unDefeated

by J.C. Valentine

  “Why do you think I came here?” Spencer said with an edge to his voice.

  “I don’t know. Why did you come here?”

  Fucking A. Another question answered with a question. “Well, I thought I was here to be cured of my gambling problem until I realized that all this is, is a daycare for dysfunctional fucks who need a babysitter.”

  “What makes you assume that this is a daycare?”

  “What makes you assume that it isn’t?” Spencer challenged.

  “You’re feeling defensive right now. Why is that?”

  Spencer huffed and rolled his eyes. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you can’t give a straight answer to save your life. Or maybe it’s because I’ve wasted the last four weeks of my life in this shithole when I’m the sanest person in here.”

  He was pissed. He hadn’t realized how much until just now. As much as he thought it had been a good idea to come here, Spencer had been considering his error in judgment for days.

  “I wouldn’t call your time here wasted.” Collecting his journal, O’Valley abandoned her chair and circled the desk to perch herself on its edge. “Whether you realize it or not, you’ve come a long way.

  “The man who walked through that door a month ago was lost. He was tired, worn down, and defeated. The man seated in front of me now is someone who’s regained his confidence. He knows who he is, what is expected of him, what he expects of himself, and most importantly, what he needs to do to integrate back into the world.”

  That showed how much she knew. Spencer wasn’t any of that, and she would know this if she actually took the time to pay attention. He was exactly the same person who walked through that door then as he was when he walked through it today.

  “I’d like my notebook back,” he said tightly and held out his hand.

  Relinquishing her hold on it, O’Valley placed it is his palm as she studied him, and for the life of him, Spencer couldn’t figure out what was going on behind those eyes of hers. She was the most unreadable person he’d ever met. “After you leave my office today, I’m signing your discharge papers.”

  “Excuse me?” Spencer’s voice sounded low and dangerous, even to his ears. If the doc noticed, she didn’t give any indication.

  “Your insurance will no longer cover your stay here. Even if that weren’t the case, you’ve surpassed what I or anyone here can do for you. Besides, you and I both know you don’t belong here.” One of her brows lifted, daring him to deny it.

  She was right. Spencer didn’t belong here. He felt it in his gut, but where the hell was he going to go? He had owed back rent before he signed himself in. No way in hell his landlord hadn’t dumped his shit on the curb.

  “You’ve started opening up, and that journal entry proves it.” She pointed to the book gripped between his hands. “Just because you’re not under this roof anymore, doesn’t mean I don’t expect you to keep using it. Use it every day, Spencer. It will be your sounding board whenever life hands you a challenge, and I’m sure you’ll encounter many.”

  “Writing isn’t my strong suit,” he said with a self-deprecating smile.

  “Doesn’t have to be. It just has to be honest. As long as you do that, you can’t go wrong.”

  Spencer wanted to believe her, but he had his doubts. How was keeping a diary going to improve his life? “Whatever you say, Doc.”

  “Do you have anyone you can call to come pick you up?”

  God, this was all happening too fast. Spencer’s head spun as he tried to think. It took a matter of a moment to mentally run through his list of contacts and come up with exactly zilch. He shook his head.

  “What about that brother of yours? If you were that close before, don’t you think he’d be willing to help you now?”

  “Like I said, it’s complicated.”

  She nodded as if that was all the explanation she needed. Hell, she was cutting him loose. Maybe it was all she needed. Last time he checked, when someone washed their hands of him, they didn’t stop to worry about the details.

  After making a call to someone at the front desk to make sure all his paperwork was in order, O’Valley sent him to collect his belongings from his room. Nate was out when he got there, which was a blessing. He was surprised to realize that the guy had kinda grown on him, but Spencer wasn’t good with goodbyes. Never had been.

  After hurrying to pack his bag, he practically ran for the exit. It was better this way. A quick snip and the ties were cut.

