by Eve Gaddy
“I’d say you are most likely pregnant, then.” Lana studied her a moment. “Forgive me, but you don’t seem very happy about it.”
“I am happy,” Maggie said, fighting back tears. “But I’m miserable, too.”
Lana leaned forward and grasped her hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Grateful for the support, Maggie shook her head. “I don’t know. It’s complicated.” And how in the hell was she going to explain this whole debacle to anyone without sounding totally insane?
“Are you and Tucker having problems? You seem so happy together.”
“It’s hard to explain. Can I ask you something else? About pregnancy?”
“Of course.”
“I had a miscarriage before. Does that mean I’m more likely to have one this time, too?”
“Not necessarily. It depends on the reason you miscarried.”
“The doctor said it was just one of those things. It was early, in the first trimester.”
“I can’t say for sure without examining you, but again, I don’t think you necessarily have to be concerned about another miscarriage.”
Her anxiety eased up a bit. “Good.”
“Does Tucker know you’re pregnant?”
“No.” And if she could possibly work it, he wasn’t going to know until they were divorced. Or at the least, until after they filed.
They heard the back door slam and Gabe’s voice came from the kitchen. “I bought four different kinds of ice cream. Well, three and a half,” he said, coming into the room with a quart of ice cream in one hand and a spoon in the other. “I put the rest in the freezer.”
Lana looked at her husband and said, “Gimme.”
“Hey, Maggie. Long time no see,” Gabe said. “There’s a little matter of payment,” he told his wife, leaning over and tapping a finger on his lips.
Lana laughed and kissed him. “Now, gimme.”
He grinned at her and handed her the ice cream.
“I’ve got to get going,” Maggie said. “Good to see both of you.”
“Let me see you to the door,” Lana said.
“No, don’t get up,” Maggie protested, but Lana ignored her. It took her a while to make it, but with Gabe’s help she finally did and walked Maggie to the front door. “I mean it,” she said in a low voice. “Anytime you want to talk you know I’m here. And whenever you’re ready, make an appointment to see me so I can examine you. I’ll tell our receptionist to get you in right away once you call.”
“Thanks, Lana.”
“Don’t wait too long.”
“I won’t. I’ll call soon.” She definitely wanted Lana to be her doctor, but she doubted she’d take her up on the offer of talking. Lana was great, and she’d be understanding, Maggie was sure. But Lana was also about to have a baby with a husband who was crazy about her and their coming child. How pathetic would Maggie sound if she told Lana the story of her fake marriage? No, better to keep it to herself. Besides, there was only one course of action. She just hoped she was strong enough to follow it.
SHE MEANT TO TALK to Tucker as soon as he came home. Clean and quick and get it over with. But Tucker didn’t give her the chance. He didn’t so much as say hello when he came into the kitchen from the garage. Instead, he spun her around and kissed her to within an inch of her life. He tasted hot, potent. His hands fell to her hips and pulled her closer. Her breasts started tingling and her body went lax. She loved him so much. Didn’t she deserve to be with him one last time? To make love with him?
No, she didn’t deserve it. Not when she was about to lie to him. “Tucker, wait. We need to talk.”
“Later.” He reached beneath her shirt and cupped her breasts, then popped the front clasp on her bra and filled his hands with her bare breasts.
Maggie shivered at the feel of his palms on her bare skin. She should resist. But she didn’t.
“I’ve been thinking about you all day,” he said. “About making love to you.” He kissed her again, thrusting his tongue deep inside her mouth, slow, wet and wild.
The next thing she knew he’d stripped her and boosted her onto the kitchen table. His mouth felt wonderful on her breasts. She should say something, anything, to stop him, but she didn’t have the will. She loved him, she wanted to be with him, one last time.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a condom. A condom he didn’t need, but she didn’t tell him that. Instead, she watched as he placed it on the table beside her, then put his mouth to her stomach.
“You are so beautiful,” he murmured against the skin of her stomach. His lips trailed down, creating rivers of sensation, and then she felt the sweep of his tongue at her center.
“Tucker, wait,” she said, putting her hands in his hair and pushing him away, even as her hips lifted to meet him.
His tongue slicked over her slowly, then he raised his head. “Why?”
She couldn’t tell him that the last time he’d made love to her this way she’d barely maintained control. It had been too intense, too…shattering. And that had been deep in the night, in the darkness of their bedroom. How much more vulnerable was she now, in the light of day, naked with him still fully clothed? How much more vulnerable knowing that this was the last time they would make love?
“I want you inside me,” she said. But she knew, no matter how they made love that she couldn’t keep the distance between them. The only way to do that was to leave him.
Something flickered in his eyes. She couldn’t tell if it was anger or hurt or something else entirely. He didn’t say anything, but simply stood back and stripped, then sheathed himself and stepped between her legs.
She closed her eyes and waited.
“Maggie, look at me.” His voice was rough and hoarse.
Though she knew it was a mistake, she opened her eyes. He lifted her hips and thrust into her with a smooth motion. She wrapped her legs around him, shuddering as he pushed into her and pulled out in a deep, driving rhythm. His eyes were shining and he kept them locked on hers as he made love to her.
