. ” She nodded once. “Because of Penn. ”

  “Do you love him?” Sawyer asked.

  “Yeah, I love him. ” Gemma laughed again, this time to keep from crying. “I love him so much. ”

  “Does he love you?” Sawyer asked.

  Gemma thought back to the last kiss she’d shared with Alex in the cabin before she’d left with the sirens. It had felt real and true, shooting through her like electricity. Penn insisted that Alex wouldn’t be capable of loving her now that she was a siren, but Gemma knew Alex, and he couldn’t fake the way he felt about her.

  “Yeah,” Gemma said finally, with tears in her eyes. “I think he does. ” She sniffled. “Sorry for getting so emotional. ”

  “It’s okay. I probably won’t remember this conversation anyway,” Sawyer said, displaying a surprising bit of self-awareness.

  Gemma wiped at her eyes and looked at him. “What do you mean?”

  “I can’t seem to remember much of anything anymore. ” He shook his head. “Everything’s a blur of images. ”

  “I’m sorry,” she said sadly. “For all of this. I’m sorry that the sirens are doing this to you. You seem like a nice guy, and you deserve better than this. ”

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  “I don’t know. I’m not sorry. It’s kind of fun. ” He smiled, but the smile seemed sad. “Four beautiful girls in my house, and I’m in love with Penn. Some things are strange and my memory isn’t so great, but it’s still … fun. ”

  “I hope that’s true,” Gemma said.

  Sawyer let out a long breath. “Me, too. ”

  ELEVEN

  Runaway

  “Where is she?” Nathalie shouted, her voice taking on a feverish pitch.

  “She’s not here, Mom,” Harper said, and rubbed her forehead.

  This was not at all how she imagined their weekly visit going. She’d actually considered not coming today, but her father was busy meeting with Bernie’s lawyer, Dean Stanton. Harper had even thought about hanging out with Daniel, but he was busy working on a job repairing someone’s fence.

  So Harper had mistakenly thought seeing her mother at the group home would be better than spending the day alone at the house.

  But things had been rough from the start. As soon as Nathalie ran out of the house to greet Harper and saw that Gemma wasn’t with her, she’d gotten agitated, demanding to know where her younger daughter was.

  The really weird thing was that Gemma had skipped Saturday visits with Nathalie before. Gemma loved their mom and always wanted to see her, but with all her swim meets, sometimes skipping a visit couldn’t be helped. Sometimes she just wasn’t able to make it.

  Usually, when Gemma had to go to a meet, Harper would still go see Nathalie. Brian would go watch Gemma swim, so it wasn’t like she wouldn’t have anyone cheering her on. But Brian would never visit Nathalie. He just couldn’t handle it.

  When Harper visited her mom alone, she would explain where Gemma was, and Nathalie would be fine with it. Sometimes Nathalie didn’t even seem to notice.

  But this time it was as if Nathalie knew something was wrong. She knew Gemma should be here, and she wasn’t. So she freaked out.

  Harper and Becky, one of the staff who worked at Nathalie’s group home, managed to get her in the house before she totally lost it. But now it was only Nathalie and Harper in her bedroom, with Harper futilely attempting to contain the situation.

  “No, no, no,” Nathalie repeated over and over, shaking her head rapidly.

  Today Becky had done Nathalie’s hair in two long braids with a red feather woven into one. When Nathalie shook her head, Harper had to be careful to move out of the way because the braids were like whips.

  “What, Mom?” Harper asked gently.

  “This isn’t right,” Nathalie insisted. She paced her room, which was hard to do, since she’d thrown everything around in the room.

  The staff had informed Harper that Nathalie had done it yesterday during some kind of tantrum. Her clothes and stuffed animals were all over the floor, along with her stereo and her beloved Justin Bieber CDs.

  The policy here was that if Nathalie made a mess, she had to be the one to clean it up. She struggled with responsibility, and the staff were trying to make her understand the consequences of her actions. If her stuff got broken because she threw it on the floor, then she had to deal with it.

  “Mom, everything’s fine,” Harper lied. “Gemma’s fine. She’s just at a swim meet. ”

  Telling the truth wouldn’t do her mother any good, at least not right now. And Harper just wanted to get her calmed down before she hurt herself.

  “No, she’s not!” Nathalie insisted. “I’m her mother. I’m supposed to protect her. She told me where she was going, but I can’t remember where. ”

  “What?” Harper asked, and her heart stopped beating for a second. “Gemma told you where she was going?”

  “She told me when she came before, and I can’t remember. ” Nathalie hit herself in the head, rather hard by the sound of it. “My stupid brain doesn’t work!”

  “Mom, don’t hit yourself. ” Harper went over to her mother and gently touched her arm to prevent her from hitting herself again.

  “I should know this, Harper!” Nathalie wriggled away from her. In her attempt to escape, she tripped over a tennis shoe on the floor and fell.

  Harper bent to help her up, but Nathalie swatted at her, pushing her away.