  With the cash that had accumulated in his account courtesy of Liv’s persistence, he left the facility with enough resources to call a cab and have it circle the city while he tried to come up with a place to crash. As he gazed out at the darkened buildings and city lights, Spencer began to experience his first bout of panic. He felt like he was on a sinking ship without a life preserver. What was he going to do? Where was he going to go?

  There was only one place he could think of, but he wasn’t certain how he would be received. Or if he would be received at all. It was selfish of him to even entertain the thought, all things considered, but that wasn’t really news, was it?

  He could try Jami or Don. Hell, he could hit up his parents, but he wasn’t that desperate. More than likely, they all hated him enough to laugh in his face anyway.

  Having run out of options, he gave the driver the address to the only place he could think of, and then sat back and prayed he hadn’t just made a huge mistake.

  SIX

  “What are you doing here?”

  Olivia’s heart beat a frantic tempo as she stood there staring at the last person in the world she expected to see. The only thing that stood between her and Spencer was the door to her apartment, and even though she knew she should slam it back in his face, she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

  Spencer’s blue eyes lifted to hers, the pain and insecurity burning in them like a star in the night sky. “I was released about an hour ago,” he said, his voice sounding distant and unsure. “My apartment is gone. I—I couldn’t think of anyplace else to go.” He swallowed hard and shoved his hands deep into his pockets.

  Olivia’s chest expanded at the desolation in his voice and her heart ached for him. She wanted to reach out and touch him, to console him in some way. She couldn’t begin to imagine how difficult it must be for him, to have no one. No family to lean on. No friends left to turn to.

  That she was the only person who came to mind when he needed someone touched her deeply. But that didn’t erase the hurt he’d caused her.

  Forcing her voice to remain neutral, she said calmly, “I came to visit you, did you know that? Every week.”

  His head lowered in answer, his gaze no longer able to hold hers.

  “I wanted to see you, but you never showed. Do you know how many times I sat there waiting for you while everyone else was surrounded by their loved ones? You, of all people, know how hard that was for me.” She relived those moments every day, wondering how much longer she could allow herself to continue being treated like she didn’t matter. She mattered, dammit!

  “I’m sorry. Liv—” His voice choked off and he cleared his throat, shaking his head as if unable to bear the truth of her words.

  For a moment, they just stood there. Spencer stared off, and Olivia’s gaze stuck to his mouth, where he flicked the hoop in his bottom lip back and forth with his tongue. She loved that hoop, the feel of the cool metal when he kissed her. Spencer had a beautiful mouth. Hell, his whole face was gorgeous. Between the piercings in his lip and eyebrow, those tortured blue eyes that were somehow soft and filled with warning, and the tattoos now hidden beneath his clothing, everything about him screamed “bad boy.”

  Hiking the oversized black tote she hadn’t realized he was carrying up his shoulder, he backed down a step, preparing to leave. “I’m sorry. I’ll go. Just…forget I came.”

  It felt like a fist had wrapped around her heart and was squeezing. She had never experienced a greater sense of pain or panic than what she felt as
she watched him turn away and begin his descent. Her stomach dropped and before she could think better of it, Olivia lunged.

  “Wait!” Snagging Spencer’s shirtsleeve, she pulled him off-balance, forcing him to wheel around and grab the railing to avoid falling.

  Her voice was strained, her emotions wild with the desperate need to keep him here, with her. “Why me?”

  Spencer’s expression was torn between exhaustion and confusion. “What?”

  “Why me?” she repeated. He straightened his clothes and gathered his footing when she released him, and she felt a sting of embarrassment for overreacting so badly. “After everything, why me? I thought you didn’t want me anymore.”

  His mouth twisted in shame and his hand came up to scrub his mop of chestnut hair. “That’s not true. Liv,” he said, climbing the last step below her, making them almost even in height. “I’d never not want you.”

  A harsh breath left her. It was as if she’d been waiting forever to hear those words, but could she trust them? Staring into those pale blue eyes, she saw, for the first time, clarity.