Her body tightened. Her climax built, layer upon layer until it hovered just out of reach. Each time she thought she’d peak, he’d pull back, slow things down, then build her back up until she nearly screamed at the sweet torment.
His eyes still on hers, Tucker thrust deep inside her and she shattered, his name bursting from her in a sob of pleasure so intense she thought she’d died. Moments later, he followed her over, groaning her name as he spent himself inside her.
She didn’t move. She couldn’t. The most she could manage was to hold him until their breathing slowed.
“Why is it so hard for you to let anyone get close to you?” Tucker asked her long minutes later with his head resting on her breast.
She wanted to cry. “We’re naked and you’re still inside me. How much closer do you want to be?”
He raised his head and looked at her. He looked more sad than anything else. “You know what I’m talking about, Maggie. You share your body but since that first night we made love, there’s been a barrier. Every time we make love. You wouldn’t have dropped that barrier this time if I hadn’t pushed you into it.”
Her heart was breaking into a thousand pieces. “Leave it alone, Tucker. Please, just…don’t talk about it.”
He didn’t say anything else. Simply moved away from her, picked up his clothes and walked out of the room. Maggie’s throat closed up and she fought back the tears. When she gained control, she dressed. Then she went to find Tucker and tell him their marriage was over.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
TUCKER PICKED UP a heavier dumbbell and started another set. He’d rather be indulging in a nice, lazy post-coital glow, snuggling with his wife, but instead he was lifting weights, trying to get rid of the anger riding him.
He’d been primed to tell Maggie he loved her. And then he’d made love to her and sensed that damn distance she was always putting between them. She didn’t want to be close to him. How many more tim
es did she have to prove that to him before he believed it?
She enjoyed the sex. He knew that. But he wanted more. He wanted her to love him…and it was pretty damn clear she didn’t.
“Tucker, we need to talk.”
Glancing up, he saw Maggie in the doorway. She had her cop face on, which meant he couldn’t read her at all. But he had a feeling he wasn’t going to like what she wanted to talk about. He continued to lift, moving his forearm in a bicep curl. “So talk.”
“Could you quit doing that?”
He finished the set, then put the dumbbell down and looked at her. She walked farther into the room but she didn’t sit down. But then, the only place to sit was beside him on the weight bench.
“I’m going to file for divorce tomorrow.”
Great. They made love and she decided to divorce him. “I thought we’d agreed to wait on that.”
“We have waited. Grace has been with her mother for almost three weeks. It’s time to do what we planned.”
“Plans can change. I don’t think we should get divorced right now.” Or ever, but he couldn’t seem to say that.
“The only reason I can think of to stay married would be if we were in love with each other. And we’re not.”
Not entirely accurate. One of them was. But why should he lay his heart on the line when she’d only crush it? “There’s one other reason to stay married.”
“I can’t think of one.”
“I can. Say, if you were pregnant.”
She didn’t say anything. Worse, she flushed and looked away. Oh my God. Anger, and hurt, burned in his stomach. “You’re pregnant.”
“It doesn’t matter if I’m pregnant or I’m not. I’m filing for divorce tomorrow.”
He reached her before she could run out the door, halting her with his hand on her arm. “When were you going to tell me?” She didn’t answer. “Goddamn it, Maggie. Answer me. You owe me that, at least. Were you going to tell me?”
She hesitated for a long moment, then she looked at him, misery in her expression. “Yes. After we were divorced.”
He didn’t trust himself to speak. She would have denied him his child. Not permanently; he knew her better than that. But long enough to make sure they divorced before he knew about it.
“We are not getting divorced when you’re pregnant with my baby.”
“This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you until after we filed. I knew you’d fight me if you knew I was pregnant.”
“You’re damn right I will.” Oh, to hell with it. He wasn’t going to hang on to his pride when she was about to destroy their lives. He pulled her closer. “The baby isn’t the only reason I don’t want a divorce.” She looked suspicious, angry. Not in the best frame of mind to hear his confession. But he plowed on, determined to say it. “I’m in love with you, Maggie.” Even though he didn’t think she loved him. Even though she’d hurt him more than he would have believed. He still loved her.
Her expression changed to one of disbelief. “Are you? Or are you just saying that because I’m pregnant?”
“I mean it. I love you, and it has nothing to do with the baby.”
“It’s a little ironic that you didn’t think to mention this fact until after you found out I was pregnant. Not once before this have you ever said you loved me.”
He started to yell, but forced himself to be calm. “I was going to tell you today. When I came home. And then I saw you and we made love and—” To hell with being calm. “Damn it, Maggie, I didn’t tell you because you were doing your ‘let me put as much distance between Tucker and me as possible’ routine.”
She shook him off and moved away. “I’m not trapping you in a loveless marriage simply because I’m pregnant. It wouldn’t be right.”
“We don’t have a loveless marriage! I’m in love with you!”
She shook her head. “Don’t. Don’t do this, Tucker. Just let me file and don’t fight me.”
This was spiraling out of control so fast he couldn’t possibly save it. But he had to try. “Do you think I’d lie to you about something this important?”
“You’re damn right I do. If the lie resulted in you being able to do what you believe is the right thing. But it’s not, Tucker.”