  “Mom, please,” Harper said, crouching down next to her. “Let me help you. ”

  “If you want to help me, tell me where Gemma is,” Nathalie said. “I’ve lost her. ” She started crying then, heavy tears falling down her cheeks. “I can’t find her. Something’s happened to my baby, and I don’t know where she is. ”

  Harper wrapped her arms around her mother, holding her as she sobbed. She stroked her hair, and all the while Nathalie kept repeating over and over that she’d lost her baby.

  Her mother cried for a long time, and when she finally stopped, she seemed exhausted. Harper helped her into bed, and Nathalie passed out almost immediately.

  When Harper left the room, she closed the door quietly behind her so as not to wake her mother. Becky was in the kitchen, setting the table for lunch, and she gave Harper a knowing smile when she saw how weary Harper looked.

  “She’s sleeping now,” Harper said.

  “Good,” Becky said. “Maybe she’ll be in a better mood when she wakes up. ”

  “I hope so,” Harper said. “And I’m sorry about all that. ”

  It wasn’t her fault that Nathalie acted out and got out of control sometimes. Deep down, Harper knew that. But she still felt responsible for all of her mother’s bad behaviors. Whenever the family would get word about Nathalie treating the staff badly or breaking things, Harper would instantly feel guilty, like she should somehow be able to make her mother act better.

  “Don’t worry about it. ” Becky waved off the idea of guilt. “She’s been having a rough week anyway. ”

  “What do you mean?” Harper asked.

  “She’s been asking about your sister a lot, which is strange because she doesn’t ask about either of you all that often,” Becky said, then instantly looked apologetic. “I know she loves you both very much. It just doesn’t occur to her to ask about you. ”

  “No, I understand,” Harper said. “What exactly has she been asking about Gemma?”

  “Mostly just where is she and when is she coming to visit,” Becky said. “I kept telling her that Gemma would be here today, and I was really hoping that when she came today, it would calm Nathalie down. ”

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  “Sorry. I should’ve called and told you, I guess,” Harper said. “But Gemma’s not … Gemma ran away. ”

  “Oh?” Becky’s eye
s widened with concern.

  “Yeah, she left earlier this week, but we hadn’t planned on telling my mom,” Harper said. “At least not yet. I didn’t want to worry her. ”

  “Of course, I understand. ” Becky nodded. “But, gosh, that’s so weird. It’s like Nathalie knew that Gemma was missing. ”

  “Yeah, I know,” Harper agreed. “I was wondering if maybe Gemma said something to her when she visited last Sunday? Did my mom say anything about where Gemma might be going?”

  Last week, they’d skipped their Saturday visit, because Gemma had been comforting Alex over his friend Luke’s death. Harper and Gemma had gone out to see their mom on Sunday instead, and Harper had planned on going in with her, but Gemma asked to visit Nathalie alone.

  “No, sorry,” Becky said sadly. “The only thing your mom said after Gemma visited was that she was going to live with mermaids, and we didn’t put much stock in that. Maybe it means something to you?”

  “Um, no. ” Harper shook her head. She couldn’t very well tell her mother’s assisted living staff that Gemma had turned into a siren.

  “Sorry,” Becky said again. “Wish I could be of more help. ”

  “No, you’re plenty of help, thanks. ” Harper smiled faintly at her. “I’ll see you next week, then. ”

  Harper wasn’t surprised that Gemma had told their mother about what she’d planned on doing. Nathalie would’ve been the only person who wouldn’t think she was insane or try to stop her from doing something stupid.

  As hard as it had been seeing her mother act the way she had today, there was actually something sweet about it. Nathalie couldn’t remember what Gemma had said, but it had gotten through to her that her daughter was in trouble. All week she’d been worrying about her.

  Harper didn’t want her mother to be upset, but she wasn’t always sure that Nathalie still loved them. Her mother had a severe traumatic brain injury, and when it came to love, everyone always told her that Nathalie loved them “in her own way” and “as best as she could. ”

  And Harper accepted that. She just didn’t know exactly what that meant, but today it became a lot clearer.

  She left feeling even more drained than she normally did after visiting Nathalie. Along the drive home her eyes blurred with tears, and she had to blink them back so she could see the road.

  When she finally got home, she noticed her father’s truck was gone, so he was presumably still at the lawyer’s. Harper pulled in the driveway behind Gemma’s beat-up Chevy. It hadn’t moved since it had died on Gemma, and now she wondered dimly if her sister would ever drive it again.

  Harper shook her head, trying to clear it from that kind of thinking, and she knew she couldn’t spend the afternoon alone in the house.

  She got out of the car and was headed toward Alex’s house when she spotted him in the backyard. Dark clouds were gathering overhead, looking almost black on the horizon, and Alex was staring up at them.

  This wasn’t the first time Harper had caught Alex gazing up at the sky. He’d always been fascinated by the weather and the stars. In recent years, his fascination had turned into career aspirations.