by Eve Gaddy
“It’s so sweet,” she said, finally managing to stop leaking tears. “You’re so sweet. I know what you meant and I appreciate it, Tucker. I really do. But you don’t have to do that. You’ve done enough for me.”
He groaned. “You really don’t get it.”
Yes, she did. She understood perfectly. Tucker was a wonderful, kind man who wanted her to be happy. “You told Lana you were coming with me in the morning. You don’t need to. I appreciate the offer, but I can go without you.”
“You’re not going alone. So do me a favor and don’t argue about it. Get some sleep.”
“All right.” She was an emotional wreck. Sleep could only help. “Tucker? Thank you for being here for me.”
“There’s no place else I’d rather be than with you.” He kissed her forehead and closed his arms around her. She felt safe…and loved. Was it an illusion or did he really love her, after all?
Maggie fell asleep pondering that question. And dreamed of Tucker and a sweet baby boy.
TUCKER INSISTED ON standing beside her and holding her hand while they waited for Lana to return with the HCG level test results. She didn’t fight him since she’d been up since dawn and the waiting left her white-knuckled and desperate to know something. And hollowly uncertain of what she’d do if Lana confirmed she would lose the baby.
The door opened and Lana came in holding a manila folder Maggie assumed was her records. “Your HCG level indicates you’re still pregnant, so that’s good.”
Hope bubbled in her heart. “I’m not having a miscarriage?”
“Unfortunately, we can’t rule that out entirely. What we might do is take another level in forty-eight hours and then again forty-eight hours after that. If the HCG levels continue to increase that’s a good sign that the pregnancy is progressing normally.”
“So all we can do is wait?” Tucker asked.
“I know it’s hard. But honestly, at this point there isn’t much else to do.” She smiled at him, then turned to Maggie. “Can you tell me anything else about your symptoms? Last night all you mentioned was the bleeding. Did you notice any more, or did it get heavier?”
“Nothing since last night. It was just the blood. Not very much, but it freaked me out.”
“I understand. Last night did you have any cramping?”
Maggie shook her head. “No. Just the spotting.” Lana wrote something down and Maggie asked her one of the questions that had been bothering her. “We had sex yesterday. Could that have caused it?”
Lana looked up and gave her a reassuring smile. “It might have caused some bleeding, but if you are having a miscarriage that wouldn’t be the cause. However, to be safe, I would refrain until we know more about how the pregnancy is progressing.”
Or about how it isn’t, Maggie thought glumly.
“Don’t worry,” Tucker said. “We’ll do whatever we need to.”
“Cheer up. It’s not for the duration. Just until we know more.”
Unless she filed. The thought of not only losing the baby but of losing Tucker, too, depressed the hell out of her. To never make love with him again, or see him, or have him to talk to and tell about her day, to spar with, or even to hang out and watch the tube. No, she couldn’t bear to think about that. Not on top of everything else.
She made an appointment to come in the day after tomorrow and then she and Tucker left. She thought about returning to work, but Tucker had a fit, so she didn’t. After lecturing her about resting and taking care of herself, Tucker left for the office. She felt a pang of guilt knowing he’d been putting off taking care of his business yet again because of her.
She should do what she’d been talking about for the last several days and go file the papers for the divorce. That’s what she should do…. But she didn’t. Instead, she crawled into bed—Tucker’s bed—and took a nap.
That night and the next day, Maggie carefully did not bring up divorce, and neither did Tucker. She went back to work on a limited basis, trying hard not to run to the bathroom every few minutes to check that everything was all right. The second test set her mind a little more at rest, and Lana said the third, in two more days, should make them all breathe easier.
Once the pregnancy was far enough along, in about another week or two, they would take an ultrasound and continue to monitor its progress that way. They left the date for the ultrasound up in the air, though, since Lana was so close to delivery. Lana had said she wanted to do the test herself and insisted that it wouldn’t be a problem, even if she’d had her baby. Even though she told herself not to count on anything, as more time passed Maggie began to feel cautiously optimistic.
The evening after the second HCG test she and Tucker went to see Grace and her mother. Maggie had deliberately stayed away, afraid that seeing Grace again would only make her feel worse, but she missed her so much she couldn’t stand it. She’d kept an eye on Carol and Grace through CPS, and she’d heard they were doing well. But eventually, she had to see for herself that the baby was happy. Carol had agreed enthusiastically when Maggie had called the night before and asked if she and Tucker could come see them.
“You’re sure this is a good time?” Maggie asked, as Carol showed them in.
“Anytime is a good time for you two.” She smiled to include Tucker. “I know I have you to thank that Grace is so happy and healthy.” She looked down at the baby in her arms and smiled. “Not to mention I know you’re the one who helped me get me that job, Maggie.”
“That was just luck that I heard about the cleaners needing help.”
“But you didn’t have to tell me about it. You know I wouldn’t have gotten Grace back if I didn’t have a job.” Grace held out her arms, wanting to go to Maggie. Carol laughed and handed her over so Maggie could sit with her. “She’s missed you.”
“I missed her, too.” Maggie looked at the blue-eyed, blond little girl cooing and babbling in her lap and felt her heart swell. “She’s grown so much.”