  Free from his vices, she felt as though she were looking far deeper than just the hard outer shell Spencer presented to everyone. It was almost like she was seeing straight to the heart of him. Sobriety had peeled back his tough layers to reveal a scarred, tortured soul in need of compassion and understanding.

  She knew from what he had told her in the past that Spencer, a product of abuse and neglect, no longer had contact with his parents. As he didn’t have any siblings, he had no one in the world to care for him except Jamie and her. And maybe Don and Ally, too. But his addiction to gambling had taken over his life, eventually poisoning all of his relationships.

  When he’d placed the wrong bet with the wrong man, Jamie, his childhood best friend and strongest ally in life, had stepped up to the plate. Jami put his own life and career on the line to save Spencer’s, and his actions had cost him dearly.

  As a championship fighter, his hands were the most important part of his job, and when they’d been smashed to pieces, his career and their friendship ended. Jami blamed Spencer, and rightly so. Even though Jami had made the best of a bad situation and used his skills and knowledge to become a trainer, the bad blood between him and Spencer remained potent as ever.

  Olivia knew that Spencer beat himself up over what he had done—who wouldn’t?—and she didn’t know that either man would ever get beyond their issues to become friends again. Which meant that she was the only person left who would even talk to Spencer, didn’t it?

  “I know I’m going to regret this,” she muttered, rubbing the sudden ache that sprouted between her brows. “Fine. You can stay.”

  Spencer’s golden brows plunged down in an impressive scowl. “If you’re saying this out of pity or some misplaced sense of duty, don’t. I assure you, I’ll be fine. I’ll figure it out.”

  “Spencer, really?” Olivia crossed her arms over her chest, growing impatient. “I’m not offering out of pity or whatever crap you just said. I’m offering because I care and because I’m your friend.”

  Spencer’s blue eyes darkened, taking on a denim hue, and a low growl rumbled in his chest. “Friend? Have all your friends spent time inside of you?”

  His words caused a rush of heat to bulldoze through her, settling in her stomach like a ball of scorching hot flames. “I’m trying to help. If you’re going to be crude and spit it back in my face,” she said defensively, “then you can find another friend to shack up with.”

  She turned to go back inside, and Spencer’s hand shot out. His grip on her wrist was surprisingly gentle, and when she looked into his eyes, any animosity she might have glimpsed before was gone.

  “I’m sorry for being a dick. It’s been a rough day.”

  Leaving the last stair behind, he towered above her, observing her with an open affection that instantly made her melt inside. “If the offer still stands, I’d like to take you up on it.”

  Biting her lip, Olivia briefly entertained the wisdom of allowing him inside. He was, after all, the man who’d stolen her heart and then stomped all over it. He’d broken it, but she still found it impossible to deny him. If he needed a place to stay, she was glad to be the one to provide it.

  “Come on,” she said, leading him inside. She closed the door behind him and watched as he planted his feet in the middle of the living room and scanned his surroundings.

  It was strange having him in her personal space again. The connection between them was different, fraught with tension and distance that made him feel like a stranger. Yet, even as she acknowledged it to be true, she couldn’t deny the pull she had toward him. It was almost as if he had never left, as if nothing had changed. She had to work to remind herself that everything was different.

  Turning his head, Spencer’s blue eyes captured hers, momentarily stealing her breath. “I’m going to go put my things in the bedroom.”

  As he moved toward her room, Olivia’s stomach cramped and she took a stuttering step forward. “The guest room,” she blurted out. Pausing in the doorway, his brow lifted quizzically. “The guest room,” she rasped. “You can take the guest room.”

  His lips firmed, forming a straight, harsh line that whitened beneath the curve of the silver hoop, but rather than fighting her as she expected him to, Spencer tipped his head and turned the opposite direction.

  As he entered the room directly across from hers, an apology formed on her lips. It was the first time Olivia had ever put her foot down with him, the first time she’d ever spoken up about anything. She didn’t like the space that felt like a gulf between them, but she couldn’t allow herself to keep falling into old patterns.

  If she expected things in her life to be different, for people to treat her differently, she had to lay the framework.