She didn’t believe him. Wouldn’t believe him, no matter what he said. Or worse, maybe she did believe him and wanted to let him down easy. “You’re not in love with me. That’s the answer, isn’t it? That’s why you refuse to believe I love you.”
“My feelings aren’t the issue,” she said. “I’m going to file in the morning.” She walked out and this time he let her go.
It hurt, more than he would have believed possible, to know Maggie didn’t love him and apparently didn’t think she ever could. Their marriage had always been about the baby, not about the two of them. First Grace and now their unborn child. Maggie was pregnant. Unlike when she’d wanted to keep Grace, this time she didn’t need to live with a man she didn’t love in order to have a child.
“TUCKER, WAKE UP.”
“Hmm.” He cracked open an eye and realized Maggie was standing beside his bed, shaking him. Every miserable scene from the night before came flooding back. He sat up. “What? What’s wrong?”
“I think I’m losing the baby,” she said, and burst into tears.
He reached for her. “Sit down. Come on, sit and tell me what happened.”
She did as he said, wiping her eyes and trying to maintain control but she wasn’t very successful.
“Take a deep breath,” Tucker said, putting his arm around her and giving her a comforting hug. “And then tell me.”
“I got up to go to the bathroom and I—I saw it. There was blood. I’m spotting.”
He knew absolutely nothing about pregnancy. “I take it that’s not normal.”
“I don’t know. All I know is last time…when I lost the baby, that’s how it started. Bleeding, cramping, and then I lost it.”
“We need to call your doctor. Is it Lana?” He figured she was, since the two of them were friends.
“Yes, Lana. But we can’t call her now. It’s two-thirty in the morning. She’s due in a week and she needs her sleep.”
“I’m sure she won’t mind.” He started to get up but Maggie clutched his arm.
“I’m so scared,” she whispered. “What if I lose this baby, too? What if—”
He put his fingers to her lips. “Don’t, Maggie.” He put his arm around her again and hugged her, kissed her cheek. “Talk to Lana. It could be nothing.” He didn’t know if that was true or not, but he knew what she needed to hear.
He found the cordless phone, and after Maggie gave him the number, punched it in. Lana answered on the second ring. “Lana, it’s Tucker. I’m sorry to call you so late, but Maggie’s having a problem. She really needs to talk to you.” He handed Maggie the phone.
He didn’t hear a lot, partly because Maggie was crying and partly because she didn’t say much after she explained her symptoms. Finally, Maggie said, “Okay, I’ll come in tomorrow at eight-thirty,” and handed him the phone. “Lana wants to talk to you.”
He searched Maggie’s face, but she didn’t look as if Lana had reassured her very much. Damn, what had she told her? “Do I need to bring her to the hospital tonight?” he asked Lana.
“No. As I told Maggie, there’s really nothing we can do at this point. She needs to try to calm down and take it easy. Rest, and try to get some sleep.”
Tucker looked at Maggie. “Calm down? I don’t think that’s happening, but I’ll try.”
“Will you be able to come with her in the morning?”
“Absolutely.”
“Good, she needs your support right now. I’m going to do a test on her HCG level tomorrow, and that might tell us a little more. The levels should go up exponentially at this stage of pregnancy. It will be another one or two weeks or so before we’ll be able to see the baby on an ultrasound.”
“And there’s nothing I can do to help her? Noth
ing you can do?”
“Nothing other than try to reassure her. There are any number of reasons for spotting at this stage. Most of them don’t mean she’s having a miscarriage.”
“But she could be.”
Lana hesitated, then said, “Yes, it’s possible. I’m sorry, Tucker.”
He thanked her and hung up, setting the phone on the bedside table. Then he put his arms around Maggie and pulled her close. She didn’t resist. Her arms went around him and she laid her head on his shoulder. Her cheek was damp against his skin. “I can’t do this again,” she whispered. “I can’t lose another baby.”
“You aren’t going to lose it. Lana said there were all kinds of reasons for spotting.”
“One of which is a miscarriage.”
It was a fact he couldn’t deny. They both had to face the possibility. “I wish I could promise you that the baby will be fine, but obviously, I can’t. But I can promise you that whatever happens, you won’t be going through this alone. You’re not getting rid of me, Maggie.”
She was quiet for a long moment, then pulled back and looked at him. “Why are you so good to me?”
“Because I love you.” He kissed her mouth. “Don’t even think about going back to the other bedroom. You’re sleeping with me.”
She didn’t argue. She got into bed with him and let him wrap her in his arms. “Tucker?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad you’re here with me.”
“Me, too. Now try to get some sleep.”
“I can’t. All I can think about is what happened before. I don’t ever want to hurt like that again.”
“I don’t want you to, either.” He paused. Trying to comfort her, he blurted out, “Maggie, I’m hoping and praying you won’t lose this baby. But if it happens…We could try again. On purpose this time.”
She started crying again and he cursed himself for being a fool.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
“I DIDN’T MEAN—I know it wouldn’t make up for losing this one, but—Damn, Maggie, don’t cry. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry; forget I said anything.” He patted her back. “Don’t cry.”