Carol nodded. “At this age even a few of weeks makes a difference.”
Grace was obviously thriving. And Carol looked like a totally different person from the sad, desperate young woman Maggie had first met at the police station.
“Grace looks great,” Tucker said. “How’s she doing with day care?”
“She seems to like it. I had a hard time leaving her after just getting her back, but the hours are good at the cleaners. And her caregiver at the day care loves her.”
They talked a while longer and played with Grace until it was clearly her bedtime. Maggie stood to leave and a wave of dizziness hit her so fast and hard, she nearly fell. If it hadn’t been for Tucker grabbing her she thought she might have gone to ground. “I’m okay.”
“The hell you are. Sit down. No, lie down. Do you mind if she stretches out on the couch?” he asked Carol.
“No, of course not. Are you all right, Maggie?” she asked anxiously. “Is there something I can do? Get you a glass of water?”
“I’m fine,” Maggie said, but she did sit down. “Tucker’s overreacting.”
“She’s not fine, she’s pregnant,” Tucker told Carol. “And she’s supposed to be taking it easy.”
Maggie scowled at him. “I have been taking it easy. I only worked a half day today, and the chief has me on desk duty.”
Carol went to the kitchen, returning with a glass of water, which she gave to Maggie. Maggie drank it and felt better. This time when she stood, the dizziness didn’t return. Tucker insisted he would bring the car to the building since the lot had been full and they’d parked some distance away.
“I envy you,” Carol said softly after he left.
Startled, Maggie looked at her. “Why?”
“Because you’re having your child with the man you love. And he’s obviously a good man who loves you very much.”
“Things aren’t always what they seem.”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t take another chance of being with someone who would hurt my baby. Not
ever. But if I could have a man like that look at me the way Tucker does you, I’d feel very lucky.”
THE DAYS UNTIL the ultrasound passed slowly for Maggie as she suspected they did for Tucker, although the fact that the third hormone-level test showed increasingly elevated levels of HCG helped tremendously. Maggie still hadn’t brought up the divorce. She’d decided to wait until after the ultrasound to sort that all out. Maybe it was selfish of her, but she needed Tucker right now. She wasn’t sure she’d have made it through without him.
Tucker didn’t seem in any hurry to get rid of her. He wouldn’t let her sleep in the other bedroom, but convinced her she slept better in his bed. And since she slept like a baby every night wrapped in his arms, she couldn’t exactly argue.
Lana and Gabe had their baby, a healthy baby boy they named after his father. Lana still insisted she wanted to do the ultrasound and scheduled it for the week after she brought the baby home. She said baby Gabriel would be fine with his father for the hour or so it would take her to run the test.
Finally the day of the ultrasound dawned, when Maggie was about seven and a half weeks pregnant. Lana had told them that she expected to see a perfectly healthy pregnancy, since all the tests had been good and Maggie had experienced no worrisome symptoms after the initial spotting. In fact, she’d been sick every morning, which also made her hopeful.
Maggie clutched Tucker’s hand while the technician spread gel over her stomach. Lana took the ultrasound device from the tech and placed it on Maggie’s stomach. Maggie shut her eyes and prayed. Very shortly, Lana spoke. “There. There’s the baby, and there’s the heartbeat. Maggie, don’t you want to look?”
Her eyes had flown open when she’d heard the word heartbeat. She stared at the screen along with Tucker. “Can you see it, Tucker?”
“I think so.” He didn’t sound too sure, though.
She didn’t want to admit it, but she couldn’t really tell much. “Are you sure you see a heartbeat?” she asked Lana. “I can’t see anything.”
“I’m sure,” Lana said. “I’ve had a bit more practice than you. It’s hard to see this early.” She placed a pointer on the area she wanted them to look at.
“I see it now,” Maggie said, trying not to cry. “You think the baby is all right?”
“I do,” Lana said.
“I can see it,” Tucker said. “Wow, that’s so cool. It’s so tiny.”
“Very cool,” Lana agreed. “We’ll do another one in a few weeks, but I don’t think you need to worry. I think the spotting was simply spotting and nothing to be concerned about. You can resume all your normal activities.”
“Everything?” Tucker asked.
Lana laughed. “Well, I wouldn’t recommend skydiving, but pretty much anything else is all right.”
“Does she still need to take it easy?”
“Only if she feels bad. I think things are going to be just fine.” Lana patted his shoulder, then smiled at Maggie and left the room.
She and the baby were going to be all right. Along with huge relief, Maggie felt a growing depression. There was no reason for she and Tucker to stay together now. Except that she loved him and wanted to be with him.
But what if he really did love her and she’d just been too stubbornly sure she’d messed up his life to see it? She thought about the past months, especially the weeks since Grace had gone back to live with her mother. Tucker had been there for her because he wanted to be. You couldn’t fake something like that. And if he’d loved Grace, how would he feel about a child of his own? Was it fair to him to take the choice of raising his child with her away from him? Because she had decided he couldn’t possibly want to be with her?
Didn’t she owe them—she, Tucker and the baby—a chance to be a family?