  Ally’s voice had been in her head since their last visit together, and she couldn’t ignore the wisdom of her words. Olivia needed to focus on her own happiness for a change. Just because she still harbored feelings for Spencer, it didn’t make her responsible for him.

  ***

  “You look nice.” Spencer was lounging in the middle of Olivia’s living room, his bare feet propped up on the glass top coffee table, wearing nothing but a pair of drawstring pants and a smile. It had been forever since he’d been afforded the luxury of watching a simple television program without a bunch of nut jobs running commentary on the sidelines.

  His attention span was blown, however, when he looked up to find Liv entering the room looking like a Greek goddess. Her flowing blonde hair fell over slender shoulders in rich waves and she wore a deep purple dress that wrapped snuggly around her body with a plunging neckline that made her tits look twice their normal size. With her smoky eyes and glossy pink lips, she had fuck me written all over her.

  Irritation and hunger burned in his gut because he wasn’t stupid enough to think she’d done all that for him.

  “Thank you.” Her cheeks flushed pink and she hurried to the coat closet to retrieve her purse.

  “Going out?”

  Her back stiffened. “Yes, to dinner.”

  Jaw tightening, Spencer watched as she checked her hair in the mirror over the antique credenza. “With whom? A friend?”

  She paused in touching up her lip gloss, her reflection finding him in the mirror. “Yes, a friend,” she said with equal venom.

  Spencer’s lip curled, prepared to tell her exactly what he thought of her going out with what he was certain to be another man, even though he had absolutely no claim on her anymore, when the doorbell rang.

  His whole body stiffened as if struck by a sudden bout of rigor mortis. Liv’s soft blue eyes pleaded with him as she turned to answer the door. Spencer’s fingernails dug into his palms as he was forced to sit back and watch the whole thing play out.

  “I just have to get my shoes on,” Olivia said quietly as she opened the door to let her date enter.

  As soon as the man stepped inside, Spencer strugg
led not to laugh. On her way past him, Olivia shot Spencer a warning look that screamed play nice! Lifting both brows, he feigned innocence.

  Dressed in a pair of light wash jeans and a hunter green cable knit sweater complete with collared shirt poking out underneath. The guy had gray around his temples and looked to be ten or twenty years older than Liv. What a joke. As if she’d ever be into this guy.

  “Hi, I’m Mike,” the tool said with a wide smile that revealed a row of slightly crooked teeth. Approaching he leaned into one leg and reached out his hand. His shake was firm and confident, which was about the only thing Spencer thought he might have going for him. “Are you Olivia’s…brother?”

  “Friend,” Spencer said with a mocking smile and gripped Mike’s hand a little tighter before releasing it.

  Stepping back, Mike stuffed his hands into his pockets, an obvious sign of discomfort. Spencer’s chest puffed. Stretching his arms across the back of the couch, he crossed his ankles on the table and regarded Mike with cool indifference. “So, Mike, how do you know Liv?”

  That dopey smile returned. “Through a friend.”

  “Anyone I know?”

  “Alyson Blake?”

  A muscle in Spencer’s jaw flexed. Of course, she would be behind it. Ally never made it a secret that she didn’t like him. He’d bet the minute he checked himself into rehab she pounced on the chance to set Liv up with someone else. It made him wonder how many dates Liv had been on and where this guy fell in the lineup.

  He was about to ask when she reappeared. As Liv exited the short hallway, he glanced down to see she wore a pair of shoes he recognized well. They were nude with an opening in the front that showed off her polished toes and a thin six-inch heel that accented the muscles in her calves.

  “Nice shoes,” he commented. Her gaze flashed to him, then down at her feet. When her face turned red and her step faltered, he knew she remembered the last time she’d worn them.

  They were out drinking and dancing, celebrating a bet he’d just won. They were riding the high together as he pushed her up against a dirty wall in an alley outside a club and fucked her hard. Those heels had left angry red scratches all over his ass and the outside of his thighs.