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
“TUCKER, WHEN WE GET home we need to talk.” She planned to approach him cautiously. Start with the idea of not filing for divorce just yet, since he seemed to want to experience the pregnancy with her. Later she’d worry about what to do once the baby was born. Maybe by then she’d have a clearer idea of whether he really was in love with her or just bent on doing the right thing.
Tucker shot her a glance she couldn’t read. “My thoughts exactly. I took the rest of the day off.”
“I don’t want your work to suffer because of me. You’ve already missed a lot.”
“Don’t worry about that. I’ve rescheduled everything and can catch up next week.”
Once at home they went to the den. Maggie sat on the couch, but Tucker didn’t. Instead he stood by the fireplace, rearranging stuff on the mantel. “I’ve been thinking—” Maggie began but Tucker interrupted, turning to look at her.
“I know what you’re going to say.”
“I don’t think you do.”
Tucker nodded. “Oh, yeah, I do. You’re going to bring up filing again. Because the baby is fine, et cetera, et cetera. But I want to have my say before you do.”
“I wasn’t exactly—”
“Maggie, are you going to let me talk or not?”
He sounded so stern it made her want to giggle. Must be the hormones, she thought. But he also seemed very agitated, so she shrugged and decided to let him go first. “Okay. Go ahead.”
He didn’t. Instead, he paced the room. She watched him a moment then said, “Tucker? I thought you were going to talk.”
“I’m working on it.” He came to a halt before her. “I’ve been trying to figure out a way to convince you I love you. I know I screwed up not telling you before you told me you were pregnant. But I can’t change that.”
“Tucker, let me—”
He shot her a “don’t mess with me” look, so she relented.
“At first I thought about having my dad tell you what we talked about at the Scarlet Parrot earlier on the same day you told me about the baby. Delilah could have told you we were there. But I knew you’d think my dad would do whatever I asked him to, and he would. So that was out. Besides, I need to prove it to you myself.”
She started to speak but he raised a finger. “I’m not finished.” He put his hands in his pockets and paced again. “Then it occurred to me. You’re a cop. You’re a logical woman and when presented with the facts you’ll listen. I’m not a trial lawyer but I took trial advocacy in law school. So I know how to present a case. And that’s what I intend to do.”
She stared at him for a moment. “You’re presenting a case that you love me?”
“Yes.” He held up a finger. “First piece of evidence, what have I said every time you mentioned filing for divorce? You started talking about it even before Grace’s mother came back. When we had our date and I kissed you. Do you remember what I said?”
“Not exactly. I remember you talked me out of it.”
“That’s right. Just like I did every time you brought it up. After Grace left, I said we didn’t need to rush into filing. When what I really meant was that I didn’t want a divorce at all.”
“That’s not what you said.”
“Out of order. I’m not finished presenting the evidence.”
Maggie pressed her lips together, smothering a laugh. “Fine. Go ahead.”
“All right. Here’s another piece of evidence. Have I ever referred to us having sex as anything but making love?”
“I don’t know. I don’t remember.”
“I remember and I haven’t. Because it isn’t just sex between us, it’s making love.”
She’d been a cop long enough to know when a person was lying. She’d bet everything she had, but most especially her heart, that Tucker was telling the truth. She got up to go to him but he stopped her words with his fingers on her lips. Then he gathered her hands in his and looked into her eyes.
“Maggie, I love you. I want you. I want to spend my life with you. I want to have babies with you. This one, another one, more if you want. I believe I can convince you I’m telling you the truth when I say I love you. If you’ll give me a chance to prove it.” He ki
ssed her hands, then smiled at her. “But what I don’t know is how you feel about me. It seems like every time I start to think you might love me, you bring up divorce.”
Her heart had turned to mush as he spoke. She shook one of her hands loose and put it on his cheek. Gazed at him lovingly. “Are you finished presenting your case?”
“Did I mention I love you?”
Maggie nodded. “Yes, you did.”
“Then I’m finished.”
“Do you know what I was going to say at the beginning of this conversation?” He shook his head. “I was going to suggest we wait on filing until after the baby was born. And I planned to keep putting it off until I knew whether you loved me or you were staying with me because you thought it was the right thing.”
“Really?” He looked so suspicious, she laughed.
“I don’t want a divorce, Tucker. I only kept bringing it up because I believed that was what was best for you. I didn’t want to trap you. I didn’t want you to stay married to me simply because it was the right thing. I wanted you to love me.”
“I told you from the beginning that I married you because I wanted to. I finally figured out I’ve been falling for you from the day we said our vows. Maybe before that.”
“I love you, too. I have for a long time. For so long, I can’t remember not loving you.”
He pulled her into his arms. “Those are the words I’ve been waiting to hear.” He kissed her, long, slow and loving. “I love you, Maggie.”
“I know,” she said, and laughed as he scooped her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom.
She looped her arms around his neck and strung kisses along his jaw. “There’s something we need to do first.”
He paid no attention, depositing her on the bed with great care. “Tucker, I mean it. We need to take care of something before we make love.”
He had his shirt halfway unbuttoned but he paused and looked at her. “If you tell me you’re having second thoughts—”
